Jump to content
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

Posted

I m curious if some of u that had a Dday talked to the wives.

How much of what MM said was the truth? What did the wife say/think about their marriage?

What happened to the M/MM in the end?

Posted

I've often wondered about this. During my lowest point, I once dialed his wife's number but hung up. Blowing up his world by telling her would've made me feel a million times worse. If the A had somehow been outed by someone, I think given my exMM's ability to use denial and distortion of facts as a defense mechanism against shame and guilt, he would've probably convinced his W that I was some crazy, stalker chick he worked with who was obsessed with him in spite of him telling me he was happily married. :sick:

  • Like 2
Posted

I did. I separated from my H. MM said he was separating from his W over Labor Day weekend (this was in 2008). We always talked first think in the morning. Well, the Tuesday after Labor Day . . . no call, nothing. After several attempts to reach MM, MM said he decided not to leave. Prior to that, he had told me about all the conversations he had had with his W about leaving. I told him I was calling his W and letting her know the truth.

 

So, I did.

 

W said they had no problems in their marriage. They had spent a wonderful weekend together with family and friends. There was no discussion of separation. MM did separate . . .8 months later . . .I wish he would have stayed with her.

 

I will also admit to the fact that after MM left me (less than 30 days ago after being together for 6 years and leaving me for a MW who is still married and cheating on her H with MM) . .I sent a text to MM's wife that she deserved a medal for putting up with him for all those years. I did not receive a response (nor did I expect one).

Posted
I did. I separated from my H. MM said he was separating from his W over Labor Day weekend (this was in 2008). We always talked first think in the morning. Well, the Tuesday after Labor Day . . . no call, nothing. After several attempts to reach MM, MM said he decided not to leave. Prior to that, he had told me about all the conversations he had had with his W about leaving. I told him I was calling his W and letting her know the truth.

 

So, I did.

 

W said they had no problems in their marriage. They had spent a wonderful weekend together with family and friends. There was no discussion of separation. MM did separate . . .8 months later . . .I wish he would have stayed with her.

 

I will also admit to the fact that after MM left me (less than 30 days ago after being together for 6 years and leaving me for a MW who is still married and cheating on her H with MM) . .I sent a text to MM's wife that she deserved a medal for putting up with him for all those years. I did not receive a response (nor did I expect one).

 

Wow CloudyHead what an unbelievable story and just proves how broken some of these MM are!

Posted

I was the wife (divorced his a$$) who found the OW's # and called her. She had no idea he was married because he told all of his playmates (there were many) that he was divorced. She was so upset that she started to cry. I had absolutely no anger towards her. He lied to everyone.

Posted

Similar, but not quite on point: I was in an R with a serial cheater. After I caught him...again...he was trying to explain himself and suggested I call the OW to confirm his claims. So I did. Poor thing had no idea about me. It shattered her world, as she thought she was getting into a R with this great, charming guy. She kept telling me how lucky I was to have children and she w

 

Of note, he told me he had not had sex with her. i asked her, and she confirmed that they had not. Though I always wondered if maybe she lied to cover for him. They remained in contact afterward, and of course he continued cheating.

Posted
I m curious if some of u that had a Dday talked to the wives.

How much of what MM said was the truth? What did the wife say/think about their marriage?

What happened to the M/MM in the end?

 

I did not speak to "the wife", but I did have access to "her side of the story" via emails she sent, letters she left, and things she told the kids.

I also had access to more objective views, from the kids, from his family, from close friends of his who knew him in different contexts as well as with her, from his colleagues, from his neighbours, from friends who had stayed with them in their house.

 

TBH, he had said very little about the M, and had not painted the doom and gloom picture I got from everyone else. He seemed to think it was "normal" to be treated like that, while others shook their heads and described just how awfully she treated him. (When asked, he did not deny the facts, he just interpreted them differently.)

 

She, OTOH, thought everything was just great as it was. She saw absolutely no problem in how she treated him or the kids, saw no contradiction between having one set of rules for herlsef and another for everyone else, and saw it as her right to expect to be allowed that it all, always, only ever be about her. She never had any qualms about her own A - even after her xH threw her out - and was more than happy to assist her friends who wer unfaithful to their husbands. But her outrage when he took her at her word, and had his own A - that was something else!

 

What happened in the end - well, after some time in the A, we decided we wanted to be together. He got IC, which helped him to recognise the M for what it was, and he left her (the kids chose to go with him). A few months later, I joined them. When the D was finalised, we got M, and have been happily together now for some years. The kids have grown and left, she has apparently recently moved in with a guy who both looks like and has he same first name as my H, H's family are so happy to have him back, so it's all good.

Posted

My h's ex burst into his apt. the day I moved to his city and my kids were all there. She was screaming like a lunatic and I ushered my kids into the bathroom, turned on the fan and water and sang to drown out the names she was calling me. Does that count as taking l king to the ex? :lmao:

  • Author
Posted
My h's ex burst into his apt. the day I moved to his city and my kids were all there. She was screaming like a lunatic and I ushered my kids into the bathroom, turned on the fan and water and sang to drown out the names she was calling me. Does that count as taking l king to the ex? :lmao:

 

 

 

awesome:lmao: well, she surely "talked" to u :)))

Posted

My best guess is her perspective on her marriage will be about as skewed as your perspective on your relationship with the same man- I am sorry, I know you care deeply about this man-but he is so manipulative that I doubt either of you "knows" what is going on-

 

I hope you find a way to get away from him- I feel like he uses what is good about you against you- you seem sweet and deeply caring which is usually a good thing, until you run up against someone that uses that to hurt you-

  • Like 2
Posted

As a BS, I will tell you that while he was deep into his affair, he disparaged me to everyone, was arrogant and demeaning and told me constantly how he wanted to get back the marriage we had. He arranged counseling, weekend trips etc, and turned right around and treated me like crap and lied to everyone. I put together a separation agreement for us to road trip before paying a lawyer and he flipped out. I still didn't know, but suspected something due to his treatment of me. But he threw her under the bus so fast it wasn't even funny.

 

I don't know if she was in love with him, but she was married and a serial cheater (and serial wife). She continued to proposition him for 8 months, which made her seem pathetic. She may have thought she "lost", but frankly I told him to go and he crawled to me.

 

I think it bears mentioning that in the same way I could never had kept him from cheating, I also could not have made him stay. I do believe the men who stay most definitely want to. They don't want to look whipped or weak so they blame money, kids, mean wife - but I could not have stopped him had he wanted to leave me. And I tried to keep him out of the house and he pulled a legal card on me - he wasn't going to abandon the marital home, so he stayed. You also can't legally threaten never seeing kids. Men stay with their wives for the same reason they cheat in the first place. Because they want to. And they will say whatever they think will be believed to benefit themselves. What he said about the mow was hideous - there was no respect.

 

It's all very destructive and hurtful.

  • Like 6
×
×
  • Create New...