I'm 16. Is this 33 year old woman interested in me, or have I been friend-zoned?

[keenon]

Long story, but worth reading. TLDR Version at the bottom.

 

Just throwing it out there that this story is 100% true, because to some it may sound a bit ridiculous or that I'm trolling. I also have no intentions on doing anything with this person, so there's no reason to report/remove this thread. I know her through my high school. She's not part of the high school staff, it's just my high school has this program where people from other workplaces come in to talk to students, once a week on a Wednesday.

 

Anyway, the first day we met, she was nervous, fixing her hair, biting her lip, etc. She will always preen whenever we meet. For example, if I leave the room and come back she'll be adjusting her clothes/hair, and if I compliment what she's wearing she'll get self conscious and start picking (real) lint/fur off of it and adjusting it. She'll also always dress up/wear lots of makeup when she sees me, and also sometimes wears clothes somewhat out of the ordinary for a 33 year old, such as a reddish-pink hoodie that looks like it's meant for a teen girl, and Van's shoes with stars on them.

 

One time she told me she had a dream where someone told her someone she knew had died, and she couldn't stop crying because she thought it was me. However, she went outside and saw me dressed in a football jersey, about to catch a bus to a game. This dream would've been after knowing me only two hours, and I don't necessarily have an athletic build, so I don't know why I was dressed like that in her dream. After confessing this dream to me, I told her I'd had a dream I was on vacation in a foreign country and she was there too. Her face lit up, she said "Aww!" and started really stroking her hair. Once she made a random comment about how her mother would love me. She's mentioned how it would be cool if I could hang out with her outside of school (with her friends there), but then mentioned how her job wouldn't allow it, although she wishes she could. I asked her if I could be her friend before, and she said she would, but there's a rule against that too.

 

At a past meeting, I said I was thirsty, and she said she'd let me drink from her own water bottle but I probably didn't want her germs. I said I was fine with it, and after I drank, she drank right after me. I threw an eraser at her before and it went underneath her shirt and between her chest, and she giggled and threw it back at me. I was telling her how I wake up really early in the morning sometimes, and she asked me twice something about what I did while I was laying in bed trying to go back to sleep. She then asked if I slept with my socks on, and said whenever she slept with socks on it gave her nightmares. I told her how I used to have this female bus driver who would give me free candy and stuff, and that it weirded me out. She asked if an adult had ever done inappropriate things with me before, and I said no. She stared at the floor, kinda fidgeted, and said "It's a lot more common than you may think".

 

She meets other students at the school too, but only for half an hour. The past few times with me, our meetings have dragged on anywhere from an hour and a half to almost two hours. In fact, since our meetings were so long, she's missed out on meeting with appointments with other students, and comes back the next day to talk to them. Even when she comes back to talk to the students she missed out on, she'll "check in" with me for 5 minutes since she's there anyway. She's given me her personal cell number even though she has a work phone, but told me that she can't get into the habit of chit-chatting with me, and that we have to use it to schedule meetings etc.

 

She mentioned how it would be cool if she had a private practice, and that we could have an appointment where we exercise together in her office. She came up with an idea to buy me a gift card out of her own money as a reward for getting good grades, but said she'd have to ask her boss about it. She said even if he said no, she'd still do it anyway, and told me that what she was doing "wasn't something to be broadcasted". She got paranoid and changed her mind the next day though, saying keeping secrets like that would get her fired. However, she then came up with an idea to bake me a cake, but said she'd hand it to me privately otherwise it would look weird. One thing I'm confused about is she's told me she doesn't want me to feel as if she's forcing me to keep secrets, and that I can tell anyone about what we talk about. Ironically, keeping secrets is how it sounds, and telling anyone about stuff she does might get her into trouble.

 

I've hugged her a few times now, the first couple were really short, but she put her arms around my neck. The last one I gave her, she hugged me regularly, kind of spun around as we were holding each other, and it lasted 5 seconds. She realized this one was a longer hug, and said "Aww" as we were hugging. Afterwards, she smiled at me, said "Sweet boy", and brushed her makeup off my shoulder. Afterwards, she seemed to be in a much happier mood, like she was literally kind of skipping around. Recently, we had a sort of meeting where a coworker accompanied her. She noticed my new shoes, stroked them, smiled at me and said she liked them. She was eating some food, and offered me some, letting me use her fork. I got some on my lip, and she was about to wipe it off my mouth, but hesitated and said it would be weird. (Maybe because her coworker was right there)

 

TLDR/Cliffs

 

-Had dream about me in Football Jersey after knowing me only 2 hours, after telling her I dreamed about her also, her face lit up and she started adjusting her hair

 

-Always fixes/twirls hair, adjusts clothing if I compliment it, etc. Seems flirty in general

 

-Shares drink/food with me, almost wiped food off my mouth, but realized it was weird and her coworker was right there

 

-Meetings with other students: 30 Minutes Me: Hour & a half/Almost 2 hours

 

-Almost secretly bought me gift card out of own $, but got paranoid. Decided to bake me cake privately instead

 

-Hugged me tightly, said "sweet boy", and brushed makeup off my shoulder

 

-Tried making plans to hang out with me outside of school, but couldn't due to job's rules. Made comment about how her mother would love me.

