elly key Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 Me and my LDR boyfriend broke up 6 months ago. He dumped me because of all stress and lack of time he got with him being promoted at work. He dumped because he was selfish. He didn't care about my feelings. We started talking again 2 weeks ago. He told me how he missed me, how down his life was, how he wanted to start talking again. I was truly happy. I forgave him because at that moment I remembered only the person I was with. We were best friends, we truly loved each other, laughed with each other. We really wanted to spend a life together and were going to get married next year. And we were supposed to start talking again. But we haven't. I texted him and he didn't answer. I texted again in a week and no answer again. I said goodbye for good to him. Now I'm sitting and thinking how could he be so disrespectful about the person he swore to love forever? He told me that I didn't have to be strong anymore since he was strong for two of us. He said prayers to God being grateful he met me. Why now he is so weak to say simple "sorry, I just don't feel this way "? I can understand that but I can't understand the indifference. It's so mean. And now I want to text him to say all bad things he deserves. That he is not a man, that he is pathetic in his weakness, that he erased all good things about him in my memory. He did a bad thing to the good person that used to be his soulmate. But I won't tell him. Don't want him to feel himself strong from me being weak about that. But I feel lost. It's so difficult to feel that lost.
dobielover Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 Type it all out in an email to yourself and hit send, but no, don't say those things to him directly. It won't make you feel better in the long run. 1
cupcakebunny Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 Write an email addressed to him and send it to a private folder to yourself that only you can see -- this can be very theraputic. Also if you have a friend that's sympathetic just let it out - say everything that you wish you could say. That does help. It gives voice to your pain. Which is what you want. However sending off nasty messages to an ex usually never pans out. It's something that you would likely regret in the long run -- even though you're hurting now.
Author elly key Posted December 15, 2015 Author Posted December 15, 2015 Write an email addressed to him and send it to a private folder to yourself that only you can see -- this can be very theraputic. Also if you have a friend that's sympathetic just let it out - say everything that you wish you could say. That does help. It gives voice to your pain. Which is what you want. However sending off nasty messages to an ex usually never pans out. It's something that you would likely regret in the long run -- even though you're hurting now. I have a problem with telling this to friends. I didn't tell anyone that we started talking. Besides that, I really reestimated my relationship with friends after the breakup. People like funny Elly. When you try to tell them that you are in pain, they don't understand how funny Elly can suffer. That's why I just closed my bad feelings from everyone who used to be close to me. I know that this is bad for me, but I don't want to be judged or something. I shared with one friend and she said "oh poor you. You just got bored as you work so much ". Now I know that she's not a real friend as she's not supportive at all. That's kinda sad.
cupcakebunny Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 I have a problem with telling this to friends. I didn't tell anyone that we started talking. Besides that, I really reestimated my relationship with friends after the breakup. People like funny Elly. When you try to tell them that you are in pain, they don't understand how funny Elly can suffer. That's why I just closed my bad feelings from everyone who used to be close to me. I know that this is bad for me, but I don't want to be judged or something. I shared with one friend and she said "oh poor you. You just got bored as you work so much ". Now I know that she's not a real friend as she's not supportive at all. That's kinda sad. I do understand and you need to do what makes you feel comfortable. I am going through similar issues. My friends are all mutual friends with my ex and I just don't want to go bashing him all over town. Also I don't want to deal with the drama. I do know there are support groups in some towns and if your work has a free counseling service, I would consider that. Mine approves up to 5 sessions for any personal issues, which I'm going to start after the new year. That may help as you can talk to someone who is supposed to listen to you without feeling judged. When you're feeling a bit stronger, seeking out more supportive friends would help. This will pass. It always does. But it's good to have a network of people you can turn to when things go sour. You should feel comfortable and safe to turn to a friend when you're in pain. I'm sorry you don't. 1
Smudgster Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 My ex of a long term (6 years) has been back twice professing love and wanting to work things through.. First time he disappeared. This time I could sense it and I haven't contacted him either. Checkmate. I don't want him now anyway, who wants a liar, a commitment phone and an ar*e anyway. My heart finally said enough.
mrldii Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 ...now I want to text him to say all bad things he deserves... Why? You, yourself, said ...I said goodbye for good to him... Doesn't appear that you're anywhere near saying "goodbye for good to him..."
