OFFline dating?

[Toodaloo]

I think women asking men are much more likely to get a yes than a man asking a woman, although as you say, it has a lot to do with how you approach them and how you connect.

 

Tried it, keep trying it and through basic good old fashioned experience beg to differ.

 

Women get turned down a lot too.

[Sunlight72]

So she isn't wanting to date you its not as if you are asking for marriage just a flipping drink.

 

Why not turn it on its head that you have made someone happy which is a positive thing rather than have all these bitter negative feelings.

Yep, I agree.

 

It's fun to smile and ask. With a good attitude, it's been just as much fun for me when turned down as when accepted.

 

It's kind of a zen thing - my goal isn't to 'get a yes', it is to share a smile. Sometimes more happens, and sometimes not, but both are good because I like smiles

 

Places I've asked women out during the day, and did get a yes;

- a hiking trail

- a studio where I was working (I'm an artist)

- a bank

- on a bus on a day-tour through France

- on a plane from Honolulu (well, OK, I guess it was a red-eye flight that time )

- in a gallery (she was the owner)

- at a hot springs in the Rocky Mountains

- the sidewalk (a few times)

- on the metro in Paris (where "you're not supposed to make eye contact with anyone")

- at a pet food store

 

Yep, the sunlight is no hindrance to chatting someone up

[hasaquestion]

Yep, I agree.

 

It's fun to smile and ask. With a good attitude, it's been just as much fun for me when turned down as when accepted.

 

It's kind of a zen thing - my goal isn't to 'get a yes', it is to share a smile. Sometimes more happens, and sometimes not, but both are good because I like smiles

 

Places I've asked women out during the day, and did get a yes;

- a hiking trail

- a studio where I was working (I'm an artist)

- a bank

- on a bus on a day-tour through France

- on a plane from Honolulu (well, OK, I guess it was a red-eye flight that time )

- in a gallery (she was the owner)

- at a hot springs in the Rocky Mountains

- the sidewalk (a few times)

- on the metro in Paris (where "you're not supposed to make eye contact with anyone")

- at a pet food store

 

Good stuff, Sunlight72.

 

I went on a date with a teller my age once. Asked her to put $50 of the check I was depositing in my checking account instead of savings. Then basically asked if she'd like to spend it with me. Cringe-worthy in hindsight but I got a date out of it.

 

Always thought it would be hilarious to do the same thing at a pharmacy and with a pack of condoms. But I either have the decency or lack the balls to try, depending on your perspective.

 

That said... I would discourage flirting with someone on a plane. IMO it is inconsiderate. You never want to "corner" someone while flirting with them. You're on the plane. Neither of you can just get up and walk out the door.

 

I'm not saying you can't do it, it worked for you and every situation is unique. But hitting on strangers is supposed to be a dynamic thing. I hit on you, you don't like and leave or like it and laugh, you look nervous and I stop or you look entertained and I keep going. Hitting on someone on an airplane is like trying to have a date while skipping the part where you already agreed to it. It might work (since she might have liked to go on a date anyway) but in general its a bad idea.

[Sunlight72]

That's a good point HasAQuestion! Hadn't thought of that!

 

I was just being friendly at first. I wasn't driving toward anything when I sat down, and it was pretty light for the first hour or so.

 

It was enchanting and magical, really. We just laughed a lot, and talked a lot in the second hour, and I touched her arm a few times during a story, and then the sun went down and I thought we'd snooze the rest of the flight.

 

And then when most everyone seemed asleep and she kept tipping sideways and jerking awake, I leaned to her and whispered she should rest her head on my shoulder, and she surprised me by also wrapping her arm around mine and holding my hand in both of hers.

 

We didn't kiss - but hands were warm and familiar under the blanket we shared up to our chins. For several hours. Drifting toward sleep and slipping back into focus. It was Super sweet and romantic.

 

Before landing we traded phone numbers, but we live too far apart, and the next time I went to Hawai'i I was already dating someone new.

