memento mori Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 hey all! I am a 22 year old med-student, and i have been with this girl for about a year now. We are both of middle-eastern origin, but from different countries. We have had a great year so far, and have truly been in love. Lately however, we have been having som serious issues. When we first started dating, we had alot of important values in common. I am not very religious, but i do not eat pork, drink(more cultural than religion to be honest) etc.. Through our first months of dating i made i made my opinions about things that my culture/religion does not allow, and she said she would respect it, meaning no alchohol, pork, short skirts and so on. Since she is from the middle east too, our cultures opinions were mostly shared. A few weeks ago, however, she told me that she had plans to drink, eat pork and be more liberal in the future. I suggested that we could make compromises that work for both, but she refused and said she wants things "her ways" now. To be honest this is not something i can be comfortable with. So my question: Can two people with such different cultural and religious values make a relationship work? We do love each other, but hate each others culture and religion to be honest.
TaraMaiden2 Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 Hold on... She made the effort and 'changed' for you. Big Plus in her favour, as she showed compromise and flexibility. Now, she's tired of doing things your way and would like to revert to a more liberal lifestyle (one she probably enjoyed before meeting you). I suspect that this is because while she has tried to conform to your life choices, you have probably done little or nothing to be flexible with regard to her way of living... So now this is intolerable for you? You say you're 'not very religious' but it would seem you adhere to certain stringent attitudes, (particularly regarding female dress-sense) So I would say that if not religious, you have been brought up to conform to a set of conditions... which are now manifesting in a somewhat controlling attitude. This is an incompatibility. If she complies with your view of doing things she is sacrificing her freedom and compromising her principles. "A person convinced against their will Is of the same opinion, still..." You cannot turn a blind eye to her desire to consider a more liberal lifestyle... Are you living in the Middle East, or elsewhere, like the USA or Europe....? Because if you're operating in the west, I fear sadly it is you who is "out of synch...." 1
Wewon Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 hey all! I am a 22 year old med-student, and i have been with this girl for about a year now. We are both of middle-eastern origin, but from different countries. We have had a great year so far, and have truly been in love. Lately however, we have been having som serious issues. When we first started dating, we had alot of important values in common. I am not very religious, but i do not eat pork, drink(more cultural than religion to be honest) etc.. Through our first months of dating i made i made my opinions about things that my culture/religion does not allow, and she said she would respect it, meaning no alchohol, pork, short skirts and so on. Since she is from the middle east too, our cultures opinions were mostly shared. A few weeks ago, however, she told me that she had plans to drink, eat pork and be more liberal in the future. I suggested that we could make compromises that work for both, but she refused and said she wants things "her ways" now. To be honest this is not something i can be comfortable with. So my question: Can two people with such different cultural and religious values make a relationship work? We do love each other, but hate each others culture and religion to be honest. I see this no differently than any other couple that comes to an impasse, this could potentially be a dealbreaker if neither of you is willing to budge. You have to decide if a girlfriend who eats pork, drinks and wears short skirts is something that you can live with or not.
craw Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 Yea it can work out, but in your case? No. It's clearly bothering you and will continue to do so. She will continue to change and become more liberal.
Standard-Fare Posted December 18, 2015 Posted December 18, 2015 @memento mori, I've seen your previous posts. You've written several times about various incompatibilities with this girl - most recently, her obsession with her best friend, which everyone agreed was a very big problem. I think your cultural differences aren't the real issue here. If you were a happy and healthy couple you could find a way to work around them. But your previous posts show that the two of you have already been dealing with some problems that are more serious than this. It's clear you've been having major doubts about this relationship for a while. Have you thought about whether it's time to end it?
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