LookAtThisPOst Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 I heard from a female friend that some women aren't opened to being approached in public because they know the guy has only approached for ONE reason....looks only, and since they know this...this is what makes them stand-offish as they see this is disingenuous.
Toodaloo Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 I heard from a female friend that some women aren't opened to being approached in public because they know the guy has only approached for ONE reason....looks only, and since they know this...this is what makes them stand-offish as they see this is disingenuous. So talk to them like a human being before trying to throw in compliments and ask them out! Speak to them as though they are people not poo on your shoe! 3
LookAtThisPOst Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 You guys seriously have it all wrong. You think that because a woman doesn't have make up on or is wearing baggy clothes that they are slobs etc. You tend to make your assumptions based purely on looks. Yes I agree that there needs to be something but... why go for the girl who is constantly tarted up then shocks the hell out of you when the mask comes off? Why not go for the girl who is pretty enough to stand alone with out it? A few posts back, and ironically, it was mentioned by a woman and i hear it fro women, that they don't want to be approached FOR that reason. They say, "I don't like to be approached. I don't my make-up on, I'm a mess, have baggy clothes" they have such a self-image issue that it socially stunts them and they put the walls up out in public. Funny thing is, there are some women that can pull off the baggy sweats and still look cute. I had a female friend said she'll get approached no matter how "baggy" the sweat pants she's wearing or lack of make-up. lol
LookAtThisPOst Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 So talk to them like a human being before trying to throw in compliments and ask them out! Speak to them as though they are people not poo on your shoe! You're saying this under the assumption that are NOT talking to them like a human being. It's just a standard approach, this is what some women assume the main reason you're approaching is, even as soon as a man opens his mouth. Doesn't matter what he says. Basically, it's over before it's even started. Just saying for some not all. This is why Meetups or meeting through social circles is great. It already gives a reason to approach.
Bobbi7 Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 Offline dating has never worked for me. And the only times I do get approached is by preverted looking old men.
Author TheArtist Posted December 17, 2015 Author Posted December 17, 2015 A question about what I have in my shopping basket, the good old British classic about the weather. The goal is not to get her number. The goal should be to see if she is the sort of person that you want to spend time with getting to know then get their number. You guys seriously have it all wrong. You think that because a woman doesn't have make up on or is wearing baggy clothes that they are slobs etc. You tend to make your assumptions based purely on looks. Yes I agree that there needs to be something but... why go for the girl who is constantly tarted up then shocks the hell out of you when the mask comes off? Why not go for the girl who is pretty enough to stand alone with out it? Thank goodness I'm already thinking in this way! Even though a lot of those pickup videos on YouTube say to start with a compliment I always thought that seemed a bit too much somehow. If you're both looking at a painting then surely that's got to be a better topic than, 'Your hair looks nice', although I'm not saying I wouldn't get that in a some point further in the conversation. I'm finding it tricky at the moment though, mid-30s women seem to be quite sparse in this town (plus very few seem to be able to speak properly due to missing teeth and a cigarette hanging out of their mouth).
