Silly Girl924 Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 I've been working with this guy for almost 3.5 years. My father is our boss and this guy has been our delivery driver. I've fallen in love with him and he knows this. I actually admitted this to him a few weeks ago. I moved out of my old apartment because I kept getting robbed. The cheapest place I found is ironically very close to delivery drivers house, so he's been coming over often. He was very drunk a few nights ago when he came over. He broke down to me about regretting joining the army, his grandfather dying, and he said he loves me too. We've slept together a few times. Our first time sleeping together was over a year ago, which was me technically cheating on my then boyfriend. I have been sort of talking to someone else, and when I explained to the delivery driver that him and me need to make more memories, he said "no you need to make them with Tony Montana (his nickname for the guy I've been talking to) because you're not my girlfriend and I'm leaving we have 3 years of memories." I want to tell him that I will wait for him. I don't care about anyone else just him. I will stop talking to "Tony Montana" because it is unfair to him that I'm hung up on someone else. Do drunken minds really speak a sober heart? I reminded my delivery driver that he told me he loves me too and he still does want to hang out before he leaves. Tomorrow is his last day at work and yet he talked about Tony Montana yesterday, he apologized today
Author Silly Girl924 Posted December 16, 2015 Author Posted December 16, 2015 He's leaving January 4 for basic
Author Silly Girl924 Posted December 16, 2015 Author Posted December 16, 2015 Also in case anyone is wondering- we're 24 years old. I've had 2 boyfriends since we've met. My first boyfriend and I broke up a few months after we had met and I got a new one a while after. The second boyfriend said something very mean to me and I slept with the delivery driver. He hasn't had a girlfriend since he was about 17 years old. I've never been so in love and by the way he looks at me I do believe he might love me too. When I told my father (our boss) to guess what big news I had (the news that delivery boy told me he loves me too) his response was "*delivery boy* bought a ring and proposed?" Me: "the step before that" "he loves you too and wants you to wait for him?"
Anderlie Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 he said "no you need to make them with Tony Montana (his nickname for the guy I've been talking to) because you're not my girlfriend and I'm leaving we have 3 years of memories." He told you your answer. If you want to avoid heartbreak it's best to listen to him directly.
Space Ritual Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 Just make a clean break. You don't sound like someone that has the intestinal fortitude to be a faithful partner for 3 months, let alone 3 years.
Author Silly Girl924 Posted December 16, 2015 Author Posted December 16, 2015 Anderlie- I believe he said this out of jealousy. It was a very sarcastic tone of voice. He looked very upset saying it too
worldexploded Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 I'm kind of confused. If y'all started sleeping together a year ago why didn't a relationship come from that then if you've had these feelings for so long? Besides that I can say that I've experienced something similar. I was dating an active duty guy for six months. He treated me better than any other guy I was with. One day he suddenly got a permanent change of station to California, I'm on the east coast. He definitely had feelings for me but he knew there would be the possibility of someone else coming into my life. I literally begged him to stay with me but he just didn't think it was logical. Also he has been burned by girls in the past so that could have been a factor. Regardless the reason, Maybe the two of you will reunite in the future but only time will tell. Until then you can't keep holding on to him. I totally know the feeling of wanting to reserve a place for someone in your life but it isn't good for you. He's moving on with his life so it would be wise to do the same. Nothing wrong with keeping in touch but don't expect too much from it.
Author Silly Girl924 Posted December 16, 2015 Author Posted December 16, 2015 Space ritual- my first boyfriend I had I had for 3 years. 1.5 years was long distance because of college. I transferred to a college closer to home after his mother passed away unexpectingly. Please don't be judgemental and stick with the topic or don't comment
Author Silly Girl924 Posted December 16, 2015 Author Posted December 16, 2015 Worldexplored- honestly I don't know. We wanted different things at the time. It was very spontaneous. But I agree. Thank you for the advice, I think that's what he is thinking. He promises we will see each other after basic training. I promised letters too. I guess I just have to be patient and see what happens. I'm just flabbergasted he told me he loves me too, although he was drunk
worldexploded Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 You're welcome. Do you know how long his technical training will be after basic? Keep in mind things happen. Although it's a temporary situation, he's going to be experiencing a lot and meeting a lot of people from different places including other girls. I'm not trying to be pessimistic but enlisting is definitely a change of pace for some people.
