My insecurity broke me and my ex up and now I'm very depressed.

[STEVE 05]

Hi, I am really finding life hard to cope with since I broke up from my girlfriend at the end of March. I have been looking on the internet for advice on how to cope and my family, although they have tried to be supportive and offer me lots of helpful advice, I am still finding it really hard to cope.

I will start from the beginning. I met my girlfriend purely by major coinsidence really. My stepmum's sister phoned my dad up one Friday evening saying that she works with someone who is 20 years old called Rachel who is eager to meet someone and asked if I would be interested in exchanging photos to start with and then take things from there. Well I got my dad to take my photo that night and I sent it via mobile phone to Rachel direct to her mobile (Rachel already sent me her phone number via my stepmum's sister).

Anyway to cut a long story short I received Rachel's photo and although I must say I was instantly attracted to her from the start, I thought I would see how things went between us, so we started texting, emailing daily until 2 weeks later we eventually met up in the local pub for a few drinks. We hit it off extremley well. I am very shy and quiet and pubs are not normally my thing, but spending time with Rachel really made me feel good about myself in a way I can't describe. We laughed and joked and had a great afternoon chatting away in this pub it was a dream start to a relationship. When we said goodbye at the end of that first date we kissed and from that first date I knew inside that I had met someone very special, it was a wierd feeling, but I just knew.

Rachel even started saying the same thing, she kept texting me saying that we were meant to be together and she loved me and I said the same to her.

Anyway, I'll tell you a bit more about Rachel. Rachel was a church goer. That may sound strange, but she was religious and had strong beliefs about god, but I never critisized her her beliefs nor did I ever reject her because of this. Rachel also had a singing lesson every Monday and she had a guitar lesson on a Tuesday. Wednesday she would go shopping with her dad and on Thursday and Friday she would spend time either with her mum or dad or her friends.

Anyway, in November when we had our first date we started dating every Saturday. I would go to her mum's house and we would have our tea there and her mum would drop me off with Rachel later in the evening. I can't drive, but Rachel could but she didn't like driving on the motorway so her mum would do all the driving.

Anyway, this went on until we finally broke up in March. I would see Rachel most Saturday's and we would go to her mums. I was buying her flowers every few weeks at a time and I bought her a ring and a braclet. Anyway, my dad and my stepmum were concerned why Rachel and I never saw each other during the week or more often. Rachel would always say she was too busy (she had a very active social life as I didn't) and had no free time which I accepted and I was perfectly happy with the once a week situation.

Anyway, in March Rachel said to me she was going to go to Butlins for a week during Easter week. She invited me to go along with her which I jumped at the chance and I thought this was an ideal chance to build our relationship even further. Anyway, the snag came the following Monday when my boss at work couldn't give me the time off as we were going through a busy period. This really disapointed me at the time and naturally I was a bit upset, so I told Rachel I couldn't make it. She was fine about it though and promised that we would keep in contact every day.

Anyway, on the Good Friday we saw each other I went to her mums and we spent the day there and her mum brought me back in the evening as normal. We kissed goodnight and everything was perfect. Anyway, the following day Rachel and her mum went to Butlins. I was upbeat and wasn't down at all, until I got a text off her out of the blue and she mentioned that she was considering going to college in September to study to be a church minister. This was fine with me, but then she said we wouldn't beable to see each other as much as she would be busy. This was fine also, but I thought she could have chosen a better time to tell me this, but I was fine just a bit scared at the time that I would see less of her.

Anyway, everything was fine until the Sunday. All day on Sunday she wasn't texting me back or replying to my texts. So I decided to phone her. Now Rachel wasn't just with her mum in Butlins. Her friends also went with their parents or friends. Anyway I phoned her and I was worried and upset and she could tell I wasn't happy as she could tell by my voice on the phone. Anyway, we talked for a bit and at tea time at home I got a phone call from her mum shouting at me down the phone saying what the hell have I been saying to Rachel as Rachel was very upset after talking to me earlier on. I calmed her mum down and by the end of the conversation she was fine but urged me to slow down with her daughter as she didn't need the stress as she was 'searching for god'.

