721 Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 In the last few months I've done my best to put myself out there to date, but for the love of me I'm having no success. I've spoken to so many women, got numbers, went out for coffee etc, and yet I haven't so much as received or been able to give a kiss. It makes me feel ugly, or like I'm a bad/boring person, but the fact of the matter is...I'm not. I've got a lot going for me, I'm fairly attractive, and I have a good personality. I've asked close friends and they've told me I'm doing nothing wrong, but, well, I'm not buying it. I've tried online dating, Tinder etc. No luck there either. I can't even find success on a hook-up app. I just don't know what to do anymore.
Buddhist Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 What you do is let go of it. Some people just don't find attraction or a mate very often in life. I am one of these people. Whether I am actively looking or not looking at all, makes no difference. I get attracted to someone about twice per decade. That's it. I figured this out about a decade ago and stopped looking entirely. The simple truth of the matter for me is, when the right person is there I bump into them no matter what (I've met all my partners in the normal course of the day, never by dating or going out). So I save my time and energy and just wait for the synchronicity to happen. If you are one of these people all that your effort will do is cause you pain, such as you are describing. Save your energy, put it into other aspects of your life and save yourself a tonne of frustration too. I know it's not what you want to hear, but experience has taught me, whether I wanted to hear it or not, made no difference. It's just what is. 6
smackie9 Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 being attractive and looking good on paper is only to get you in to the door. I suggest you find a dating coach. They will point out your weaknesses and help you correct them constructively.
Redfisher Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 You just need to keep keeping on dude....OLD has like a 1% to 10% success rate.. Send out 100 messages..Get maybe 10 dates and just maybe one will stick. Don't be too picky until you find a groove, Its all practice...
Author 721 Posted December 15, 2015 Author Posted December 15, 2015 If you are one of these people all that your effort will do is cause you pain, such as you are describing. Save your energy, put it into other aspects of your life and save yourself a tonne of frustration too. I know it's not what you want to hear, but experience has taught me, whether I wanted to hear it or not, made no difference. It's just what is. I've actually been doing this, but then thought "I'm doing better in life now, let's see what effect this success has on my dating prospects". Nothing. being attractive and looking good on paper is only to get you in to the door. It's odd because girl's don't even look at me, and I've been told I'm quiet attractive. I have a thin body type, but I work out. How old are you? 23. I'm in University too.
Author 721 Posted December 15, 2015 Author Posted December 15, 2015 I wish I knew what it was about me that girl's didn't like/find attractive.
Buddhist Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 I wish I knew what it was about me that girl's didn't like/find attractive. You're 23, people your age are into thinking they should have the full christmas tree with an angel topper as well. You just don't conform to young women's stupid ideals about men. Give it a few years.... 2
Author 721 Posted December 16, 2015 Author Posted December 16, 2015 You're 23, people your age are into thinking they should have the full christmas tree with an angel topper as well. You just don't conform to young women's stupid ideals about men. Give it a few years.... You say that, which makes sense when it comes to long-term relationships, but I can't even casually date or hook-up...
Ami1uwant Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 At 23 what sort of women are you trying to date? Generally at college if you socialize you have a great chance to meet someone. You could also be part of a subculture that hangs out and doesn't date
Xiomn Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 Send out 100 messages..Get maybe 10 dates You're an optimistic one aren't ya. 2
Author 721 Posted December 16, 2015 Author Posted December 16, 2015 At 23 what sort of women are you trying to date? Generally at college if you socialize you have a great chance to meet someone. You could also be part of a subculture that hangs out and doesn't date At this point, I'm exploring my options are asking many different types of women on dates. I socialize quite a bit. I don't mean to blow my own trumpet but I'm quite popular and have many circles of friends. It's not doing anything for me in this regard however. Nope, definitely not that.
TheBullFrog Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 You're 23, people your age are into thinking they should have the full christmas tree with an angel topper as well. You just don't conform to young women's stupid ideals about men. Give it a few years.... Its a bitter pill to swallow though. Girls in their 20's will only chase after "prince charming" or the "alpha male" and when they are 30 they look for the "nice guy" "safe option". It sure sucks being the back up plan most of your young life - but I guess its better then having nothing
Author 721 Posted December 16, 2015 Author Posted December 16, 2015 Its a bitter pill to swallow though. Girls in their 20's will only chase after "prince charming" or the "alpha male" and when they are 30 they look for the "nice guy" "safe option". It sure sucks being the back up plan most of your young life - but I guess its better then having nothing That's kinda how I feel...
Buddhist Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 You say that, which makes sense when it comes to long-term relationships, but I can't even casually date or hook-up... But what you're missing here is that casually dating and hooking up is more a goal for guys, not women. Even young women have their eye on the prize, few want to be someone's hookup. As I said before, young women will be extremely picky because.... They have forever to make a decision They've got fixed ideas about what they want to date They haven't experienced enough of dating yet, to realise that ideal's are just that and some adjustment of those ideals is generally necessary. It's the same for young men, who in general try and go for the 'hot chick' however you want to define that even if she's miles out of his league. It's a young person thing, life has to teach these people that there's a difference between fantasy and reality. Right now, there's plenty of guys out there closer to 30, who've got their life sorted and are getting a bit more serious relationship wise that women your age are more likely to be interested in because they are offering relationship, not hookups.
