Author WhirlwindGuy Posted December 14, 2015 Author Posted December 14, 2015 I recognize your behavior because I was you last year and beginning of this year with regards to relationships and oversharing/emotional boundary issues...and guys just ate it up and wanted relationships with just me ...one guy even asked me to marry him after 6 weeks!...but I was the problem...I'm newly divorced just like you...last year in fact. I was so used to being a couple (long term marriage) that it just felt comfortable to go all in. So I've recently taken a break from dating and comfortable being single again and now I temper my involvement...recently met a very nice guy (organically) and taking my time...very slow this time. Involvement doesn't have to be a race...be calm cool collect and still your good guy self...but temper that emotionally sharing/involvement...especially as it seems you have a lot of good qualities girls are looking for. Well thank you for that, I really appreciate it. I feel like most women I have seen are ready to tell me that they love me within a couple of weeks. I am absolutely flattered, it feels great to have someone that in to you, but I also know this is another person I am dealing with and they have emotions and feelings that matter. I don't want to hurt them at all, but it ramps up so quick, its hard to back it off.
Versacehottie Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 Thank you for this, I seemed to skip this reading through the first time. This seems like unbiased feedback and I appreciate it. I do think girl 1 may be on the desperate side, but she is also just really compatible with me. I think you are right about the "all the cards on the table" vs. "The Chase". That is kind of what has held me off from completely breaking it off with girl two. I was trying to suss out if I really liked girl two, or was it that I liked that she was more of a challenge. I do think I like her, but I think girl 1 and I are much more compatible. Strange thing about girl 1, when we started talking she made it a point to tell me how strong she was, and she takes things slow, needs her space, is very independent, strong, etc. and that it has been a problem for men that she has seen in the past. That all seemed to go out of the window by our second date. I asked her about that and she said, "I don't know, it is just different with you, I can't explain it, but I feel like I am OK to let my guard down around you and be vulnerable..." "I feel safe with you" uggh...That is a beautiful thing to tell someone, but Its scary too...I don't want that kind of power, at least not right now. Glad that you can separate their varying availabilities to who is actually more compatible with you. So I think you are making the right decision then picking no 1 and just going with it. Yeah don't accept that power now to be her everything. You are not ready for it. She's fooling herself to hand it over so soon and believe she is ready for it. Make sure you take back your voice in the relationship and set a good pace. 2
dobielover Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 Well thank you for that, I really appreciate it. I feel like most women I have seen are ready to tell me that they love me within a couple of weeks. I am absolutely flattered, it feels great to have someone that in to you, but I also know this is another person I am dealing with and they have emotions and feelings that matter. I don't want to hurt them at all, but it ramps up so quick, its hard to back it off. I think you need to re-read your first thread again, and consider your own user handle. You're calling me biased, but we all speak from experience. And if your end goal truly is to not hurt these women, that is, to not repeat the hurt that I experienced, I'm puzzled why you're brushing aside what I have to say... because I am their voice.
Author WhirlwindGuy Posted December 14, 2015 Author Posted December 14, 2015 I think you need to re-read your first thread again, and consider your own user handle. You're calling me biased, but we all speak from experience. And if your end goal truly is to not hurt these women, that is, to not repeat the hurt that I experienced, I'm puzzled why you're brushing aside what I have to say... because I am their voice. I am really not brushing aside your voice, I truly appreciate it and I totally get where you are coming from. I think you are making assumptions about me that are incorrect, and your delivery is kind of hard to stomach, but the place where you are coming from is correct, and I appreciate that. 2
Author WhirlwindGuy Posted December 14, 2015 Author Posted December 14, 2015 Just a status: I tried to get in touch with girl two this afternoon to have the break off conversation and she is once again busy. She has patients until 7, then a PT appointment, and then dinner with her sister and mother. Maybe we will talk later tonight, maybe not. Her MO lately is to text me around 1030 and be super chatty until midnight or so, then abruptly ends the conversation when she is tired.
