Glass Hut Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 There's a girl in my class who kept flirting with me and eventually we started hanging out, but at the same time was flirting with another guy and they started dating. I didn't see her much after that but when I did I kept flirting but she stopped and eventually got angry with me and after a few bad arguments we stopped talking. The whole thing upset me because I began to like her and then suddenly she's gone. I felt I didn't make a move quick enough. Anyway she said some really mean things to me and about me to others and I didn't feel I could stay friends with her so I basically kept a distance between us. She however has no problem hanging out where I do and I don't want to hide and be a coward through life so I keep going. Lately she has been a little friendly with me and standing near me when I'm with my friends, with her boyfriend who's always at her side now of course but we don't really know the guy. I am still ignoring her completely not making eye contact but also being civil about it. She said bye and my name to me last night, the first time in months. Why would she start being friendly to me? She basically told me I had no chance with her and I'm a loser the last time we talked. I've just pretended she doesn't exist since then. What does she want? I feel friendship is impossible now. So why even be friendly? We probably won't see each other after this semester anyway and would be completely disconnected socially.
truth_seeker Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 You in High School? If so, she's immature and dumb.
Author Glass Hut Posted December 15, 2015 Author Posted December 15, 2015 No this is college and we're adults.
Buddhist Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 Why would she start being friendly to me? She basically told me I had no chance with her and I'm a loser the last time we talked. I've just pretended she doesn't exist since then. What does she want? I feel friendship is impossible now. So why even be friendly? We probably won't see each other after this semester anyway and would be completely disconnected socially. Because she's a horrible person who liked to mess with your head. The other guy is the one to feel sorry for. Ditch this girl, ignore her. She's on a little power trip and frankly it's a crappy thing to do. She just wants to be the centre of everyone's attention and doesn't like it that you can so easily forget her. Learn this lesson now....attention whores are needy and desperate people. They don't make good partners and they are hell on two legs. Block, ignore and move on.
Author Glass Hut Posted December 15, 2015 Author Posted December 15, 2015 Because she's a horrible person who liked to mess with your head. The other guy is the one to feel sorry for. Ditch this girl, ignore her. She's on a little power trip and frankly it's a crappy thing to do. She just wants to be the centre of everyone's attention and doesn't like it that you can so easily forget her. Learn this lesson now....attention whores are needy and desperate people. They don't make good partners and they are hell on two legs. Block, ignore and move on. I was actually thinking that's exactly what she is, an attention whore. The horrible things she said in the heat of an argument is one thing. At the time I was showing obvious interest in her even in front of her boyfriend so maybe she was mad if I was jeopardizing her relationshop. Words are just words and are forgivable. I'm guilty of talking a little **** about her too so I also forgive what she said to my friends. But why did she still want my attention after she was having plenty of sex with her boyfriend? I can't understand it. I guess she's built differently than me, I would've been content if I found a suitable partner and wouldn't have needed any more attention. It made it so much harder for me, needless pain, no sex, horrible feeling that hasn't gone away.
smackie9 Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 She was not obligated to you when she was flirting and hanging out with you...you were not officially dating so she is fair game to any other guy. That guy won her attention, oh well. If you had two girls going eventually there would be a winner and a loser, am I right? You were at fault because you continued to flirt with her even tho she was someone else. That was upsetting to her that you couldn't respect her decision to go with the other guy, that is why she cut you off. In no way is she responsible for you catching feelings for her....that is all on you. It's all part of the game....it's the way life is. She's being nice to you because she is offering you an olive branch to say, "no hard feelings" She had time to figure out what happened and understands how you must have been feeling. You don't have to accept it if you still feel bitter towards her. You can just walk away, and move on, on your own terms. 1
Author Glass Hut Posted December 15, 2015 Author Posted December 15, 2015 She was not obligated to you when she was flirting and hanging out with you...you were not officially dating so she is fair game to any other guy. That guy won her attention, oh well. If you had two girls going eventually there would be a winner and a loser, am I right? You were at fault because you continued to flirt with her even tho she was someone else. That was upsetting to her that you couldn't respect her decision to go with the other guy, that is why she cut you off. In no way is she responsible for you catching feelings for her....that is all on you. It's all part of the game....it's the way life is. She's being nice to you because she is offering you an olive branch to say, "no hard feelings" She had time to figure out what happened and understands how you must have been feeling. You don't have to accept it if you still feel bitter towards her. You can just walk away, and move on, on your own terms. Thanks, I will have to walk away because I can't handle a friendship and am moving to another state in a week anyway. But you are right it's not all her fault. The flirting was mutual for a while into their relationship, but then stopped when she began to love the guy? I got hurt. Even though she clearly liked flirting with me I should have run away knowing she was with another guy before I began to like her more and become jealous.
smackie9 Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 Looks like you will be getting a fresh start and meet someone new. It's better to be as far away from her as possible.
