5 Year relationship break up, I ruined everything!

[disabledaccount88898]

So basically I was dating a girl we met in college i shall refer to her as L. when we were got together i told her that I wasn't into getting into a serious relationship just yet and we were happy with that situation.

we both went to different universities and decided to keep away from the relationship tag as we didn't know how things were going to go.

 

things worked out great we were skyping and meeting up quite regularly either me staying at hers or her coming to mine for a few days.

 

after university things started to become a somewhat struggle. she lived in a house with 4 other siblings and I had started getting social anxiety so for a long time she came to my house a lot more often by a lot more i mean i only stayed at her house maybe 3 times and i know that's awful.

 

we both got jobs L working 9-5 in the city

me working part time in retail. things were okay although we couldn't see each other as often. i started getting depression from all of the pressure that was being put on me at work to work overtime almost every weekend the only time where L was free. i became very negative and it showed i was complaining about my job and some other personal issues that had been plaguing me. L was very supportive and she was also asking me when we were finally become an item, i got so wrought in all the stress i was having so i kinda just pushing it off saying we would soon i promise.

 

we saw each other once and things started to feel weird i just felt something off. i text her after we left each other at the train station saying that i felt something was off and i wanted to know what was up and if i could help and that i loved her.

 

this is where everything took a downward spiral she made out like things were okay and i just wanted to see her again but she had plans almost every weekend with parties and hanging out with her old friends etc. texting became an issue as I was still confused as to what was wrong and she began texting less frequently and didn't want to talk about any of the personal stuff.

 

We finally agreed to meet up for a talk almost 3 weeks after this last encounter because of how busy i had been at work and finding the time for her to not be busy, I had lost so much weight with being so down about the whole thing as well as being in work with no appetite.

 

We finally met up at her house i had bought her flowers and brought all of my christmas gifts for her. we made food and ate and everything was normal i thought all my fears were put to rest and that we just needed to talk and see each other.

 

we went upstairs out of the way of her brother who lives there and i began to cry and asked her what was up and she basically told me that she doesn't feel the same anymore and that things have changed and that she spent so long trying to get me to be in the relationship. Id already had this planned as a gift for her because after Christmas i was going to tell my work straight that i was not working all those hours especially over the weekend as it was effecting my relationship so we would of gotten to see each other more and sorted things out. I had bought her a pandora charm nothing too special but she wanted one. In the box of the charm i had a letter saying merry Christmas and just how much i love her and how i know we'd had a rough patch and how things would get better in the new year. also that if she was still happy and things were good between us there was something else under the foam of the charm. this had a few pieces of paper with hearts and just general nice things and at the bottom was a piece of paper saying will you be my Girlfriend??? cheesy I know but I was so excited to make her happy.

 

i was destroyed so i told her that i just wanted her to see something and decided to get the present from downstairs and told her to open it. she opened it and read it as i tried to explain that ive wanted this for so long i just was waiting for the right time. she started crying and so did I and she told me that it was too late! and she had been waiting for too long and she didn't wan't it anymore.

 

after a good hour or so of trying to get her to see that i wanted this and appreciated her and i was sorry for all of the negative behavior i had been showing and a lot more stuff. i kinda just lay there in shock.

 

I asked her to lay next to me for a while and we spent the whole night holding each other she had work in the morning so had to go to bed pretty early I spent the whole night holding her and looking at her beautiful face not wanting the time to go by as it could be the last time we saw each other.

 

in the morning she had to get ready and i sat there crying she got ready and looked so stunning and i told her she looked really beautiful this caused another breakdown.

 

we left and walked to the station i began racking my brains of things to say to her saying how if she ever felt like she missed me or wanted to change her mind i'd be open for her to come straight back into my life. and how we had 5 amazing years and it was worth a shot of trying to work things out and reconcile our love. at the station we held each other and kissed and hugged. her train arrived and i started to just say as many things to her as i could before she got on. i stood on the stairs as the train started to move and we both looked at each other the whole way until she was gone.

 

how can i forgive myself for being so stupid not to see the light sooner. she was perfect and i ruined everything.

 

we've been texting since mostly just chit chat Ive been trying hard to win her back still and i feel like its souring everything, i asked her to think about the whole thing and she said that she would but not to make any promises and that she guesses she could think about it because all of our cards are now on the table.

 

I'm a mess and i don't think we'll get back together but talking to her and holding on hope is the only thing keeping me from feeling horrid right now.

 

any feedback would help i guess?

[makemineamac]

So sorry for how you're feeling right now. It's devastating, isn't it?

 

You need to try and find a way to lift yourself out of this funk and get some counselling.

 

Look, sometimes these things end, and what usually happens in a case like this is that she checked out awhile ago - maybe when you began feeling that distance, so this last end piece that just happened was far easier for her to go through.

 

And considering the grand gesture you presented her with, another chance, and the fact she told you it is too late is also very telling. She's being honest with you. Who knows why, but she's telling you what she wants.

 

I think you go NC for awhile, and just leave her be.

 

You will feel better, it will take awhile but you'll get there.

 

I'm sure you'll get lot of great feedback here and I wish you well.

[xpaperxcutx]

How do you make a girl wait for 5 years for some sort of title?

 

 

She refused a relationship with you because she finally realized her worth. You only decided to ask her to be your girlfriend because your life circumstances have made you lonelier and the only person who has stood by you was her.

 

 

It hurts doesn't it?

 

 

All I see is someone who is selfish and holding out for something more. But you never realized what a big prize you had in front of you until it was too late.

 

 

Take this as a lesson.

[Marc878]

Crying in front of her really helped her solidify her decision I'm sure.

 

Women view that as very Unattractive.

 

Move on and work on your self for the next relationship.

[K2z]

you never realized what a big prize you had in front of you until it was too late.

 

Wow. Of how many men can this be said. Including myself. I am Exhibit A.