Author elly key Posted December 15, 2015 Author Posted December 15, 2015 Why? You, yourself, said I'm hurt obviously. I never hurt people, but it's like the feeling inside saying "it's not fair ". It's like you know that you're sitting here in misery and he's totally fine after putting a knife in your heart and soul. I won't tell him all that, don't worry. I have dignity. Actually, my post was for sharing what I would like to do without actual doing. Doesn't appear that you're anywhere near saying "goodbye for good to him..." That's what I texted him. I told him good bye.
mrldii Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 ...That's what I texted him. I told him good bye. Since that's what you told him, then you should mean it. Otherwise, you're as guilty of lying [to him] as he is [to you]. I'm not saying this to be mean...you're upset because he said things to you that you now believe he didn't mean; yet, you've said things to him ("Goodbye...forever") and yet, you're still pining and obsessing over him...which is not "goodbye", nor has "forever" even yet begun. I get you're hurt. I get you're just getting it out of your system. Just make sure that the "just getting it out of your system" doesn't turn into another habit that's just as hard to break. Best of luck to you, OP...
hippychick3 Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 Your dignity would remain far more intact if you say nothing. Your dignity is far more important than venting your feelings to him. It's over. Nothing good will come out of that. 2
Author elly key Posted December 15, 2015 Author Posted December 15, 2015 I do understand and you need to do what makes you feel comfortable. I am going through similar issues. My friends are all mutual friends with my ex and I just don't want to go bashing him all over town. Also I don't want to deal with the drama. I do know there are support groups in some towns and if your work has a free counseling service, I would consider that. Mine approves up to 5 sessions for any personal issues, which I'm going to start after the new year. That may help as you can talk to someone who is supposed to listen to you without feeling judged. When you're feeling a bit stronger, seeking out more supportive friends would help. This will pass. It always does. But it's good to have a network of people you can turn to when things go sour. You should feel comfortable and safe to turn to a friend when you're in pain. I'm sorry you don't. Thank you for understanding. My work doesn't have free counseling services. I will cope with this by myself. I always do. He just used to be my best friend. I knew I could tell him everything. I'm just shocked that everything's happening as it is.
Author elly key Posted December 15, 2015 Author Posted December 15, 2015 Since that's what you told him, then you should mean it. Otherwise, you're as guilty of lying [to him] as he is [to you]. I'm not saying this to be mean...you're upset because he said things to you that you now believe he didn't mean; yet, you've said things to him ("Goodbye...forever") and yet, you're still pining and obsessing over him...which is not "goodbye", nor has "forever" even yet begun. I get you're hurt. I get you're just getting it out of your system. Just make sure that the "just getting it out of your system" doesn't turn into another habit that's just as hard to break. Best of luck to you, OP... Thank you. I'm over him for sure. I don't love him anymore. I just feel betrayed. I trusted him completely and this is what I got. It sucks. I tried to date other guys, but I'm horrible at rebounds. I feel like I'm ready for dating but no guys attract me. The guy that wanted to have a relationship with me was a normal guy. I just don't feel the flame anymore. It sucks too.
Author elly key Posted December 15, 2015 Author Posted December 15, 2015 Your dignity would remain far more intact if you say nothing. Your dignity is far more important than venting your feelings to him. It's over. Nothing good will come out of that. Thank you. I just needed a reminder like that. 1
Fleur de cactus Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 Sorry you are here and you are hurt. I know how it feels, I have been in a similar situation. Since you told him good bye. It is enough. You dont have to add an explanation because he knows the reason already . I hope you dont want to retry a relationship with a person like him. He is a heart breaker and I think he enjoys it. He did not come back to get back together. He was checking if you still have some feelings for him, to boost his ego. Telling him that he hurt you, even if we know that he did hurt you, will not change anything because he may enjoy it instead of feeling guilty. It hurts so bad, but this is not a good man for you. Try to heal and move on. Otherwise it may be an roll-caster of games and pain and you will be the only victim since he does seem to care. He is a player and he may play the same game with other women. Stay strong. 1
Author elly key Posted December 15, 2015 Author Posted December 15, 2015 Sorry you are here and you are hurt. I know how it feels, I have been in a similar situation. Since you told him good bye. It is enough. You dont have to add an explanation because he knows the reason already . I hope you dont want to retry a relationship with a person like him. He is a heart breaker and I think he enjoys it. He did not come back to get back together. He was checking if you still have some feelings for him, to boost his ego. Telling him that he hurt you, even if we know that he did hurt you, will not change anything because he may enjoy it instead of feeling guilty. It hurts so bad, but this is not a good man for you. Try to heal and move on. Otherwise it may be an roll-caster of games and pain and you will be the only victim since he does seem to care. He is a player and he may play the same game with other women. Stay strong. Thank you. It's painful to realize that all you are saying is true, but it is true. I just need to accept that and move on without looking back. Thanks for all support. 1
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