LookAtThisPOst Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 I'm finding it tricky at the moment though, mid-30s women seem to be quite sparse in this town (plus very few seem to be able to speak properly due to missing teeth and a cigarette hanging out of their mouth). I about spit out my coffee when you said that. Most women in my town look like "The People of Wal-Mart". The ones that actually look decent and well groomed with a semblance of intelligence are married. 1
Toodaloo Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 Thank goodness I'm already thinking in this way! Even though a lot of those pickup videos on YouTube say to start with a compliment I always thought that seemed a bit too much somehow. If you're both looking at a painting then surely that's got to be a better topic than, 'Your hair looks nice', although I'm not saying I wouldn't get that in a some point further in the conversation. I'm finding it tricky at the moment though, mid-30s women seem to be quite sparse in this town (plus very few seem to be able to speak properly due to missing teeth and a cigarette hanging out of their mouth). Change up what you do. If you go food shopping on a Thursday go on a Monday. If you always go to one store go to another. The thing with compliments is that if you just bandy them about they mean NOTHING. Also the way in which you compliment. We get called beautiful and stuff like that all the time. So having a short conversation and natter before hand will give you an idea of who they are and ways in which you can compliment with out if being the same old same old. Hence it will mean something. "Hey you seem really smart/ clued up about XXX and I would love to get to know you better and pick your brains can I take you out some time?" sounds so much better than "I saw you across the street and thought your ass was hot". Both compliments one really cool and the other a tad creepy. Artist you are going to have to search deeper and look harder. You may think they are sparse but I doubt it. There are a ton of single men and women in my area. They just have lives and do their own thing now! 3
Author TheArtist Posted December 17, 2015 Author Posted December 17, 2015 (edited) Actually I'm not really looking at the moment as I've just come out of a relationship, but it's always good to learn about what people do and do not like to hear. I've never tried approaching women during the day (I usually meet through friends or short college courses, or quite often on Facebook!), so this is going to be a new thing for me. (Honestly though, this town... ugh.) I would assume there are fewer available women in their 30s than younger than that though, surely? Or am I just making excuses here? Edited December 17, 2015 by TheArtist
Toodaloo Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 There are many men and women in their 30's and 40's who's friends have all paired up etc or who are now divorced suddenly. Its actually easier to meet singles in that age bracket than younger I think. The only problem is that with age come experience and wisdom and so many just do not take any crap at all, are hurting so not really great to date or are so jaded and bitter that they blame the opposite sex for everything from the grass being green to a flat tyre. So its a whole new weeding process... 1
hasaquestion Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 I heard from a female friend that some women aren't opened to being approached in public because they know the guy has only approached for ONE reason....looks only, and since they know this...this is what makes them stand-offish as they see this is disingenuous. Well you can't have "your eyes on the prize" in this kind of interaction. It's only friendly if there aren't ulterior motives. Ever notice this when you go to a bar. Some guys - and I don't think they even realize it - give off this vibe like a hunter. Like, they're stalking around the jungle like a panther sniffing for prey. That's why many men can't approach. You have to genuinely be removed from the outcome. If you have already made up your mind that you totally want to f*** her, even if you aren't forward the vibe comes through. 2
Author TheArtist Posted December 17, 2015 Author Posted December 17, 2015 There are many men and women in their 30's and 40's who's friends have all paired up etc or who are now divorced suddenly. Its actually easier to meet singles in that age bracket than younger I think. The only problem is that with age come experience and wisdom and so many just do not take any crap at all, are hurting so not really great to date or are so jaded and bitter that they blame the opposite sex for everything from the grass being green to a flat tyre. So its a whole new weeding process... That's good to know. I have noticed that very thing on dating websites, there are so many profiles that start with 'Not looking for liars or cheats', or, 'Looking for a decent man for once'. That actually puts me off and makes me think that they're not over their last relationship, not to mention aren't really ready to get to know someone properly. There are certainly a lot of off-putting profiles out there. Maybe I should start a new thread on this!
LookAtThisPOst Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 That's good to know. I have noticed that very thing on dating websites, there are so many profiles that start with 'Not looking for liars or cheats', or, 'Looking for a decent man for once'. That actually puts me off and makes me think that they're not over their last relationship, not to mention aren't really ready to get to know someone properly. There are certainly a lot of off-putting profiles out there. Maybe I should start a new thread on this! Right, in the heyday of online dating, I'd see this in a write-up, and I'd naively think, "Cool, I'm not one of THOSE guys" email them, never to get a response. I mean, as if you had to try to convince them that you're not one of THOSE guys. lol Of course, this cannot be confirmed unless they met you face to face, which they weren't willing to do anyway. So they were really shooting themselves in the foot. lol 1
