CaptCharisma Posted December 13, 2015 Share Posted December 13, 2015 I am talking to this girl right now that I met through a dating site. We both have been on two dates. I think it went well. She said she had a lot of fun but it seems either she's not interested, too nervous to ask questions, or just sucks at conversing. If I want to get to know someone better I ask all the questions I want to know about that person if I can relate in one way or another. Not her though. We text and talk on the phone on a daily basis, but mostly text. When we text each other she says that I put a smile on her face when she receives my text. She text me something like "hey hun, your text put a smile on my face. You should get some rest since you work late last night". She never ask me how am I doing, how my day was, how was work and etc. I always have to initiate and ask her questions to keep the conversation going. It's the same with our phone conversations, she'll called and say that she wants to say hi to me. We'll make small talks and then she has to go. This makes it hard for me to try to get to know her better if she doesn't attempt to ask me any personal questions. I am going to ask her to a 3rd date. If this keeps going like this I am going to have take my losses and move on. What are some methods I should use to engage her into a conversation? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted December 13, 2015 Share Posted December 13, 2015 How is she during dates? Does she take an interest an you and ask you questions? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
neowulf Posted December 13, 2015 Share Posted December 13, 2015 If this keeps going like this I am going to have take my losses and move on. What are some methods I should use to engage her into a conversation? I've encountered more than a few of the kind of people you're describing. Ultimately, you can't make those people "take an interest" in others. It's simply how they're wired. I've noticed the behaviour a lot in people who have no issues making conversation primarily about them. They expect that if you had something you wanted to share, you'd just tell them. It doesn't occur to them that they might have to ask you. In the end, I'm with you OP. It's a red flag. After 2 dates, I wouldn't be going on a 3rd. The early dates should be the most question intensive sessions. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CaptCharisma Posted December 13, 2015 Author Share Posted December 13, 2015 How is she during dates? Does she take an interest an you and ask you questions? She seems interested, but one of the most annoying thing I would have to say about her is that she's glue to her phone while we're on a date. When we are on our date, we can strike up conversations and have fun together. It's just when we are not together. She doesn't ask anything about me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CaptCharisma Posted December 13, 2015 Author Share Posted December 13, 2015 I've encountered more than a few of the kind of people you're describing. Ultimately, you can't make those people "take an interest" in others. It's simply how they're wired. I've noticed the behaviour a lot in people who have no issues making conversation primarily about them. They expect that if you had something you wanted to share, you'd just tell them. It doesn't occur to them that they might have to ask you. In the end, I'm with you OP. It's a red flag. After 2 dates, I wouldn't be going on a 3rd. The early dates should be the most question intensive sessions. I know it's a red flag. I am going to set up a 3rd date with her. If this doesn't panned out then I am not going to waste my time. Plus she jacked my one of my favorite hoodies when she stayed over my place. I need to get it back Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted December 13, 2015 Share Posted December 13, 2015 She seems interested, but one of the most annoying thing I would have to say about her is that she's glue to her phone while we're on a date. When we are on our date, we can strike up conversations and have fun together. It's just when we are not together. She doesn't ask anything about me. Oh for goodness sake! She is not asking you questions and on top of that she's glued to her phone!! Huge waste of your time, just move to next. Even if she is interested in you, who wants someone like that in their life? Link to post Share on other sites
SwordofFlame Posted December 13, 2015 Share Posted December 13, 2015 She sounds overly self centered. Move on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted December 14, 2015 Share Posted December 14, 2015 She's either got 500 other guys or she's just emotionally retarded (which is entirely possible with people in this day and age). 3 Link to post Share on other sites
notinept Posted December 14, 2015 Share Posted December 14, 2015 I say if its mostly just the lack of asking you questions/engaging you in convo, I would just chock it up to her being a typical woman, and to just be patient with her ! I've been on a lot of 2nd dates in my life and I'd say that on half of them I did 85% of the question asking and then listened listened and listened some more. With most of those, even though other signs were good, I was seriously considering not asking about a 3rd but I did and most of them asked more questions and were more engaged on a 4th, more yet on the 5th until it was pretty much an even split between us. I'd do a little poking around into something that really fires her up, does she hint at something that she loves (hobbies/interests etc.) or even something she hates (controversial stuff even) to stimulate some emotion in her, I've found it's amazing when a woman associates your conversation with passion ... Link to post Share on other sites
dobielover Posted December 14, 2015 Share Posted December 14, 2015 I say if its mostly just the lack of asking you questions/engaging you in convo, I would just chock it up to her being a typical woman, and to just be patient with her ! This is absolutely not true! This is categorically the case for men, not women! Typically, men tend to want to impress at the beginning, so they spend a lot of time advertising about themselves without really making an effort to get to know the person sitting across from them at the dinner table, not the other way around! Perhaps the reason why she's eager to get off the phone or end conversations is because he's not asking her questions and is droning on about himself and boring her? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Maggie4 Posted December 14, 2015 Share Posted December 14, 2015 You'd best move on, because you are incompatible and people don't change on this issue. I don't ask questions when I want to get to know someone. I just let him talk freely, and what he doesn't say is as important as what he does say. I find it awkward to go back and forth with Q&A like a job interview, and imo it is rude to ask certain personal things directly. Basically, what you really really want to know, are often the questions you can't ask when you don't know each other that well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pizzaro Posted December 14, 2015 Share Posted December 14, 2015 She's not interested in you and she's busy texting and chatting with other guys she's more interested in. You asking her questions is just you trying to desperately cling onto her. Move on and date women that will actually take active interest in you not passive. