GIGS and a devastating break up, A bolt out of the blue.

[mbgeezle]

hi all. I frequented these forums a lot during a previous break up. helped me so much. Im back with the same gut wrenching pain again and looking for help and advice on my situation

 

Everything seemingly great. I'm 26, her 18 (a very mature, or what I thought 18 yr old). Madly in love. up until the day she did this. Nothing had changed. The love and stupid names and way we acted with each other was still there. That deep connection. All of a sudden after a night out with friends she decides she hasn't been feeling 100% content in our relationship. She needs time to go be 18. to an extent I get. but nothing I felt had changed between us. still as close as ever. The hugs. The I love yous. genuine stuff.

 

Obviously to begin with I go into backlash mode. can't believe what is happening. I want answers. she can't give me them. Just said she loves me with every part of her but she needs to do this for our later life. I agree. we part. She can't give me a guarantee she isn't going to explore other males. said she would never sleep with one but like I believe that anyway. She then turns up at my house last night drunk as a skunk. said she's done nothing but party since she broke up with us. She said sometimes you need it. I had to take her in as her so called friends just dumped her at my door. she could barely stand. I took her in put her in bed and held her hair back why she was sick into a bowl. We had passionate sex and she cuddled in my arms like she always had.

 

We had a talk and she said she just couldn't do this right now. Turns out she has become infatuated with a Co worker. Hes new, exciting. has a girlfriend, oh the irony! I asked her if it was him she wanted she said no she just lusted him. She loved me. She loved me so much but it just wasn't the right time. She needed to be free. we shared a passionate embrace told each other we loved each other and she left. I contacted her not long after citing I understand to a degree that this day would come at a some point and I was going to use this time to grow myself. I needed my driving licence so asked her to leave it under my bin and I'd put her stuff in a bag somewhere for her to collect. I said I was letting her go and moving on. I couldn't wait for someone who wasn't 100% committed to me. She said she understood. she said that we need this. and it was for the greater good. For her did she mean? She said she loved me and I've blocked her. no contact. I said time would be only factor on if we ever even saw each other again.

 

What are people's opinions? gigs? will she come running when the lifestyle she think she wants isn't what it is made out to be? She isn't a party girl. She said in one breath it wasn't her and she wanted to come home last night. She paused at the home part but she was just about to say it. It's like she is intentionally trying to block me and everything we shared out. She wants to explore. And there is nothing I can do. I went straight to the gym the same day. I'm going to get myself back and become a better version of me. There was no major issues in our relationship. I gave 100%. loved her and cherished her. When I love someone I give everything of myself. It may leave me open but it's who I am. I can't be wishy washy like she has been. Over a year our relationship lasted by the way.

 

she said she has kissed the Co worker Friday. When breaking up with me Thursday. She didn't regret it. but she knew nothing could happen and she just lusted him. She couldn't guarantee she wasn't going to pursue it in the same breath. just rubbish in my belief. The thing I can't get my head round is that her actions and feelings toward's me hadn't waned. The way she looked at me, she always called me pretty. always wanted to be held. up until the day she left. How can someone cut you out so abruptly? It has left my dumbfounded

 

We are best friends not just lovers. We literally are like 2 peas in a pod. We act like 2 babies when we are together. It's like she just doesn't want any of that all of a sudden. A complete bolt from the blue. Is this just a phase that will die out. In my heart of hearts I think it is but I'm not going to sit around waiting for that to happen. I'm a grown man and I still have a life to forge ahead with. I was extremely content in our relationship and my life before this break up. I finally have the job I craved and the girl to go with it. The girl is now gone. It's time to rebuild. I'd just appreciate anyone's opinions on how or why she did this so abruptly? What are the chances of her coming running? We both ended it with I love yous. We have parted on good terms. I've wished her well and said I'm gonna add value to my own life now. Still so confused.

[mbgeezle]

I no the path to be on now. will be going to the gym soon. Started immediately. ordered all new stuff and going to get some dedication and direction from that. Plus the endorphin overload and aching will help me feel I'm achieving something. You always wonder though if she'll realise, I no it isn't my concern. I understand that. I am my concern. My life matters. Hers doesn't. I'd just appreciate if someone could read my story and give me some clarity. basically put me in my place I think!

