Bullmoose Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 So me and this girl have been dating for about 4 months.... We made it official not long ago because that's really what she wanted and I was really beginning to like her... Well a week ago, I got drunk and we got into an argument and I said some really stupid things. I hurt her feelings. I said things like maybe we shouldn't be dating and I just acted like a drunken buffoon. The conversation ended and she told me that she would talk to me the next day. I immediately knew I was in trouble when I woke up the next morning.... I gave her plenty of space until she was ready to talk to me, and when she finally did, she said she wanted to think things over while she was at work, and she would get back to me. This is after she said she did not intend on breaking up with me.... So I gave her her space and didn't say a word to her until the next day, I just texted her and said "I hope you're having a good day!" She quickly replied and said she was sorry that she didn't get back to me the night before because she was tired from work and I told her NBD, that's ok. She said she would text me after work that night when she had more time to talk about us. She texts me about 1am that night and asked what I was up to and I told her I was at home and she said that she wants to go back to being friends. I said "alright." I didn't argue or anything. We said maybe one or two more things to eachother and I said ok and that was the end of the conversation.... So 2 days go by and neither of us have said a word to eachother so I decided to suck it up and send her some flowers and an apology note. She received the flowers and note yesterday and I haven't heard a peep out of her..... Is this normal for a girl to not even acknowledge that she received flowers and a note, or is she just making me sweat? Please help.... I'm a confused soul at this point. Thanks!
casey.lives Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 whatever is going to happen.. she's doing a great service to you by not letting it slide. Good on her! 1
pteromom Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 OK - so the question is... do you want her back? If you do, you have to show her. Right now, she is thinking that she offered up staying friends and you were cool with that. So she is thinking that you just don't care one way or the other. Call her. Ask her if she got the flowers. Tell her you miss her. Tell her that you only agreed to being friends because that's what she wanted, and that it isn't what you want. Tell her you want another chance. And if she agrees, DO NOT get drunk! You know you act like an idiot when you are drinking, so being drunk is not for you. 1
Author Bullmoose Posted December 16, 2015 Author Posted December 16, 2015 I absolutely want her back, but I just assumed that giving her the space she needed and a great apology note and some flowers would let her know how much I do care and how sorry I am that I hurt her... I just felt like if I pushed too hard, it would smother her, and push her away further.
salem mark Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 the ball is in her court, dont contact her agin, let her come to you
Author Bullmoose Posted December 17, 2015 Author Posted December 17, 2015 Hey beautiful, I'm so sorry that I hurt you. I will never do it again. I hope you have a great week, and I miss you a lot. Will you please forgive me? Love, **** 1
Author Bullmoose Posted December 17, 2015 Author Posted December 17, 2015 She did finally send me a text tonight and thanked me for the flowers and the note and she told me she accepted my apology. We had a quick conversation and I told her once again that I'm sorry and that she deserved the flowers and to have a good night at work and that I'm sure I'll talk to her soon... She replied with "I deeply appreciate it... We'll talk soon."
Author Bullmoose Posted December 17, 2015 Author Posted December 17, 2015 Not sure where to go from here... Any help would be greatly appreciated. I think I would like to let her decide when she wants to contact me again, but maybe I'm wrong... What do y'all think?
ExpatInItaly Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 I'm a woman, this is my take: She is clearly still very upset by what you said to her. I'd just let her know you would like to try to make it work and leave it at that. She knows you're sorry and she needs time. There isn't a lot more you can or should do right now. It's possible she might come around but for now I wouldn't hold my breath. What exactly sparked this argument, and what did you say to her? I think these details are important in helping us understand her current frame of mind. A guy I dated a few years back did something similar, and I have to say that it really changed the way I looked at him.
jen1447 Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 It's hard to tell just from words on here but did you actually take ownership so to speak of the things you said? Reason I ask is that if you tell someone "I think you're stupid" and then later say "sorry about that," it's different than saying "sorry about that - I don't actually think you're stupid" or explaining what led you to say that. The first way is actually not very good and can leave a lot of hanging doubts, which may be what your GF's feeling now. The way you're describing it, she does sound a bit reluctant yet. I'm not pointing the finger at you but there is a type of abuser who gets by by being charming during the down times - sending flowers and being lovey and cozy and 'sensitive,' etc. - but those ppl show their true natures by never actually accepting blame for the things they do, at least never beyond half-measures like "I overreacted" etc., which just leaves the door open for more down the road and most ppl can sense that. So while feeling relief that the immediate crisis is over, there's always the gnawing fear of when it'll happen next. I don't think you're an abuser but in a similar way, it's possible she feels insecure about your future bc she doesn't really feel this was resolved in a meaningful way in which you actually have genuine remorse and resolve to change the part of you that allowed that to happen in the first place.
