RoxStar Posted May 31, 2005 Posted May 31, 2005 Here are some general points on NC. 1 - NC is a promise you make with yourself and no one else. If you break that pact with yourself, you are the only person that will be dissappointed with you. If you decide to do it keep in mind that this is your choice and no one is forcing you to do it. 2 - Its not for everyone but if you want to do it - make sure you are doing it for the right reason. IT IS NOT TO MAKE SOMEONE MISS YOU!!! Thats not NC thats called not moving on while you are waiting for your ex to return. 3 - NC is not easy. Each day it will get better as you start to heal. If any of this were easy it wouldnt be called heart BREAK. 4 - If you do it remember that you are doing it so YOU can move on not so you can make the other person miss you. ITS ALL ABOUT THE HEALING! 5 - If you break NC no one cares but you are the one that has to live with the repercussion. For example - your ex might get pissed you called or dropped by and think to themselves - boy they just need to move on already! Or your ex might reiterate all the reasons they left you to begin with - Um Hello - I can just lend you a salt shaker if you want to reopen all those wounds! 6 - There are no if ands or buts if you are going to do NC. NC IS NO CONTACT PERIOD END OF STORY. No emails, no text messages, no birthday cards, NOTHING, NADA, ZILCH... 7 - If you think its not for you thats fine but keep this one thing in mind in terms or breaking up... MAINTAIN YOUR DIGNITY. Usually with NC its a lot easier to maintain your dignity because you dont ever give your ex the gratification of letting them know you are still affected by the break up. The number one break up rule should always be MAINTAIN YOUR DIGNITY! Dont beg for them to come back, dont say things you dont mean or dont want to come back and bite you in the arse, dont let them see you sweat! Calm, Cool, Collected... 8 - NC is usually for the person that got dumped unless of course you were a dumper that caught your ex cheating or something that you had to leave the relationship whereas they might be calling you begging for forgiveness. Just remember that you made the choice to leave and do NC. STAY STRONG. 9 - NC isnt easy for anyone. Maintaining NC requires focus and dedication to the pact you have made with yourself. 10 - YOU ARE IN CHARGE OF YOUR OWN HEALING. YOU CAN SIT AROUND AND SULK OR YOU CAN PICK YOURSELF UP AND GET BACK IN THE RACE. (Thats life!)
ErinErinErin Posted May 31, 2005 Posted May 31, 2005 I think it is very good advice- even if we have heard some of it before- look at all the people who are constantly asking for reassurance about the same issues- refer them here!
ConfusedInOC Posted May 31, 2005 Posted May 31, 2005 Full NC is for people who want to forget, heal and move on. There are some cases where you want to implement LC (low contact).
ErinErinErin Posted May 31, 2005 Posted May 31, 2005 LC! Akk- now I'm all confused again- just kidding... LC is the way I am going right now (cause I miss him and want him back)...
Author RoxStar Posted May 31, 2005 Author Posted May 31, 2005 Originally posted by ErinErinErin I think it is very good advice- even if we have heard some of it before- look at all the people who are constantly asking for reassurance about the same issues- refer them here! My point exactly. I know we have all heard it before but yet there are still questions about what NC is and what is ok with NC.
ConfusedInOC Posted May 31, 2005 Posted May 31, 2005 Originally posted by ErinErinErin LC! Akk- now I'm all confused again- just kidding... LC is the way I am going right now (cause I miss him and want him back)... Figure out what caused the breakup. Work on self-esteem, confidence and independence. People are inherently attracted to independent people and are unattracted to needy, clingy people. Changing takes a lot of self discipline and will go against everything you stand for if you are clingy, needy and look to another for approval. Once I learned that I needed to make myself happy before I could make anyone else happy, it was like the lights went on in my head....
Angeleyez2583 Posted May 31, 2005 Posted May 31, 2005 Right... but isn't he the one that should be calling me.. I have talked to him in 8 days would calling him to say hi and find out how he's doing be a bad idea? I guess if he really wants me in his life he'll call but if not... oh well
ConfusedInOC Posted June 1, 2005 Posted June 1, 2005 Originally posted by Angeleyez2583 Right... but isn't he the one that should be calling me.. I have talked to him in 8 days would calling him to say hi and find out how he's doing be a bad idea? I guess if he really wants me in his life he'll call but if not... oh well Focus right now on YOUR needs. Try not to worry about him and what he is doing. Once you build your self-esteem and sense of self-worth back up, you may decide you don't want or need him anymore.