 

It was just a very magical connection. If we'd lived closer I would have eagerly gotten past the phone calls & texts, we really clicked and seemed to have a lot in common.

 

As it turned out, the only downside in this case was the two dudes across the aisle who gave me grumpy looks when they saw us holding hands in the morning. I guess their night wasn't as cozy

 

However - I would agree with your notion that it would be very easy to be too pushy in close quarters.

[xcupid]

Go for it. Online dating isn't the only game in town.

[GR4]

I think it's fine but realize with the advent of OLD, many people are afraid of other people who talk to them in public. People feel safer hiding behind their devices.

 

 

I do think that if you have seen the person more then once -- they are always in the shop where you get your morning coffee -- that routine makes it easier to approach.

 

That is so true and yet so sad at the same time. I think technology in the dating world has been a terrible thing. People hide behind a phone or a laptop and it's become so impersonal, so easy to ignore and reject.

[oberkeat]

I would love to know how you all feel about approaching potential dates during the day, away from the usual pub/club context in places such as coffee shops, libraries, museums, or just walking around town.

 

It might sound silly to ask but since everyone is dating online (and seemingly not having much luck) I was thinking of going more traditional again, but I hate those nightclub things!

 

Has anyone tried this? Did you have any success? How did the ladies feel about being approached during the day? Tell your stories!

 

Online dating was very unhealthy for me. I was putting a lot of time into arranging meetings with people who all turned out to be crap with I met them. I had nothing but negative experiences through OLD. Since I ditched online dating, I've been focusing on meeting people through the activities I already enjoy doing. Fortunately, I have hobbies that put me in proximity to large numbers of the types of thin, sexy women I'm interested in dating. I haven't found a gf yet, but I think this approach allows me to live a much more active and healthy life instead of just spending time swiping through all the desperate people online.

[Robratory]

I would love to know how you all feel about approaching potential dates during the day, away from the usual pub/club context in places such as coffee shops, libraries, museums, or just walking around town.

 

Well, everyone's given it the thumbs up, so I'll be the spoilsport who plays a couple of caution notes.

 

First, there's the thing that you just don't see that many single people by themselves at coffee shops, libraries, museums, etc. And when you do, they're usually busy doing something with a purpose, especially at coffee shops, where people have their faces buried in their laptops.

 

And I think women, much more than men, are not always looking. It seems we guys (when single, obviously) are always in the mood to meet someone, but in my experience, women shopping or picking up coffee to go, running errands or whatever, are just not in the romance frame of mind. Despite all the PUA videos on YouTube, you find your attempts to chat them up going nowhere (if not actually strongly rejected) because they're not even in the boy/girl mindspace. They're thinking about making dinner or running late or some other concern.

[One_Made_of_Silver]

Well, everyone's given it the thumbs up, so I'll be the spoilsport who plays a couple of caution notes.

 

First, there's the thing that you just don't see that many single people by themselves at coffee shops, libraries, museums, etc. And when you do, they're usually busy doing something with a purpose, especially at coffee shops, where people have their faces buried in their laptops.

 

And I think women, much more than men, are not always looking. It seems we guys (when single, obviously) are always in the mood to meet someone, but in my experience, women shopping or picking up coffee to go, running errands or whatever, are just not in the romance frame of mind. Despite all the PUA videos on YouTube, you find your attempts to chat them up going nowhere (if not actually strongly rejected) because they're not even in the boy/girl mindspace. They're thinking about making dinner or running late or some other concern.

 

I don't think it necessarily has to be a cold approach while the woman is out running her errands, which are traditionally the least successful type of approach. As others have recommended, you can take part in group oriented 'extracurricular' activities that put you in repeated contact with the same people. The familiarity of seeing people in the same class, meet-ups etc. makes it a little easier to strike up a conversation.

[Robratory]

I don't think it necessarily has to be a cold approach while the woman is out running her errands, which are traditionally the least successful type of approach. As others have recommended, you can take part in group oriented 'extracurricular' activities that put you in repeated contact with the same people. The familiarity of seeing people in the same class, meet-ups etc. makes it a little easier to strike up a conversation.