Anyway, I got a text from Rachel on the Sunday night asking can we make a fresh start and so everything was fine again. Now on the Monday we exchanged 3 texts (very unusual for us as we normally exchanged over 10 to 20 texts a day normally!). Anyway, on the Tuesday morning she wasn't texting me all morning, so I sent her a text simply asking her what was wrong then she texted back urging me to stop being ''stupid'' and stop thinking the worst all the time. Anyway by this text I panicked so I texted her back and she texted back and everything was fine, or at least I thought it was.

On the Tuesday night I sent Rachel a text asking her how her afternoon went. I got no reply so I re-sent the message. The next thing I know her mum texts me back asking me to stop hastling her daughter as she was ''walking with god'' and didn't want to be disturbed. Now this freaked me out a lot and this instantly put me on a downer and I felt somewhat rejected.

Anyway later in the night I got another text from her mum saying that Rachel was out with her friends and she didn't want to be disturbed by me until Friday when she came home and then she would text me.

Well by this text I panicked even more, I was terrified I had lost her, so I tried to phone Rachel on her mobile. Then it went to answer phone so I left 3 messages. The first 2 messages I was crying and I was very upset.

Anyway, the next day I still hadn't heard anything, until my stepmum's sister (who Rachel worked with) arrived at our house in the evening. This was the worst evening of my life. My stepmum's sister came in and asked me to sit down. Apparently Rachel had texted her to tell me that it was all over and she didn't want anything more to do with me. My stepmum's sister shown me the text Rachel sent to her and it read something like 'I have witnessed something about that loser I HATE!'. By reading this I was deeply hurt and upset and I felt so used.

Well ever since that day I have been having good days and bad days at work, most of them admitadly have been bad. I keep thinking what if I had have gone with her to Butlins things would have been different, or thinking why did I feel so insecure, was I hastling her? was I being possesive?

Well I look back and I've come to accept no I wasn't any of those things, I was just concerned about her as I'm sure any other boyfriend would have felt in that situation.

But yet I still feel awfull and often depressed after what's happened, mainly because I was convinced Rachel was the real thing and we would be together forever which she frequently said in her texts to me.

I have tried to email Rachel a few times to get to re-consider, but I've had no replies. Anyway, I found out last weekend from my stepmums sister that Rachel has been slagging me off frequently to her colleagues at work and the emails I've been sending her, she had been showing them off around the office. To make my pain worse, I've been told that she is now dating somebody else of the internet and are emailing and texting each other.

This news has put me completely back to square one and now I feel as bad as I did when we first broke up, if not worse.

They say time is a great healer and I've had to put up with loss before as my mum died 6 years ago so I know what it's like, but this is different, I feel so depressed. With my mum's death I knew my mum was at peace, but with Rachel, I know she's still out there and alive and well.

My dad keeps saying I didn't really love her, but I did I was so emotionally involved with her and we confided in each other so much.

Sorry if this message is so long, but I just felt I had to explain from the beginning.

Please can someone offer me some advice how to handle my feelings, as it's really getting me down.

Thanks, Steve.

[st8toftheheart]

Well I think the reason you're back to square one after finding out she is seeing someone else is that she moved on with her life and you didn't.

 

Now granted I'm only getting your side to the story, but from what you told me, you were second from her religion. She never really commited to the relationship by not trying to spend more time than she had to be with you.

 

I have in the past been extremely busy, but when I found a person who I thought was the one (this is said lot but I really don't believe in it) I made time for them. because if you're really into that person, other things seem less important and you want to spend as much time as you can with them.

 

Sounds like she was moving at a different pace then you were, but she never had the decency to discuss this with you.

 

But that's all over now. Done.

 

The best way I can sum this up is that you need to move on with your life and stop focusing on what could have been.

 

You could cheat yourself by saying you didn't love her or she didn't really love you or she lied to you or mislead you. But none of that really matters now. Its does no good to dwell on dream cause life passes you by.

 

Now, if you really think you may have some insecurities that could potentially ruin a relationship, you could always try counselling. I'm in counselling now for that exact same thing. Although I'm sure you're family and friends have been supportive, sometimes the words of a professional can really make a difference.

 

Good luck to you.

[STEVE 05]

Thanks for your reply mate. My dad has suggested recently I try hypnosis as that can help. I've already tried using self hypnosis audio tapes, but they so far haven't been much use to me. But I will definatley consider counselling though and try to be around my family as much as I can which is also helping me.

