Guys, does it seem like he thinks I rejected him?

[KS3699]

Pat and I have been friends for 7 yrs. I recently got out of a 2 year relationship and Pat and I discussed a new found mutal interest we have toward each other. After the discussion - Pat was very forward with how he felt towards me - he was always holding my hand or holding me when we were together. I told him I liked him but he told me we should take it slow because he doesn't want to be my rebound and his feelings are just starting out. I told him that too. He would always reassure me I was beautiful and he thought we had a great foundation and a lot of potential. We even talked about the future.

 

About 10 days ago, Pat told me a girl he went out with a few times months ago asked him to meet up for a drink but he didn't want to in case I saw it as a betrayal. I told him he needs to find happiness and if that is this girl - he needs to see it becuase we aren't dating. I told him I do like him but we said we would take it slow.

 

After that, he was still very touchy feely with me but got a little distant in communication - like texting. The one night, I had texted him and he never got back to me so when I saw him the next day, I assumed he was losing interest so I was a little stand offish. He asked me to hang out the next day and I said yes -but by the time he was finally texted me about plans (after 9:30 at night) I was already asleep. I guess he took these situations as rejection.

 

Since this - he has been very distant in communication - he hasn't been responding to my texts. When we are hanging out in our group of friends, he is awkward. He won't look at me and is very nervous around me.

 

Guys, would you have taken any of this as a rejection? I am not sure if he has lost interest in such a short amount of time or if he is feeling rejected. If he thinks I am not interested, I want to assure him I am - but if he lost interest, I don't want to put myself in the position of getting hurt. What do you think I should do and what is your take on this?

[Toodaloo]

He asked you if he should date others.

 

You said yes.

 

That is rejection however you look at it.

 

Leave poor Pat alone now, he needs to move on.

[Wewon]

 

About 10 days ago, Pat told me a girl he went out with a few times months ago asked him to meet up for a drink but he didn't want to in case I saw it as a betrayal. I told him he needs to find happiness and if that is this girl - he needs to see it becuase we aren't dating. I told him I do like him but we said we would take it slow.

 

After that, he was still very touchy feely with me but got a little distant in communication - like texting. The one night, I had texted him and he never got back to me so when I saw him the next day, I assumed he was losing interest so I was a little stand offish. He asked me to hang out the next day and I said yes -but by the time he was finally texted me about plans (after 9:30 at night) I was already asleep. I guess he took these situations as rejection.

 

Since this - he has been very distant in communication - he hasn't been responding to my texts. When we are hanging out in our group of friends, he is awkward. He won't look at me and is very nervous around me.

 

 

Sounds like both of you are making a lot of assumptions and inferring a motive of the other.

 

Unfortunately, one of you is going to have to actually state something on no uncertain terms if you want to see what the other person is thinking.

[Robratory]

Pat and I have been friends for 7 yrs. I recently got out of a 2 year relationship and Pat and I discussed a new found mutal interest we have toward each other. After the discussion - Pat was very forward with how he felt towards me - he was always holding my hand or holding me when we were together. I told him I liked him but he told me we should take it slow because he doesn't want to be my rebound and his feelings are just starting out. I told him that too. He would always reassure me I was beautiful and he thought we had a great foundation and a lot of potential. We even talked about the future.

 

About 10 days ago, Pat told me a girl he went out with a few times months ago asked him to meet up for a drink but he didn't want to in case I saw it as a betrayal. I told him he needs to find happiness and if that is this girl - he needs to see it becuase we aren't dating. I told him I do like him but we said we would take it slow.

 

Yes, your actions and words have come across as rejection. Frankly, they even come across a bit like playing games. I mean, you get him all amped up, and then you hit him with the one-two punch of "let's take it slow," and "go find your happiness elsewhere?" His feelings may be quite hurt.

 

There is no "rebound" rule. What happens is that sometimes people are still hung-up on their exes, and when they get into a new relationship, they want everything to be like in their relationship with their exes (except the bad parts). But if you're not hung-up on your ex, if you don't harbor illusions of returning to him, if you're looking forward to building a new relationship, then go for it. It's not like you're an Italian widow and you must wear black for five years.

 

And it doesn't sound like he was moving too fast. He wasn't on his knees, offering you a diamond ring. He wasn't scheduling a U-Haul to move in with you. You don't even say he was putting pressure on you to have sex. No, he was just holding your hand and making it clear that he likes you.

 

Call him or tell him (no text or voice mail) that you've had a misunderstanding and sit down and talk to him about it. He asked you about having a drink with that girl because he doesn't really know how you feel and he was hoping to find out. Ideally, from his point of view, you would have said hell no. When you said go for it, you probably sliced right through his heart, even though you didn't mean to.