My boyfriend brokeup with me because im a loser.. do I still have a chance?

[LucidNightmare]

Im going to try and make this as short as possible.

My boyfriend broke up with me 20 days ago today, we started dating when he was 16 and I was 20, and have been together for 5 years without ever breaking up before. Neither of us have had any real previous relationships. He has never had sex with anyone else i had 2 one nighters with 2 other guys and they sucked.

 

We are both gay, and ive never been open about it and he feels like i am hiding him from public. All of his family knows and most of mine except my dad. His friends know too but i do not touch him in group settings or parties.. but even so we were great the 1st year the middle 3 years were a bit rocky because i was going through alot at home and fell into a depeession, but we had great times together and always madeup. The last year I finally started taking some medication for depression and it helped TREMENDOUSLY and we were great...but i still had the issue with being gay in public. I also have no real goals in my life, dont go to school and have a ****ty job.

 

Anyway he says he left me because he needs time to "find himself"and that "its not you its me..."

 

A few days later we saw eachother for the last time and he went into more detail and he says...

 

-he feels like I stole his youth from him

 

-he wants to date others to see if im what he really wants and he never dated anyone else.

 

-Says I would never speak about our future together.

 

-always would ask me to propose to him.

 

-wants me to move away from the town i grew up in because he is going to be going to school elsewhere in 2 years

 

-feels like he tried more to change and make me happy in the relationship

 

-feels like i would only change if we got into huge fights

 

-says he feels like im dependant on him and wants me to be independent and have goals in my life.

 

-says hes not sure if he was in love with me or just pitied me, and felt like my caretaker..

 

-says now even though our relationship has been good the past year that he somehow feels reliefed that i am happier now and that he no longer has to feel bad about me (because i am over my depression )

 

 

I told him that now hes opened my eyes to myself without him and i feel like a loser and i want to be a winner and that I was going to change and make goals in my life, get my own friends, go to the gym, get back in school .. etc but he said he still wanted to date others and that he wants me to do the same.

 

I think right off the back he began dating this guy he had met at a gay club who I think caused this whole breakup, the guy is more physically fit , more social, more confident, and has goals in life, and goes to school.

 

We last spoke 6 days ago over some unfinished buisness involving a online account that he changed passwords for, and it ended sort of rough.

He just wrote to me yesterday apologising and to see how i have been doing and feeling ,if i thought our breakup was a good idea , and wanted to figure out if we should keep occasaionally talking or not... he also still has our pictures together up on his Facebook.. i told him ive been fine and have been more social, and hitting the gym and that ive been happy l, i told him our breakup was a good idea because hes made me realize that i want to become a better person for myself, and that we probabaly shouldn't talk anymore unless he wants to get back together.

 

 

What does this all mean??? I want him back very badly..

 

Did i say the right things?

 

Did i make a mistake by answering his.texts and calls?

 

Can i still get him back?

 

Where should i go from here?

[Amelie1980]

He doesnt deserve you.

 

Why would want someone back who treated you like dirt and made you feel bad.

 

Work on yourself and find a nice new guy.

 

You'll be ok.

[marky00]

 

-says now even though our relationship has been good the past year that he somehow feels reliefed that i am happier now and that he no longer has to feel bad about me (because i am over my depression )

 

 

Your last point struck a nerve for me..

 

I was in a 9 yr LDR. In year 7 and 8, i was going though some tough times dealing with issues such as an old dog I had care for and eventually put down etc.

 

In year 9, I started becoming my best self again and I really picked up my game and was going to propose to her.

 

It was at this point she found someone else and left.

 

2 rationale explanations:

 

1) Like you said.... maybe she didn't want to leave me when things were really tough but felt I could handle the breakup better once I got to the other side (I think this is less likely because she is just too selfish but its possible i guess)

 

2) When they see your doing better and start stepping up the anti and want more from the relationship, they have to finally show their hand...the game is up.

 

I'd say 1 of either of these two scenarios happened to you as well.