cottom Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 I really dislike her…* She met my gf at university where they were assigned as flatmates, her dad was in jail for drug charges. My gf went from never touching alcohol straight A student, to drinking and partying almost every night taking all these party drugs (coke, mdma, ecstasy etc) with this girl. My gf said the other day that this girl is really into taking things and partying and drinking heavily. This all ended with the straight A, driven gf failing her university course and now having a “oh well, I had fun and met good people” attitude, walking away with £45,000/$75,000 debt for three years university and no degree.* This girl is very much a prude, she never hooks up with anybody, she is all about going out with friends and getting black out drunk and taking whatever she gets her hands on with friends. The problem is that all her friends since leaving university met guys, got into serious relationships and settled down out of that lifestyle. My gf was one of her last single friends left, so they made all these plans to go travel the world and party and drink and take things everywhere. And they were planning to move in together in the capital city (my gf plan was to use all her savings to live there for 6 months, partying everynight with this girl while this girls parents would fund her).* My gf then met me, 6 months ago now and we got into a serious relationship. This girl and my gf talk constantly over text but my gf has to hide any mention of doing anything with me because this girl gets all weird about it and makes my gf feel like shes in a position where if she discusses our relationship they will fall out.* We put our relationship status on facebook after 6 months being together and immediately this girl texts my gf and says how she looks like some middle aged idiot for having it on there and telling her she should remove it etc.* 2 weeks ago we found out my gf was pregnant, contraception failed, and we decided to terminate it., which is emotionally devastating when you go through it for a girl. She told 3 friends, an old friend who she fell out with but previously had agreed to be there if this sort of thing happens, a friend that she hardly speaks to anymore, they used to be best friends but if they met now they wouldn’t get on, and this girl who is supposedly best friends with each other.* The girl who my gf had a big falling out with called straight away and offered to travel the 200 miles to be there with her. The girl who hasn’t really spoken to my gf in a while was there non stop through the whole procedure checking up over the phone (she lives abroad now). The supposed best friend read the message and then went on telling my gf about her day and some giuy she spoke to and a place that sells cheap wine they should go to when they move in together.* This act of not caring at all was the final straw for me and I told my gf how much I hated her and what I thought of her so called friend and exactly what their friendship is. A little girl with daddy issues who drowns everything in alcohol and powder but doesn’t want to do it alone so tries to bring everyone else into it to. And now she feels like she is losing the last one that allowed her to behave like that she is belittling her and not being there for her. But I can’t tell my gf to not be friends with her because that’s controlling, but I don’t know what to do about it.
Diezel Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 Apparently her friend's behavior doesn't bother her enough to feel the same way you do. So at this point, you either take her friend being in her life, or you dump the situation altogether. You already told her how you feel about the friend. I'm not sure you can do anything else.
hasaquestion Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 I really dislike her…* She met my gf at university where they were assigned as flatmates, her dad was in jail for drug charges. My gf went from never touching alcohol straight A student, to drinking and partying almost every night taking all these party drugs (coke, mdma, ecstasy etc) with this girl. My gf said the other day that this girl is really into taking things and partying and drinking heavily. This all ended with the straight A, driven gf failing her university course and now having a “oh well, I had fun and met good people” attitude, walking away with £45,000/$75,000 debt for three years university and no degree.* This girl is very much a prude, she never hooks up with anybody, she is all about going out with friends and getting black out drunk and taking whatever she gets her hands on with friends. The problem is that all her friends since leaving university met guys, got into serious relationships and settled down out of that lifestyle. My gf was one of her last single friends left, so they made all these plans to go travel the world and party and drink and take things everywhere. And they were planning to move in together in the capital city (my gf plan was to use all her savings to live there for 6 months, partying everynight with this girl while this girls parents would fund her).* My gf then met me, 6 months ago now and we got into a serious relationship. This girl and my gf talk constantly over text but my gf has to hide any mention of doing anything with me because this girl gets all weird about it and makes my gf feel like shes in a position where if she discusses our relationship they will fall out.* We put our relationship status on facebook after 6 months being together and immediately this girl texts my gf and says how she looks like some middle aged idiot for having it on there and telling her she should remove it etc.* 2 weeks ago we found out my gf was pregnant, contraception failed, and we decided to terminate it., which is emotionally devastating when you go through it for a girl. She told 3 friends, an old friend who she fell out with but previously had agreed to be there if this sort of thing happens, a friend that she hardly speaks to anymore, they used to be best friends but if they met now they wouldn’t get on, and this girl who is supposedly best friends with each other.* The girl who my gf had a big falling out with called straight away and offered to travel the 200 miles to be there with her. The girl who hasn’t really spoken to my gf in a while was there non stop through the whole procedure checking up over the phone (she lives abroad now). The supposed best friend read the message and then went on telling my gf about her day and some giuy she spoke to and a place that sells cheap wine they should go to when they move in together.* This act of not caring at all was the final straw for me and I told my gf how much I hated her and what I thought of her so called friend and exactly what their friendship is. A little girl with daddy issues who drowns everything in alcohol and powder but doesn’t want to do it alone so tries to bring everyone else into it to. And now she feels like she is losing the last one that allowed her to behave like that she is belittling her and not being there for her. But I can’t tell my gf to not be friends with her because that’s controlling, but I don’t know what to do about it. My main takeaway from this is she must be great in the sack. You've put up with this for 6 months? Come on man.
Author cottom Posted December 14, 2015 Author Posted December 14, 2015 Put up with...? The best friend lives 200 miles away, she hasn't made any effort to come and see my gf in a year almost. What am I putting up with? A gf that stands behind her friend and claims it's her best friend even though she's never present and bullies her pretty much
ExpatInItaly Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 Hey OP, I participated in your other threads about your girlfriend wanting to move to the city with her friends. (I believe that was you, if I remember correctly.) You didn't like the choices she was making then and wanted to talk her out of this move. You still apparently don't like the choices she is making now, in the sense that she chooses to remain friends with people who don't give a crap. Much as it sucks, there's really not much you can do. She knows how you feel. But beyond that, you don't have any say in whom she chooses to associate with. Your girlfriend has responsibility in this too; she's an adult and has made some very unwise choices (the drugs, black-out drinking, dropping out of school) that simply cannot be pinned entirely on her friend. It sounds like you're misdirecting your criticism at the friend (which isn't entirely unfounded, of course) but underestimating your girlfriend's poor judgement. At some point, you need to step back and ask yourself if you're happy now, today, with the girl you see in front of you. Not who she was, the not the person she could be, but who she is right now. You're only 6 months in; I'd do some serious reconsideration moving forward. There are some pretty big red flags here that nobody but your girlfriend can take accountability for,
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