Author 721 Posted December 16, 2015 Author Posted December 16, 2015 But what you're missing here is that casually dating and hooking up is more a goal for guys, not women. Even young women have their eye on the prize, few want to be someone's hookup. As I said before, young women will be extremely picky because.... This is true, and the thing is hook-ups etc aren't exactly what I want either. I want a relationship, but I can't get one, so in my efforts to understand why I started aiming for something casual...and I can't even get that. I know I'm not physically unattractive and, again, I have a lot going for me, yet it just seems I can't attract women. Full stop. It's a young person thing, life has to teach these people that there's a difference between fantasy and reality. Right now, there's plenty of guys out there closer to 30, who've got their life sorted and are getting a bit more serious relationship wise that women your age are more likely to be interested in because they are offering relationship, not hookups. Well again, that's what I'm offering. A relationship. I make it known too.
Hopeful30 Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 I'm in the same boat, love. Now stop focusing on finding someone and start focusing on finding yourself. Way more worth it, trust me 2
Diezel Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 23. I'm in University too. This is why I asked. You have time and a half to find someone. I would understand if you were 55 and were saying this... and even then, I probably wouldn't. Why not take the time to pursue your interests, travel the world or at least wherever you live and build connections with people and eventually worry about "finding someone"? You're too young to be a pessimist.
Hopeful30 Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 You're too young to be a pessimist. Not necessarily true. I've felt just as disappointed with romance today as I did when I was 16. Some people are just more prepared and mentality ready for it that others. Some also want relationships for truer reasons than sex and status. And some realize this at a much younger age than the average. 2
Author 721 Posted December 16, 2015 Author Posted December 16, 2015 You have time and a half to find someone. I would understand if you were 55 and were saying this... and even then, I probably wouldn't. ... You're too young to be a pessimist. I understand I have plenty of time to find love, but I don't like this idea of being "the back up plan" in my later life, as someone else mentioned. It just sucks. Also, I just want to "have fun" just like anyone else my age, and although I wouldn't jump from one relationship to the other like some of the people around me do, it would be nice to just be able to develop a connection with someone. I feel like I would have just wasted a part of my life if I didn't have any romantic connection(s) whilst I was young. I'm not necessarily looking for the love of my life, though I would prefer long-term, but it's just frustrating that at the ripe age of 22 I cannot even land a date.
Buddhist Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 I understand I have plenty of time to find love, but I don't like this idea of being "the back up plan" in my later life, as someone else mentioned. It just sucks. Also, I just want to "have fun" just like anyone else my age, and although I wouldn't jump from one relationship to the other like some of the people around me do, it would be nice to just be able to develop a connection with someone. I feel like I would have just wasted a part of my life if I didn't have any romantic connection(s) whilst I was young. I'm not necessarily looking for the love of my life, though I would prefer long-term, but it's just frustrating that at the ripe age of 22 I cannot even land a date. Well I'm not sure what you are wanting from us really. Agreement that you and you alone are cursed in life to be single? So far you've argued with every response except the ones that just say.....oh yeah that sucks. One thing is for sure, while you continue to tow this line in your own head nothing will change for you.
io2iio Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 1) Hit the GYM 2) Repeat No 1 again and again
truth_seeker Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 Its a bitter pill to swallow though. Girls in their 20's will only chase after "prince charming" or the "alpha male" and when they are 30 they look for the "nice guy" "safe option". So true! They look for the nice guy who will look past their history and is willing to take care of them. This is called the "sucker option".
truth_seeker Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 1) Hit the GYM 2) Repeat No 1 again and again In another thread a woman asked for advice like this and I got heat for it. I'll give it again as I think it's right. 1) Work out and get in better shape 2) New haircut / style 3) Better wardrobe That takes care of appearance. If you have trouble communicating, you need to branch out involve yourself in groups where you have to interact with other people.
Author 721 Posted December 16, 2015 Author Posted December 16, 2015 Well I'm not sure what you are wanting from us really. Agreement that you and you alone are cursed in life to be single? So far you've argued with every response except the ones that just say.....oh yeah that sucks. One thing is for sure, while you continue to tow this line in your own head nothing will change for you. I'm simply stating the facts as they are. This isn't some twisted perception on my part. It's up to you if you want to believe that, but it is how it is and trust me I wish I wasn't in this situation. Besides, I haven't been offered much other than "I'm young" and to "Wait". I haven't even dismissed anyone's opinions. 1) Hit the GYM 2) Repeat No 1 again and again I don't want to establish a relationship purely on the basis I'm physically fit. I have other things to me.
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