 

-Given me personal cell number when she has a work phone, but tells me she can't get in the habit of chit-chatting, and that it's for scheduling appointments???

Edited December 15, 2015 by keenon

[winny]

You are 16!! Find a gal your own age.

Do not waste time on this woman. I don't think it is appropriate and I don't like her behavior with you at all!!

[Gold Pile]

Is it not every 16 year old male's dream to bed an attractive "older" woman?

[keenon]

You are 16!! Find a gal your own age.

Do not waste time on this woman. I don't think it is appropriate and I don't like her behavior with you at all!!

 

I agree she's shown a lot of inappropriate gestures, so what would be some possible reasons as to why she wants to keep contact on the phone professional?

[avintagegirl]

Im sure you think this lady is a nice woman, but you need to keep your distance from her. Her actions are totally inappropriate. Keep in mind we exist in fishbowls and soon people will notice her actions and start talking. I would minimize that ASAP

 

 

-Had dream about me in Football Jersey after knowing me only 2 hours, after telling her I dreamed about her also, her face lit up and she started adjusting her hair

 

Even if she had the dream, she shouldnt tell you about it.

 

-Shares drink/food with me, almost wiped food off my mouth, but realized it was weird and her coworker was right there

 

This is what I mean. Even if she didn't act like it, the cowoker may have noticed and if so, it could mean trouble.

 

-Meetings with other students: 30 Minutes Me: Hour & a half/Almost 2 hours

 

Not cool. This is one more way she is being unprofessional and setting a poor example.

 

-Almost secretly bought me gift card out of own $, but got paranoid. Decided to bake me cake privately instead

 

She is paranoid because she knows her behavior is just wrong, and she is right. It is wrong.

 

-Hugged me tightly, said "sweet boy", and brushed makeup off my shoulder

 

Under no circumstances should she be embracing you. This is a woman who should not be around young students.

 

-Tried making plans to hang out with me outside of school, but couldn't due to job's rules. Made comment about how her mother would love me.

 

Again totally inappropriate.

 

-Given me personal cell number when she has a work phone, but tells me she can't get in the habit of chit-chatting, and that it's for scheduling appointments???

 

Bull****. Burn the number. Seriously. Just walk away now. This is a woman who is exhibiting predator-like behaviors and honestly, she should be reported. She has ideas of a relationship that is inappropriate and illegal.

 

Be strong and try and walk away. Also, it would be a good idea to tell an adult. She isnt a responsible enough adult who knows appropriate boundaries to be working with teens.

[avintagegirl]

I agree she's shown a lot of inappropriate gestures, so what would be some possible reasons as to why she wants to keep contact on the phone professional?

 

Sweetie, she doesn't. It is just a way to increase personal contact with you. It is totally wrong.

[Fleur de cactus]

I would like to know what usually you talk about when she is there for the program. What kind of work or program she is doing?. Because she sounds like she has to have a conversation with you, a one on one conversation. The reason I want to know what she does as work, is because what you are saying may be a result of your interpretation. There is some gap in your story. For instance when she tells you that she would love to hang outside of school (with her friends there), but then mentioned how her job wouldn't allow it, was she responding to some of your conversation?

 

Anyway, the whole situation is wrong. Tell her you are not interest in such conversation. You should find a someone of your age.

[Space Ritual]

Young man,

 

Please do not pursue this any further. You do not want to wind up the lead story on the 6 pm news as "the juvenile victim". If you think somebody else hasn't spotted her odd behavior, think again.

 

This has all the makings of a Dateline NBC Episode.

[keenon]

Sweetie, she doesn't. It is just a way to increase personal contact with you. It is totally wrong.

 

No, I think she might be telling the truth, because she usually never answers when I call unless I leave a text also. In fact, once when I was trying to contact her, she clearly texted me that she would talk to me in a week when we had our next meeting. Guidance counselors are only allowed to talk to clients for emergencies/schedule appointments. She does however include a smiley/emoji in almost all her texts, but this isn't really breaking any guidelines. Maybe she's paranoid of the phone stuff being traceable?

[keenon]

I would like to know what usually you talk about when she is there for the program. What kind of work or program she is doing?. Because she sounds like she has to have a conversation with you, a one on one conversation. The reason I want to know what she does as work, is because what you are saying may be a result of your interpretation. There is some gap in your story. For instance when she tells you that she would love to hang outside of school (with her friends there), but then mentioned how her job wouldn't allow it, was she responding to some of your conversation?

 

Anyway, the whole situation is wrong. Tell her you are not interest in such conversation. You should find a someone of your age.

 

Guidance counselor/therapist. No, she asked me what my plans were, then mentioned what she was doing, and said she wished I could come with her.