 

That is a good point, but then we have the same problem we have at work. We ask the girl out, she says no, and now it's all awkward and we still have to work with each other.

 

Perhaps the key is short-term repeated contact with other people, some kind of course that meets twice a week for two weeks or something like that.

[thecrucible]

Perhaps the key is short-term repeated contact with other people, some kind of course that meets twice a week for two weeks or something like that.

 

I'm glad this thread got posted. I was going to ask something similar so I'd be repeating stuff if I was to post something now.

 

I agree with you - short term contact on a regular basis is the best way as you can take time getting to know the person and it isn't a pressurised environment. This is why I found dating at university easier - you could meet a bloke and get to know him through your residence or course and find many opportunities to bump into him.

 

I find dating so hard now as most of my friends aren't single and they are not on the hunt themselves so I can't take them along on girls' nights out or singles' nights. I live in a small town where I grew up so there are many people I know already and they aren't dating prospects. I am 50 miles from the nearest city and I only work part-time so it'd be expensive for me to travel to events on the off chance of meeting someone (plus there are not many friends who would go with me to such events). I can't meet any dating prospects at work as there are only 4 people work in my building and all are older and married. Many traditional avenues are closed to me. I know what the problem is - lack of putting myself out there. However I lack the practical means of doing anything about it.

 

So online dating it is! But as oberkeat mentioned in the thread, online dating can be a bit draining as you will find someone's photograph appealing but feel no chemistry when you meet them. So it feels like a lot of wasted effort. I find that I am completely nonchalant about the process whereas many of the men I meet put me off by coming across fairly strong and I won't be at the level of interest they are at. It feels a bit weird to me to develop an instant desire to date someone I've only just met. If I'm about to meet someone for a date, even if they seem alright, I don't get excited about it. It just feels like work to me - like I am attending a business networking event.

 

Euurgh it's so frustrating. I also advocate Sunlight's approach. I'm not very good at flirting but I will try and talk to as many men as possible that I'm able to meet (at this point in time, not many). When you don't meet as many people, you've just got to take the bull by the horns!

[newt]

I never wanted to do it because I was shy but now that I am in my 30's I think it's too risky because I am not good in determining how old a woman is in public.

 

For example, a woman who is 18 can look 27 because that's how old she wants to look and I can be approaching someone in public was who just in high school two years ago.

[shoplocal]

Well, everyone's given it the thumbs up, so I'll be the spoilsport who plays a couple of caution notes.

 

First, there's the thing that you just don't see that many single people by themselves at coffee shops, libraries, museums, etc. And when you do, they're usually busy doing something with a purpose, especially at coffee shops, where people have their faces buried in their laptops.

 

And I think women, much more than men, are not always looking. It seems we guys (when single, obviously) are always in the mood to meet someone, but in my experience, women shopping or picking up coffee to go, running errands or whatever, are just not in the romance frame of mind. Despite all the PUA videos on YouTube, you find your attempts to chat them up going nowhere (if not actually strongly rejected) because they're not even in the boy/girl mindspace. They're thinking about making dinner or running late or some other concern.

 

Can I be the spoilsport to your spoilsport? :-p

 

It depends on where you are, but here -- a sizeable US metro area -- there are single people everywhere. Single as in, alone at the moment.

 

That being said, yes, some people look engrossed in whatever they're doing. And some people use their activity of the moment as a barrier between them and others. But I find most people are willing to break focus on that activity, if you approach them right. However, I'm not sure I have helpful tips on what would be the right approach, since I'm pretty brazen and also have quite good conversation skills.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I would love to know how you all feel about approaching potential dates during the day, away from the usual pub/club context in places such as coffee shops, libraries, museums, or just walking around town.

 

It might sound silly to ask but since everyone is dating online (and seemingly not having much luck) I was thinking of going more traditional again, but I hate those nightclub things!

 

Has anyone tried this? Did you have any success? How did the ladies feel about being approached during the day? Tell your stories!

