salem mark Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 My ex just emailed to tellme she is getting married, I'm heartbroken even though it\s been 3 years. She wanted to reach out and let me know how happy she was, I told her I was kind of in shock, beacause she was always anti-marriage and to be honest i still have feelings for her How do I respond, and deal with this. I'm single and feel very alone right now and could use some uplifting advice I feel I deserve better than this and happiness, as everyone here Please help me I felel like im drowning man right now
BC1980 Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 My ex just emailed to tellme she is getting married, I'm heartbroken even though it\s been 3 years. She wanted to reach out and let me know how happy she was, I told her I was kind of in shock, beacause she was always anti-marriage and to be honest i still have feelings for her How do I respond, and deal with this. I'm single and feel very alone right now and could use some uplifting advice I feel I deserve better than this and happiness, as everyone here Please help me I felel like im drowning man right now Have you been NC? Why did she feel she could email you and tell you that? Have you had contact all along?
Author salem mark Posted December 16, 2015 Author Posted December 16, 2015 i havent talked to her in 2 years, im really in shock right now with this news, it was out of nowhere, i wanted to marry her, i was very much in love with her, she told me ever cared for her liked i did. i never understood why werent together anymore, she was going through alot of self analysis , and heavy alcolhol use when it ended, i told her the alcolhol would ruin/destroy her and know she says she quit and her fiance has influenced her, i tried to do the same thing, why him and not me, i dont deserve this
mg4514 Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 Mark, All I can say is, this is the train wreck alcohol abusers leave behind in their wake. The important thing to take away from this is two fold: 1) she didn't choose to accept his help and not yours...there are dynamics in play that you don't know the answers. Maybe he's actually an enabler, maybe he coerced her with threats to leave (which we all know doesn't work with abusers), there are numerous possibilities. 2) she s TELLING you that she kicked her habit...but that doesn't mean it's the truth, and it doesn't mean it will last. You know, as well as anybody, alcohol abusers are notorious for saying all the right things. It is more likely than not...in a matter or months, maybe a year...this new guy will be right here, on this board, telling the same story of what she had done to you.
Author salem mark Posted December 16, 2015 Author Posted December 16, 2015 she knew this guy before she met me and told me he quit drinking and she left him because she didnt want to stop the problem is i havent meant anyone else that i consider getting serious about and its been hard to let this one go emotionally
BC1980 Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 i havent talked to her in 2 years, im really in shock right now with this news, it was out of nowhere, i wanted to marry her, i was very much in love with her, she told me ever cared for her liked i did. i never understood why werent together anymore, she was going through alot of self analysis , and heavy alcolhol use when it ended, i told her the alcolhol would ruin/destroy her and know she says she quit and her fiance has influenced her, i tried to do the same thing, why him and not me, i dont deserve this Well, that's pretty heartless of her to email you and tell you how happy she is. Jeez, I can't imagine even caring enough to email an ex if I got engaged. It's kind of embarrassing when I think about it. I remember finding out my ex was getting married and being fairly hurt. More angry than anything really. But we had been NC for a year, so it ended up being a bump in the road and what I needed to move on for good. I know it hurts now, but someone who would send an email like that is really lacking in any basic empathy.
Author salem mark Posted December 16, 2015 Author Posted December 16, 2015 she never treated me well unless it benefted her, i guess the question, why would allow myself to be hurt like this, i'm just using this forum to vent i guess, im a good person and always to end up on the short end
trippi1432 Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 i havent talked to her in 2 years, im really in shock right now with this news, it was out of nowhere, i wanted to marry her, i was very much in love with her, she told me ever cared for her liked i did. i never understood why werent together anymore, she was going through alot of self analysis , and heavy alcolhol use when it ended, i told her the alcolhol would ruin/destroy her and know she says she quit and her fiance has influenced her, i tried to do the same thing, why him and not me, i dont deserve this she knew this guy before she met me and told me he quit drinking and she left him because she didnt want to stop the problem is i havent meant anyone else that i consider getting serious about and its been hard to let this one go emotionally No, you don't deserve this, and I agree that a person who would do that has no empathy. I wanted to post because I've been where you are in my own circumstances and what I've learned. After my ex-Husband left and took up with another woman within a week I decided to enroll in Al-Anon. I thought maybe there was something that I was "missing" to get him to stop, maybe I didn't support him enough, maybe the reason he drank was because of me, our children, life. What I found there, instead, were women crying their eyes out or angry because they didn't come first to the alcohol in the alcoholic's life. What I learned is that you have to put YOU first, not in a selfish way, but in a way that you care about you so you can take care of others. Emotionally invest in YOU. No matter what she has said, she may have only been "off the wagon" for a day, a week (you don't really know)....but to send a "destructive" message to you like that, I'd say not much has really changed about her and she probably would never change for you. And that's not to say that she really has for this other guy.