[avintagegirl]

No, I think she might be telling the truth, because she usually never answers when I call unless I leave a text also. In fact, once when I was trying to contact her, she clearly texted me that she would talk to me in a week when we had our next meeting. Guidance counselors are only allowed to talk to clients for emergencies/schedule appointments. She does however include a smiley/emoji in almost all her texts, but this isn't really breaking any guidelines. Maybe she's paranoid of the phone stuff being traceable?

 

You need to look at the reason why she might be paranoid. She could be in serious trouble. You need to burn that number.

[avintagegirl]

Guidance counselor/therapist. No, she asked me what my plans were, then mentioned what she was doing, and said she wished I could come with her.

 

This is crazypants.

[ExpatInItaly]

Stay away from her. She is a creep in every sense of the word.

 

If you think other people haven't already noticed her inappropriate behaviour with you, you are kidding yourself. And if you think she doesn't know exactly what she's doing, again your're being foolish.

 

She is breaking so many professional boundaries and potentially legal ones, depending on your jurisdiction. I am about her age and I could not imagine in a million years being flirty with a boy who hasn't yet reached adulthood (no offense to you) let alone one with whom I am meant to have a professional relationship.

 

She is yuck on so many levels and you could wind up in serious hot water here.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

I'm 16. Is this 33 year old woman interested in me, or have I been friend-zoned?

 

 

Do you have a friend named Billy Ray, who drives a Red Chevrolet??

 

 

If so, wait until the last day of June, and reconsider all of this.

[kitty12345]

Its the holiday season and some people have nothing to do ! Boring story.Try again !

[Buddhist]

You're a minor, or child, she is a grown woman. No matter how much she twirls her hair, you are jailbait. If she has any morals she will not touch you at all. End of story. Find a teen to go and fall in love with. When you're over 21 you can start dating 30yr olds if you're still interested in that.

[Gaeta]

Don't people need to be of legal age to be a member on here.

[wb1988]

When you're over 21 you can start dating 30yr olds if you're still interested in that.

 

Trust me, he won't.

[Xiomn]

Go for it brah, you get to smash an assuming (attractive) older woman and she'll get all the blame

 

win-win.

[keenon]

You're a minor, or child, she is a grown woman. No matter how much she twirls her hair, you are jailbait. If she has any morals she will not touch you at all. End of story. Find a teen to go and fall in love with. When you're over 21 you can start dating 30yr olds if you're still interested in that.

 

I thought she had morals at first too, like there were many conflicting signs at first. She used to get really shy and break eye contact after a few seconds, now she makes a point of staring back at me. I asked her a while ago if we could have longer meetings and she was hesitant, yet recently our meetings have been wayyy longer than usual, and she hasn't said anything. She was also hesitant to give hugs at first, and once even said no (but gave in anyway), but now she's quick at the chance to hug me. She would also make it a point of not touching me at first either, but recently the touch barrier has been broken more and more. The thing where other people might be noticing her behavior-That one time when she offered me some of her food, and let me use her fork, a few other students who knew her saw, and they all seemed to give us both a weird look.

[Gold Pile]

She is taking all the risk. No one will blame you legally for anything, you'd be the supposed "victim". When I was a teen, my friends and I all wanted to score with "older" women.

Before all this Political Correctness Fanaticism, people saw a younger guy in this situation as a lucky SOB. Now they try to convince you that you're an unfortunate victim.

[VeveCakes]

I just want to say that 30 year olds don't have a dress code, I wear hoodies and skate shoes too - it's a style. Doesn't mean she wants you. I feel like you are projecting your wishes onto her actions.

[losangelena]

She is taking all the risk. No one will blame you legally for anything, you'd be the supposed "victim". When I was a teen, my friends and I all wanted to score with "older" women.

Before all this Political Correctness Fanaticism, people saw a younger guy in this situation as a lucky SOB. Now they try to convince you that you're an unfortunate victim.

 

Feh, this is not some ideal fantasy. If he goes through with it, there will be consequences of some kind. There's a big difference between an innocent 13 year old being manipulated by an adult, and a knowing 16 year old trying to score with a "hot" older woman. There may not be legal consequences, but he won't get off scott free. He probably won't be bragging about it in 10 years.

 

I think OP would be better off with a less thrilling, more age-appropriate encounter.

[mike_89]

Lol this is the sort of stuff people lose their jobs for and possibly go to jail for. You're underage! She should not be doing any of this. It's no wonder she is paranoid and doesn't like any evidence like texts. She REALLY IS in danger of losing her job, any possibility of a career in her field and her freedom.

Anyways as you are underage she has the full responsibility and she should know better than this. If you just wanna get laid with an older and possibly attractive woman do it, it won't really have any consequences for you, only for her. Just keep in mind that any sort of "serious" relationship is out of the question.

[kendahke]

I thought she had morals at first too,

 

A woman with morals doesn't engage a 16 yr old minor.

 

I seriously doubt she has any intentions that are in your best interests other than leaving you alone, which is what she should do.

 

BTW--until you're 18, "smashing" is statutory rape. There's a reason why those laws are on the books.

 

Stay in your own lane. You'll be grown soon enough and will be for the remainder of your life.