penguin4 Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 Hello, I'm in a complicated situation and would like some thoughts about what to do. I am in a long term relationship with my gf for almost 4 years. I love her and she loves me but lately things have not been so great. She has become bossy and criticizes me for almost everything and I have been feeling a lot of pressure because of that. During this semester there was a girl in my class at the university that has been smiling and talking to me. I didn't do anything but at the end of the semester she asked me to go to a bar with her friends. I went and I had a great time, she was really friendly, she said a lot of compliments about me and due to the current situation with my gf I enjoyed that. At some point during the conversation I mentioned that I have a girlfriend. She didn't comment on that but from her response I think she didn't expect that... Now I think I have developed a crush for this new girl, however I am not going to see her soon because she will visit her parents for Christmas. I feel bad for feeling this way, I really am not the type that would break up easily for such a reason and I don't even know for sure if this new girl really likes me...on the other hand I didn't really want to mention that I have a gf and I would like to see this new girl again. This feels really complicated and messy, I would really appreciate your comments and help...
smackie9 Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 Before this girl came along, did your relationship feel strained at that time? Have you tried to make an attempt to correct things with your GF? Talked about how she has been acting? How about about expressing how her behavior has affected you?
Hopeful30 Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 Its simpler than you imagine. Tell your girlfriend how you're feeling, and that your eye has been wandering as a result of how she has been treating you. From that point forward, since everything will be out in the open, you can either choose to work on the relationship and those issues, or move on. 1
Samhain Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 It will only get complicated and messy if you make it that way. Complicated and messy would be if you chose to see this girl again whilst staying in a relationship with your girlfriend. And your relationship with your girlfriend won't get any better because now you're distracted and becoming emotionally invested in somebody else so will leave less availability to work on the relationship you're actually in. Easy, stress free and decent would be to either leave your relationship and pursue one with this other girl, or forget about this other girl completely and work on your current relationship. Our choices are what make situations "messy". 1
central Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 No, it's NOT complicated, penguin. It's very simple. You either start to fix your relationship by talking about the issues with your gf, or you break up with her. If you don't want to fix things, just break up. It sounds like you are trying to come up with a justification for cheating on your gf, but there is NO rationalization that is valid here.
Author penguin4 Posted December 16, 2015 Author Posted December 16, 2015 (edited) The strain in our relationship has been there before this girl came to the picture. I ve told my gf multiple times that her behavior annoys me and that sometimes I feel she takes me for granted but things have not really changed. Usually she just attacks me by saying excuses (like I told you to take out the trash and you forgot - I feel that her reasons are not justifying how angry she gets and even though I try to do the things she asks it seems that always something new annoys her). Now you have every reason to ask why I stay in such a relationship,the thing is that we know each other for a long time, we have common interests, we have been talking about a future together...I find it very hard to break up with her but I can't tolerate this behavior much longer...On top of that now I can't even get the other girl out my mind I also want to add that I am not looking for excuses to cheat on my gf. I just feel tired to continue trying to fix things. Should I try more? Should I just break up? I never took the initiative to brake up with someone before and it feels strange...I know that you can't tell me exactly what to do but just reading you opinions helps me at this point, so thanks for your replies! Edited December 16, 2015 by penguin4
VeveCakes Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 Life is too short to stay with someone who doesn't make you feel good. Ditch the girlfriend but be single for a while to discover what you really need. 1
Hopeful30 Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 No, it's NOT complicated, penguin. It's very simple. You either start to fix your relationship by talking about the issues with your gf, or you break up with her. If you don't want to fix things, just break up. It sounds like you are trying to come up with a justification for cheating on your gf, but there is NO rationalization that is valid here. Cheat? He didn't cheat. He went to an outing with someone he knows likes him. That's not cheating. At least not in my books. He was testing the waters if anything, but he hasn't crossed any line.
smackie9 Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 Maybe this girl is just a wake up call that your relationship has run it's course. Maybe your GF is unhappy and is afraid to break up. Is it possible it is time to have that talk? She just might agree that breaking up would be for the best...it might be a sigh of relief for the both of you.
d0nnivain Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 Pretend the new girl doesn't exist. Is your 4 year relationship still bad? If so, there's your answer. End that before you do anything stupid like cheat. If your relationship is good & worth saving, forget about the new girl & concentrate on fixing what is wrong. This girl from your class is a symptom not the cause of your problems.
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