[LostOnes05]

You're doing the right thing. Keep up the No Contact despite any attempt she may make to come back. If you give into that she'll feel she can enter and leave whenever it bests suits her needs, without taking yours into consideration. Trust me I've been through this. That means if her dog dies...no contact. Her birthday...no contact. Would be anniversary text with your favorite song...no contact. Like you said do everything you need to do for you. YOU have to put yourself above all in priority.

 

She is young and that's a big part of the problem. I've found more of my guy friends wanting to be in a relationship and settle down than their significant others. Usually it plays out the same way. She wants to "experience" different people and do things that are exciting and new so she doesn't regret anything later. Along the way she'll get hurt by some guy and want to initiate contact because you're familiar to her. Don't take this as a sign she wants you back, she just needs to refuel her ego and get back out there...which she will. When she gets tired of the same clubs, drinking the same drinks, and pursuing guys that keep her entertained but lack substance or guys who are no good for her she'll want to settle down. I've seen this happening though later and later for women into their early to mid 30s, so no need to wait for her.

[mbgeezle]

I definitely will not be waiting. I am focusing on me. But those feeling she has surely just didn't die? they haven't just gone? I asked her why she was trying to block it out and she got teary eyed and said she didn't no. I'm just so confused right now. everything was perfect. Christmas was planned. I booked flights for a break in February. no inkling this was on the horizon

[marky00]

When my Ex broke it off after 9 years....

 

I asked for a face-to-face that day and she was literally crying her eyes out.

 

This definitely makes it harder... I mean saying they can't be with you and crying at the same time is a mind trip.

 

If I asked Me Ex why and she was honest, the answer would be something like this:

 

" I did love you once very much....the love started to fade....but i treasure the memories, the experiences and how it changed me as a person....BUT.....I met someone who I love more and I have to say goodbye.... I'm sorry for you and I'm sorry for me"

[Blanco]

Find someone closer to your age. No one is a sure bet, but 18-year-olds aren't exactly known for their stability when it comes to long-term relationships. Even "very mature" 18-year-olds.

[mbgeezle]

my ex did none of those things. She clearly still loves me. She looked me in the eyes yesterday and I can see it's genuine. I have given her a million opportunities to say she doesn't love me but she said she can't say it because she does and she'd be lying to herself and me. I no I need to do this. I just want to no if you'll think she'll come back around and how to handle it. I sent her this yesterday. A good way to end things?

 

I'd appreciate if you'd drop my license under my bin as soon as you can. You decide when you want your stuff and your ipad. and I'll leave it in the bin for you to collect. I'm doing this because I won't wait around for someone who isn't 100% committed to me. you may realise that you do want that over time, and I may want that to. I may not. You may not. I just want to get on with my life and not be at amber light. I deserve a lot more from life. I'm am who I am. I have things to change and add into my life to enhance me as a person and that is what I'm going to do. I have a Job I'm happy in and a life to forge ahead with, if by chance you and I want to be part of each others life's again then great. I no we'll both be in a better position, Wether it's 3 weeks or 3 years. My life means more to me. I'm sure you understand. I can't do anymore.

[salparadise]

. Turns out she has become infatuated with a Co worker. Hes new, exciting. has a girlfriend, oh the irony! I asked her if it was him she wanted she said no she just lusted him. She loved me.

 

What are people's opinions? gigs? will she come running when the lifestyle she think she wants isn't what it is made out to be?

 

she said she has kissed the Co worker Friday. When breaking up with me Thursday. She didn't regret it. but she knew nothing could happen and she just lusted him. She couldn't guarantee she wasn't going to pursue it in the same breath.

 

How can someone cut you out so abruptly? It has left my dumbfounded. Still so confused.

 

 

I wouldn't say classic GIGs exactly, but I guess you could call it that if you need a peg to hang it on. She's 18 and not ready to settle down.

