Buddhist Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 (edited) I'm simply stating the facts as they are. This isn't some twisted perception on my part. And did I say it was? No. I'm just pointing out that you stating your reality over and over won't do anything to solve it. Besides, I haven't been offered much other than "I'm young" and to "Wait". I haven't even dismissed anyone's opinions. Maybe because that's the truth of things as experienced by other people who were once also young and found out that some things can't be forced. You pretty much just dismissed the last posters advice, (In fact I think the previous posters advice is just about the only thing you can really 'do' to improve your chances. But yes.....you don't want to be loved for your body. Well okay....how's the present situation working out for you?) And yes you have been arguing with everyone. I'm attractive I've got my life in order I'm this and I'm that.... But you haven't got the one thing you want have you? Clearly something is missing but you don't seem interested in understanding that. Only interested in stating over and over how you haven't gotten what you want. If you are just wanting agreement we can give you that. But it seems like a pointless thread. Edited December 16, 2015 by Buddhist
Author 721 Posted December 16, 2015 Author Posted December 16, 2015 Well okay....how's the present situation working out for you? I work out anyway. It doesn't make the slightest bit of difference. But you haven't got the one thing you want have you? Clearly something is missing but you don't seem interested in understanding that. I am extremely interested in getting what I want, I just don't know what else I can do. Those closest to me say I'm doing nothing wrong, I've done counselling and there appears to be nothing out of the ordinary; okay I admit I'm very defeatist in my postings but this is after years of frustration. It's upsetting. :(
Redfisher Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 (edited) You're an optimistic one aren't ya. Whats that mean? If you look at guys success rates on OLD 10% would actually be very high..most are below 5% and less. Edited December 16, 2015 by Redfisher
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 What's your relationship history like OP?
lino Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 You're 23, people your age are into thinking they should have the full christmas tree with an angel topper as well. You just don't conform to young women's stupid ideals about men. Give it a few years.... Agree but things don't get better with age actually. Older women just have different stupid ideals and laundry lists. The OP is likely not universally appealing and that's the problem.
Hopeful30 Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 Agree but things don't get better with age actually. Older women just have different stupid ideals and laundry lists. The OP is likely not universally appealing and that's the problem. Hey! Easy on the rash generalizations please. As for being universally appealing, well that's not necessary. Less than 10% of the world is "universally appealing ", the rest of us are imperfect, flawed people who want to find our imperfect, flawed and hopefully not "universal" partner, but a partner to fit our individual selves. That's the hard part, especially in a world of 7+ billion.
ashy555 Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 OP.. You need to forget about all of that and focus on yourself. Your own self esteem and self worth. It is clear that it is really getting you down in the dumps. Negativity is a big turn off for women. We are attracted to confident men. You may not want to go to the gym as you don't want someone to like you for your physique.. Go to the gym for YOURSELF.. Nonody else. Make yourself feel better and more confident. Appearance is just a great side effect You're only 23.. Still young. Just enjoy your early 20's
Akashsingh Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 I am 37 and I am in the same boat as you. Early on in my life I was an extrovert, made friends easily and was and still is very awkward around women. After a messy divorce, I didn't want anyone in my life. I turned into an introvert. A few years later, I want to date and attract, but no luck. I would say commitment matters. Do not give up. If you like someone they need to know in no uncertain terms you like them (something I have not been able to do). You need to pursue. Women told me that I was too subtle. I took a lot of time to decide and people moved on sooner than that. Also as others said and I agree, hit the gym , keep discovering yourself and focus on your own development. If someone likes you, they will come find you.
Natalie8 Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 So true! They look for the nice guy who will look past their history and is willing to take care of them. This is called the "sucker option". I think most women in their 30s dont need men to look after them. After many many years being single and independent the last thing i need is looking after. Im also not looking for a sucker. Stop with the generalisations already.. There are plenty of women who are serious about settling down in their 20s and have zero times for bad boys.
Author 721 Posted December 17, 2015 Author Posted December 17, 2015 What's your relationship history like OP? One relationship, lasted four years, ended about nine months ago. The OP is likely not universally appealing and that's the problem. Well this must be true, but I don't quite understand how. I find it very confusing when I receive compliments from female acquaintances about my appearance or personality, but what I have to offer in that doesn't appear to be desirable. I can understand not finding success on dating websites either, as I know it's very much a number's game, but Tinder...seriously. I'm an attractive male but can't even find a ONS. As I said though, I want a relationship, so that doesn't bother me necessarily, it's just me trying to understand why I can't have success anywhere. I hope that makes sense, lol. OP.. You need to forget about all of that and focus on yourself. Your own self esteem and self worth. It is clear that it is really getting you down in the dumps. Negativity is a big turn off for women. We are attracted to confident men. You may not want to go to the gym as you don't want someone to like you for your physique.. Go to the gym for YOURSELF.. Nonody else. Make yourself feel better and more confident. Appearance is just a great side effect I certainly agree with this and I'm making the most of my student life. In fact I have a few other things lined up to occupy myself. On the flip side though, even when this isn't on my mind, I have no luck whatsoever. Damned if you do, damned if you don't, as it were. I would say commitment matters. Do not give up. If you like someone they need to know in no uncertain terms you like them (something I have not been able to do). You need to pursue. ... Also as others said and I agree, hit the gym , keep discovering yourself and focus on your own development. If someone likes you, they will come find you. Thank you. I do make it known I like women, but it doesn't get anywhere sadly. I wrote another thread about a girl; I did eventually end up just out right saying I wanted to see where things took us, but no dice. But I'll keep focusing on myself.