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CaptCharisma Posted December 14, 2015 Author Share Posted December 14, 2015 You'd best move on, because you are incompatible and people don't change on this issue. I don't ask questions when I want to get to know someone. I just let him talk freely, and what he doesn't say is as important as what he does say. You are right. We are incompatible. That is just what I need to hear from someone. I am going to stop communicating with her and see if she calls or text back with in any interests. If she doesn't then I will take my losses and move along. If I keep pursuing this relationship I will get hurt at the end. I am kind of bum this relationship didn't work out, but it's a learning experience. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lino Posted December 14, 2015 Share Posted December 14, 2015 She isn't asking because she doesn't care. You're just the guy to fill time for now and for her to get free dinners and outings from while she's bored and waiting for the guy she really likes. Once she meets that guy she'll disappear without a trace. Been there a few times 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Glitters Posted December 14, 2015 Share Posted December 14, 2015 Glued on phone while around you? And your question is? Link to post Share on other sites
LookAtThisPOst Posted December 14, 2015 Share Posted December 14, 2015 I've encountered more than a few of the kind of people you're describing. Ultimately, you can't make those people "take an interest" in others. It's simply how they're wired. I've noticed the behaviour a lot in people who have no issues making conversation primarily about them. They expect that if you had something you wanted to share, you'd just tell them. It doesn't occur to them that they might have to ask you. In the end, I'm with you OP. It's a red flag. After 2 dates, I wouldn't be going on a 3rd. The early dates should be the most question intensive sessions. Right, I dated this one woman, there was a mutual attraction, she thought I was cute and funny, but she would never ask questions about me..I would always with her...but she didn't seem the least bit curious about what made me tick or something. She would just mostly talk about everyday funny things she personally experienced and such, but she was never really into any lengthy, intellectual, "getting to know you" questions. When I had brought this to her attention, she's like "Oh, I don't like to pry, I'm sure you would eventually tell me things about yourself." I think this may be the reason she's been divorced twice though, and could be why some relationships don't last. I just like to ask questions. Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted December 14, 2015 Share Posted December 14, 2015 (edited) Holy moly. Honestly, two of my BIGGEST pet peeves when it comes to dating is constantly looking at or responding to their phone and poor communication skills which STARTS with asking a little about me. Both are so damn rude I just don't have time for men like this. It's a serious epidemic no matter the age anymore. Then they have the nerve to ask me out for another date! Yeah, no thank you. Edited December 14, 2015 by Michelle ma Belle Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted December 14, 2015 Share Posted December 14, 2015 She isn't asking because she doesn't care. You're just the guy to fill time for now and for her to get free dinners and outings from while she's bored and waiting for the guy she really likes. Once she meets that guy she'll disappear without a trace. Been there a few times Read this... This is what is happening. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CaptCharisma Posted December 14, 2015 Author Share Posted December 14, 2015 Thank you for the feedback ladies and gentlemen. I've decided that stopping contacting her is the best decision right now. I don't think she's being honest with me in the first place anyway and she knows how much I hate liars. We added each other on Facebook and Instagram recently and she lied to me about something. The last time I saw her she showed me a picture of her nephew because they were celebrating his birthday. Then last night, I was checking out her pictures on IG and this nephew of his is actually his son. His son comment on one of her pictures and said "thank you, mom". If she can lied to me about something this small who knows what else she can be lying to me about. Her son doesn't live with her and lives with her mother. When she showed me her son's picture I asked her where his mother is at. She said his mother was doing drugs somewhere which makes me thing she's a drug addict. There are so many red flags that I was so blind to see. The last thing I want to do is to get my brand new $100 hoodie sweater that I let her wore home the last time she was here or should I just take my losses and forget about it??? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted December 14, 2015 Share Posted December 14, 2015 Thank you for the feedback ladies and gentlemen. I've decided that stopping contacting her is the best decision right now. I don't think she's being honest with me in the first place anyway and she knows how much I hate liars. We added each other on Facebook and Instagram recently and she lied to me about something. The last time I saw her she showed me a picture of her nephew because they were celebrating his birthday. Then last night, I was checking out her pictures on IG and this nephew of his is actually his son. His son comment on one of her pictures and said "thank you, mom". If she can lied to me about something this small who knows what else she can be lying to me about. Her son doesn't live with her and lives with her mother. When she showed me her son's picture I asked her where his mother is at. She said his mother was doing drugs somewhere which makes me thing she's a drug addict. There are so many red flags that I was so blind to see. The last thing I want to do is to get my brand new $100 hoodie sweater that I let her wore home the last time she was here or should I just take my losses and forget about it??? Aren't you jumping the gun here?? You know how many of my daughter's friends call me affectionately 'mom'? Link to post Share on other sites
Mjm1014 Posted December 15, 2015 Share Posted December 15, 2015 Hate to say it, but don't expect things to really change even if it grows into a "relationship." Over the years I've come to realize that something like this is a big red flag that she could be very self centered. What you see in the beginning is usually what you get-and people rarely change that much, I'm sure she cares, and while you may have feelings for her, over time you will most definitely resent her since she doesn't show interest in your life. Like you, I met a girl that acted the same way, and expected her to open up over time and engage me more about my life. I hung in there for 8 months until one day I said enough is enough-she never showed interest in anything about it. Every conversation was about her day at work, what she did, issues she's having etc...so I ended things. Seriously, doesn't take a rocket scientist-there's no reason why she shouldn't act interested in you and your life unless she is 1. Not interested or 2. More than likely just extremely self centered. Sorry man but I'd run and look for a relationship that will be a lot more fun-sounds boring. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted December 15, 2015 Share Posted December 15, 2015 The last thing I want to do is to get my brand new $100 hoodie sweater that I let her wore home the last time she was here or should I just take my losses and forget about it??? Your saving money by not taking her out so put it towards a new one. Link to post Share on other sites
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