casey.lives Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 consider it a good thing.. this person is completely off the table.. i mean, an ex is an ex for a reason.
mightycpa Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 I'm on a big why kick these days, so maybe you'd indulge me. It sounds like you want to ride a train that could veer off the tracks for any reason at any time and crash and do lots of damage. I'd like to know why. Why do you want to get married to someone for whom the biggest success of their day is that they did not take a drink, and the worst downfall possible is that they did? What's in it for you? Are you a thrillseeker? Savior complex? What? 1
Author salem mark Posted December 17, 2015 Author Posted December 17, 2015 mighty cpa your second sentence really hit me, i dont know why , somthing must be wrong with me
mightycpa Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 mighty cpa your second sentence really hit me, i dont know why , somthing must be wrong with meThe secret to you getting over this will be to figure this out, because you can't fix what you don't understand.
Captivating Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 Hey, You know, she might not have been mean-spirited about telling you the news. She had an alcohol problem, she beat the addiction (if it's true), she might have felt like a loser by your side when she had this problem and wanted to let you know that people can change and live a happy life after all. OR She wanted to tell you.....giving you an opportunity to step in I know, this might be out there... OR Anyway, she seems to care about you to tell you about this big step in her life. She might think that you moved on a long time ago since you haven't contacted her for 2 years, and wanted to let you know that she did too...... These are all assumptions since we don't know you guys or the dynamics of your relationship. Mark, you guys are broken up for 3 years. You seem to care about her, did you try to win her back?
Sparta Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 Dude you're freaked out after three years my advice I wouldn't contact her. And the first thing you need to do is get some counseling because you shouldn't be having these feelings after three years... OP get yourself some help forget about her. As for her contacting, and telling you she's getting married. Not knowing the whole story or her side of the story. The little information that we have from her contact is pretty disturbing I would stay away.
xpaperxcutx Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 A normal person who is getting married, would have the decency to not contact their ex, because they're so happy with their current SO that there's no need to drudge up past ghosts. Either she is crazy or she is vindictive. You need to focus on you. If you want marriage, there will be a nice girl somewhere down the road who you're a perfect fit for. Your ex is not her.
Cherryz Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 If you guys havent been in contact a while i dont see why she needs to email you that. Like kind of to see what your reaction will be. Maybe you should start socializing more and plan your days with activity's and be open to let go of her and the feelings
sambolini Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 im a good person and always to end up on the short end I used to say the very same thing. And it was true. And finally, one day, I woke up and said, "I've had enough. I've reached my limit. I am no longer going to put 'being a good person' ahead of my happiness and physical and mental health." What you need to do is ensure that you don't end up on the short end anymore by taking control of your life and doing things that make you happy. Your happiness is paramount: everyone else can go climb a tree. The first step is to stop caring what other people think, especially about you. Their opinions don't matter. It's what you think of yourself that matters the most.
lolablue17 Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 She needs to be a woman with a vindictive personality and very low moral standards to reach out to her ex, announcing she's happy and getting marriage to someone else. You still have feelings for her, but are you sure that's the kind of girl you wish to have? You know, When someone feels down, I think she shouldn't hurt other people, but if she does, i could forgive. But when someone feels happy, and still waste time to reach out to people and hurt them deliberately - UUUGGGHHH... It's disgusting in my eyes. It's great news for you that she going to be someone else's problem
Itspointless Posted December 18, 2015 Posted December 18, 2015 the first thing you need to do is get some counseling because you shouldn't be having these feelings after three years... OP get yourself some help forget about her. Not reacting, just thinking out load. Shouldn't he? I get it, I am the same. Some people never really disappear from our minds. Yeah I know, not all people are like that, some people have brains like fishnets where even tankers could sift through. Sometimes I wish I was like that, on the other hand I believe that I truly saw the beauty in some people. Unfortunately they had a darker side to them that was bigger than that beauty. Don't forget that salem mark, her darker side was more prominent than her beauty, regardless of how beautiful that side was. You deserve better and hopefully some day you get what you deserve.
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