Truth34 Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 Not necessarily true. I've felt just as disappointed with romance today as I did when I was 16. Some people are just more prepared and mentality ready for it that others. Some also want relationships for truer reasons than sex and status. And some realize this at a much younger age than the average. This is me! Although at 16 romance wasnt really on my brain, ive grown up and started noticing things on a broader scale around that time too. Now that I want a real relationship it just falls in line with the rest of my realizations. Great post btw. 1
SwordofFlame Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 Well this must be true, but I don't quite understand how. I find it very confusing when I receive compliments from female acquaintances about my appearance or personality, but what I have to offer in that doesn't appear to be desirable. I can understand not finding success on dating websites either, as I know it's very much a number's game, but Tinder...seriously. I'm an attractive male but can't even find a ONS. As I said though, I want a relationship, so that doesn't bother me necessarily, it's just me trying to understand why I can't have success anywhere. I hope that makes sense, lol. I hope you do realize these women are just being nice when they give you these compliments. It's not necessarily an objective view of your physical attractiveness. OP, out of curiosity, how tall are you and what is your ethnicity?
Hopeful30 Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 This is me! Although at 16 romance wasnt really on my brain, ive grown up and started noticing things on a broader scale around that time too. Now that I want a real relationship it just falls in line with the rest of my realizations. Great post btw. Thank you I've shared this with others but have gotten condescending remarks. "You're just saying that now." "What does a 16 year old know" Interestingly, I've faced a lot of discrimination based on my age alone. People assume you're talking out of your a$$ or you're repeating what you heard. Some of us are just old souls who know instinctively what it takes some people a lifetime to acquire lol It's something I run into on LS often. I have one meaning and people interpret it 5 chapters ago lol if u know what I mean 1
Author 721 Posted December 17, 2015 Author Posted December 17, 2015 I hope you do realize these women are just being nice when they give you these compliments. It's not necessarily an objective view of your physical attractiveness. OP, out of curiosity, how tall are you and what is your ethnicity? Of course, but I have no reason to believe I'm physically unattractive either. 5'11 and White. (As a side-note, more than happy to send user's my online dating profile through private message so long as I remain anonymous).
hasaquestion Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 Of course, but I have no reason to believe I'm physically unattractive either. 5'11 and White. (As a side-note, more than happy to send user's my online dating profile through private message so long as I remain anonymous). Tried to send you a message with some thoughts. Says you have messages turned off.
fitnessfan365 Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 In the last few months I've done my best to put myself out there to date, Read the bold. This is your experiences over the last few months of dating. I mean I could see if you dealt with this for years and years and were feeling down about it. But w/how many women are out there, it's just a patch of bad luck. Also, a positive way to look at it is that you are getting numbers/dates from a variety of women. They wouldn't go out w/you initially if they weren't attracted/curious going in. So you just need to keep trying and meet a woman you actually click with.
Author 721 Posted December 17, 2015 Author Posted December 17, 2015 I can't seem to PM anyone. And I just wish I had more luck than this. Everyone else around me finds it easy.
introverted1 Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 okay I admit I'm very defeatist in my postings but this is after years of frustration. It's upsetting. :( One relationship, lasted four years, ended about nine months ago. So you were in a relationship from 18-22 and now you've had a 9-month dry-spell? Where do the "years of frustration" come in? I can't seem to PM anyone. You have to be a member for a month and have 50 posts or some such thing before you get IM privileges.
Author 721 Posted December 17, 2015 Author Posted December 17, 2015 (edited) So you were in a relationship from 18-22 and now you've had a 9-month dry-spell? Where do the "years of frustration" come in? There's a bit more to it, but the short of it is I have never recieved much interest from women bar her; I was content in my relationship mind. Now I have things going well for me, spruced up my appearance etc and I just feel unlovable/invisible. It just hurts more when I see my friends getting matched with 100's of people on Tinder or getting into relationships with ease. I want to know what's wrong with me. Edited December 17, 2015 by 721
lino Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 Hey! Easy on the rash generalizations please. As for being universally appealing, well that's not necessary. Less than 10% of the world is "universally appealing ", the rest of us are imperfect, flawed people who want to find our imperfect, flawed and hopefully not "universal" partner, but a partner to fit our individual selves. That's the hard part, especially in a world of 7+ billion. You may disagree but older women get even pickier as they age and about much more minute and materialistic things. Add to the fact there are a lot less single ones around and many of the single ones come with another guys child and you end up with literally searching for a needle in a haystack. I'd hate to be dating at the age I am now, I'm glad I met my girl when I did! I never said anything about perfection. Many people considered universally attractive have flaws and are far from perfect. Some men simply don't fit into any of the predefined cookie cutters and are shunned because of it. Nothing to do with their looks. 1
lino Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 One relationship, lasted four years, ended about nine months ago. Well this must be true, but I don't quite understand how. I find it very confusing when I receive compliments from female acquaintances about my appearance or personality, but what I have to offer in that doesn't appear to be desirable. I can understand not finding success on dating websites either, as I know it's very much a number's game, but Tinder...seriously. I'm an attractive male but can't even find a ONS. As I said though, I want a relationship, so that doesn't bother me necessarily, it's just me trying to understand why I can't have success anywhere. I hope that makes sense, lol. I certainly agree with this and I'm making the most of my student life. In fact I have a few other things lined up to occupy myself. On the flip side though, even when this isn't on my mind, I have no luck whatsoever. Damned if you do, damned if you don't, as it were. Thank you. I do make it known I like women, but it doesn't get anywhere sadly. I wrote another thread about a girl; I did eventually end up just out right saying I wanted to see where things took us, but no dice. But I'll keep focusing on myself. How do you treat girls? Are you a guy that's really nice and respectful? That could be your problem there if it's the case.
