Jax13 Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 My gf and I broke up after 4.5 years together of what was a really good relationship where we talked about the future together and we have the same core values, beliefs and life goals. She cheated on me after she says that she was losing feelings for me for the last couple months of our relationship. Now she is "with" the other guy. I'm not sure what degree their relationship is in or if it's just a fling. I just know that all of her friends and family are on my side after knowing what went on and everyone else hates this other guy and did even before this situation... so I can't see her actually having a relationship with him. Anyways...she called me one day and told me that she doesn't see us getting back together right now and that she is moving on, and feels I should too. So I start moving on and go into No contact. A few days later she texts me to tell me all about her family Christmas that she was just at alone. a few more days of No contact and she contacts me saying she feels awful about the whole situation and doesn't like hurting me like this and feels she wants to give an explanation of what happened with her so I'm not wondering. I was starting to move on until she texted me and tells me she wants to give me this explanation. Why does she care how I feel or feel horrible about hurting me if she told me she's moving on and I should too? Does she still have feelings for me somewhere? Women are confusing haha
Hopeful30 Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 She's just lonely and hoping you can fill that void. Don't fall for it man. Take it from me, once a woman tells you to move on, you need to move on. If she snaps back, that's a lack of good judgement, not a true decision. Keep moving on. Don't let her loneliness distract you. Explore the idea of dating other women.
Samhain Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 Read through some of these infidelity threads on here, most cheaters do this. It's a mixture of the grass isn't actually greener (but don't confuse that with her regretting leaving you because that's not the case) and an ego boost for her. A lot of people respond to this and then have to start the moving on process all over again when they realize their ex partner didn't reach out for anything other than selfish reasons. And even worse, many are stuck in a back and forth "breadcrumbs" scenario that still ends with them having to move on, just with delayed pain. Stick to NC and do yourself a huge favor. 1
cupcakebunny Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 I didn't cheat on my bf. But I did leave him - mostly because the relationship just died. This is after 10 years together but 4 living together(so really serious). So speaking as the dumper - the impetus is the loneliness and the guilt. She may still genuinely love you as a friend and want to keep you in her life. And she may be grieving that loss -- it's normal but she can't use you to make herself feel better. She needs to cut ties and so do you. Stick to the NC. Block the number. You are the last person on earth that should help her through this. She may also doing it for other selfish reasons: The grass is greener symptom, she's trying to keep you around as a backup in case things go south[she seems to be somewhat aware of this and is urging you to date and she's hoping it will be easier for her to move on if you're actually with someone], or just ego. Also, regarding the closure, only she can give that to herself. No matter how many conversations she has with you she will never feel better about it until she actually admits to her self that she's done. So don't bother doing that. It's almost always unhelpful and usually will cause you pain.
LostOnes05 Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 Do you hear that?!...listen for a second...hear it?! That's exactly what she should hear from you...silence.
Author Jax13 Posted December 17, 2015 Author Posted December 17, 2015 I haven't talked to her at all since she sent me those texts on Monday. I just find this whole situation so weird because she broke up with me after cheating and she was so genuinely upset for what she did. She knows what she did was the worst possible thing in the world she could do and doesn't know how anyone could ever forgive her, let alone forgive herself for what she did. I know that she is still "with" this guy, but I have a feeling it is because he is the only person in the world right now that doesn't hate her for what she did. And he's the type of guy to use someone in a vulnerable position to get what he wants. When she realizes this, I bet he leaves her if she doesn't leave him first. Personally I'm still not sure if I want to hear the explanation... it may just bring up more bad feelings for me. If anything, I think she should tell the other guy the explanation.
stillafool Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 More than likely she is feeling alot of guilt for hurting you and wants to hold on to some type of friendship. Don't give it to her. Also don't get hung up on her family and friends being against her because you two broke up. They will eventually get over it and welcome her into their lives again because she is family and a friend. It really doesn't matter what they think anyway.
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