Versacehottie Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 Just a status: I tried to get in touch with girl two this afternoon to have the break off conversation and she is once again busy. She has patients until 7, then a PT appointment, and then dinner with her sister and mother. Maybe we will talk later tonight, maybe not. Her MO lately is to text me around 1030 and be super chatty until midnight or so, then abruptly ends the conversation when she is tired. Yeah she might not fit into your life anyway. The abruptness signals one-sided-ness so you are probably doing somewhat the right thing by picking girl #1. The hard part will be getting that one to cool her jets---don't say I didn't warn you 1
frus69 Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 Yeah they both like you but you didn't truely fall for either of them. Did you listen to your heart? Deep down you are not sure if you will be happily committed to any of them. You should just let them go. When you meet the right girl , you will never need to think "who should I choose " 1
Leigh 87 Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 Really sorry to hear that your marriage failed. How awful. It must have been difficult for you. You know, I don't think you're smitten with either girl. And I think the best relationships start out with BOTH people falling hard for one another. You said yourself that you fell head over heels since your marriage ended; shouldn't you be aiming to feel like THAT about someone ? I never think it's ideal to date two peopl before you have to * decide who you want * I think there are women out there who will knock your socks off and who you won't be able to multi date on. If you're not ready for a relationship just date casually from the outset : don't progress things just because the girl gets super into you and falls hard. You know you aren't enamoured with girls like this. If you met another girl who you fell head over heels for, you WOULD commit. You enjoy the companionship and sex. They are great girls and you don't want to lose out on someone who's a great match on paper for you. You're not, however, feeling something special for these girls like you felt for the girl you fell hard for prior. ......... I the you're just too afraid to let good women go on the fear you will miss out. You're not sufficiently into them...TRULY into them enough....to forge any sort of relationship. You're making it out to be something it's not out of fear of loosing them as option NOT because you're smitten. 1 month is enough to be smitten and only have eyes for that one special girl. 2
Leigh 87 Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 Yeah she might not fit into your life anyway. The abruptness signals one-sided-ness so you are probably doing somewhat the right thing by picking girl #1. The hard part will be getting that one to cool her jets---don't say I didn't warn you The girl ideally shouldn't HAVE to * cool her jets* Wouldn't it be better if she found a guy who was EQUALLY into it? It's kind of sad when the girl is all in and smitten and the guy isn't as into her. I've never witnessed any relationship where that dynamic WORKED. The guy who was less into the relationship ALWAYS ended it later on, citing " something is just missing". Men fall in love differently to women. Women can start out not being that into a guy and then fal reasonably hard. Where as MEN, on the other hand, either fall head over heels early on or they never do become enamored later on. She is more into him than he is her; she is googly eyed and smitten. Where as he isn't enamoured. I think she is better off meeting a guy who feels just as excited about her as she does about him. I always think it's best when both partners feel giddy and excited from the outset and no one has to *slow down* or * chill* because BOTH of them are smitten.
dobielover Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 I am really not brushing aside your voice, I truly appreciate it and I totally get where you are coming from. I think you are making assumptions about me that are incorrect, and your delivery is kind of hard to stomach, but the place where you are coming from is correct, and I appreciate that. My delivery hurts, huh? The truth hurts. Imagine how Girl 1 would feel to know it.
Popsicle Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 (edited) Just reading the opening post, I say go with the second one. You sound more attracted to the person she is (rather than how she feels for you) and that is a more compelling reason to be with someone. Edited December 15, 2015 by Popsicle
Cherryz Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 Are you a player?? lol I dont remember hear much of guys dating 2 3 4 5 7 10 girls at the same time. thougth you go for that one girl you like and bring your a game from there lol. Do this girls know you dating both? Or both believing and hoping for something that wont happen. I would say be honest with both and stop dating both.choose none. cause if you really liked one from the start the other wont be in the picture. I do believe in getting to know/socialize with different people. Maybe im wrong. But dating 2 people and also let things go romanticly etc. just doenst sound best move. It just dont sound like you really want one special girl you met. And want to go hard for her. Or like something special if there are a second in the race. But more like : i date both and see who wins this game. Or who prove herself to be worth it i choose. Eitherway be honest from day one with girls about what you doing or looking for. So they wont invest to much into it for nothing.
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