Author Glass Hut Posted December 15, 2015 Author Posted December 15, 2015 Unfortunately, I keep thinking of my next move. We went out together a handful of times and it was working so great. I did not get a chance to make a move until it was too late and she was in her relationship. I still want to someday get close to her even if it's just a hookup, but don't get me wrong I'd prefer to properly date her. It's bad but I doubt I will let go of that idea for a long time.
io2iio Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 As a man its your birth right to hit on girls. Go flirt with a girl right next to her. You got to play these mind games.
Buddhist Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 The horrible things she said in the heat of an argument is one thing. At the time I was showing obvious interest in her even in front of her boyfriend so maybe she was mad if I was jeopardizing her relationshop. Words are just words and are forgivable. I'm guilty of talking a little **** about her too so I also forgive what she said to my friends. But why did she still want my attention after she was having plenty of sex with her boyfriend? I can't understand it. I guess she's built differently than me, I would've been content if I found a suitable partner and wouldn't have needed any more attention. It made it so much harder for me, needless pain, no sex, horrible feeling that hasn't gone away. Don't rationalise her behaviour away. That propensity will land you in relationship with awful people. She's not scared of any such thing, she just wants dominance over you and the ability to put you down and still have you lapping at her heels. This is female power tripping, it's ugly. She has a fantasy in her head about having sexual power over many men. She does not care who, just anyone will do.
Author Glass Hut Posted December 15, 2015 Author Posted December 15, 2015 Don't rationalise her behaviour away. That propensity will land you in relationship with awful people. She's not scared of any such thing, she just wants dominance over you and the ability to put you down and still have you lapping at her heels. This is female power tripping, it's ugly. She has a fantasy in her head about having sexual power over many men. She does not care who, just anyone will do. Is that why she wears mascara to the gym? I even confided in her that I've had bad luck with relationships and she assured me I could trust her. What did I get involved with and why did I deserve this? I'm not very forward, this was a very slow moving thing. I guess you're saying I fell into her trap.
Buddhist Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 Is that why she wears mascara to the gym? I even confided in her that I've had bad luck with relationships and she assured me I could trust her. What did I get involved with and why did I deserve this? I'm not very forward, this was a very slow moving thing. I guess you're saying I fell into her trap. No she wears mascara to the gym because many women wear it everywhere except to bed. That's common and has nothing to do with things. It's simple so I'll spell it out. No woman who is worthwhile will be flirting with someone else while they are in a relationship. That tells you everything about her character, which sadly is rather lacking. If she wanted to be with you then she would have chosen you, not the other guy. You are her confidence boost, and surety that she's hot property on the open market. And that's all you are. This also tells you another important thing....she's insecure. Because she needs external validation about her value. Her boyfriend isn't enough and when someone has that going on, no-one will ever be enough. They will constantly search outside of their relationships for validation of their worth. Mark my words, this one will cheat, probably sooner than later.
Myragal Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 (edited) Is that why she wears mascara to the gym? I even confided in her that I've had bad luck with relationships and she assured me I could trust her. What did I get involved with and why did I deserve this? I'm not very forward, this was a very slow moving thing. I guess you're saying I fell into her trap. When I read a post like this, I certainly would like her perspective on this. This is all about you needing to develop social skills. Mascara? A trap? You are making up a bunch on nonsense in your head. More likely she sees you as a bit of a loser and didn't want to be encourage your advances...then when enough time had passed, tried to be civil. But, she was wrong. You are still obsessing over something that never existed. Edited December 16, 2015 by Myragal
Author Glass Hut Posted December 16, 2015 Author Posted December 16, 2015 When I read a post like this, I certainly would like her perspective on this. This is all about you needing to develop social skills. Mascara? A trap? You are making up a bunch on nonsense in your head. More likely she sees you as a bit of a loser and didn't want to be encourage your advances...then when enough time had passed, tried to be civil. But, she was wrong. You are still obsessing over something that never existed. You may be right, there never was anything. But she persued me, hard, before I ever was interested in her. I hesitated because she was sleeping with other guys and I didn't want to get involved in the situation. Finally we started hanging out and touching and stuff but then she was in a relationship and yet she still encouraged me and suddenly one day she was distant. There wasn't even an incident. The mascara thing was a bad joke, I deal with things with humor. If you want her opinion, I confronted her eventually and she said it was a mistake hanging out with me and that she is really close with her boyfriend now. ??? I certainly am a loser in the dating world, cannot deny that. She probably does see me a loser yes. I am obsessing, yes. But she knows she hurt me and don't want to see her, yet there she is. We don't need to be civil, we could've parted ways completely. I'm guessing it was just her goodbye but I didn't need it, now I feel she might want to see me someday.
