Jax13 Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 I have been doing No contact with my ex for the past 5 days. We haven't spoke during that time at all. Now she texted me this morning saying "Hey, how are you?" She hasn't asked how I am in the last month since we broke up. What's she trying to get at? I ignored this text to stick with my NC and a few hours later I get another text: "You probably don't want to talk to me but I actually wanted to ask you about something". Now what???? I know this girl very well and I know that she isn't the most direct when it comes to talking about stuff that she finds difficult. I still have some of her things at my place and she hasn't asked to come pick them up yet. There's so many situations running through my head on what she would want to ask about. Why wouldn't she just ask if it was something simple? Does she want to ask about doing therapy together? (she had mentioned this before) Does she just want to ask to pick up her stuff? Does she want to ask about getting back together? Does she want to ask about something trivial? I don't want to seem cold and distant but this is the girl that 9 days ago told me that she was moving on and that I should too... now she's asking how I am and wants to talk? Ugh!
Amelie1980 Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 Pack her stuff up and mail it back. I doubt she wants to ask you anything of value. 3
Author Jax13 Posted December 14, 2015 Author Posted December 14, 2015 Well I answered her with a very distant "Hello". She says she wants to talk... Here's the kicker, she also wants her stuff back and that she feels bad about everything and really wants to give me an explanation. She told me that she kept a lot of her feelings bottled up for a long time and that it's not fair to me (no kidding). I told her I know we had communication issues and I've learned a lot about myself these past few weeks and things I want to improve in my future relationships. She said she feels horrible with the way "everything kind of stopped with no explanations". I flat out asked her if this is her way of getting everything off her chest so she feels better and can then move on (Because if it is, I don't want to give her that satisfaction). Her response was "this is a really weird situation and it should be like this, you wondering what happened and me not giving an explanation. I don't want it to be like this". I have no idea what is going on with this girl, and I honestly don't think she does either. She's told me multiple times that she's moving on and I should too. But then days later she's texting me about her family and how much she cares about them and blah blah blah... she's so hot and cold it's not even funny. And I honestly don't know if this talk she wants to have is going to be any different. I kind of surprised her when I asked her if she knew that "I still wanted her more than anything in this world" I truly believe that if she had talked to me earlier and not let all these feelings bottled up, we'd be doing great still.
Blanco Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 Chances are she's just having trouble disconnecting. This is typical with most breakups. Even though this was her choice, she's likely feeling a bit discombobulated. She wants to explore other things and people, but she's having some separation anxiety from her security blanket (you). What would likely happen if you got back together right now is that things would be good for a bit. And then, she would again get that yearning that drove her to break things off the first time. Only difference is that this time, she will have been through this process of ending things with you. She'll have more confidence; more strength to go through with it and stick to her guns, even if she feels a bit of loneliness in the aftermath of the breakup.
Simon Phoenix Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 it's not. You shouldn't have answered. If it was about something remotely important she'd tell you what it was about. All you are doing is allowing her to dump everything on you. Next time just stay silent. 1
Author Jax13 Posted December 14, 2015 Author Posted December 14, 2015 Yup, I should have stayed with No Contact... I'm really stupid. I was feeling so good after 4 days of No contact, and then I talked to her, she dropped this bombshell, and I'm a mess again.
Simon Phoenix Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 Yup, I should have stayed with No Contact... I'm really stupid. I was feeling so good after 4 days of No contact, and then I talked to her, she dropped this bombshell, and I'm a mess again. You aren't stupid, you're just going through a tough process and made a rookie mistake. Happens to all of us. Don't beat yourself up over it -- just dust yourself off and get back on the No Contact horse.
mightycpa Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 Yup, I should have stayed with No Contact... I'm really stupid.More like "filled with false hope and therefore irresolute"... a $3 way of saying that you're weak right now. You think you need to hear all that ****, but really, what you're going to hear is how she loved you, then she started feeling differently, got all confused, had a hard time with it, but in the end, she knew she couldn't stay so she broke up with you, and she's really sorry how it all went down. Obviously, I don't have the particular details, but that's the lay of the land. You already know how the story ends, so don't bother seeing the movie. It's not a good one. Amelie1980 is right.. pack her **** and send it to her. Block her avenues of contact. Force her to leave you in peace.
Author Jax13 Posted December 14, 2015 Author Posted December 14, 2015 I told her that I'd get her stuff to her sometime soon. I'm not really interested in the talk because I do want her to regret what she did to me...The more she regrets it, the more she might actually come out and say how sorry she is. I know this is tearing her up inside and that she feels horrible about everything...and she should feel horrible for the way she went about this whole breakup. Her sister and I have a great friendship and she has actually been keeping me informed on some things. Her sister feels that she is going to realize this other guy is a really bad influence on her. Her sister also loves me and knows how much I care so she is going to continue to let my ex know I still care no matter what. My ex is going off to school 1500 miles away in a few months and myself, her sister and her parents all think that it will be good for her to go focus on her studies, think about life, what she had, what she wants, without any outside influences. We honestly all think that she's going to realize and come back... But for now, I move on.
Blanco Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 Talking to her sister about her is a bad idea, regardless if the sister is willing or not. She's doing you a disservice by keeping you informed about anything relating to her sister. Whether her sister is eloping in Vegas or eating a club sandwich, you shouldn't know. I know it feels good to have an ally in this, especially someone so close to your ex who sees things the way you do. Reality is, though, that it's entirely possible your ex never shares that outlook with you two. Not today, tomorrow, or in five years. You say you're moving on, but right now, it still sounds like you're keeping yourself connected, if only minimally, by receiving new information or having talks with friends or her family about how you all think she will wake up and come back. Kill that hope. For your sake.
mightycpa Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 My ex is going off to school 1500 miles away in a few months and myself, her sister and her parents all think that it will be good for her to go focus on her studies, think about life, what she had, what she wants, without any outside influences. We honestly all think that she's going to realize and come back... But for now, I move on.She's not coming back, Jax. She's going to meet, live with and become a part of a very interesting and ambitious and lively community that parities its ass off, lives away from parental rules and is pretty horny too. She's not coming back. Might as well understand that now.
marky00 Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 (edited) a few hours later I get another text: "You probably don't want to talk to me but I actually wanted to ask you about something". Now what???? LOL really..... IF she wants to ask, she can ask my sms or email. She is sucking you in, wants her ego boost... wants to see your hand because no way will she show hers. Edited December 15, 2015 by marky00
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