Author GR4 Posted December 16, 2015 Author Posted December 16, 2015 wow relax....if you don't hear from her wait til after Christmas to contact her. Like I said keep asking women out. Never invest so much over one date. I'm relaxed. It's just hard not to let previous experience cloud your judgement. Like I said, I've been ghosted by pretty much every girl since I split up from my ex so it's difficult for me to sometimes remain positive when it comes to dating. I'm hopeless at getting dates but I'll keep trying!
smackie9 Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 The more you put yourself out there the more confidence you will have......you may need to ask 100 to get one that becomes your GF.
smackie9 Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 IMO you focus way too much on failing or failure rather than just be positive and keep your options open to new prospects. 1
Author GR4 Posted December 16, 2015 Author Posted December 16, 2015 You might be right. I am actually a confident guy when I'm out and about. I just over analyse sometimes.
smackie9 Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 You just need to not take things so personally, and free yourself from all this conflicting self doubt.
Author GR4 Posted December 16, 2015 Author Posted December 16, 2015 I totally agree. I need to work on it. I've been so unlucky with girls in the past and I need to forget about that and try not to judge any new girls on the scene based on past experiences. 1
smackie9 Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 I totally agree. I need to work on it. I've been so unlucky with girls in the past and I need to forget about that and try not to judge any new girls on the scene based on past experiences. wow this is soooo key. This could be your obstacle.
Author GR4 Posted December 16, 2015 Author Posted December 16, 2015 I just need a girl to prove me wrong for once!
lolablue17 Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 (edited) You need to let go. if anything you should be out having other dates with other women. You know, I think about it a lot. Today the dating scene is sometimes technical, everyone tries to show indifference, and everyone gives very little, because of the enormous options that are always around the corner. You advice him to date other girls, while he prefers to stay focused on just one. Why? Because she's ghosting him. So it's like a virus. He will also start ghosting girls because he will be dating few of them simultaneously. So, actually, there where maybe 10% or 1% of the people who did that (preferring quantity over quality), and like a virus, they were educating the other 90% to be like them. I would suggest him - Don't be like her. Don't learn from her. Be yourself, and let her be herself. She also may be a victim of that virus. Maybe in her heart she is like you, but after she met so many men who were infected by that virus, she became like them. Don't cooperate with her indifference. If the test is "Can you be also indifference", don't be ashamed to fail the test. Edited December 16, 2015 by lolablue17 2
Author GR4 Posted December 16, 2015 Author Posted December 16, 2015 You know, I think about it a lot. Today the dating scene is sometimes technical, everyone tries to show indifference, and everyone gives very little, because of the enormous options that are always around the corner. You advice him to date other girls, while he prefers to stay focused on just one. Why? Because she's ghosting him. So it's like a virus. He will also start ghosting girls because he will be dating few of them simultaneously. So, actually, there where maybe 10% or 1% of the people who did that (preferring quantity over quality), and like a virus, they were educating the other 90% to be like them. I would suggest him - Don't be like her. Don't learn from her. Be yourself, and let her be herself. She also may be a victim of that virus. Maybe in her heart she is like you, but after she met so many men who were infected by that virus, she became like them. Don't cooperate with her indifference. If the test is "Can you be also indifference", don't be ashamed to fail the test. I like your way of thinking. Honestly. I don't see anything wrong with wanting to focus on one girl at a time. I do think it's wise to keep your options open, though. All I can be is myself. Sometimes I might be too honest for my own good but I'm not about to change. If everyone was open and honest about their feelings dating would be so much easier, so much better for everyone involved. It's a sad state of affairs when a man is told that opening up to a girl and being honest is needy or I unconfident. Surely it's the opposite. It takes more guts to be honest about your feelings towards someone than it does to ignore messages in order to appear busy. If you want to see someone you like I think you should just say so. But that's just me. 2
Myragal Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 Christmas? If A man I like contacts me after our first date, I let him know that I definitely want to see him again. If I was going to be tied up for 24/ hours a day until Christmas I would tell him that I would count the hours until the day after the 25th because I was thinking of him and happy birthday that he is thinking of me. This 'busy' thing is so bogus when it comes to dating and feelings. It doesn't preclude any effort if we really care.
