didithappen Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 Hey everyone, For those of you suffering maybe I can offer just a little bit of hope. My ex of two years broke up with me 4 months ago. I went through several months of depression and the works. I thought that I would never be whole again. She left me for someone that I had been living with and left me with so many questions without any answers. The first month or so I was in straight up denial and tried a few times to win her back. The healing only began when I enforced a strict no contact rule for my own sake, why would I want to be with someone like that anyways. Each month was a battle, but it does get better! I focused on myself, made new friendships, and tried to be the best person that I could be. I waited to see new girls for the first 3 months as rebounding was not in my cards at the time. Slowly I came out of my shell and realized that I could be a good catch and didn't need her. Currently I met a new girl and I never think of the ex anymore, in good or bad terms, she is a distant memory of someone who missed out on me. This new girl is more attractive in my eyes and we have a much closer personality fit. I feel happy again for the first time in a long run and have not only accepted the loss of my old ex, but realize it was for the better and that I could do better myself. Stay strong recent dumpees! Give it time, it's not easy but broken hearts do mend! 2
legit1 Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 Congrats !!!!! Very happy for you. In month 3 myself and still want her back. Will see what happens. 1
Jax13 Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 I'm 1.5 months removed from my breakup and I did everything to try to win her back in the month right after. She gave so many hot and cold signals during that time too. From telling me that she was buying stuff for things we'd do together in months, or telling me that "we" are going to be cat people together (long story about her cats). Then a couple days later she tells me she's moving on and went on a date, then to telling me all about her family Christmas. Yes, I'm a month and a half in to the breakup and I still want her back. It's not easy because she keeps throwing out little pieces of hope. It's nice to know that there is hope that I will start feeling better eventually. I know we need time apart and space to figure out what we want in life. It's just so hard to go without someone when they've been with you every moment for 5 years. 1
xuanqi1988 Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 Hey everyone, For those of you suffering maybe I can offer just a little bit of hope. My ex of two years broke up with me 4 months ago. I went through several months of depression and the works. I thought that I would never be whole again. She left me for someone that I had been living with and left me with so many questions without any answers. The first month or so I was in straight up denial and tried a few times to win her back. The healing only began when I enforced a strict no contact rule for my own sake, why would I want to be with someone like that anyways. Each month was a battle, but it does get better! I focused on myself, made new friendships, and tried to be the best person that I could be. I waited to see new girls for the first 3 months as rebounding was not in my cards at the time. Slowly I came out of my shell and realized that I could be a good catch and didn't need her. Currently I met a new girl and I never think of the ex anymore, in good or bad terms, she is a distant memory of someone who missed out on me. This new girl is more attractive in my eyes and we have a much closer personality fit. I feel happy again for the first time in a long run and have not only accepted the loss of my old ex, but realize it was for the better and that I could do better myself. Stay strong recent dumpees! Give it time, it's not easy but broken hearts do mend! Congrats on the new girl and thanks for the update. Sets up a light for us at the end of the tunnel. :) I have a question: Do you regret not going NC right away after the break up? Because some say if you can do NC straight away, there is more chance for the dumper to come back, which I don't know if it is true. Or is it better to have tried everything in getting them back so that you can fully give up and move on? 4 months is not a long time to recover from a 2 year-relationship, so to you I say well done! It seems like NC really helped. I find it important to go through the process of being in denial, living with the pain (as opposed to avoiding it), self reflection and self improvement to eventually get there. If you stay away by sleeping around, drinking/drugs, having a rebound...It will actually take a longer time period to heal. My ex never got over his ex so when he met me it was only sweet for a month, then he got into depression. Our relationship turned out to be a rebound relationship, which was so not fair on me. I'm a month and half into the break up, not over him yet, but slowly getting there. Haven't hooked up with anyone, but been talking to a few guys on tinder and possibly going on a couple of dates soon.
Author didithappen Posted December 16, 2015 Author Posted December 16, 2015 Congrats on the new girl and thanks for the update. Sets up a light for us at the end of the tunnel. :) I have a question: Do you regret not going NC right away after the break up? Because some say if you can do NC straight away, there is more chance for the dumper to come back, which I don't know if it is true. Or is it better to have tried everything in getting them back so that you can fully give up and move on? 4 months is not a long time to recover from a 2 year-relationship, so to you I say well done! It seems like NC really helped. I find it important to go through the process of being in denial, living with the pain (as opposed to avoiding it), self reflection and self improvement to eventually get there. If you stay away by sleeping around, drinking/drugs, having a rebound...It will actually take a longer time period to heal. My ex never got over his ex so when he met me it was only sweet for a month, then he got into depression. Our relationship turned out to be a rebound relationship, which was so not fair on me. I'm a month and half into the break up, not over him yet, but slowly getting there. Haven't hooked up with anyone, but been talking to a few guys on tinder and possibly going on a couple of dates soon. Thanks! I believe that going no contact immediately after a split isn't for the purpose of winning the dumper back, but for your own sake to heal as fast as possible. I do think that a small percentage of dumpees who go no contact cause the dumper to realize that they actually did miss them, but I think that more often than not this is not the case. In my situation with the ex I tried two or three times to win her back, all within the first month. This period of limited contact, which was often ignored, certainly made the whole thing hurt a lot worse. More so for me however because I didn't know that she was actually dating somebody immediately after, who used to be a friend. She lied about it to me, and actually her reason for the breakup was that she wanted to be alone haha. Good luck with the dating prospects! I hope that you can find some winners on tinder. I actually tried using a tinder for a little bit after my breakup but it was too soon and I never actually talked to any matches. I also ended up having a one night stand maybe two weeks afterwards with a girl, and that tore me to shreds, I was so far from ready and the whole time it was painfully obvious that I wished it was my ex haha. As for the new girl we met in person, which seems to work better for me anyways. I feel like when you've healed most of the way up, than finding someone new can really make you forget about someone who belongs in the past. Also, everybody heals at different rates. Somehow my ex was able to jump into a new relationship in a day haha, some people take months. I took 4. It depends on so many factors, and I don't think it's healthy to put a set timeline on it when you expect to be healed. When it does happen, it will happen, however long or short. Just practice self-compassion and realize that it's a process that your psyche has to run through, and everyone completes it in different periods of time.
Author didithappen Posted December 16, 2015 Author Posted December 16, 2015 I'm 1.5 months removed from my breakup and I did everything to try to win her back in the month right after. She gave so many hot and cold signals during that time too. From telling me that she was buying stuff for things we'd do together in months, or telling me that "we" are going to be cat people together (long story about her cats). Then a couple days later she tells me she's moving on and went on a date, then to telling me all about her family Christmas. Yes, I'm a month and a half in to the breakup and I still want her back. It's not easy because she keeps throwing out little pieces of hope. It's nice to know that there is hope that I will start feeling better eventually. I know we need time apart and space to figure out what we want in life. It's just so hard to go without someone when they've been with you every moment for 5 years. A month and a half into a breakup is a short amount of time. Statistically it usually takes at least three months to start feeling a little more whole, I learned that from a psychologist. Hang in there. You will have good days, and you will have terrible days. I know how you feel, it's normal to want her back. For know just take it day by day, treat yourself right, get yourself some good dinners, do whatever it is that makes you happy. One day you will heal up. How long that will take we don't know, but you will get there.
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