ErinErinErin Posted June 1, 2005 Posted June 1, 2005 CIOC- Thanks for all of the advice you always give to us! I (and most everyone else) really appreciate the time you dedicate to answer our questions...Even though alot of us (myself mostly) always ask about the same stuff! * I was reading some of the older forums (including one about sex and a 14 year old boy named "Tyler") and some ppl sure give you SH*T! But you're better than that... Thanks~!
ConfusedInOC Posted June 1, 2005 Posted June 1, 2005 Originally posted by ErinErinErin CIOC- Thanks for all of the advice you always give to us! I (and most everyone else) really appreciate the time you dedicate to answer our questions...Even though alot of us (myself mostly) always ask about the same stuff! Thank you. I appreciate that. * I was reading some of the older forums (including one about sex and a 14 year old boy named "Tyler") and some ppl sure give you SH*T! But you're better than that... Thanks~! You're welcome. I don't let other people's "opinions of my opinions" get me down. Life's too short to sweat the small stuff.
greenhorn Posted June 1, 2005 Posted June 1, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC Full NC is for people who want to forget, heal and move on. There are some cases where you want to implement LC (low contact). What you are saying has nothing to do with No Contact, what you mean to say is Limited Contact. It is entirely a different ball game and for those who wants their ex back. Actually it confuses when you say it alongside NC. Just as a matter of fact, all those who say about LC, does not want to give up, they try and beg their ex and ultimately one day they have to start doing NC, but only after losing all their self respect, bruised esteem and destroyed dignity. I have seen this happening to many posters in LS, those who started swearing when they were asked to do NC, and later they themself came and admitted they were wrong and started NC.
ConfusedInOC Posted June 1, 2005 Posted June 1, 2005 Originally posted by greenhorn What you are saying has nothing to do with No Contact, what you mean to say is Limited Contact. It is entirely a different ball game and for those who wants their ex back. Actually it confuses when you say it alongside NC. Actually, read the The Lost Guide to No Contact V4 guide, it says this: Practicing "No Contact" Now no contact doesn't mean never talk to your ex. But it does mean that you should not pursue your ex. Doing so will push them away. Don't solicit mutual friends or your ex's family to talk to the ex. Talk to them if they are your friends, but don't give them missions, and don't ask them questions. It's best that you don't even talk to them about your ex unless they bring it up. Just as a matter of fact, all those who say about LC, does not want to give up, they try and beg their ex and ultimately one day they have to start doing NC, but only after losing all their self respect, bruised esteem and destroyed dignity. I have seen this happening to many posters in LS, those who started swearing when they were asked to do NC, and later they themself came and admitted they were wrong and started NC. The difference is you should NEVER beg, plead or otherwise try and manipulate your Ex into taking you back. That kind of desperation is a sure-fire way of sending them scrambling to get away from you. This is also explained in "Love Must Be Tough" and why it doesn't and never will work. Some things to remember if you are considering LC: 1) Why did we break up? (What did I do, what did she do and what can be done, if anything, to repair the damage?!) 2) Re-evaluate yourself and make improvements where you need them. Not for her, but for YOU! Changes you make for someone else will never stick. Only the ones you feel you really believe you need will have any impact. 3) If you want your Ex back then at some point the Ex has to know you've changed. If you stick to NC that will most likely never happen. 4) Read "Universe's" thread on "Love is Station, Not a Destination" for some great advice on getting back with your ex. There needs to be a "Limited Contact" guide because there is a big difference between NC and LC. The point of NC is to get OVER your ex and move on if that is what you desire - or - your Ex says "We're done, that's final and I never want to see you again.." then NC is the only option. I encourage anyone who's gone through a tough breakup to read and get therapy if you can afford it. It'll definitely help change your perspective. All breakups make us stronger, believe it or not. I think they're a necessary part of maturing. Some of us (like me) learn this later in life. But we all eventually learn it.
Author RoxStar Posted June 1, 2005 Author Posted June 1, 2005 Get your own thread dedicated to Limited Contact or Low Contact! My thread is about NO CONTACT and those that choose to do it. I dont appreciate the hijack!
Author RoxStar Posted June 1, 2005 Author Posted June 1, 2005 Originally posted by greenhorn Just as a matter of fact, all those who say about LC, does not want to give up, they try and beg their ex and ultimately one day they have to start doing NC, but only after losing all their self respect, bruised esteem and destroyed dignity. B - I - N - G - O!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The relationship is over people - Its time to move on!