Author 721 Posted December 17, 2015 Author Posted December 17, 2015 How do you treat girls? Are you a guy that's really nice and respectful? That could be your problem there if it's the case. Nice, and with respect, but I'm not the pushover "nice guy" who'll do tasks for them at 4am or something.
Mjm1014 Posted December 18, 2015 Posted December 18, 2015 (edited) Here's what you do... Realize first that everyone single one of us have had dry spells at one point or the other. Yes, you may have turned a few of them off, but I bet you most of them didn't work out because of other reasons that don't have to do with you. In my experience, meeting up with someone online usually doesn't turn into anything promising because of the QUANTITY of people they are talking to-especially if they are attractive. Realize on those sites, someone will ALWAYS be better than you. Some of those girls get 300 messages a day. So how do you combat this issue? Work out. Hard. If you go to the gym 2-3 days a week. Go 4. Before you hit the gym everyday look up some hot women online and say to yourself, if I want them I need to get ripped and use that to fuel your fire. When I went through a dry spell, I upped the amount I went to the gym, changed up my diet, and within a month I could tell I was getting into better shape, and my dates started to go smoother. Second, do not overthink things. Don't post these questions online, do not research-all you are doing is second guessing yourself and killing your confidence which will go against what you're trying to do. Lastly, really focus on the types of girls you are going after verses the type that suites you. If you're the kind of guy that dresses in suits, you have little chance going after punk rock chicks with tats. If you dress sloppy you won't be able to pick up sophisticated girls. Really analyze how you dress, and the type you go after. Change your style if you need to. Lastly, I would recommend looking up Coach Corey Wayne or Elliot Hulse on YouTube. Their videos are great, and they offer a lot of great suggestions for guys in your shoes without killing confidence. You may hear some suggestions that you have never thought of. I know I have! Good luck man. The right one will come, no doubt. Edited December 18, 2015 by Mjm1014
TheBullFrog Posted December 18, 2015 Posted December 18, 2015 Here's what you do... Realize first that everyone single one of us have had dry spells at one point or the other. Yes, you may have turned a few of them off, but I bet you most of them didn't work out because of other reasons that don't have to do with you. In my experience, meeting up with someone online usually doesn't turn into anything promising because of the QUANTITY of people they are talking to-especially if they are attractive. Realize on those sites, someone will ALWAYS be better than you. Some of those girls get 300 messages a day. So how do you combat this issue? Work out. Hard. If you go to the gym 2-3 days a week. Go 4. Before you hit the gym everyday look up some hot women online and say to yourself, if I want them I need to get ripped and use that to fuel your fire. When I went through a dry spell, I upped the amount I went to the gym, changed up my diet, and within a month I could tell I was getting into better shape, and my dates started to go smoother. Second, do not overthink things. Don't post these questions online, do not research-all you are doing is second guessing yourself and killing your confidence which will go against what you're trying to do. Lastly, really focus on the types of girls you are going after verses the type that suites you. If you're the kind of guy that dresses in suits, you have little chance going after punk rock chicks with tats. If you dress sloppy you won't be able to pick up sophisticated girls. Really analyze how you dress, and the type you go after. Change your style if you need to. Lastly, I would recommend looking up Coach Corey Wayne or Elliot Hulse on YouTube. Their videos are great, and they offer a lot of great suggestions for guys in your shoes without killing confidence. You may hear some suggestions that you have never thought of. I know I have! Good luck man. The right one will come, no doubt. Brilliant post. With online dating even the more "average type girls" get a lot of attention. For most girls in their 20's they are always on the look out for the bigger better deal. I'm doing what you suggested. Using this as fuel for fire. I'm lifting, kickboxing almost every day. My diet has improved dramatically as well. Its a shame its Christmas now with all of these parties and dinners. But I will still try to work hard at the gym. Improve your self with better clothes and getting a good hair cut. People think I look 5 years younger with my new clothes and haircut.
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