 

Where I am, they give you this "Why is this person I don't know trying to talk to me?" look on their face. That was before Meetup, which was my saving grace.

 

I think it's fine but realize with the advent of OLD, many people are afraid of other people who talk to them in public. People feel safer hiding behind their devices.

 

Agreed absolutely, I sometimes hear from women that say "When I go to a store, I'm in and out of there, not there to get hit on" then they rush home, lock their doors, and sign into Match.com.

 

People don't meet the way our parents did...bit at a library, grocery store, etc.

[HillValley]

This is my life!!!

 

I've registered for online dating the past year, but I haven't had luck, but I haven't really been trying either. It just seems like a lot of prolonged anguish(waiting for replies and guessing what to say) that would have taken 2 minutes to see a lack of chemistry in real life.

 

I think men and women have gotten so bad at with interactions that aren't in some kind of prescribed social setting like a bar or school where they have acquaintances to run through as a filter or do some of the guess work for them, and are more guaranteed to see that person again.

[HillValley]

Well, everyone's given it the thumbs up, so I'll be the spoilsport who plays a couple of caution notes.

 

First, there's the thing that you just don't see that many single people by themselves at coffee shops, libraries, museums, etc. And when you do, they're usually busy doing something with a purpose, especially at coffee shops, where people have their faces buried in their laptops.

 

And I think women, much more than men, are not always looking. It seems we guys (when single, obviously) are always in the mood to meet someone, but in my experience, women shopping or picking up coffee to go, running errands or whatever, are just not in the romance frame of mind. Despite all the PUA videos on YouTube, you find your attempts to chat them up going nowhere (if not actually strongly rejected) because they're not even in the boy/girl mindspace. They're thinking about making dinner or running late or some other concern.

 

This I think is a huge part of the situation.

 

Men underestimate how much it matters if a woman feels good about her self when she's approached. I mean, yeah no guy is Chris Hemsworth, so that's not an excuse.

 

A girl with her hair up in a knot, baggy pants, and trying to grab groceries doesn't want to see the guy who she thinks is hot walk up to her even if he thinks her baggy pants are cute. A guy is just thinking, "wow, she's cute and I probably won't see her again."

[newt]

This is my life!!!

 

I've registered for online dating the past year, but I haven't had luck, but I haven't really been trying either. It just seems like a lot of prolonged anguish(waiting for replies and guessing what to say) that would have taken 2 minutes to see a lack of chemistry in real life.

 

I think men and women have gotten so bad at with interactions that aren't in some kind of prescribed social setting like a bar or school where they have acquaintances to run through as a filter or do some of the guess work for them, and are more guaranteed to see that person again.

 

Or how bout a woman who contacts you first and then once you call her she is quiet and weird on the phone.

[LookAtThisPOst]

This I think is a huge part of the situation.

 

Men underestimate how much it matters if a woman feels good about her self when she's approached. I mean, yeah no guy is Chris Hemsworth, so that's not an excuse.

 

A girl with her hair up in a knot, baggy pants, and trying to grab groceries doesn't want to see the guy who she thinks is hot walk up to her even if he thinks her baggy pants are cute. A guy is just thinking, "wow, she's cute and I probably won't see her again."

 

Usually those are the kind of women with an image issue or likely insecure or both, so wouldn't be a good candidate for a relationship anyhow.

 

So...the problem just solves itself.

[HillValley]

Usually those are the kind of women with an image issue or likely insecure or both, so wouldn't be a good candidate for a relationship anyhow.

 

So...the problem just solves itself.

 

What? Not everyone looks like a supermodel when going to grab a loaf of bread.lol

 

I'm not saying she's looks unbathed. I mean, she's not wearing her "Sunday best" and that confidence that comes with feeling like a 10 when you go out to a club or something.

[RedRobin]

I think people are better off approaching people they meet doing something they enjoy... and ideally, when there is a 'price of admission'.

 

 

What do I mean by that? Price of admission in that you have to know someone... have some skill level... pay a price.

 

 

Not anyone just anyone gets in...