With Rachel though, it was very one sided and everyone said that to me when we were together. I was buying her gifts all the time which some may say was going over the top, but it was only because I loved her and I cared about her.

I'm okay for a few days, but I still have days when I'm feeling depressed and down about it. You're right though, I definatley need to move forward and forget about her. Maybe time will be the key to forgetting her.

Thanks again mate for taking the time out to reply.

[suegail]

It seems to me you were never anything but kind and sincere and concerned for her, unless there is some part of the story you're holding back, but you seem honest.

 

I'm struck by the way she responded to the kindness you had shown her. If you've said you honestly care for a person, you don't speak so low of them behind their back and basically make them a laughing stock in front of your friends. And this is the young lady who is 'walking with God' and ready to study for the ministry? She'd better do some serious praying and work on some character building.

 

I just really feel sorry that this happened to you and I KNOW without a doubt you'll find someone much better for you. This girl has got some issues. Believe me, she's going to have trouble in life no matter what unless she makes some serious changes. You're well out of it.

[st8toftheheart]

Time is always the key.

 

You have a few good days and then some bad. You'll notice that the good days will increase and the bad days will decrease.

 

Ending relationships is much like dealing with a loss of a loved one, it goes through the same stages. The more of shock it is, the longer it is to take.

 

I think alot of women would think that you buying the gifts was a sweet jesture. Not that I'm saying hat you shouldn't do it, but someone who like you will like you with or without the gifts.

 

Do you think that maybe in the back of your mind that you were buying these gifts for her to almost staying with you? Almost like a trade for your affections.

 

Think about it. In my experience (not ncessarily my own) I've seen alot of gys buy gifts for the GF when they thought the GF wasn't as into them as the were.

 

Something to think about.

[scarlyjones]

Okay,.........honey,....I feel for you,...I really do. However,......You REALLY seemed to SMOTHER her. You may have felt like the 10 or 20 texts a day was GREAT, but, maybe at the same time, she was thinking "Man,..this guys needy" I would have ended it too. Im not trying to be mean. I believe you posted on here to get TRUTH from people. Thats what Im trying to do. She probably still loves you. That is,..the YOU she FIRST met. Not the one who turned into this "I gotta know where you are at all times" type of person. Almost like a stalker. Women LOVE confidence. You displayed none. The fact that you posted when she told you she might want to go to school for ministry, instead of being "happy" FOR her,.....you first,...thought of how this would effect YOU and her. It seems like you got something you loved incredibly and wanted to "freeze" life just the way it was. You were never going to be on board with ANY of her lifes endevours because as far as you were concerned, you needed to be with her at all times or know what she was doing and who she was with at all times. You kept saying the same phrase in your post: "And I was fine with that". Did it ever occur to you that you dont NEED to be fine with anything she does? It seems to me like you gave WAAAY too much of yourself. I dont know if you, over in England, have this term,...but over here in the USA we say you were "WHIPPED". That means you thought of her as the end all, be all of your existence. You couldnt eat, sleep,...do simple math,..whatever,....without knowing she was ok, or where she was. Before you could acomplish anything you had to be "fine with" whatever she was up to. Buying her flowers EVERY week. Buying her jewelry. You tried way too hard. And in doing so you pushed way too hard. I know your intentions were good,...but while you thought you were simply "making her your queen"....you made her lose respect for you,..and a girl cant be with a man she doesnt respect. I have seen this happen to guys I know a dozen times atleast. I read this post and thought "holy crap,...this is my friend EXACTLY!!!" Just move on. Trust me. Shes not coming back. You need to be more of a "man" and be more in charge and less of a pushover.

[scarlyjones]

Also,...its NEVER a good sign when her mother is replying to your texts to her. That means she has shown her mother your texts,....and told her how "stalked" she feels. Thats when you know its gone too far. Trust me,..you're better off finding a new girl and starting over. You have soured things with her AND her family. On a postive note,...you really seem to have alot of LOVE to offer someone. Thats rare. You are a good catch it seems,...just tone it down. Dont give away the farm. Let us gals work for YOUR affections too.

[STEVE 05]

Thanks a lot for those replies there. This is one of the main reasons why I'm finding it hard to cope because I know the way I handled everything and the way I must have suffocated her it totally not like me normally at all and I just feel so 'to blame' for the way everything has turned out. I know it was my fault yet on the other hand I still lie in bed convinced if only we talked about what happened we could had worked it out.