ConfusedInOC Posted June 1, 2005 Posted June 1, 2005 Originally posted by RoxStar Get your own thread dedicated to Limited Contact or Low Contact! My thread is about NO CONTACT and those that choose to do it. I dont appreciate the hijack! Dude, chill! Almost every thread eventually goes off topic as it brings up various other subjects. If all threads were militantly guarded, every single topic would be closed. Mine go off topic all the time, who cares?
tokyo Posted June 1, 2005 Posted June 1, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC Dude, chill! Almost every thread eventually goes off topic as it brings up various other subjects. If all threads were militantly guarded, every single topic would be closed. Mine go off topic all the time, who cares? That's the wrong answer. It's just not your thread here and if you don't mind it getting off topic, then that's your choice, but other people prefer that the threads stays focused on the topic. I don't see your post as highly aberrant, but it's not your thread and if Roxystar prefers things to revolve around her and her topic as it's her thread you will have to accept her request.
alphamale Posted June 1, 2005 Posted June 1, 2005 Originally posted by kooky That's I don't see your post as highly aberrant, but it's not your thread and if Roxystar prefers things to revolve around her and her topic as it's her thread you will have to accept her request. Actually KOOKY...my understanding is that legally, all threads belong to LS and not to the actual user who posts or starts them.
greenhorn Posted June 1, 2005 Posted June 1, 2005 Exactly, I fully agree with Kooky. This thread was about "No Contact" and if someone thinks that No Contact is not good or there is some better alternative like LC, then you should not air your views here, cause this was related to practising NC. It was also not a debate that whether NC is good or bad or NC is desirable or not. It was about the ten commandents of NC. you take it or leave it !! If you don't like NC, go ahead and don't do it, but don't say that NC is bad or not a good option. We all know that no one likes to do NC with someone you loved/or love in the first place, but there are situations when you are determined to do something which you may not like. peace
greenhorn Posted June 1, 2005 Posted June 1, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale Actually KOOKY...my understanding is that legally, all threads belong to LS and not to the actual user who posts or starts them. All threads belong to LS but deal with ONE subject only. If the original posters diverts from the subject matter for which the thread was started he/she can be chastised too, and asked to be on subject. People devote time to discuss something on the subject of the thread and not necessarily will like it to go awry or become one of the banter thread.
ConfusedInOC Posted June 1, 2005 Posted June 1, 2005 Originally posted by kooky That's the wrong answer. It's just not your thread here and if you don't mind it getting off topic, then that's your choice, but other people prefer that the threads stays focused on the topic. Wrong. If all topics had to stay strictly on topic or be closed, they would ALL have to be closed. I don't see your post as highly aberrant, but it's not your thread and if Roxystar prefers things to revolve around her and her topic as it's her thread you will have to accept her request. If the moderators deem it necessary, I'll honor the request. Each topic sparks a debate of their own of if people are easily offended their topic isn't strictly adhered to they're going to have a tough time on this board or any, for that matter. It's not practical. And might I note by complaining about not being on topic, you are in and of itself, going off topic.
greenhorn Posted June 1, 2005 Posted June 1, 2005 CIOC, you are taking it in a different perspective, let me put my point This thread is about NC, the commandents of NC or in other words how to do NC. Now since you don't believe in NC, so there is no question of agreeing to its Commandents so this thread was not for you per se. You also know that there are several threads in forums like Parents, of marriage or other man/woman but we don't go to it. We can't go there and start discussing something of our own and say that no we are allowed to hijack or diver the thread. It is not something as asking you not to post or air your views, but on the subject of NC, anything which is not related to following NC is off-topic. There are many ppl like me who believe in No Contact we like discussion on it.
ConfusedInOC Posted June 1, 2005 Posted June 1, 2005 Originally posted by greenhorn Exactly, I fully agree with Kooky. This thread was about "No Contact" and if someone thinks that No Contact is not good or there is some better alternative like LC, then you should not air your views here, cause this was related to practising NC. It was also not a debate that whether NC is good or bad or NC is desirable or not. It was about the ten commandents of NC. you take it or leave it !! The reason I brought up LC is itself a manifistation of NC. NC, when used improperly, could work against you. If you don't like NC, go ahead and don't do it, but don't say that NC is bad or not a good option. We all know that no one likes to do NC with someone you loved/or love in the first place, but there are situations when you are determined to do something which you may not like. peace It's not a question of not liking NC or not. It's a question of: 1. Why are you using it? 2. What do you hope to achieve by using it? As I said before, if you want to leave your Ex for good and move on, then NC is the ONLY option. But if there is still some hope of salvaging the relationship, then NC is NOT the way to go. I don't see what's the big deal of bringing up LC. It's very much on topic depending on where the relationship is headed. Yes, this is a thread on someone's 10 rules for NC and I don't disagree with using it. But again, under WHAT context is being used and what's the goal? Unless you know both you will never know if NC is the right option or not.
Recommended Posts