Eternal Sunshine Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 I met a guy at a bar post work Christmas party last week. He seemed smart and funny, about average looking but hey, looks are not that important to me. We ended up talking for hours and then he followed me to another bar where we talked some more and kissed. We swapped numbers and he texted me the next day. He told me during the evening that he is a mining sites manager across Australia and his job involves being called to fly out to the site at any random time. We were supposed to have dinner tonight and he canceled 2 hours prior to say that "he just got called to fly to the site" and we will have to reschedule (which we now did). I am just thinking that's a very convenient excuse for a guy that is married for example. I also asked to add him on FB but he said that he will add me and then never did. I don't have his last name. Does the whole "flying to the sites last minute" thing sound shady? I also want to ask him what his last name is. If he has nothing to hide, he won't mind sharing right?
lilmissjava Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 I don't think it's sketchy. Yet. It's only been a week and not a whole lot of personal information has been exchanged. I personally wouldn't want to add a guy I barely know on FB, only because things are still so new. On one hand he may be telling the truth. On the other, he may be preempting escape routes by telling you the "fly out to sites" on a whim excuse. Time will definitely tell. But I say keep the dating options open. 2
Cherryz Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 I think kissing and want to meet for a date but not even know his last name is bit of to much and weird. At the bar is not the best place to meet any body. And we can just assume now with you. Because you barely know him and we dont know him at all. So time will tell................ 3
Samhain Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 It's a very convenient excuse for somebody who is married, or a serial killer, or a superhero.. Or a number of other things. It's way too early to start making assumptions. Until he gives you a reason to doubt his words, other than his work schedule and cancelling a date due to it, I'd go ahead on your date/s and give it more time. Most guys don't feel as urgently about social media as women do. He could just as easily have said he doesn't use social media sites if he truly never wanted you to see anything. Maybe he's giving it some time too before he opens up his privacy to you. If after your date/s or between them (basically once you know each other better) he acts shady and secretive, then you can start wondering with good reason. Until then, just see where it's going. 2
VeveCakes Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 Find out his last name and Google him, he might have a Linkdin profile if he has a job like that. Ask him what company he works for...then you can investigate the company further. 1
truth_seeker Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 Proceed with caution. My initial feeling from what you wrote - he's a BS Artist. He plants early on the "fly out to the site" line. He uses it right away to cancel a date. He balks on the FB request. He also followed you to another bar. He was aggressive that night but passive connecting again. I don't like it. 2
deep_night Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 It's a very convenient excuse for somebody who is married, or a serial killer, or a superhero.. lol at the superhero part. i wouldnt keep my hopes up to be honest. also a situation full of excuses that i wouldn't like to get into.if you eat the excuses once, there's no going back.
Michelle ma Belle Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 It has the potential to be very sketchy not to mention very convenient. I think you should at least give him another shot and ask a few more questions and then go with your gut. And just for the record, asking a guy you just met and barely know to be friends on FB is odd no matter how common it may appear to be. The fact that he said HE'd add you rather than give up his name for you to add him tells me either he thinks it's just as silly or he's hiding something. As one poster already said, time will tell but tread carefully. 2
Imajerk17 Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 I think it is quite OK for you to ask for his last name at this stage of the game, especially since kissing was exchanged. I usually give my last name to someone not too long after I get her number--definitely before the second date, to assure her I have nothing to hide (I don't). I think adding each to FB at this point is somewhat too soon though. 1
katiegrl Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 (edited) When I was dating, and when I start dating again......when a man I just met tells me he has some job that requires him to be away for long periods of time .... or he is often called-in last minute and therefore may need to break dates last minute as well....red flags go up and I pass... next. Just me though ...I have a high BS detector which has rarely failed me. Edited December 17, 2015 by katiegrl 1
angel.eyes Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 Whether his story is legitimate or not, are you willing to date and ultimately invest emotionally in someone who will probably have a pattern of last minute cancels on mutual plans? Per his story, he travels a lot, and apparently on short notice. To answer your original question, yes, his story raises lots of red flags. There isn't enough information to draw definitive conclusions though. In this type of situation (post-work happy hour or party), IME most guys would write their cell phone number on their business card and give that to me, especially if they described their work as he did. Dating well and avoiding pitfalls is often about paying attention to your intuition. What does yours tell you about this guy? Mine would tell me to move on based on the little you've shared. 1
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted December 19, 2015 Author Posted December 19, 2015 I decided not to see him again. I always felt "meh" about him and with the last minute cancellation, I lost all interest. Also the way he texts bothered me. He was always trying to keep the conversation going with lame, generic questions such as "what do you like to do for fun?" or "do you like to travel?" or "how many brothers and sisters do you have?". It bored me too much to even bother replying. But yeah, shady reasoned cancellation sealed the deal. When will I meet someone that doesn't bore me to death? Sigh
smackie9 Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 hey at least you are not settling. You keep being picky, and yes follow your gut instincts. It will pay off for sure.