Author Silly Girl924 Posted December 16, 2015 Author Posted December 16, 2015 He's going to basic for 10 weeks and then he has training of some other sort for 4 weeks. He'll be in Missouri for 14 weeks total. We live in Massachusetts. After that, his job will be explosive ordnance disposal. He has a choice of doing that in Cali, Hawaii, Italy, Greece, Alaska, or the carolinas. His top choices are Hawaii or Italy. I might be wrong with the terminology but I know it has something to do with bombs. Thank you again so much for the talk. I know he'll go through different things but I'm just so proud of him I just really hope it's me he ends up with me. I mean we've been best friends. We've high fived after he's slept with a girl he's wanted to! We're just best friends I love him so much I just want him to be happy but he told me he loves me too and I can deal with anything that happens I just hope it's me 1
Author Silly Girl924 Posted December 16, 2015 Author Posted December 16, 2015 Does a drunken mind really speak a sober heart though? He cried to me a lot into my shoulder. At one point we were standing in my kitchen and we were hugging each other and he whispered "I love you too *my first name*" into my ear
acrosstheuniverse Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 Does a drunken mind really speak a sober heart though? He cried to me a lot into my shoulder. At one point we were standing in my kitchen and we were hugging each other and he whispered "I love you too *my first name*" into my ear You can drive yourself round the twist trying to interpret everything that happened between you, but none of that really means anything until he asks you to be his girlfriend, and you two have a plan for how you're going to cope when he goes away. From what you said about you high fiving him when he slept with a girl he liked, I get the feeling that while you're nuts about him, he maybe just sees you as a friend who he occasionally sleeps with. If he wanted to be with you, he'd have asked you out already, either now while you're just talking to someone else, or previously when you became single. Maybe he doesn't trust you as a safe bet given that you cheated on your boyfriend with him, he worries if he goes away you may do the same to him. It's all conjecture anyway. If he wanted to be with you he'd have asked you out and not let what's going on with his new job stop him, loads of guys meet someone before going on basic and have a long distance relationship until you can get married. I wouldn't take a drunken 'I love you too' to mean diddly squat until he's saying it sober, in daylight, to your face. People say all kinds of stupid stuff when drunk. The relationship sounds very unbalanced... he drunkenly says that he loves you and you go and announce it to your Father as though you're in a relationship? I guess you have nothing to lose by telling him you love him and want to wait from him but honestly I think you got your answer when he said you need to make memories with this Tony guy because you're not his girlfriend and he's leaving soon. He sounds focused on his career which is great. I hope it works out for you. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 You can drive yourself round the twist trying to interpret everything that happened between you, but none of that really means anything until he asks you to be his girlfriend, and you two have a plan for how you're going to cope when he goes away. From what you said about you high fiving him when he slept with a girl he liked, I get the feeling that while you're nuts about him, he maybe just sees you as a friend who he occasionally sleeps with. If he wanted to be with you, he'd have asked you out already, either now while you're just talking to someone else, or previously when you became single. Maybe he doesn't trust you as a safe bet given that you cheated on your boyfriend with him, he worries if he goes away you may do the same to him. It's all conjecture anyway. If he wanted to be with you he'd have asked you out and not let what's going on with his new job stop him, loads of guys meet someone before going on basic and have a long distance relationship until you can get married. I wouldn't take a drunken 'I love you too' to mean diddly squat until he's saying it sober, in daylight, to your face. People say all kinds of stupid stuff when drunk. The relationship sounds very unbalanced... he drunkenly says that he loves you and you go and announce it to your Father as though you're in a relationship? I guess you have nothing to lose by telling him you love him and want to wait from him but honestly I think you got your answer when he said you need to make memories with this Tony guy because you're not his girlfriend and he's leaving soon. He sounds focused on his career which is great. I hope it works out for you. This. OP, it probably isn't a good idea to say you'll wait for him for that long. It doesn't sound to me like he wants you to do that. Long-distance is hard in any case, particularly when you don't already have an established relationship as the foundation. It's also impossible for any of us to say whether he meant what he said when he was drunk. I wouldn't take it seriously unless he said it sober. 1
