Jorunn Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 So, here it goes. Personal information: I'm a 22 year old girl from the Nerherlands, so English is not my mother language. I'm sorry for mistakes in grammar. I'm a shy girl, but I know what I want from life. Until now.. So I know this guy, we've been friends for like a year now. He truly is the sweetest person I've ever met. He's goodlooking, kind, thoughtful, smart, has a good job and he's 23 years old. I know he has a crush on me. And in the beginning of our friendship I also had a crush on him. And here comes the part where I don't know what to do or what to think. When we were fooling around once, I noticed he was eh.. quite small down there. Not average, but extremely small. Not bigger as my pinky. This shocked me. And I broke off the "fooling around actions". My feelings for him changed and I couldn't see him as relationship material anymore... But now, almost a year later. I still think about him. And more as a friend. He's such a good person, and I know I could be happy with him if he was average sized, or atleast bigger than my pinky. I feel so, so bad thinking this way. It really tears me apart. What would you guys do or think about this situation?
Michelle ma Belle Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 Are you saying he wasn't bigger than you pinky fully erect?
Author Jorunn Posted December 15, 2015 Author Posted December 15, 2015 Yes, he was fully erect and not bigger than my pinky..
deep_night Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 aw, that's such a pity :/ well, since your feelings changed it's done, there's not much you can do. it wont shapeshift anytime soon.
Wewon Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 As you left it, no you are not being selfish. You have a right to like what you like and from the sound of things you didn't do anything cruel or humiliating to him as you broke things off. Now, here is how you can potentially become selfish; you know that you are not interested in him, but you know that he's a good person, good heart, blah-blah-blah. If your goal is to befriend him and then create this weird hybrid relationship where he is your asexual boyfriend then that is selfish. You should be willing to give him room to find someone the have in his life without a weird ambiguous relationship hanging over his head. 2
preraph Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 Yes, it's sad, but leave him behind and he will have the better chance of finding someone who doesn't care. It is terribly sad for him and I hate anyone has to adjust to something like that, but it will leave him free to become strong in other areas and if he is as good as you say, he will do that instead of letting it defeat him. 1
dobielover Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 Did you actually feel him skin to skin, or over clothes? Many a penis I've felt over pants or jeans felt much smaller than it actually was when released from the confines of his clothes and underwear.
Michelle ma Belle Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 Wow, that is disappointing indeed. I dated a couple of men with small penis'. One wasn't too bad (maybe 5" fully hard) but he was a big guy 6'3". I was kind of expecting...more. Sex with him was...uneventful unfortunately but I liked him so it became irrelevant. The other man I only dated casually for a short while. HE had a ridiculously small penis. I swear it wasn't bitter than a chapstick tube! Unlike the guy above, he was painfully aware of his size and made a point of telling me about it long before we ever got physical so in essence I was expecting it. It was still shocking of course. Although we never had penetration sex we did fool around a bit and he was...well...very talented in other ways In the end you need to be careful not to string someone along or hurt them unnecessarily. Then again, if he's a great guy maybe he's worth taking a chance on. Not sure what to advise. What happened with him after your feelings changed? Are you still in contact with him?
Author Jorunn Posted December 15, 2015 Author Posted December 15, 2015 As you left it, no you are not being selfish. You have a right to like what you like and from the sound of things you didn't do anything cruel or humiliating to him as you broke things off. Now, here is how you can potentially become selfish; you know that you are not interested in him, but you know that he's a good person, good heart, blah-blah-blah. If your goal is to befriend him and then create this weird hybrid relationship where he is your asexual boyfriend then that is selfish. You should be willing to give him room to find someone the have in his life without a weird ambiguous relationship hanging over his head. I do give him all the freedom to find a good and healthy relationship. Hell, he even comes to me for advice and I have no hurt feelings in giving advice or talking about girls he's dating or flirting with. But still, there's this little voice in my head telling me how a perfect boyfriend he would be... Frustrating.
Author Jorunn Posted December 15, 2015 Author Posted December 15, 2015 Did you actually feel him skin to skin, or over clothes? Many a penis I've felt over pants or jeans felt much smaller than it actually was when released from the confines of his clothes and underwear. I did feel/saw him skin on skin. I felt so bad for him.. But I don't think he's aware of this issue, so I never mentioned it. I wouldn't dare. Don't want to hurt him or make him feel insecure.
Author Jorunn Posted December 15, 2015 Author Posted December 15, 2015 Wow, that is disappointing indeed. I dated a couple of men with small penis'. One wasn't too bad (maybe 5" fully hard) but he was a big guy 6'3". I was kind of expecting...more. Sex with him was...uneventful unfortunately but I liked him so it became irrelevant. The other man I only dated casually for a short while. HE had a ridiculously small penis. I swear it wasn't bitter than a chapstick tube! Unlike the guy above, he was painfully aware of his size and made a point of telling me about it long before we ever got physical so in essence I was expecting it. It was still shocking of course. Although we never had penetration sex we did fool around a bit and he was...well...very talented in other ways In the end you need to be careful not to string someone along or hurt them unnecessarily. Then again, if he's a great guy maybe he's worth taking a chance on. Not sure what to advise. What happened with him after your feelings changed? Are you still in contact with him? I told him I didn't feel enough chemistry with him. So we went silent on eachother for a few weeks. But after that we just acted as friends to eachother. I actually saw him last sunday. We went to a market and had a lot of fun. I really feel comfortable around him. But this one thought is still bothering me. It could be a good relationship if this issue wasn't turning me off big time.
