Mauve Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 Hi, I'll try keep this short but I have a tendency to blab. I was sitting in bed with my current boyfriend (of 4 months) when I was showing him a funny video, right as we were in the middle of watching it a message (on facebook) from my ex pops up saying "what you up to?xx". Instant panic hits me, and I go silent and just close the video while my ex just looks at me questionably. I then just go onto facebook search for my exes profile and block him, then I change the channel on the TV and pretend nothing happened. With the way I acted, it would seem I'm guilty, yes? But I'm not, I've not messaged my ex at all or even thought about it, the only reason I never had him blocked before hand was because he had me blocked! But I was panicking so much that I acted so guilty and I'm hitting myself for it now! After about ten minutes, I cuddled into my current BF and kissed him on the cheek and he just kept asking questions like "whats with you being all lovey?" obviously trying to get something out of me. So I just said "I don't want you to think wrongly of what just happened, I never spoke to him since we've been together, I promise. I just got scared of you thinking it so I acted weirdly, I love you." My BF accepted my answer and said he loves me too and he trusts me and is happy I blocked him. But now, wherever I go or whatever I do, I can feel my current BF looking over my shoulder trying to see if I'm messaging him or if I've unblocked him etc and I honestly don't mind this at all like I understand, I'd be just as bad and I don't find it a violation of privacy etc. I just have NO idea what to do now, to assure him I'm 100% his. I would happily give him my phone to look through to see I've never messaged him but I don't want him to think I've deleted the messages then given him the phone? Or that I'm saying he doesn't trust me. I've just never been in this situation and I handled it very badly, so I was wondering if anyone had any advice on how to 180 turn this to show my current BF that he has nothing to worry about?
Author Mauve Posted December 15, 2015 Author Posted December 15, 2015 Anyone? I'm packing a little too much about this haha
ExpatInItaly Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 Girl, calm down. Yes, you acted a bit suspicious when you received the message from your ex. I'd be a little uncomfortable with your reaction too, if I were in your boyfriend's shoes. But you explained and he said it was fine. Not much more you can do than take him at his word and proceed as normal. Don't go over the top trying to prove your innocence. As well-intentioned as you are, it could come across as over-compensating for something. In other words, if you blow it out of proportion, he is likely to think something is up. So relax.
dobielover Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 Yeah I don't know how to fix how you reacted. Right there in front of your BF, I would have responded, "I'm in bed with my BF, we're cuddled up watching videos :)" and left it at that.
wb1988 Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 (edited) Actually I think you handled it a lot better than you think, and he accepted it well too. There are many girls that would do nothing and not act guilty, because they only say sorry when they feel like they did something wrong. Then the bf gets concerned because the gf is all defensive and the fight starts and the whole "past is the past", "I didn't do anything wrong", "he's a friend" and "what so I can't have any guy friends" card gets thrown up and all that feminist ****. Although you didn't do anything wrong you still apologised and explained the situation. I'm assuming he rarely sees your phone so it would be very easy to assume that you were frequently chatting with your ex. I find that when you're apologetic and overly polite then people tend to see the best in you and react at the bare minimum. Personally I'd just block and delete all exs. It's really not worth having them on fb. You don't need any advice and you don't need to do anything. Edited December 15, 2015 by wb1988
Author Mauve Posted December 15, 2015 Author Posted December 15, 2015 Thanks to the both of you for replying! Final verdict = totally looked guilty. I was going to do the whole reply to my ex saying "With my new BF." but got paranoid my new BF would think I'm trying to make him jealous etc. Just way too many thoughts were going through my head to actually act rational. Seems that everyone with my BF is okay though, he hasn't been acting strange or making comments etc. He still looks over my shoulder and is a bit protective over me going on my phone, but I totally understand and I think I should just let it run its course and show him he can trust me. It's still quite a new relationship so even without this happening our trust wouldn't of been at it's fullest, so now's my chance to do that. Thanks for you both replying.
Author Mauve Posted December 15, 2015 Author Posted December 15, 2015 Actually I think you handled it a lot better than you think, and he accepted it well too. There are many girls that would do nothing and not act guilty, because they only say sorry when they feel like they did something wrong. Then the bf gets concerned because the gf is all defensive and the fight starts and the whole "past is the past" and "I didn't do anything wrong" card gets thrown up and all that feminist ****. Although you didn't do anything wrong you still apologised and explained the situation. I'm assuming he rarely sees your phone so it would be very easy to assume that you were frequently chatting with your ex. I find that when you're apologetic and overly polite then people tend to see the best in you and react at the bare minimum. Personally I'd just block and delete all exs. It's really not worth having them on fb. You don't need any advice and you don't need to do anything. Thank you, I didn't see this message while posting my message above (it's not been approved yet). It feels reassuring somebody agrees with what I done. I've fully blocked my ex on facebook (I already had him blocked on everything else), my current BF never sees my phone, at the start of our relationship we moved very fast and agreed never to look through each others phones but if either of us had any concerns we voice them, and if the other person wants to show their phone they can. So I'm a bit worried my boyfriend doesn't feel as though he could ask me if he can see my phone but I guess that's me being weird since in the long run, him not asking is showing he's trusting me. Thanks a lot for your advice (even though you told me I don't need it ) It's very reassuring that somebody stands by what I done.
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