But I know now it's over between me and Rachel, I just need to focus on the future and try and move on. The positive thing about us breaking up though for me is that I have definatley learned from what I did wrong the hard way. I also kept appologising to Rachel as well when we were together and she kept saying you don't have to appologise and you don't have to buy me things, but I kept doing it and yes I did feel like I was just a small part of her life and I bought her gifts because of this in a small way, but the main reason I bought her those gifts and flowers was because I truely loved her, even though we were only together for 4 months, it felt perfect between us and there was nobody else I would have wanted to be with.

I am having a combination of good days and bad days but I will definatley take note of everything you have all said and thanks so much for reading and replying to my post, it means a lot to me at this time, thanks alot.

[scarlyjones]

WOw...........4 months only, huh? Wow. You may need to take a strong look at why you became so clingy so fast. That could hurt you. I highly doubt that she was JUST THAT SPECIAL and this was an isolated incident. I think that the next person you date ...............well.....this is just going to happen again. You told me that she kept telling you not to buy her stuff or that you DONT need to. And to stop apologizing. Yet you kept on doing both. That tells me that your need to be clingy and needy is stronger than the nessessity to listen to reason. Thats not good. I remember this happened to me when I was in high school. I fell HEAD OVER HEELS in love with this guy I was dating. Kerry. He had me hook, line, and sinker. Im STILL embarrassed when I think of how I acted to this very day. As with your situation,......his parents ALSO,...intervened in our relationship because of how clingy I became. I rang his phone off the hook. THis was before the days of text mess, and cell phones. But I rang and rang and rang his phone. They went to Florida on vacation once and I was distraught. I thought I was going to die without him. I knew he was supposed to come home one saturday and I called and called and called that saturday til he finally answered. Apparently, they had JUST walked in from getting home from vacation. Literally, JUST walked in. I mean his dad still had luggage in his hands while I was ringing their phone. I heard his dad in the background say,......"If thats your crazy girlfriend again,....tell her to LEAVE US ALONE!!!!" Thats how bad it had gotten. You sound alot like I used to be. That was 17 years ago, mind you. But I was still like that. Dont be anybodys doormat. Their is a Simpons episode that Im reminded of by this topic. You know how Milhouse is in love with Barts sister, Lisa? Well in this episode,...Milhouse is trying to get her to like him by doing all kinds of favors for her and buying her all kinds of gifts,.....and he says to himself in one scene "Once she sees how Ill do anything she says,....shes BOUND to respect me" Now,....the fact that, THAT was said to be a joke in the Simpsons,..proves that it means exactly the opposite.

[STEVE 05]

Yes that's exactly how I was. I was very clingy but alot of it I think stems from my past I'm not sure. I was insecure with Rachel, mainly because I only saw her once a week and I knew she had lots of friends both male and female. I remember in the third month of our relationship, I went to a sleepover with Rachel to her friends house nearby. Well her friend brought along her boyfriend and there was another lad called Stuart there who was single. Stuart was very close friends with Rachel and had been since school and he was a little bit older than Rachel was. Well all night Rachel was chatting away to Stuart whilst I was hiding away not really talking much because I was a bag of nerves as this was the first time I had met her friends and this was the first time Rachel had intorduced me as her boyfriend. I was very nervous all that night and while me and Rachel shared a big double bed together, Rachel was chatting to her mates all night and I know I was stupid for thinking this but I was insecure and jealous because of Rachel's attentions towards Stuart. It made me feel bad inside that night and when I went home the next morning, I cryed constantly up in my room because I knew I could have handled the evening MUCH better than I did. The same kind of situation cropped up a month or so later when Rachel was invited to go to Stuart's mums wedding. Rachel did the decent thing and asked me first. Although I didn't say no you couldn't go, Rachel knew that I wasn't happy as I went very quiet on the phone, so she didn't end up going. That's another thing I look back on with great regret.

My problem was I was too insecure about everything and that was VERY wrong of me as I had no reason to feel this way at all. This is, like I said before, the main reason why I'm finding it hard to cope. I had this BIG chance of happiness right in front of my eyes, and I thrown it alway because of my insecurity and my jealousy. I should have reacted differently towards a number of things in the relationship, but I didn't and yes theres nothing I can do to change that now and I need to accept that and move forward, but it's really hard at the moment.