Space Ritual Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 I decided not to see him again. I always felt "meh" about him and with the last minute cancellation, I lost all interest. Also the way he texts bothered me. He was always trying to keep the conversation going with lame, generic questions such as "what do you like to do for fun?" or "do you like to travel?" or "how many brothers and sisters do you have?". It bored me too much to even bother replying. But yeah, shady reasoned cancellation sealed the deal. When will I meet someone that doesn't bore me to death? Sigh When you stop pressuring yourself to meet someone. You are not going to find a potential Mr. Sunshine at the watering hole. You find cretins like me at the watering hole...lol. You fill find Mr. Sunshine by pure accident, and i mean that. Usually by walking right into them as you turn a corner. I met my last Girlfriend while I was pumping gas. I kid you not.
Shining One Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 The insight from the ladies in this thread has been enlightening. When I worked as a data center engineer, I was called in quite frequently. We are a 24/7 business, so production outages had to be minimized. I had to cancel quite a few dates. In some cases, I had to leave in the middle of a date. Most of those women ignored me after that. Now, I understand why. I guess the lesson is: Don't try to date while working an on-call job.
Space Ritual Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 Surely Shining One it didn't take this thread to enlighten you did it? You jest, do you not? Nothing is a romance killer like bugging out in the middle of a date. I have done it once, but only because the chick's breath smelled like a Garbage dumpster fire behind Kentucky Fried Chicken when she cozied up to me and I almost hurled Blue Cheese dressing
carhill Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 When will I meet someone that doesn't bore me to death? Sigh Heh, the billion dollar question Since this deal is done, call this Christmas vacation and resolve to go to a few parties over the holidays solo and be your usual vivacious self and enjoy the men you meet along the way just as men, not potential dates. Ignore flirtations as being anything other than in the moment. They don't have to go anywhere. A couple weeks. Heh, it's summer. Lucky you.
truth_seeker Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 I decided not to see him again. I always felt "meh" about him and with the last minute cancellation, I lost all interest. Also the way he texts bothered me. He was always trying to keep the conversation going with lame, generic questions such as "what do you like to do for fun?" or "do you like to travel?" or "how many brothers and sisters do you have?". It bored me too much to even bother replying. But yeah, shady reasoned cancellation sealed the deal. When will I meet someone that doesn't bore me to death? Sigh You seem to say A LOT that it's the men you meet. Ever think it might be you? Something you're doing to attract these men who bore you to death? I really believe there are women who find it easier to blame all the men they meet instead of being honest with themselves.
katiegrl Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 ES ....I really like you so hesitate to say this ...but there is a saying ... "We *attract* who we *are*." If you want to stop meeting and attracting *boring* men, and instead attract men more more exciting, fun, etc... then start being more exciting and fun yourself. Get out there and start enjoying life! You have admitted yourself that you have a tendency to be emotionally closed, enjoy being alone. This won't help you find that special men you say you want. JMO and wish you the best ...... 2
Shining One Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 Surely Shining One it didn't take this thread to enlighten you did it? You jest, do you not?I understand disappointment due to a last minute cancellation or leaving in the middle of the date. I was unaware that women naturally assumed I was lying and scamming them.
casey.lives Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 how about.... you wait to see him to ask him stuff. There are some cool jobs out there so... stay positive
brokengirl85 Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 Sounds sketchy to me. Why did you ask him to add you on Facebook? That sounds a little desperate to me, I'm sorry. Or it's me, that don't add anyone to my Facebook friends, I don't know. Still, you don't know him, wait and see what happens.
Ruby Slippers Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 I always find it suspicious when a guy doesn't let me know his last name. I take it as a sign he has something to hide and disconnect.
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