d0nnivain Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 He's most likely a little scared. Joining the army & the potential to have to make the ultimate sacrifice is scary. It doesn't invalidate his decision to join or get him out of the contract. A year ago you cheated on somebody else with him. Your excuse is that the other guy was LDR. You have also been talking to Tony Montana at a rate that Delivery Driver knows this. Delivery Driver has already participated in you cheating so he knows what you are capable of. Yes, that may have been a mistake but it is still a fact that it happened. Once Delivery Driver leaves he knows Tony Montana will still be in close proximity to you while he's on the other side of the planet with limited ability to contact you. Of course he's not willing to risk his heart under those circumstances because from his perspective your track record indicates that you will hurt him, even though you are promising to wait for him. I suspect based on your dad's comment that Delivery Driver has been carrying a torch for you for some time before you really noticed. Again, based on your previous failure to give him the time of day, he's not about to risk his heart. Let him go. Promise to keep in touch but do not promise exclusivity. Both of you are free to do whatever. When his enlistment is over, see where you both are. 1
Author Silly Girl924 Posted December 16, 2015 Author Posted December 16, 2015 I never cheated on my first boyfriend who was LDR I cheated on my second boyfriend after he said "f@&k you b&@&h I never wanna see you again." Apparently that wasn't him breaking up with me. Beside that, thank you all so much for the good advice. I'm sure he is very scared. I'll just keep in touch, keep making memories before he leaves, and hope for the best. All your comments have been very useful 1
katiegrl Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 (edited) OP ...if you want to wait for him, sure why not. You love him (at least right now) your heart wants what it wants. But don't cut yourself off from other guys, or dating other guys either. He is not your boyfriend and you are not committed to each other. Anything can happen ...how long will he be gone? See if he writes while he is gone. My guess is ...if he doesn't, you will move on anyway. But for right now, if you want to hold out hope that y'all will get together when he returns, then who are we to tell you not to? You are going to do what you want anyway... regardless of what anyone else says.. Just don't cut yourself off from other men though ...that would be dumb. The reality is you have no idea what will happen once he is gone ....or when he returns. Just live your life ....and when he returns, see what happens *then*. Edited December 16, 2015 by katiegrl 1
katiegrl Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 Also, it sounds like you living in a sort of a fantasy ....right out of a romantic novel or something.... Think Nicholas Sparks. I mean your title "I want to wait for my soldier"? Sweetie, he is not "your" soldier ...you had a brief tryst, he is not your boyfriend ...nor does he want to be ...he flat out told you that. 2
AspenBaldwin Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 Do drunken minds really speak a sober heart? Not always. Drunk people tend to say a lot of BS. 1
d0nnivain Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 Our first time sleeping together was over a year ago, which was me technically cheating on my then boyfriend. I never cheated on my first boyfriend who was LDR I cheated on my second boyfriend LDRs require communication to survive. Consistency helps & semantics mean something. Just be clear while he's away but don't even try to start off exclusive. Let that come later.
Space Ritual Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 Also, it sounds like you living in a sort of a fantasy ....right out of a romantic novel or something.... Think Nicholas Sparks. I mean your title "I want to wait for my soldier"? Sweetie, he is not "your" soldier ...you had a brief tryst, he is not your boyfriend ...nor does he want to be ...he flat out told you that. Ain't that the truth.
Author Silly Girl924 Posted December 16, 2015 Author Posted December 16, 2015 Katie girl- I literally laughed out loud at the second comment lol I tend to be a little dramatic sometimes
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