Also, the main reason for me reacting the way I did or so my dad says, is because Rachel was my first girlfriend. I'm 26 and she was 21 and she was my first ever girlfriend. That probably sounds daft but my shyness simply got in the way of me asking girls out on dates before I met Rachel. This I suppose is another reason why I feel so bad because I'm worried I won't ever meet anyone else again. Sounds stupid I know and my dad assures me often enough that the right girl will come along and love me for the person I am, although my dad agrees my insecurity and the all the presents I bought Rachel was way over the top. My dad keeps saying I should have played it cool with her and been more of a come easy go easy kind of person. Trouble is I'm not like that, I love buying things for the people I love that's just the way I am, but I do realise now just how possessive I must have come across towards Rachel.

The thing I need to make sure of for the future is definatley take things as they come and everyone has told me too that if a girl loves me, she will love me with or without gifts and flowers. This is something I must remember and texting constantly is also very much a no go area for me in future with any girl.

It's just time I need to get over this, but reading your replies really has helped me out, thanks so much for the replies to my post.

They say time heals, well I really hope so and I really do intend to move on and try to get my confidence back, which seems to have been knocked out of me since Rachel left me.

Anyway, thanks again for taking the time to reply.

[ConfusedInOC]

Read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert A. Glover. You'll find many answers to your questions in that book and learn how to build your self-confidence and self-worth to a healthy level.

 

Good luck.

[STEVE 05]

Thanks for that I already have a couple of audio books on self confidence which I will try using and see if they help me out.

Another thing which is really getting me down are little things like a particular song will come on the radio which me and Rachel used to listen to. That probably sounds daft, but listening to certain songs really brings it all back to me, although I think it depends on the way I'm feeling as well at the time the song is played.

I am trying really hard to forget about the past though and Rachel and like I say I think it may be a just a matter of time which will help me get over this.

Thanks everyone for taking the time to reply.

[STEVE 05]

Well it's been a while since I posted here, but quite alot has happened to me the last couple of months. Well I have ended up going on a course of Hypnotherapy and it seems to be working wonders. I am not half as insecure as I was a few months ago and already I'm starting to feel more energetic and doing things with my life.

Well everything was going wonderful until only last Sunday. My stepmum's sister Phyliss who works with my ex Rachel wanted a word with me. Well she took me completely by surprise. She said that Rachel keeps talking about me at work and she got very upset a few days ago over our breakup back in March.

Well this prompted me as foolish as I am I guess, to send Rachel an email, just to explain that I would like us to be just friends and generally telling her about what I had been up too since we last contacted each other.

Well I didn't expect anything to come from this email, as I had emailed her several times back in April trying to get back in contact and I had no replies then. But I got an even bigger shock on the Monday when I got a text from her. I was gob smacked. It was a nice text just saying hi and that she wants us to be friends. This was great and all I ever wanted. I would be wrong in saying that I don't want anymore than friendship because I really would like us to try again, but we've agreed that we will just take our friendship one day at a time and see what happens which to be honest is for the best.

My insecurity really scared Rachel and she's admitted that to me for the first time in a text the other day. She's explained that she doesn't like to be clung onto or smothered. I went well over the top and thanks to my hypnosis I have realised this probably too late. But now Rachel is back in contact and we are friends, maybe there is a chance for us.

Well this was fine until Thursday when Rachel said she had put on the braclet I bought her back in February just to remind her of me. I get the impression that she very much wants to start again, but there is no way I am rushing this time. The best option is to stay friends for now and let Rachel make the first step in suggesting phoning or meeting up. Am I doing the right thing there? Or am I best making the first step? If I do I risk losing her again and coming across all possesive. I want to take a back seat this time, but inside I really want to get back with her. What am I best doing here?

I would appreciate any advice, thanks.

Steve.

[jadedjessie]

Steve, you just let her do all the talking. Don't seem too eager to get back with her either. She didn't want it before, and she won't want it now. Personally, I think you could find someone better. I would adore to be smothered with love all the time! Most women like to be treated like Goddesses. I don't know what was wrong with Rachel here. Sounds like her religion was more important to her than you were. Funny, I got dumped because I wanted too much attention, you got dumped because you gave too much attention. Sometimes it is just so hard to tell overall what people want. Anyways, if you want to be Rachel's friend, go for it. But I know you can find someone better to be in a relationship with. Sorry if I wasn't much help. I'm awful tired. Good luck to you, Steve! Stay sweet!

