cookiemonster26 Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 I've been really close friends with this girl for 5 years. Lately, she's always "so busy" with stuff. I told her when I was free to hang out and she told me she would get back go me ans has yet to do that. I also texted her a few times making conversation and initially she will reply but then stops half way in the conversation. I have confronted her a while ago and she told me she felt suffocated because of my anxiety about our friendship. So I've tried to give her space but I can't help but feel like she's trying to cut me out of her life ? I'm also scared to confront her because I feel like she's just going to say I'm suffocating and annoying her with my anxiety but I can't help but feel hurt by her actions
whichwayisup Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 I've been really close friends with this girl for 5 years. Lately, she's always "so busy" with stuff. I told her when I was free to hang out and she told me she would get back go me ans has yet to do that. I also texted her a few times making conversation and initially she will reply but then stops half way in the conversation. I have confronted her a while ago and she told me she felt suffocated because of my anxiety about our friendship. So I've tried to give her space but I can't help but feel like she's trying to cut me out of her life ? I'm also scared to confront her because I feel like she's just going to say I'm suffocating and annoying her with my anxiety but I can't help but feel hurt by her actions How long have you been feeling this way? How long as she been distant? It seems like a vicious circle, the more you text her and want to get together the more she backs off. My suggestion is, focus on other friends and family for a while, don't text her and give her some space that she's asked for from you. I know you're hurting and it sucks when a friend isn't making you feel secure in a friendship. Is it just her not spending time with you overall or did something happen in the past that has affected your friendship?
Author cookiemonster26 Posted December 17, 2015 Author Posted December 17, 2015 How long have you been feeling this way? How long as she been distant? It seems like a vicious circle, the more you text her and want to get together the more she backs off. My suggestion is, focus on other friends and family for a while, don't text her and give her some space that she's asked for from you. I know you're hurting and it sucks when a friend isn't making you feel secure in a friendship. Is it just her not spending time with you overall or did something happen in the past that has affected your friendship? I recently lost two good friends for no apparent reason. They wanted to talk as a group but I didn't feel comfortable with that ans they called me selfish and ended the friendship with no explination. Ever since then I have been super anxious about losing friends for no reason
privategal Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 Never chase a cold shoulder. I know its hard, and really hurts but if she doesn't find the friendship valuable, it will probably ease your anxiety to cut your losses and cut contact. Again, I realize it isn't easy but it's probably best for you to have no friends than friends who make you feel isolated and alone. Sometimes we all go through a lonely phase and feel we have no one, but then the phase passes. If you can meet some new people through work, sports, volunteering...do that. It helps to have new people in your life. Don't worry. Just try and forge ahead. 1
preraph Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 I see no reason at all to confront her since she has openly and honestly told you that you are suffocating her. So yes, she is trying to not spend as much time with you, and if you don't respect her wishes and give her all the space she wants and stop pursuing her, she will cut you out completely. Let her make the next move, and don't be surprised if there's not one.
Author cookiemonster26 Posted December 17, 2015 Author Posted December 17, 2015 I see no reason at all to confront her since she has openly and honestly told you that you are suffocating her. So yes, she is trying to not spend as much time with you, and if you don't respect her wishes and give her all the space she wants and stop pursuing her, she will cut you out completely. Let her make the next move, and don't be surprised if there's not one. I don't get why she doesn't want to be my friend anymore ? I didn't even do anything bad to her and I tried really hard to be a good friend. That's what hurts me the most
sportygirl89 Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 I don't get why she doesn't want to be my friend anymore ? I didn't even do anything bad to her and I tried really hard to be a good friend. That's what hurts me the most I had a friend like this. As soon as I got sick she didn't want anything to do with me, this was right after a break up that took me a long time to recover from. This was after I had been there for her when she was sick. You are learning her true colors now. I had another instance where I was feeling like I would be replaced by friend or that she was becoming distant. I became involved in my church and volunteer agency. While it sucks losing those friends you have to push forward. Volunteer to help you meet other people. I haven't looked back. You can't make people do anything. Sometimes friendships just fade.
basil67 Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 I recently lost two good friends for no apparent reason. They wanted to talk as a group but I didn't feel comfortable with that ans they called me selfish and ended the friendship with no explination. Ever since then I have been super anxious about losing friends for no reason It's horrible when friendships go pear shaped. I do feel for you. I would hazard a guess that the reason this friend is shunning you is connected to the reason your other two friends shunned you. Unfortunately the only two who are prepared to tell you what the problem is are the other two friends. Short of talking to them together, I'm not sure there's a way to find out what's going on. All that being said, if you are happy with who you are - then you're better off without these people in your life. Find new friends who love you for yourself.