Author Glass Hut Posted December 17, 2015 Author Posted December 17, 2015 So am I an obsessing loser without social skills or is she an insecure attention whore?
fitnessfan365 Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 She was basically playing both sides w/you and this other guy b/c she liked the attention. In the end, he won out. While it sucks, there's nothing you can really do about it since she made her choice. The best revenge is indifference IMO. Show her that you could care less and forget she exists.
Author Glass Hut Posted December 17, 2015 Author Posted December 17, 2015 I don't really want revenge but I am damaging myself by thinking about her. I did really like her though. Is there a possibility that sending her a note 6 months from now, maybe a year from now, could bring her to me? Assuming we're both single then. Or is that a bad idea? I know there's a good chance that she was just playing me and I meant nothing to her, but I feel sending a quick note much later just to see can't really hurt, right?
lino Posted December 18, 2015 Posted December 18, 2015 Don't send her any notes. Forget this girl. Not sure you knew before but now you definitely know that women change their minds like their underwear. Next time you meet someone like this don't do anything other than try to get sex from them. Anything more is a painful waste of time front these types. 1
katiegrl Posted December 18, 2015 Posted December 18, 2015 She was not obligated to you when she was flirting and hanging out with you...you were not officially dating so she is fair game to any other guy. That guy won her attention, oh well. If you had two girls going eventually there would be a winner and a loser, am I right? You were at fault because you continued to flirt with her even tho she was someone else. That was upsetting to her that you couldn't respect her decision to go with the other guy, that is why she cut you off. In no way is she responsible for you catching feelings for her....that is all on you. It's all part of the game....it's the way life is. She's being nice to you because she is offering you an olive branch to say, "no hard feelings" She had time to figure out what happened and understands how you must have been feeling. You don't have to accept it if you still feel bitter towards her. You can just walk away, and move on, on your own terms. Fair enough but does this justify her saying cruel hurtful things to him and about him to others -- such as calling him a loser and godonlyknows what other cruel remarks she made? I don't think so. She sounds like horrible, insensitive human being and I don't blame the OP for not wanting to be friends.
Author Glass Hut Posted December 18, 2015 Author Posted December 18, 2015 Fair enough but does this justify her saying cruel hurtful things to him and about him to others -- such as calling him a loser and godonlyknows what other cruel remarks she made? I don't think so. She sounds like horrible, insensitive human being and I don't blame the OP for not wanting to be friends. I don't feel she's able to control her rage or something. She was mad because I was still pursuing something more with her when she was already in with her boyfriend. Whenever I tried to confront the issue she'd go ballistic. I really wanted to talk it out. Then a few days later after arguing it would be all smiles to me again. I know it's easy to dismiss her as being a horrible person but I wonder if she doesn't realize what she was doing to me..
Author Glass Hut Posted December 28, 2015 Author Posted December 28, 2015 Now she's dropping breadcrumbs I guess. She blocked me on Facebook but there's a group I'm heavily involved in and she knows it and randomly she is "interested" in an event we're running. I think my friend invited his whole friends list which includes her, so that's how she got the invite. But still, she's not going to attend yet she marked she's interested in our event.
Zippy2000 Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 Why would she start being friendly to me? She basically told me I had no chance with her and I'm a loser the last time we talked. I've just pretended she doesn't exist since then. What does she want? I feel friendship is impossible now. So why even be friendly? We probably won't see each other after this semester anyway and would be completely disconnected socially. Now I dont know how your arguments went but people are allowed to be friendly towards you. The problem isnt the girl and Im going against the grain here but you!! You STILL flirted with her when she met a boyfriend. When a girl meets someone you STOP flirting. You couldnt handle it and be friends becuase you wanted more and things became awkward with her. I dont see any problems with her but you. You still have feelings for her so you find it hard JUST to be friends. I ve been there and I know how you feel but you have to be friendly back. There`s no animosity here. She just met someone and you cant undertand why she just wants to be friends with you and nothing more. FRIENDS = NO FLIRTING. Respect her status and just be a friend and nothing more. Pleasantries when you see her and nothing more if YOU cant handle that.
CollegeKid101 Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 Now she's dropping breadcrumbs I guess. She blocked me on Facebook but there's a group I'm heavily involved in and she knows it and randomly she is "interested" in an event we're running. I think my friend invited his whole friends list which includes her, so that's how she got the invite. But still, she's not going to attend yet she marked she's interested in our event. Okay I'm going to be as nice as possible about this. She does not like you. She chose another guy over you and you're being extremely obsessive and quite frankly, weird. A letter 6 months to a year from now trying to win her over? That would be extremely strange and probably creep her out. She did not mark "interested" trying to get your attention. SHE BLOCKED YOU. Probably because you're obsessive and do not respect boundaries. You'll never get this girl. Move on. She does not sound like the best girl either, but you really need to man up and have some self respect for yourself. You're in college, don't get hung up over one girl. Ignore this girl. 1
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