Author Bullmoose Posted January 6, 2016 Author Posted January 6, 2016 Ok, so it's been a few weeks and things have slightly gotten better. We had been chatting for a few days, and randomly a few days before Christmas, I was sitting at the bar with my buddies and she walked in. I went inside and walked up to her while she was ordering a drink. She said she was meeting a friend and asked if she could sit down with me until the friend got there. So she sat with us for 30 minutes or so, and I bought her beers and then she went and sat with the friend once they got there. Around midnight she came up to me and told me she was leaving, so I asked if I could walk her to her car. She obliged, and so I walked her to her car and kissed her on the forehead and told her to be safe and text me when she got home... Fast forward to Christmas, and I had already gotten her a Christmas gift, and I told her that she had been on my mind a lot lately and I wanted to give her a present. We've been chatting every day since and we even went to dinner last Wednesday night(she is the first person that brought up going to dinner) I picked up her at her place and we went to a very fancy restaurant and ate a ton of food and then I brought her back to her place... I asked if I could kiss her when I walked her to the door and she said "yes, but not too much because of the lipstick." So we kissed and that was it for the night... Well she works an absolute ton as a waitress at a fancy restaurant so she didn't get off until late for New Years Eve and I was at my parents vacation property... She texted with me all day and then when she got off work, she drove down to the same vacation property where her parents have a house, which is about 45 minutes away from where we both live... We didn't see eachother but texted with eachother all night. The following night(last Friday) we were both back in town and I asked her if she wanted to get a drink when she got off work. She said she would let me know, but when she finally texted around 10pm that she wanted to go have a drink, I was already asleep, so that was a bummer... She finally had a night off last night so I asked her to dinner again but she said she wanted to sit at home in her pjs since it was her only night off this week. She seems to be very interested in hanging out(except for last night) and I'm trying to figure out if she's just trying to blow me off, or if there is still any interest. She definitely isn't mad about what happened anymore, but I'm jut having trouble reading this situation... I would appreciate all the help I can get.. Thanks!
Author Bullmoose Posted January 11, 2016 Author Posted January 11, 2016 Ok so this girl and I had been seeing eachother for about 5 months. We decided to make it official about 5 weeks ago. We ended up getting in a fight a few weeks later and I said some stuff that I shouldn't have said ie. "Maybe we shouldn't be together, etc." She said she needed some time to think it over, so I gave her the space she needed, but she broke it off 3 days later. Fast forward after I had sent her flowers and a nice note, and actually got back into her good graces... She works at a upscale restaurant with very bad hours so we didn't get to see eachother all that often before but I was ok with that. She seems to be ok with it too... We went to dinner a week and a half ago and everything seems to be smoothing over. Well Thursday night I told her that I want her back, and we talked for awhile and said she wasn't ready and that she needs more time(she was in a very toxic relationship before she met me.) She said I have to make the choice to give the time and space that she needs or just move on. I said my peace and told her I would wait for her and I care about her a lot... Then I cut it off and we didn't talk to eachother again until she texted me randomly last night. Here is what was said between the two of us... From her: "Hope you've been well. Miss your company. Honestly, only thing keeping me from you is the fact that I feel rushed with you. I know you're ready for more than I'm ready for. Which is understandable. Just know I miss our conversation and goofiness. I'm going to sleep so I'll talk to you tomorrow. Hope you're sleeping well. Goodnight!" Here is what I texted her back this morning: "Even though I'm ready and you're not, I'm willing to do what it takes to make sure you're comfortable. I would love to hang out with you when you want to, but also understand if you want to take it really slow." Her response: "I like that." Meanwhile this morning, I noticed that we aren't friends on Snapchat anymore... I didn't delete her so she must have deleted me. My sister who is married and has a very good relationship with her husband told me to not worry about the snapchat deal. But it's really bothering me. I'm not going to say anything to her about it because I don't want to jeopardize anything that's going on Ladies, can any of you help me assess this situation? Do y'all think I have a fighting chance, and should I even worry about the snapchat thing? We are still friends on all other social media and I know she isn't mad at me... I just can't figure out why she would delete me on there unless she didn't want to know what I was doing OR she doesn't want me to know what she's doing... All help and comments are much obliged...
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