greyskies Posted May 31, 2005 Posted May 31, 2005 Sorry if this ends up being to long k? Okay my very best friend and her family have been my only family for many years and so of course her little brothers were like my little brothers and parents were like mine too. They introduced me to their friends as their daughter etc. Okay these people when I met them they were like the perfect all American family living in Nevada and my BF and I lived in a nearby state and would drive up there every other week-end or so and all holidays. Well awhile back I ended up moving in with my friend and her and I have never even had a disagreement in all the years of knowing each other. Well while I was living there her mom and dad suddenly announced they were getting a divorce. Which devastated all of us kids. Any how very quickly mom comes and moves near my bf and I and one of our brothers and my bf son which her mom raised since birth came out here and dad and our other brother stayed in Nevada. Well on April 3rd of this year I get a phone call that our little brother had been shot and killed by cousin D. And right now my bf she is incarcerated and dont get out til Sept. Well I am trying to reach someone anyone else in the family to no avail. I am completely gone over his death he was only 21 years old. my other little brother and my bf both use and the one that got shot has never done drugs. He was such a great little dude. Anyway last night I got my first collect call from my bf and she is telling me how she is all messed up over his death and how shes going to a sober living when she gets out and then asks me to call dad. Now I havent spoke to him since him and mom divorced. I did call him and it was so sad M was his pride and joy and they were tight really close and did everything together. Here is my question I am really worried because I guess cousin got out on bail for only 50 thousand dollars on a first degree murder charge and he was drug tested when he shot my brother and he had coke, meth, barbiturates, and liquor in his system. My dad was really pist last night when we spoke and he was very distant in our normally close relations so I just tried to tell him I loved him and that I was here for him if he needed me and such. Then he said Im out here at the beach by myself and just thinking. And he said I have to do it for M. And I said what do you mean dad and he said I have to theres no other way and I just dont know what to do. Cause I couldnt get him to tell me what he meant by that. I know my dad and hes very gentle and kind and loving and I couldnt picture him doing anything drastic you know. But Im scared for him and what he has in mind. And I dont know if I should tell my bf what dad said while she is locked up. Will it be to much for her push her over the edge and make he time there even worst then it is already. Or do I go to Nevada and stay with dad. I know if I asked him if he wanted me to come he would say no. So I was thinking just fly out there and surprise him. I dont know what to do and im very upset. Any ideas would be helpful thanks
IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted May 31, 2005 Posted May 31, 2005 I'm confused.....Why id your best friend (bf) in jail, I thought your cousin shot your brother? Aren't you living with your bf? I can't tell is you mean boyfriend or best friend. Now with your Dad, I'm sure he has so much rage in him...He lost a son but another family member.....there is no greater loss than the loss of a child. Right now he's thinking drastic. Thats a natural feeling when something like this happens to you. I think you need to keep him occupied long enough so that the rage will go away. Eventually, it will.
Craig Posted May 31, 2005 Posted May 31, 2005 Originally posted by greyskies Any ideas would be helpful thanks First make friends with the paragraph. It's very hard to read one huge paragraph. I had trouble following your story but from what I think I read it could be a good idea to go see your Dad. He's not thinking clearly right now and the last thing you want him to do to forget about the people that he loves that are still alive. You don't want him to do something stupid that takes him away from being there for his loved ones. It is the ultimate in crappiness to loose someone this way. I am sorry for everyones loss.
Author greyskies Posted May 31, 2005 Author Posted May 31, 2005 About the paragragh thing... Im so worried I wasnt thinking along those lines at the time wont happen again. To answer the question from the first poster. No where in the story do I mention any boyfriends so yes bf in my current post stands for my best friend sorry again for the confusion. My fault entirely. Okay none of the people I refer to in this post are my blood relatives. But personally they are the only family I have so basically they and I concider myself blood. About my bf being in jail and me revealing that is safe I know no one on this site and if I do they know me and my friend and whats happening anyway so I didnt front off anyone. My concern was should I tell her that I think her dad is going to do something drastic or should I just handle the situation myself. I just am not sure what I should do having never been in such a situation and the fact being that if I dont tell her and something does go a rye, she will be totally pist. And if I do tell her and she calls dad all upset and worried hes gonna chew me a new as_hole. Or if I do tell her and she gets all freaked out and starts getting into trouble in there and loses her date. There are a lot of things to juggle in this situation and I am afraid to make the wrong decistion. I hope this clears everthing up for my responders thank you for taking the time out to respond I am very grateful. Hope this post is more to the LS standards lol.
Craig Posted May 31, 2005 Posted May 31, 2005 What someone, anyone, does with the truth is not your responsibility. The way I see it and I'm not in your shoes is that disclosing what you know might hurt some feelings (worst case) but not disclosing what you know could result in far worse things happening.
