EverythingAtOnce Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 Hey all, well I thought I would give this a try and vent all my bottled up thoughts and maybe even gain some insight and perspective from this too. I'm 27 and my girlfriend is 25. We have been dating for well over a year. Recently , within the last 3 months, I found out she was an alcoholic and that she had been using hard drugs (cocaine). I've known that she had past drug use but was not aware that she was still using while with me, as she told me she was not. For a good chunk of our relationship she lied to me. When I found out, she was willing to do basically anything to keep our relationship. She began attending AA meetings and trying to take me out more etc. After the lying, it was super hard for me to trust her. She lied to me about who she was with (friends who used drugs) and about going to work when really she was recovering from her high from the night before. I caught her in a few lies even after everything happened. Then.....by some ultra super force....I decided to try to work through the problem instead of giving up. I felt that as an addict she needed love and support more than me just walking away. Building trust, once it was broken, was the hardest thing I have ever done. It wasn't easy. I would often distance myself when I felt like she was acting similarity to past behaviours. Or even at the thought of what else she was lying about. My trust issues were terrible, but they are starting to get better. During the last 3 months we have also had more fights, or bickering a bit more frequently. Usually it's just small bickering and we get over it, but lately it's been more. She's quick to easily get angry with me, example: even for simple things such as me needing to talk. If I feel I need to get something off my chest, she makes it seem like she doesn't wanna hear me or makes me feel scared to talk to her. Our fights are silly, for example: last weekend we went to shoot pool, and I was being silly, playful and cocky...and I decided to give her a two ball handicap. But when she realized that, she snapped on me and told me I was making her feel Stupid and that she wasn't capable or able to do it. But by all means, wasn't my intention at all, the last thing I would want is to make her feel that way. So I kind of emotionally just shut down. Another big thing to note, is that within the last two months she has become super depressed. And during this time, I noticed and was holding back on a lot of things we used to talk about, like family etc. And I like hearing nice things. I don't need to hear lovey emotions all the time but it's nice once in a while. But I noticed she didn't for a while and it got me thinking that things changed... Naturally...it bothered me but I didn't think much into it, but after our recent little fights, I felt like I needed a refresher, some encouragement. And didn't receive it. I decided I'd let her know what I needed, some extra love and reassurance. It's not that I'm doubting us, I just like to hear it from her. But apparently when I was asking questions to better understand her, since she's more shut down emotionally, she told me not to question our relationship cause it makes her doubt us and it does damage. The problem is, I love her, and care about her a lot. I really am stuck, part of me is hurting being with her and part of me wants to stay here and work through it. But I've noticed my mood is so irritable especially with all this lately, I would love some insight into this...if I stay how do I deal? And when is too much? Thanks
katiegrl Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 (edited) I feel for you ...I am going through the SAME thing myself. Six years together ...got engaged ...planning a beautiful wedding in Hawaii .....then found out he was doing coke and meth again ...he promised he would attend therapy ...then reneged ....and is essentially a drug addict. I love him too...but do not trust him and NEVER will. Because I can never EVER be with a man I don't trust, after holidays, I am leaving. Till then, I am keeping my distance. I suggest you do the same. She is a liar, and your RL is toxic. Relationships with drug addicts/alcoholics *always* are. Leave now before it destroys you ....which it will. Sadly, love does not conquer all ....and just isn't enough of a reason to stay with these toxic and dysfunctional people. Wish you the best... Edited December 17, 2015 by katiegrl
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