ramboparrot Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 Been on three dates with a girl and she was free today or this Sunday, but my dad has had to go into hospital with a heart problem so we're about to go with him. Is this something I should mention to the girl I'm seeing or should I completely avoid sensitive subjects? We act like boyfriend/girlfriend and we're intimate with each other, she contacts me a lot and shared that she was on her period, had to go into hospital because of her leg, etc. I don't know if it's a good idea, as it sets a negative mood rather than the positive one I've been creating, but she shares her own things and I'd like to include her in mine. I was thinking of arranging our date on Sunday, then letting her know about it once I know the outcome of my dad's health but fear it is too sensitive.
LoveRefreshed Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 Been on three dates with a girl and she was free today or this Sunday, but my dad has had to go into hospital with a heart problem so we're about to go with him. Is this something I should mention to the girl I'm seeing or should I completely avoid sensitive subjects? We act like boyfriend/girlfriend and we're intimate with each other, she contacts me a lot and shared that she was on her period, had to go into hospital because of her leg, etc. I don't know if it's a good idea, as it sets a negative mood rather than the positive one I've been creating, but she shares her own things and I'd like to include her in mine. I was thinking of arranging our date on Sunday, then letting her know about it once I know the outcome of my dad's health but fear it is too sensitive. Ultimately, what we choose to share with people is completely up to us. Whether or not it is wise depends on a lot of things- how open you are, how comfortable you two are, how in depth are you going to go... Three dates isn't long to know how someone is going to respond to your vulnerability, but if you feel comfortable doing it and know it won't make her uncomfortable, than I don't see any problem.
Art_Critic Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 Unless you need the moral support from her then keep it to yourself. In a 3 date budding relationship try and keep out the negative unless you cannot. I hope your Dad gets well soon....
Gaeta Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 Too sensitive?? Honestly I find it too Insensitive of you to not mention it !! Your father is at the hospital waiting on maybe bad news and you worry about keeping a positive theme with this woman? c'mon on !! TELL HER: Your father is sick, you need to accompany him at the hospital, you are worried. I have had 2 dates with a man, he already knows my dog has a CT scan Monday and I am worried sick!! and it's a dog. If he cannot show empathy I don't want him in my life. 8
Author ramboparrot Posted December 14, 2015 Author Posted December 14, 2015 Yeah I'm going to keep it to myself unless she asks what is up. If we were already exclusive I would do. I don't want to put her off seeing as it's only been three dates.
acrosstheuniverse Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 Why would that put her off? Just say I'm busy Sunday going with my Dad to a hospital appointment but I am free on *this day* instead'. If she's interested, she'll ask. You can keep it light while being honest, no reason you can't just say it's for his heart and you're worried about him and then move on. I'd find it really appealing in a new date if he a) he trusted me enough to tell me that and b) he clearly showed compassion and care towards his family enough to go and be concerned. If your reason for saying nothing is because you think it'll ruin things, I disagree. If you just don't feel comfortable telling her about it from your side, then that's fine. 6
Gaeta Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 Yeah I'm going to keep it to myself unless she asks what is up. If we were already exclusive I would do. I don't want to put her off seeing as it's only been three dates. You're having sex don't you think you've shown her your vulnerable side already? Keep us update. I personally think it's a mistake. Notice that I am the only female that replied so far? Wait for other female to reply. 3
Cherryz Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 Intimate...... means you guys are having sex? If you say you already intimate with someone after 3 dates but you dont know if you should share with her that your dad is going to the hospital sounds weird to me. Because i guess you dont get intimate with who ever. You most have know her atleast and have certain trust or so. So why not tell her this? If you guys were just dating i could think maybe like oh ok maybe not tell in the worst case. But you intimate and all so i dont see why you want to keep things in a fantasy type of all is only sweet and nice. I never got issues. Cause you already sharing the ultimate thing with her by being intimate(if its sex) so the other things should be easy. And she is sharing same things with you. So its not a weird topic since she is also open about it. Beside you dont want to build any friendship on someone you dont feel relax to talk to. 4
Cherryz Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 You're having sex don't you think you've shown her your vulnerable side already? . just the words i was looking for. lol,agreed! 1
Cherryz Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 Ps: And if you guys are intimate but you not feel free or comfortable to be open to her about this. At least just mention it to her and if she ask more you tell more, means you guys went from 1 to 10 to quick. And skipped all the first steps to help you build trust and know each other and feel comfortable Instead of build first a "friendship" (way longer then 3 dates). Take it slow. Get to know eachother before taking any other big steps.
burnt Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 Is this something I should mention to the girl I'm seeing or should I completely avoid sensitive subjects? We act like boyfriend/girlfriend and we're intimate with each other, she contacts me a lot and shared that she was on her period, had to go into hospital because of her leg, etc. I don't know if it's a good idea, as it sets a negative mood rather than the positive one I've been creating, but she shares her own things and I'd like to include her in mine. OK, put yourself in her shoes, Consider the possibility that you two continue on in a relationship for a while. THEN: she finds out that she was sharing everything with you and you decided to prioritize on "setting positive mood", instead of being open. To most woman, honesty and openness is lot more important than 'positive mood' and fun time. Can you try to understand how angry, humiliated, and rejected she might feel knowing she was talking about her 'period' and you couldn't talk about your father in the hospital? Sharing is sharing--the good and and the sad--openly. 4
Toodaloo Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 Relationships are about the good and the bad. If its going well and you feel comfortable, tell her. If not she will feel like you are keeping her out of her life... something that blokes just after sex do... 2
d0nnivain Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 While I don't suggest you give a person you have only been on 3 dates with every detail of your father's condition or your every emotional feeling on the subject, do say he is being hospitalized & will be your priority over the next few days. Assure her that as soon as things are stabilized you will reach out. Do not unload on her because it is too soon for that. But she will appreciate knowing the facts -- you are at your dad's bedside, not dating other women. 4
WaitingForBardot Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 Keeping someone in the dark about the important events affecting your life is no way to build intimacy. IF you like her and are truly interested in building a future with her, you will tell her. You don't have to dwell, or go into great detail, but you will tell. 2
dobielover Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 Keeping someone in the dark about the important events affecting your life is no way to build intimacy. Yup. And when she finds out, trust will be eroded.
introverted1 Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 So you know her well enough to have sex and all that entails, but not well enough to mention that your dad is going to be hospitalized?
jen1447 Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 This manufacturing vibes thing ("want to keep it light" etc.) is really weird to me. It's one thing to complain to somebody about inane BS, quite another to share important developments. Dating someone means she has a certain level of access to you that's beyond strangers, and that includes stuff like 'life' - which includes good and bad. 3
pteromom Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 Of course you tell her! It's not even a question. Even after 3 dates, she may be sitting around wondering why you aren't calling, or why you seemed so distracted on your date, or why you aren't sharing anything with her - what secrets might you be keeping?! As noted, you don't want to unload on her and call her weeping with fear. But you can tell her your dad is sick and if you seem somewhere else, that is why. Putting on a fake positive mask is not going to build true intimacy. And it causes you to waste more time if she can't deal with who you really are. Just be you. 1
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