 

 

Case in point... I just moved to this area. I scoped out a local community organization. I called the organizer. She mentioned some work that needed to be done. I jumped in because I enjoy it.

 

 

Boom! I show up one day doing my community service, and there is another guy there (ok, he's married... hang on).

 

 

He invites me to a get together at his house... I meet a bunch of cool people... Next thing I know... I'm doing professional work with one of his friends (who is single and cute)...

 

 

That's how it works.

 

 

Edited: Men underestimate that most women aren't going to give their phone numbers or personal information out to a total stranger... I've never gone along with a request from some random guy out and about. It seriously freaked me out. When it happened a few times after my divorce, I cut all my hair off and pretended I was lesbian. Seriously. Ok, I was traumatized, lol.

 

 

If you, as a guy, are going to approach random women, do it in a setting where you have more in common than the flavor of the day.

Edited December 17, 2015 by RedRobin

[Toodaloo]

And I think women, much more than men, are not always looking. but in my experience, women shopping or picking up coffee to go, running errands or whatever, are just not in the romance frame of mind. Despite all the PUA videos on YouTube, you find your attempts to chat them up going nowhere (if not actually strongly rejected) because they're not even in the boy/girl mindspace. They're thinking about making dinner or running late or some other concern.

 

Its probably not working because you are trying the PUA tactics which quite frankly are crap.

 

Yes we do have a lot going on in our minds. Which exactly why its so lovely to be asked out that way. Even if its not going to happen (have a boyfriend, don't fancy them etc) its a lovely thing to do. Also very brave and macho.

 

Until guys realise that its not so bad to be turned down and with the right attitude it doesn't have to be a "crushing defeat" and look for the positives instead then they are going to be missing out... and also get stuck with OLD.

[newt]

I think it only works when you are in the mindset of not taking women seriously. When you maintain that min deset ypu give off a confident vibe

 

 

But when u approach with the mindset of "I think she is cute and hope I can get her number" the vibe is completely different

[TheArtist]

Even if its not going to happen (have a boyfriend, don't fancy them etc) its a lovely thing to do. Also very brave and macho.

 

I like to think that all women do think that, obviously if we're not a slimy creep about our approach. If you were available, how would you like to be approached Toodaloo? Would a compliment be a good start?

[LookAtThisPOst]

I like to think that all women do think that, obviously if we're not a slimy creep about our approach. If you were available, how would you like to be approached Toodaloo? Would a compliment be a good start?

 

Most women want to be approached when they are "psyched" for it. Out at shopping or at the gym, their heads not in it, but men are up for it pretty much most of the time.

 

But let's say at house party, BBQ, social gathering and of course, Meetup. They are ready to be approached and are open to it.

[Toodaloo]

I like to think that all women do think that, obviously if we're not a slimy creep about our approach. If you were available, how would you like to be approached Toodaloo? Would a compliment be a good start?

 

I just like conversation...

 

A question about what I have in my shopping basket, the good old British classic about the weather.

 

After a few minutes of "chatter" you can get to see if they are a genuine person or not and see if you do want them to ask you out or if you want to be asked out by them!

 

The goal is not to get her number. The goal should be to see if she is the sort of person that you want to spend time with getting to know then get their number. A cute ass or good make up does not show that at all. All that shows is that she has a cute ass and good make up. Tells you nothing about that person.

 

People are always shocked as hell by me. I work in construction so spend most of my days in tatty old jeans and manky jumpers. Then I open my mouth and they hear my "plum" British accent.... When I stick on a dress and make up they all fall over. I have literally turned heads walking into pubs etc. I am not overly thin nor am I particularly over attractive... I am just a woman. Thats all...

 

You guys seriously have it all wrong. You think that because a woman doesn't have make up on or is wearing baggy clothes that they are slobs etc. You tend to make your assumptions based purely on looks. Yes I agree that there needs to be something but... why go for the girl who is constantly tarted up then shocks the hell out of you when the mask comes off? Why not go for the girl who is pretty enough to stand alone with out it?