itisdanielle Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 I guess I just need to get this out. Not even sure if there is any advice that can be given.. It's been almost three months, not sure exactly how long. I've been NC so I have no idea what is going on in his life. I'm doing a lot better than I was. I've been getting out, made some new friends, some charity work, learnt to knit, have a interview tomorrow for a summer internship in Greece over the summer, am considering applying for a masters.. so life is going well. I haven't dated or even attempted to. The thought of it doesn't really appeal to me. Being single doesn't bother me. I've always met boyfriends when I wasn't looking/was happy on my own and I don't want that to change. It's all starting to feel real now. I finally have no hope that he's going to contact me, I honestly don't think I will ever hear from him again and I'm not sure how I feel about it. I spent the last two months feeling certain we would be back together eventually and he would miss me so it feels weird to let that go. A small part of me feels like I don't really want to fully let it go. As if I'm not ready to lose him even though I already have. I still really miss what we had and I still have moments where I see something or think of something that makes me want to reach out. The part of NC I find so difficult is that I have no idea what is going on with him. Is he happy? Is he with someone else? I know that's the whole point and it should help.. but I kind of hate the not knowing.
Smudgster Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 Let me tell you what knowing does... I broke NC with my ex and ended up spending a week "seeing what happens"... Well here's what happened...I tried, but on day 7 my 6th sense was screaming that he's messing with someone else. He denied it and I haven't heard from him since after I said exclusivity or nothing. I've not tried to contact him either. If I hadn't broke I might not be so hurt yet again.
Author itisdanielle Posted December 15, 2015 Author Posted December 15, 2015 (edited) I'm not going to break NC. I feel like I've made progress and I do not want to end up back at how I felt a few months ago! Even though I do miss him and am still not over it, I never really feel tempted to break NC anymore. This is gonna sound stupid.. but the past few days I just have a feeling that he is seeing someone else. Which I have no idea whether it's true or not because of NC. Is it even possible to have a gut feeling about that when we're not in contact? Edited December 15, 2015 by itisdanielle
Lovestinks12 Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 Atleast your mom didnt break NC for you.
TheLoveBelow92 Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 I'm not going to break NC. I feel like I've made progress and I do not want to end up back at how I felt a few months ago! Even though I do miss him and am still not over it, I never really feel tempted to break NC anymore. This is gonna sound stupid.. but the past few days I just have a feeling that he is seeing someone else. Which I have no idea whether it's true or not because of NC. Is it even possible to have a gut feeling about that when we're not in contact? I am the same as you, thats how i know I havent let go because If i had I wouldnt have an interest and care and focus on myself and whats best for me its this time of year nostalgia kicks in and the feelings of the good times last year set in because its a time for close family and friends. it just makes it that little bit harder is all, your doing good, but I know if I was contacted I would fold because thats all i ever wanted to hear was contact or just some form that she cared
eyeam Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 I broke NC with my ex after 1 year!!! it was one of the worse things I've ever done.. it was a huge set back for me. huge. don't do it. resist
Chronotrgr Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 Don't start a cycle of wondering what he's doing without you in his life, it will eat away at your soul, it seems like reality is starting to set in for you, take a step back, digest it, cry, scream, hit a wall, do whatever you need to do to get the pain out of your system but do not break no contact, instead, be proud that you've maintained it for as long as you have. 2
SoThatHappened Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 I'm going to go against the grain here, a bit, because it's what helped me move on. I'm all for NC... as in no contact between either partner when you know it's over. However, I was stuck in a rut for over a year until I found out my ex was engaged. That hurt almost as bad if not worse than the breakup. However, it pushed me to FINALLY realize it was over, put a nail in that coffin, and move on. Was there contact? No. I just found out about things and stopped making stuff up in my head. That set me back a couple weeks, but it actually sprindboarded me into finally... finally moving on. It's not for everyone, but I think actually KNOWING what's going on in your ex's life, eventually pays off if you're stuck in a rut. I'm now further removed from my ex than I ever could have been had I kept making up fantasies and wondering. Sure, it hurt like hell. But, I genuinely moved on. I also understand that you're at the point of "realization" that things are actually over. It's a crappy stage, but you've realized that the breakup is reality and that he may never come back. That's a tough stage, but it at least means you're out of denial and bargaining. If you do want to move on quickly and you think you can handle it, I advise finding out about his life. That goes against so much advice here, but it worked for me because I just couldn't handle being in the rut and being in the dark anymore. I was also over a year out from the breakup, so it may still be too soon for you. Or is it?
Jax13 Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 Not knowing is what kills me about NC too. I live in a small town where everyone knows everyone and you hear about your ex from random people who know you were together. I know we broke up, but the one thing that really bothers me is thinking/knowing she is seeing some other guy. I think I would be able to handle myself a little better if I knew she was still single and that way she would think about me more instead of getting new memories with a new guy. The one comfort is that I know the guy she talks to is a major douchebag so she will likely compare him to me and I know I come out ahead in that matchup if a sane person is looking at it.
Author itisdanielle Posted December 16, 2015 Author Posted December 16, 2015 Hi guys, thanks for the replies. I'm not going to break NC. If we ever speak again it will because he reaches out. I don't even feel tempted to do it any more. I know that I don't want to message. He knows I didn't want the breakup, and the fact he hasn't reached out to me since shows that it's still what he wants. SoThatHappened - that's different advice! Wasn't expecting to hear that haha. I don't think I could handle finding out for certain that he was seeing someone. I don't know why I'm so down the past few days. I've been coping really well but yesterday and today I just can't stop dwelling on it. I've just managed to convince myself that he's seeing someone. When I have no reason to think this.. why am I suddenly doing this to myself?
TheLoveBelow92 Posted December 18, 2015 Posted December 18, 2015 I guess I just need to get this out. Not even sure if there is any advice that can be given.. It's been almost three months, not sure exactly how long. I've been NC so I have no idea what is going on in his life. I'm doing a lot better than I was. I've been getting out, made some new friends, some charity work, learnt to knit, have a interview tomorrow for a summer internship in Greece over the summer, am considering applying for a masters.. so life is going well. I haven't dated or even attempted to. The thought of it doesn't really appeal to me. Being single doesn't bother me. I've always met boyfriends when I wasn't looking/was happy on my own and I don't want that to change. It's all starting to feel real now. I finally have no hope that he's going to contact me, I honestly don't think I will ever hear from him again and I'm not sure how I feel about it. I spent the last two months feeling certain we would be back together eventually and he would miss me so it feels weird to let that go. A small part of me feels like I don't really want to fully let it go. As if I'm not ready to lose him even though I already have. I still really miss what we had and I still have moments where I see something or think of something that makes me want to reach out. The part of NC I find so difficult is that I have no idea what is going on with him. Is he happy? Is he with someone else? I know that's the whole point and it should help.. but I kind of hate the not knowing. broken up 5 1/2 months not been speaking in nearly 3. reached out yesterday and met up an hour ago, told me shes dating a guy since September and is staying with him this weekend but they havent slept together because shes not ready and that he met her parents. it really hurt because i did really hope we worked out because i really do love her and it set me back but i feel it had to be done because it would happen sooner or later with mutual friends around... its life as **** as it maybe I have to accept it but dont have to be happy about it
Recommended Posts