Bipolarlove Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 Me and my boyfriend/ fiancé have known each other since the seventh grade. We are 20 now. We started dating about 10 months ago. We talked about getting married before and he was all for it. So technically I proposed to him. We used to fight a lot. Just stupid stuff. But we'd make up. He started smoking pot again and I don't have a problem with that. But he started going over to his friends more. Like every single day. I ask him to stay home and it becomes a problem. I feel left out. Even when I go with him to his friends I feel he barely acknowledges me. He has told me he don't care if I come. To me that means he doesnt care if he gets to spend time with me or not. When I try to talk about how I feel, I feel the conversation is one sided and frankly I feel like there is no point in trying. We almost broke up one night over him going to a friends. Since then, I just don't feel like he wants to be with me anymore. He hasn't left. He doesn't say he is unhappy. But I feel like he is bored and just wants out.he doesnt tell me why he loves me when I give him reasons why I want him in my life. I don't have many friends. I am very very anxious and shy socially, and I think he resents me for it. He wants to go out and I don't. He used to be okay with staying in with me when he wasn't smoking. I just have no clue what to do. He sends me mixed signals. I want him to just tell me how he feels. Straight out and point blank.
ExpatInItaly Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 OP, the most important thing you can do here to is generate some more self-love and a satisfying life apart from your relationship. It sounds to me that you have become dependent on him for security and company which isn't healthy. Most guys, especially young ones, are not going to love taking that much responsibility for your happiness. It's too much pressure. You're still quite young and you've only been together 10 months. The relationship is still young. if he's already pulling away and taking more space for himself, that's a good indicator you need to get busy with your own life too. You say you proposed to him - may I ask why? In other words, what is it about him that makes you feel this is the person you want to commit to for a lifetime? What values and goals do you share? Do you have the same or similar visions for the future? How do you career paths and perceptions of marriage and family life align? These are are extremely important considerations, which I hope you both took into account before getting engaged. Step back a bit and give him space. While I don't think smoking pot all the time with his buddies is particularly productive, he does need to have his own life. All you can do is decide if that's compatible with yours. If you don't see any improvements in his level of involvement in the relationship, walk away.
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