Author cookiemonster26 Posted December 18, 2015 Author Posted December 18, 2015 It's horrible when friendships go pear shaped. I do feel for you. I would hazard a guess that the reason this friend is shunning you is connected to the reason your other two friends shunned you. Unfortunately the only two who are prepared to tell you what the problem is are the other two friends. Short of talking to them together, I'm not sure there's a way to find out what's going on. All that being said, if you are happy with who you are - then you're better off without these people in your life. Find new friends who love you for yourself. I'm not sure I could find out why the other two left as they don't want to talk to me at all anymore.
basil67 Posted December 18, 2015 Posted December 18, 2015 I'm not sure I could find out why the other two left as they don't want to talk to me at all anymore. Yeah, I guess you missed your chance.
whichwayisup Posted December 18, 2015 Posted December 18, 2015 I recently lost two good friends for no apparent reason. They wanted to talk as a group but I didn't feel comfortable with that ans they called me selfish and ended the friendship with no explination. Ever since then I have been super anxious about losing friends for no reason So you have absolutely no idea at all why 2 friends wanted to end the friendship with you? They ended it completely because you didn't want to talk to them in a group situation? Would they have talked to you one on one if you had offered that up, say you weren't comfortable in group but okay one on one? Keep in mind this friend currently is NOT your past 2 friends and it's unfair to put that on her since she's done nothing wrong. It's baggage and hurt from your past so really be mindful of this. Let her know why you feel insecure and tell her you're working on trust and having more faith in your friendship with her, and also tell her that you'll give her the space she needs and hope to get together when she's ready. Hope this helps.
privategal Posted December 18, 2015 Posted December 18, 2015 I'm not sure I could find out why the other two left as they don't want to talk to me at all anymore. When your friends asked to speak with you in a group you probably should have done so, Im not certain why you felt uncomfortable. Drop them a text or email, tell them you messed up and are willing to talk and hear them out. You can still try. Try.
privategal Posted December 18, 2015 Posted December 18, 2015 So you have absolutely no idea at all why 2 friends wanted to end the friendship with you? They ended it completely because you didn't want to talk to them in a group situation? Would they have talked to you one on one if you had offered that up, say you weren't comfortable in group but okay one on one? Keep in mind this friend currently is NOT your past 2 friends and it's unfair to put that on her since she's done nothing wrong. It's baggage and hurt from your past so really be mindful of this. Let her know why you feel insecure and tell her you're working on trust and having more faith in your friendship with her, and also tell her that you'll give her the space she needs and hope to get together when she's ready. Hope this helps. I feel like you might wanna think twice about reaching out to her again. She might be annoyed further and feel your analyzing. Its a tough one. Maybe send her an unemotional Christmas card and leave the rest play out. If she is a true friend worth investing in she will realize shes being hurtful and has pushed a good friend away and will come around. If you've done nothing wrong...she sgould be the one hurting for treating you this way. Just consider leaving her be.
Author cookiemonster26 Posted December 18, 2015 Author Posted December 18, 2015 When your friends asked to speak with you in a group you probably should have done so, Im not certain why you felt uncomfortable. Drop them a text or email, tell them you messed up and are willing to talk and hear them out. You can still try. Try. The reason I didn't want to talk as a group is because we has done that before and they completely attacked my character and who i was as a person and made me feel super bad about myself. I also was starting to feel like I also didn't want to be their friend either because they had done some hurtful things so I has very little motivation to talk to them
preraph Posted December 18, 2015 Posted December 18, 2015 I don't get why she doesn't want to be my friend anymore ? I didn't even do anything bad to her and I tried really hard to be a good friend. That's what hurts me the most I think maybe you tried too hard or she feels your expectations were too high, probably. Truth is her priorities are elsewhere. Doesn't mean you did something all that wrong. Another person might totally appreciate your level of interaction. Go make new friends. You can never have to many.
privategal Posted December 19, 2015 Posted December 19, 2015 The reason I didn't want to talk as a group is because we has done that before and they completely attacked my character and who i was as a person and made me feel super bad about myself. I also was starting to feel like I also didn't want to be their friend either because they had done some hurtful things so I has very little motivation to talk to them Then it's their loss. But you can't get extra friendship from one friend to make up the loss of 2 others.
Author cookiemonster26 Posted December 19, 2015 Author Posted December 19, 2015 Then it's their loss. But you can't get extra friendship from one friend to make up the loss of 2 others. This is true
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