Robratory Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 This 'busy' thing is so bogus when it comes to dating and feelings. It doesn't preclude any effort if we really care. Exactly. We are never too busy when we're really interested in someone.
fitnessfan365 Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 It's up to you to keep the momentum going. I mean you contacted her and said you had a great time. That's cool. But now where do you go from here? Just have full confidence that she wants to see you again and call her on the phone in a day or two. Then ask her out for another date. Also I have to second what others are saying. You had one date and it's only been 24 hours. Try to relax a bit. 1
TheBullFrog Posted December 18, 2015 Posted December 18, 2015 From a guy's point of view I have learnt from very bitter experience that what happens on the date with a woman is almost immaterial. So many times you will come away thinking it went really well and so did she and then you never hear from them again which is why I think the amount of text contact between dates and the time taken to reply is significant because it shows you how often you are in her thoughts when you aren't around. She might say shes not a great texter to you but you can bet she is on whatsapp when she is not on a date with you texting the **** out of whoever. You have to (unfortunately) keep an open mind and be prepared for her to disappear at the drop of a hat and be okay with it. Text her once to say you had a great time and want to arrange another date and then leave it at that, if she replies she replies, if she doesn't don't chase because its unlikely to work. It may work in the very short term to get things going again for a short while, but it won't change the fact that you had to prod her to want to take an interest in you and very rarely do you hear stories about successful relationships where the guy had to keep letting the girl know he was there in the early stages. Far better to begin the process of moving on nice and early. This so much. I have had many first dates that went amazing and the girl just disappear or loses interest. Or i have great first dates that lead to a second and when we kiss they disappear. You are right about chasing and trying to make women want you, its pointless. I dated/chased a girl for almost 3 months. The first 4 dates were amazing, with dates 3 and 4 having us kiss close to over 60, maybe 100 times and being very lovey dovey. She for what ever reason acted distant and then deleted my number. We tried again but she had to be honest and tell me she wasn't into me for what ever reason. Maybe its "women logic" or she found a better guy online, or realized she can do better. I learned my lesson and now will be dating multiple women if i get the chance. People are just to flakey now with online dating.
TheBullFrog Posted December 18, 2015 Posted December 18, 2015 I like your way of thinking. Honestly. I don't see anything wrong with wanting to focus on one girl at a time. I do think it's wise to keep your options open, though. All I can be is myself. Sometimes I might be too honest for my own good but I'm not about to change. If everyone was open and honest about their feelings dating would be so much easier, so much better for everyone involved. It's a sad state of affairs when a man is told that opening up to a girl and being honest is needy or I unconfident. Surely it's the opposite. It takes more guts to be honest about your feelings towards someone than it does to ignore messages in order to appear busy. If you want to see someone you like I think you should just say so. But that's just me. I agree with everything you have said, but unfortunately dating today is one big game. Who ever cares or loves the most is the "weaker person" and open to be walked over and used. If you are a girl and the "weaker person" you will be used just for sex and turned into a F Buddy (female equivalent of the friend zone). If you are a guy you will be simply friend zoned. You got to play it cool and NOT be yourself in the beginning, even if you really like the girl dont tell her that. Only do that stuff when you are in a long term relationship and she shows the same amount of interest to you or more. Thats dating today for people 35 and under im afraid.
newt Posted December 18, 2015 Posted December 18, 2015 Thanks for the replies. On reflection, although it probably isn't a great sign, it has only been a day, I know she's busy up until Christmas and it could be a whole host of reasons. I'll give it until the weekend and if I've still not heard anything I might just be blunt and ask her out one last time. I'll either get a reply or not. Either way I'll get my answer. Ask her out the same way I did the girl I want to see after the holidays "Not sure if you are traveling during the holiday but was thinking we can get together after the holidays are over" Her response was "sure" So try sending that type of text and see what happens
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