[ButtonPusher]

Buddy why would you want to be friends with this woman? She laughed about your emails with her friends, showed her mummy your text messages and I get the impression that when she tells her mummy and daddy that shes at church praying shes actually shagging all the altar boys.

[Sal Paradise]

Originally posted by Dukkha

Buddy why would you want to be friends with this woman? She laughed about your emails with her friends, showed her mummy your text messages and I get the impression that when she tells her mummy and daddy that shes at church praying shes actually shagging all the altar boys.

 

Good points. Though I don't know if she' shagging altar boys I do agree that he shouldn't get back with this girl.

[STEVE 05]

Thanks for the replies. Well to be honest I am still very much in two minds whether to go back with her. We have agreed to take it one day at a time for the time being and we will see how things go. One thing is for sure that I definatley have to take a few steps back this time and no more frequently texting her as that was one of the reasons why we broke up last time.

Despite knowing that I should not go back with her, I still love her and I am so emotionally attatched to her. The key thing is we take it much slower and we will see what happens. Thanks again for the replies.

[STEVE 05]

Hi. Well today I've reached a decision about where this so-called friendship is heading and that is nowhere and I'm not going to text her again I'm determined of that.

What has lead me to this is yesterday I sent her a text saying something like 'I hope you don't mind me saying this, but I still love you'. I know that sounds over the top, but I genuinely meant that. But I got a shock when she texted me back saying in block capital letters 'DO NOT SAY YOU LOVE ME, WE ARE JUST FRIENDS'.

This is fine with me because that's all I want to be, but I still have feelings for her and yes I do still love her. But I accept that we are just friends and last night that text from her was a harsh reminder of that.

Anyway today she is going away for a week with her mother to Spain. I texted her this morning just to say good morning and that I bet she can't wait for her holiday. She sent me a text at 10.30am this morning saying that she was on her way to the airport. I texted her back wishing her a safe journey and I hope she has a good holiday and that I will be thinking of her. A very nice pleasent text. Anyway, she didn't respond to that text. I'm now thinking she took offense by me saying 'I'll be thinking of you'. I may be wrong but after last night me saying that I still love her, I think I've scared her off or something.

She may well text me back I'm not sure, but I've decided anyway that enough is enough. I can't get anywhere with Rachel now. My stepmum's sister Phyliss assured me last week that Rachel wanted to start again and she's coming out with texts like 'Stop saying I love you'. I don't know where I stand with her. I'm not sure if she's playing games with me or not but I know today she really has messed my head up again and yes I've been upset crying in my room thinking all kinds of things. Maybe again this is all down to my insecurity, but no hang on I have nothing to feel insecure about after all I have been so nice to her and saying 'I'll be thinking of you' surely doesn't make me a monster does it?

I just don't know what to do. She won't even tell me when she's back from Spain. She said the other day she would text me when she got back. I asked when she is coming back but she refused to tell me and changed the subject.

I find myself in this rut again, feeling depressed because of whats happened between us. I know deep down I should disregard her forever and move forward, but it's so hard for me because I do still love her. What am I best doing? I've looked at all the replies here and they have been so helpfull, but this is my first relationship and I'm just so depressed about how and why she is treating me like this. Maybe this is because I'm coming across as over-possesive, but love is love and when you know you have it you can't control it. This is definatley something I've learned from this relationship with Rachel.

My Dad has told me to not text her again until she texts me. If she doesn't text me back then I MUST NEVER text her. He made that very clear to me.

My Dad's right and I am starting to finally realise that she is no good for me and I can do so much better. It's just going to take time.

But her texting me again and using me it seems just to make ''her'' feel better (or so that's the way it comes across to me) proves to me just how nasty and vile she really is. I just wish that would sink in permantley. I still have a nasty feeling though that IF Rachel does text me back when she comes back from Spain, I will text her back and pretend everything is okay like the fool that I am.

What should I do?

Thanks for taking the time to read this and again for the replies, you have all been really helpfull, thanks.

 

Steve.

[manoffaith]

Hey dude whats up.