Imajerk17 Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 (edited) I would love to know how you all feel about approaching potential dates during the day, away from the usual pub/club context in places such as coffee shops, libraries, museums, or just walking around town. It might sound silly to ask but since everyone is dating online (and seemingly not having much luck) I was thinking of going more traditional again, but I hate those nightclub things! Has anyone tried this? Did you have any success? How did the ladies feel about being approached during the day? Tell your stories! Yes, I do it all the time and yes I have success. Most of the times the interactions are just for that moment but often enough it has led to something more, even same-night sex once or twice. I once approached, on the street, a girl who was from out of town. We got lunch, then we went to a concert, then we went back to her hotel bar and had a drink, and then we spent the night together. We are still in touch. I just skimmed this thread for now. There are some great posts on here already. I'd say the thing is (a) relaxed confident body language and tonality--DON'T be the hunter as brought up earlier (b) find something to compliment that isn't looks (even if it is how gracefully she walks in high heels), and © be observant about her--keep maybe 60% of the conversation on her, 20% on you--share stuff about yourself to relate and show you're a real person--and maybe 20% on the environment. Edited December 17, 2015 by Imajerk17 2
Toodaloo Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 That's good to know. I have noticed that very thing on dating websites, there are so many profiles that start with 'Not looking for liars or cheats', or, 'Looking for a decent man for once'. That actually puts me off and makes me think that they're not over their last relationship, not to mention aren't really ready to get to know someone properly. There are certainly a lot of off-putting profiles out there. Maybe I should start a new thread on this! I shouldn't bother its been done to death already and those who need the help the most don't listen anyway! Those profiles are written by people who have become bitter. Its the same with the male ones too. Men and women alike seem to have lost their social skills over the years. I avoid profiles that say nothing or little ie the ones that say something like "Just ask" or "Message me if you want to know". I ignore anything bitter, resentful or negative about the opposite sex or indeed their own sex! Body language is vital. You must be relaxed confident comfortable in your own skin. Also check your mouth. Remember you are talking to a woman not the local gaff down at the pub. Don't talk you her like a man... She isn't one! Anything else can so easily be taken as creapy! The rest doesn't matter so much. Bald heads and Dad bods are perfectly acceptable and even a bit sexy! 1
LookAtThisPOst Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 I shouldn't bother its been done to death already and those who need the help the most don't listen anyway! Those profiles are written by people who have become bitter. Its the same with the male ones too. Men and women alike seem to have lost their social skills over the years. I avoid profiles that say nothing or little ie the ones that say something like "Just ask" or "Message me if you want to know". I ignore anything bitter, resentful or negative about the opposite sex or indeed their own sex! Body language is vital. You must be relaxed confident comfortable in your own skin. Also check your mouth. Remember you are talking to a woman not the local gaff down at the pub. Don't talk you her like a man... She isn't one! Anything else can so easily be taken as creapy! The rest doesn't matter so much. Bald heads and Dad bods are perfectly acceptable and even a bit sexy! Toodaloo or, "I hate writing about myself, so if you have any questions, just ask."
LookAtThisPOst Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 ...or on OK Cupid, "If you don't have a high match rate with me, above 90%, please don't waste your time." This is referring to the percentage above her profile...of course, I was above that %, only to be ignored.
Toodaloo Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 ...or on OK Cupid, "If you don't have a high match rate with me, above 90%, please don't waste your time." This is referring to the percentage above her profile...of course, I was above that %, only to be ignored. LATP you take all this personally. The same happens to women all the time! I get ignored by men who earn less, are not as good looking ALL THE TIME. I shrug my shoulders and get on with it. Who gives a damn? I don't. All its doing is keeping me free for a guy who is fantastic and wonderful etc etc. Why is that a bad thing exactly? Same as real life. When I get turned down well boo sucks - its not the end of the world. yes it can sometimes be embarrassing but what the heck someone just got a compliment so who cares! 1
Author TheArtist Posted December 17, 2015 Author Posted December 17, 2015 Body language is vital. You must be relaxed confident comfortable in your own skin. Also check your mouth. Remember you are talking to a woman not the local gaff down at the pub. Don't talk you her like a man... She isn't one! Anything else can so easily be taken as creepy! The rest doesn't matter so much. Bald heads and Dad bods are perfectly acceptable and even a bit sexy! Gawd yes! It's getting past that awful profile so that they can see the body language though isn't it! I am a bit of a slaphead but I have to say I'm really pleased with my body, which I've always looked after. I certainly won't put it on a profile though. 'Here are my pecs, if you want to see my face just ask.' One of my least favourite profiles I see is, 'I don't have time to fill this in now, I'll do it later'. You don't have time to write a few words?! How are you ever going to attract anyone?! 1
Toodaloo Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 'Here are my pecs, if you want to see my face just ask.' You would be amazed at how many mens penises have seen before their faces... Yeah stick with the face... Stick with being human!!!
