mercedesgirl Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 Hi havent been here for some time, but find myself back again! My boyfriend of 5 years struggles to deal with my anxiety. We have had so many times when I have had a issue with something and is reaction is to end the relationship. He cant deal with my anxiety. I understand that people who havent suffered with anxiety dont know what it can be like to live everyday with it, but all I want from him is reassurance that everything will be ok (ish) and that it is ok to be anxious about things (to a certain extent) but he cant do this. The latest is that I got upset at the weekend when we were at a Christmas do, because there were girls flirting with him (he wasnt responding) but I felt left out. I said to him about it and his reaction was to leave! I found him later at the bar and said I was sorry that I got upset and he just went off on one saying Im always like this, I have issues and I should grow up! This was all infront of people at the bar, he left and I was in tears. No one came to see that I was ok! Anyways the last thing he said as he left was we are finished you are on your own. My dilema is, do I pursue him and try to work things out, or do I leave it if he has said its finished. Was it just a heat of the monent comment. he is ignoring my texts, calls, and I feel so lost, please help. Thanks for reading
Gold Pile Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 I'm sorry you're going through this. To some extent it's up to him if you'll be getting back together. If he doesn't understand or respond the way you'd like him to after 5 years, he probably never will. In a perfect world he'd be ok with your condition and be very supportive. It seems he'll never be OK with it. Not what you want to hear but maybe you'd each be better off with someone else. In time, you'll find someone who accepts you for who you are and whole heartedly wants the total you. Being alone is better than being with a mismatch anyway. Break ups are hard and I'm not oblivious to your pain. I feel for you. 1
soph-walker Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 Hi havent been here for some time, but find myself back again! My boyfriend of 5 years struggles to deal with my anxiety. We have had so many times when I have had a issue with something and is reaction is to end the relationship. He cant deal with my anxiety. I understand that people who havent suffered with anxiety dont know what it can be like to live everyday with it, but all I want from him is reassurance that everything will be ok (ish) and that it is ok to be anxious about things (to a certain extent) but he cant do this. The latest is that I got upset at the weekend when we were at a Christmas do, because there were girls flirting with him (he wasnt responding) but I felt left out. I said to him about it and his reaction was to leave! I found him later at the bar and said I was sorry that I got upset and he just went off on one saying Im always like this, I have issues and I should grow up! This was all infront of people at the bar, he left and I was in tears. No one came to see that I was ok! Anyways the last thing he said as he left was we are finished you are on your own. My dilema is, do I pursue him and try to work things out, or do I leave it if he has said its finished. Was it just a heat of the monent comment. he is ignoring my texts, calls, and I feel so lost, please help. Thanks for reading Firstly I'm sorry you're going through this, anxiety and a break up in one whammy is a hard pill to swallow. My ex did not try to understand my anxiousness, I would have a panic attack and try to conceal it from him as many times he would tell me to get over it. This in turn made me nervous about having an anxiety/panic attack- vicious circle! Secondly, I would suggest that you try to make inroads to improve your anxiety, I have found many helpful videos on YouTube which range from learning to cope mentally and physically when you feel anxiety. I'd be happy to dig out these links to the vids if you would be interested. For me, anxiety is fear of future, which may be days, weeks or years away, but worrying about the future is about as useful as a chocolate fire guard! Try repeating positive mantras to yourself- really say the words aloud with confidence. Negative thinking is also habitual, so try to retrain your thoughts to positive aspects about you, your surroundings or past happy or funny memories. I hope you find peace, you can do it! 1
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