 

I think it is best that you leave her be. I know it sucks and you really want a chance with her again. But it seems that she is just playing games or something. I was in a similar situation myself. I was always the nice guy and didnt want to let my ex go. After she broke up with me she would still text me or call me and it always got my hopes up. So i finally had to tell her that if she doesnt want to be with me anymore than she has to leave me alone because it was killing me. After that the texts and the calling stopped. Yeah it hurt like hell and I was upset but now its been over a month and I am actually doing better and feeling confident about myself.

 

something else that helped was going to the gym too. that really helped get my mind off of things too. But anyways to get back to what your going through, I'd say just let her be and let her go on. If you really still love her than let her go and if she really still loves you she will be back! But until then look forward man and realize that there is always someone special that could be waiting for you.

 

so keep your chin up bro and keep doing what your doing and if she texts you just brush it off unless she sincerely wants to make it work

 

take care bro and God Bless!!!

[STEVE 05]

Thanks for the reply. It just all seems at the moment that I am re-living the same situation all over again with her. I mean last week she was saying in her texts 'Thanks for saying you love me. I love it when you say nice things to me it makes me feel special'. And I'm now getting texts like 'STOP SAYING YOU LOVE ME WE ARE JUST FRIENDS'. I just don't know where I stand with her at all.

I'm determined never to text her again because for one I can't really afford to text her anyway because I'm out of work and secondly I think she is definatley using me as her pickme up whenever she is feeling low or inferior.

Everyone has been saying to me for ages now all Rachel ever wanted was a boyfriend figure or somebody to talk about to her work colleagues. It was never love from her side. I have so much love to give Rachel, but she's just not worth it. It's slowing sinking in, but I'm afraid that when she returns from Spain and if she starts texting me again, I might fall into that same trap again.

I need to be strong on this one and ignore her texts, the alternative is I end up hurt again and again.

Thanks anyway for all the replies, they mean alot thanks.

Take care,

Steve.

[pippen_2k]

Change your phone number!

 

Simple and easy to do! and will save you alot of stress!

 

Dont worry and think if you change your number you might miss out on an opportunity with her! If she really wants you back she will find you..trust me!

[Iluvsiamese]

There are an awful lot of things here that don't add up. It looks like she is playing some kind of manipulative mind game with you. What she is looking for is anyone's guess. She is surely not being honest. I would follow Pippen's advice and change your number. By being insecure, you were a perfect person for her to jerk around and you allowed her to do this. She is continuing the game now--she is in control and can do what she wants. Would you really want to spend alot of time with someone like this? Personally, I prefer people who show me some respect. Look for someone who will treat you that way.

[STEVE 05]

Hi, thanks for the replies again. Well I've finally reached a decision which was so hard to make, but I'm sure it was for the best. Well since my last post, me and Rachel have been simply exchanging texts and nothing more. She claims frequently in the texts that she is too busy at the moment to meet me and talk and try to patch things up. We had made plans to meet up next Saturday for a meal... with her mum in tow, which to be honest really annoyed me at the time, but I was willing to go along with it.

Anyway, she texted me yesterday saying she was going out with a friend from work and then to her friends house to sleep the night. This text made me stop and think long and hard and to be honest it made me feel useless and didn't do my confidence much good either. After thinking long and hard and opening up to my dad and stepmum about it all, I finally decided to call it a day with her and it says alot when she can't spare a couple of hours to be with me and would rather spend time with her friends instead. So anyway I sent her a text yesterday evening saying I wanted more from this relationship and more commitment. She replied very childishly saying okay basically and to top it all off, she said she was going to tell everybody about what my decision and to break us up. Anyway, all was fine until today when she texted me turning the tables on me saying that I hope I'm proud of myself for destroying ''her self confidence''. This is the same nasty girl who did just that too me. For the last few weeks she has been building my hopes up thinking that we would get back together again, making me feel really low as a result.

I was getting over her for a while, but she seems to have knocked me right back to square one. It is my own fault which everybody is telling me for agreeing to take her back in the first place, but I honestly thought she deserved a second chance. How wrong was I.

Anyway, thanks so much for all the replies to my post. It really has helped me out. I will get over her, but I think it's going to take time.

 

Thanks again,

Steve.

[soft heart]

Hi Steve,

 

 

I have just read your story!! where are you from in England?