Toodaloo Posted December 17, 2015 Posted December 17, 2015 I am getting to like my body too. After a rough ol' time of it I am getting back to how I want to be. Gotta say though these puppies are staying under wraps and I am not flashing anything at anyone until they become my partner... Call me old fashioned by I kinda feel that way I respect myself and my future partner... If I go flashing it about it would be a bit crass and well who wants something everyone else has already had? 2
Author TheArtist Posted December 17, 2015 Author Posted December 17, 2015 (edited) I am getting to like my body too. Gotta say though these puppies are staying under wraps and I am not flashing anything at anyone until they become my partner... Aww, that's really admirable. I'm the same to be honest. I really wish online dating worked but I really don't think it does, it's too superficial somehow. You've got to make a decision between showing your true self and not showing too much because you're on the internet and men keep sending weird pictures to you. It must be harder for a woman. Ahem, so to speak. Edited December 17, 2015 by TheArtist It was a rubbish comment. 1
thecrucible Posted January 2, 2016 Posted January 2, 2016 @Toodaloo - I love your approach. I feel the same! The goal is not to get her number. The goal should be to see if she is the sort of person that you want to spend time with getting to know then get their number. A cute ass or good make up does not show that at all. All that shows is that she has a cute ass and good make up. Tells you nothing about that person. Totally agree! People are always shocked as hell by me. I work in construction so spend most of my days in tatty old jeans and manky jumpers. Then I open my mouth and they hear my "plum" British accent.... When I stick on a dress and make up they all fall over. I have literally turned heads walking into pubs etc. I am not overly thin nor am I particularly over attractive... I am just a woman. Thats all... That's happened with me too. Well when I was more attractive, as I have put on weight recently. I'm not prepared to become self-delusional and think I am really attractive because I am not. I just know how to make the best of myself and certain men will take an interest in me. When I dress down, I don't get very much attention. I also feel less confident and I think confidence draws them in more when I am wearing make-up and dressed up well. You guys seriously have it all wrong. You think that because a woman doesn't have make up on or is wearing baggy clothes that they are slobs etc. You tend to make your assumptions based purely on looks. Yes I agree that there needs to be something but... why go for the girl who is constantly tarted up then shocks the hell out of you when the mask comes off? Why not go for the girl who is pretty enough to stand alone with out it? There is just so much pressure on women all the time. I do a lot of outdoorsy things so I can't be caked in make-up all the time as it would be impractical. When I do wear make-up, I take no more than 20-30 minutes to apply it. There are ladies who like to spend more time on it and I commend them but it isn't for me. I have too many household chores to do, books to read and sleep to catch up on in the morning. I think it's good to look as good as you possibly can for yourself as much as anyone else. But if I was always thinking in the back of my mind, "what are men going to think of my looks today?", then it would be quite exhausting. 1
thecrucible Posted January 2, 2016 Posted January 2, 2016 That's good to know. I have noticed that very thing on dating websites, there are so many profiles that start with 'Not looking for liars or cheats', or, 'Looking for a decent man for once'. That actually puts me off and makes me think that they're not over their last relationship, not to mention aren't really ready to get to know someone properly. There are certainly a lot of off-putting profiles out there. Maybe I should start a new thread on this! I think there is a general thread called "Online Dating". We could boost it up the board a bit. I can certainly relate to a lot of what you are sharing here. 1
Author TheArtist Posted January 2, 2016 Author Posted January 2, 2016 I'll have to look into the online dating threads for sure. Just be sure you don't pull out your tongue, that's not attractive or cute, even on the prettiest girl in the world. Crucible, how do you feel about being approached during the day, maybe as you say, not fully dressed/made up for it? Maybe in a gallery or coffee shop, somewhere you're not rushing trying to get things done. Do you find it flattering or it is just the most uncomfortable thing ever?
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