Author greyskies Posted June 1, 2005 Author Posted June 1, 2005 So what would you do Craig I have read your posts and you seem to be very wise and I am so unsure of what to do. See if dad wasn't alone out there in Nevada I wouldn't be tripping but he's all by himself. And I am not going to tell my BF because I think she will be incapable of handling that at this point and time. I talked to her and she doesn't sound like my friend that left me a year and a half ago. And I write her every week and she is just torn apart about her little brothers death and her and the cousin that did this to her brother we very close before this incident. I don't know I cant just sit and do nothing though. I know if dad was going to do what I think he is going to do he may take his own afterwards as well thats my greatest fear.
Craig Posted June 1, 2005 Posted June 1, 2005 Thank you for the compliment but you should know I've made my fair share of mistakes in life and I'm certainly not finished making them. Make regular contact with your dad, engage him in conversation, when the topic comes up and you hear him talking about revenge ask him if the victim would want your dad to throw his life away. Be soft and supportive and prepared for him to cry like a baby. Let him cry. It very well could be that your dad is not serious and is just venting but he also could be serious. If his attitude doesn't change by the release date you need to call the police and tell them everything. There are no guarantees with this approach and maybe he isn't serious at all but just seems that way. If he is serious then hopefully the worst case scenario would be jail time for your dad and that beats the feared alternative every time. PS - This is just one idea there may be more ideas and there may be better ideas so don't think this approach is the only way to go.
quankanne Posted June 1, 2005 Posted June 1, 2005 sounds like you're in a lot of pain ... and confusion ... over what has happened in your adopted family's recent history. My thoughts? be a good friend, let your BF know how much you care, and if you're able, go be with your adopted dad. Because even if there were hard feelings over the divorce, no one, NO ONE should have to suffer through the death of a loved one alone. He may not act like it or he may not say so, but he needs his kids -- and that includes you -- around to re-affirm life in the face of death. Even if all you can give is a long weekend, do it. Because you'll regret missing the opportunity to do so much, much more than you would regret going. He needs you and he will appreciate that you love him so much that you would be with him right now. So go, and don't worry about what anyone else in the family may say. I admire the love you have for your BF's family, and I wish you the best in whatever you do decide.
NiCoLe20 Posted June 1, 2005 Posted June 1, 2005 where is the mom in this whole situation? i understand theyre divorced but maybe she could talk to him?!! afterall, she's the mother of the son too so maybe if they talk, he would feel better. if thats not an option, maybe then u should go out there and visit and see whats up. but its not ur responsibility if anything happens remember that. you cant make people do certain things, and you shouldnt be the one to carry around this bundle of emotions. i understand its close family friends, but you cant help everyone out! lol... see whats goin on in arizona, if its bad talk to your best friend
RecordProducer Posted June 1, 2005 Posted June 1, 2005 I don't think your dad wants to commit a suicide. It sounds like he wants to think things over. But it would be good for you to re-new your relationship with him. Don't surprise him. People don't like surprises as much as the ones who give them enjoy them. Let him know that you would like to visit him and spend a few day with him, because you miss him. Make it sound like you need to be with him. Ask him what time would be convenient for you to visit. Visit him and cheer him up, be sweet and cheerful. Don't tell your BF who is jail anything about her father. She has a lot of pain already. In any case, you might tell your dad that if he happens to have some stupid intentions that you would be devasteted to lose him and that you love him a lot and will help him to go through any emotional crisis. Good luck! P.S. Why is your BF in jail, if no secret? Is her mom visiting her in jail? What about you? I hope you both do as well as her brothers.
Author greyskies Posted June 2, 2005 Author Posted June 2, 2005 P.S. Why is your BF in jail, if no secret? Is her mom visiting her in jail? What about you? I hope you both do as well as her brothers. My friend was clean and sober for seven years and we became very close friends through recovery many years ago. Today I pulled out the cam-cord and was watch all our holiday videos throughout the years. And found that I have tons of my brother which will make dad happy. Opps getting off track well her and I both relapsed during the divorce of her parents and she had just broken up with her boyfriend and I was having relationship problems it was just way crazy then and everyone went off the deep end it was really sad cause her and I had never in all the years of being friend had a disagreement but once we were using together it was like a battle field and it broke my heart and I removed myself from the situation. Once I left and wasn't living there anymore she started committing crimes of some sort I never asked and really don't want to know what she actually did but I heard she was in a stolen car when she was arrested. She got two years in prison. Her dad and I talked again today and he was out in the desert looking for a psychic medium he is not at all the man I knew before. I asked him if he would like me to come stay with him just for a couple of days and he said NO!!! And now Im just more devastated then I was before. I have not heard from my BF again yet and I am glad because I am so distraught right now and she will know that something is very wrong. Oh and I believe now that all dad is going to do is watch to make sure his sister doesn't try to let her son slip through the cracks before his court date. He said he had to do it for M he meant not let that guy slip away and get away with killing his son.
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