Author Jorunn Posted December 16, 2015 Author Posted December 16, 2015 What would you guys do? Choose for a potential partner or choose for psychical appearance?
BetrayedH Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 What would you guys do? Choose for a potential partner or choose for psychical appearance? It would be a disservice for both of you if you continued a romantic relationship with him knowing that you've got no sexual chemistry. Sex is too important of a component. If you eventually married, knowing you'd never be satisfied with him sexually, you'd just end of cheating on him or divorcing him. I have a feeling that you've avoided that scenario as gently as you possibly could have. Be wary that he's not still pining away for you, hoping he'll be able to create that chemistry that you said was missing.
Author Jorunn Posted December 16, 2015 Author Posted December 16, 2015 Thank you for your input! And I fear the same indeed.. It might work for a little while, but in the long term it'll be difficult to hold onto a relationship when there's no sexual satisfaction. I also have the feeling he's still friends with me, only to try and make it more than that.. Even though I've told him I didn't feel enought for him to start a relationship in a romantic way. Well, this proves, life can be damn mean sometimes! 1
BetrayedH Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 Thank you for your input! And I fear the same indeed.. It might work for a little while, but in the long term it'll be difficult to hold onto a relationship when there's no sexual satisfaction. I also have the feeling he's still friends with me, only to try and make it more than that.. Even though I've told him I didn't feel enought for him to start a relationship in a romantic way. Well, this proves, life can be damn mean sometimes! You "might" be able to have a sexually satisfying relationship even with his size issue. As another poster mentioned, he may have developed skills with his tongue and fingers to compensate for what's lacking downstairs. I am average in size but do my best work with my fingers, tongue, toys, and brain. But you are the best judge of what would work for you over the long term. I'd imagine that most women wouldn't be able to go the rest of their days without that feeling of being filled, especially if options are easy for you to come by. And I think it's wise for you to continue to be wary of his intentions. Guys can spend years grooming a woman for just one shot at a roll in the hay. If you're certain this needs to remain platonic, then I'd continue to encourage him about dating others and mention who you're dating from time to time. But honestly, guys have a hell of a time maintaining a truly platonic friendship with any woman that they'd be willing to have sex with. And if he's already rounded a few of the bases with you, he's probably just biding his time.
loveflower Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 sorry, I can't wrap my mind...size of a pinky? is that even possible?
Samhain Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 I did feel/saw him skin on skin. I felt so bad for him.. But I don't think he's aware of this issue, so I never mentioned it. I wouldn't dare. Don't want to hurt him or make him feel insecure. He probably very much is aware. Especially since we spend a good portion of our lives obsessed with our own penis. He maybe just hopes any women he encounters see past that and don't mind, or he has made up for it in other ways like having good oral technique and stuff like that. He does sound very unfortunate but it's not something he can change so you probably are not right for him because he can meet women who really are not bothered by it. Being "good boyfriend material" isn't really sufficient to base a good lasting relationship on, especially with no chemistry.
BetrayedH Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 sorry, I can't wrap my mind...size of a pinky? is that even possible? Some guys are cursed with a "micro-penis." Once I discovered that this was a real problem for some guys, any anxiety I had about being pretty much exactly average went right out the window.
PaperCrane Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 Men are painfully, painfully aware of their penis size. Most women rank the perfect ones around 7-7.5" and rather girthy. Most men, the vast majority, do not hit that. It's genetic and pretty much impossible to change. All the exercise techniques can't change it. Surgery is not only risky it barely changes anything at all. Womens breasts are prominent. They are seen and relative size can be told right off. Men often don't even truly care that much. Personally my favorite size to enjoy is right around a 34B, but if I'm into someone it doesn't matter at all. Same with body types and height and all that. I could list my personal physical aspects; 5'0", slim and petite, perky butt, long hair, yadda yadda. Those all can change if someone really just lights my fire. For men though it's different. Because the penis plays a rather big (*wink*) role in sex, it can be a deal breaker and it kills us to know this. A man was rejected a marriage on live TV because his girlfriend thought he was too small. He was good enough to date, but not good enough to marry because of his penis size. In short, the kindest thing you can do is either not be his friend or actively talk to him about this and be honest and try and help him find someone who can look past it. I'm personally about 10% above the 'average', and I understand that it's not the ideal. I work hard to please in other areas and in positioning during sex. I've been told by every girl I've been with that I'm the best or one of the best they've had. However in this guys case, the girl would have to be okay with NEVER being satisfied with penetrative sex. And the sad part is that this is a medical condition he has no control over. But you don't need to feel guilty about it, just don't string him along. 1
GunslingerRoland Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 As a heterosexual man, I think the idea of an adult man with a baby penis weirds me out. I wouldn't think less of you for breaking up with him. Sure you can do other things, but I'd be really surprised if you can have satisfying intercourse with that. As he ages if he gains 5 pounds he won't even be able to get it in.
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