 

She found a guy who makes her wet and she's going to see if she has the power to get him to dump his girlfriend and chase her. Excitement! She wants to explore her sexuality and experience the world from new perspectives. She's learning to optimize- to use her feminine wiles to maximize her opportunities in life. That's just something that young women have to go through. It doesn't mean you're not a good guy–– but there are princes and movie stars and race car drivers and Saudi oil ministers out there and she needs to find out which possibilities have her name on them.

 

The part about someday in the future being in three weeks was weak. She's moving on and you should too. It will take awhile to equilibrate; expect it to feel like sh*t for awhile. Don't leave the door open on this- make her believe that she's slammed that door closed forever. Telling her you're sitting there waiting on her to come back just plays into her power trip. Cut her loose and move on.

 

If you're ready to settle down permanently then you need to make sure you're dating people of the same mind- that probably means 26 or older, not 18. Hell, she's not even old enough to buy a drink and you're thinking permanence?

 

I think you should accept that this was inevitable, grieve the loss a little while and then get back out there... and the next time, think woman, not girl.

[mbgeezle]

I made it clear I'm letting her go. I've said that. That I'm moving on. I said only time would decide what would happen. we agreed a month at first but I DECIDED that I wasn't going to so that. I have closed the door. I'm based in the UK so she is old enough to buy a drink lol, made me laugh though. I no its going to hurt for a while. and I've already started the healing process with the gym till I can't lift my arm and blocking her on WhatsApp and social media. She still loves me. It's clear. its plain to see. The way she looked at me less than 24 hrs ago said that. She held my face with her hand. or is all this just a fabrication. I just don't no

[ExpatInItaly]

She might have loved you in the sense that she cares about you and your well-being, but she's not IN love any longer. At her age, this is rather normal. She's not ready to settle and commit to one guy yet. I've been in her shoes too. I had an ex when I was much younger whom I loved but I couldnt stay with him. My desire to explore and date other guys was stronger than my desire for him.

 

Keep up No Contact.

[mbgeezle]

She told me differently. that she was in love with me so much. She said to much. And it was just what she didn't want it now. I told her to not lie and to not try and soften the blow. Because I'm grown. I can take it. I just want honesty. she said she was being honest. I am just really lost

[ExpatInItaly]

She told me differently. that she was in love with me so much. She said to much. And it was just what she didn't want it now. I told her to not lie and to not try and soften the blow. Because I'm grown. I can take it. I just want honesty. she said she was being honest. I am just really lost

 

Then I think this girl has no idea what "in love" means. Because her actions certainly don't support her words.

 

I think your best bet is to walk away from her. She doesn't want the relationship you're looking for.

[Jax13]

Ugh everytime I read about GIGS I think about how perfectly it matches my ex. We are both 23 and had been dating for 4.5 years. I know her, her values, beliefs, goals and her family so well. So when she said she cheated on me and is now "seeing" this other guy, it is 110% against her character. She said she is having a confusing time in her life where our relationship started to get into marriage discussions and she panicked.

 

 

I know she feels that her partying isn't out of her system yet, and that's all this other guy does... Parties, drinks, gets sick from drinking, then does it all over again. I have even talked with my exes friends and family because I am concerned for her well being. They all say this isn't her and she is going to come around and realize soon. Which I truly believe. I have been doing No contact for the past 5 days and doing quite well I think. On a side note...just as I typed that, I got my first text from her in 5 days...hahahahaha.

 

 

I know some people tell you that GIGS doesn't exist, but I think if you truly know your girl, her values, and beliefs, that you are the only person that can fully assess the situation and go from there. Good Luck! I don't know if you are religious, but I have found that turning to God and putting your faith in him can work wonders.

[mbgeezle]

I've had to contact her because she has my driving licence and I have my test soon so had no choice. I said that I had her stuff ready and it'll be in the bin ready for her collect tomorrow (as we agreed) I said I'd blocked her but there was no need and I found it childish. I told her I loved her and wished her a happy Christmas and new year. That's it now. That is the last thing I needed to say ax the last contact I will make with her. I speak from my heart but I think I've kept myself in check here.

[drallafi]

18 year olds are not known for their stability.

 

Few months from now, she'll be onto the next one after this.

 

Don't take it personally.