 

I feel for you because I am going through the same feelings as you are! I must say from a girl's point of view that it's true that for some bizzar reason if a guy is too available, we loose respect and interest for him. So as everyone said here, please do not text her anymore! Delete her number from your phone if it's too much for you to change your number. She sounds a bit weird to me!! I mean I live in UK as well and she sounds like a real weirdo to me! Why is she telling you what she is up to? Is she trying to show you how interesting her life is without you? She sounds like she doesn't have a big heart to be honest!! and she is so selfish! Just like my ex! You wanted to stop it all because you are hurting and she gets upset about it and tells you that you destroyed her self-esteem? Doesn't it tell you something! She was only using you to feel better about herself! All this time she only wanted one thing from you: to know that you love her, you are crazy about her and you would do anything for her!! She had a very little interest in you as a person! She never made any time to meet you, to get to know you, to share moments with you to create memories for yourselves.. your relationship was based on text messages, where she didn't answer to you half of the time and more importantly her mother was answering for her!! What the hell is going on here? Are you having a relationship with her or with her mother? Also what is with this "she is walking with god"... come on! that's the weirdest thing I have ever heard!! Let her walk with her god then and move on please!! She will only destroy you like my ex destroyed me.. Have pride!!! Do not take her messages so seriously when she says that you destroyed her self-esteem! She is trying to make you react.. trying to make you feel guilty so you run back to her and say "oh no, my sweetheart, i didn't mean that.. you know that I love you"! and then she will turn round and say that you are only friends and you shouldn't bother her!!! She does not care for you deeply as a person!

 

Besides, your parents were right! She didn't make any time for you! She is so busy and she only met you once a week??? How can you get to know someone when you only meet them once a week! I can tell you that if a person really loves the other person, they want to spend more time with them.. and whoever said to you on this board that you were smothering her, I do not agree!! You were desperately trying to spend time with her and she was constantly showing her back to you and not making you feel as someone important for her in her life!! Naturally, she made you feel insecure!

 

I know how hard it is to accept that the other person does not feel the same about us!! It's really painful! but you did the right thing! Walk away from this girl! Your dad is right! Parents don't like to see us hurting and they are normally right.. She hasn't brought you happiness to you! Do not spend penny on this girl.. even a text message!

 

Don't feel guilty about it all!! I have the same feeling that I have done this wrong, and that wrong.. we are only human beings with feelings and it's only natural to make mistakes.. but we need to learn from it! how old are you? This girl sounds really young to me!

 

Try to be strong and do not spend any more efforts on her! She doesn't deserve you at all in my opinion! You tried your best but it didn't work..

 

I am trying as well.. so don't worry you are not alone!!! And remember you are not married to her and you don't have children.. the situation could be worse then.. sit down and think hard.. what do I want from a relationship? Why do I love a girl, who doesn't want to spend with me, is involving her mother and friends, is so mean to you and is so influenced by her religious belief.. would I imagine marrying this woman and having children with her? Would I be happy with her in a long run? Sometimes we only see the situation now but try to step out and try to look at the situation from a bigger picture and look into the future.. it helps me a little! I really hope I could help you!! And if you feel down or like you really want to text her.. come here and talk it out instead of texting her again and giving her the power to think that she is rewarded for being so mean and cold to you and playing stupid childish game!!

 

BE STRONG!!!

[soft heart]

Oh and one more thing.. don't let her manipulate you! She says things like we are only friends!! I don't believe in this at all! If she was your friend, she would cared for you if you feel like crap, she would not play games with you, she would be interested in your day and she would not ignore you half of the time!! Is that how friends behave with each other? I hope not!! She doesn't want your friendship really... she only wants to know that you are there to make her feel better about herself! that's why she reacted in such a mean way when you tried to protect yourself and decided to break it off completely!! If she cared for you really, she would understand that and would apologise for the way she has been treating you and would want to talk to you about it and would make time for you.. Please walk away from her now before she will do it and it will hurt you and leave you wounded like my ex did it to me!! Be selfish for once and do what's best for you and not what's best for her! You need to learn to be selfish in situations like that! I have got to learn it as well. and it's not something I am used to doing, it's like a new skill fo rme but if I see that the person does not appreciate me and does not want me, I must walk away and I must not give them, if I receive zero..