stealsyourpizza Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 To keep the story short, I had a huge crush on this girl who i considered as best friends until I woke with someone no guy ever wants to hear from a girl: what she said she begged to me not to get mad at her, but I did horribly and almost losing her forever, yet I didn't curse at all, I kept so calm it did blow my friends mind, then suddenly at 2AM I got a message from a close friend: "ok, so I'll tell now. So let me say this first ; I love nils so much, and I don't think he understands how much I really do. But knowing that I'll 99.9% won't ever meat him.but anyway, I got a boyfriend last week, and it was eating me alive not to tell him to the point where I felt sick and I finnaly told him last night, while he was asleep, which Ik is screwed up but I was scared, scared of losing him and just scared of everything.but I told him and I knew he was gonna be pissed, which he was and I expected it. Anyway uhm I knew he was pisses and it caused a lot more, and he felt like ****, so did I, but he kept saying things but I just let him vecasue I know I hurt him and I really didn't mean to..just after your hurt and treated a certain way for so long you do it to others, not even on purpose it just happens. I just feel like complete **** for doing this to him but he keeps carrying it on and I just can't anymore, he gets mad at me all the time for no reason, if I don't answer for like an hour apparently I'm ignoring him, which I'm a 'pro' at . I'm sorry I have a life ? I don't know there is just alot going on an dim so done trying. I don't know, be if he wants yo stop talking to me I understand I screwed up big time ." - - - - She knew she screwed it up big time, and as my anger management isn't the best I ended up with 3 broken fingers bc I punched the wall out of being furious, yet I know it's better to deal with it then leaving her, yet I try to forgive her yet I don't know if it's even the right thing to do, I'm feeling since she told it I got stabbed in the heart, I try to stay calm against her but I know I can explode anytime, I need advice to fix this, bc I feel very sh*t, Sorry for my English I'm not a native English speaker
Jersey born raised Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 Are you saying you had a girlfriend / boyfriend relationship? Where the two of you intimate? For the time being do not contact or go near her. Stay NC until you share more info here and the dust settles
spiderowl Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 If you two weren't dating each other, then she has every right to get a boyfriend. She was obviously very worried about telling you. If you and she were not girlfriend/boyfriend, then there is nothing you can do. You have reacted with anger, which would seem excessive if there was no commitment between you. I can understand your hurt, as anyone would feel that if they were keen on someone. Anger is also understandable but it is also a little disturbing that you seem to think it is natural and that this is her fault somehow. This makes me think that maybe she was justified in being worried about telling you the truth. I know you feel angry but you need to find a way to express this elsewhere and safely. You should not turn it on her. Find a gym and a punchball or something. Do lots of running. Go and see a counsellor and offload your pain with someone who can help you to gain perspective. I do not intend to minimise your pain. Whatever you thought the relationship was - and whether that was what it really was or not - you are hurting. Now is the time to cut off from this woman and leave her behind to look after yourself. It will do you no good whatsoever to continue to hold her responsible for your anger. I think you already know that.
TaraMaiden2 Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 The way I see it, is that the OP had a huge amount invested. As usual, the girl was very content with a platonic relationship. His 'friendship' however, had a motive, an agenda. He wasn't a friend. Never a friend. He was crushing on her and wanted more. He wanted a relationship with her, so from his PoV, this "friendship" was a hopeful avenue to something more. But evidently he was extremely needy and clingy. As her text to a mutual friend shows, the OP was possessive and jealous. He has anger issues, and three broken fingers are evidence of that. So then she actually found a BF. And the OP's attitude and behaviour made her scared to tell him, because she knew he would react badly. But she didn't want him as a BF, and never did. Her fault lies in the fact that she persisted with the platonic friendship, because obviously, such a closeness fed a need in her for companionship, support and company. Now, she has a BF. That space has been filled. stealsyourpizza, sadly, you pinned all your hopes and desires on this relationship, but your love was - and is - unrequited. You built this up to be far bigger than it actually ever was. I'm sorry, but that is YOUR problem. The fact that your behaviour made her scared to tell you face to face, is something YOU need to work on. She's frightened of facing you, and that's not a good thing. You need to work on your anger. Breaking 3 fingers in anger over a girl is just really stupid. Leave her alone, let her get on with her life, and work on your temperament. IT's not a good one to have, in any relationship. Putting your fist through a wall would terrify any woman. That would seem to imply that part of your temperament is beyond control. As far as any woman might know, her face could be next. You may protest and deny that. But I don't buy it. No sensible woman would. I wouldn't simply take your word for it. Get help for your anger. It's unhealthy.
blanford Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 I don't see any reason why you can't forgive her. Firstly, did you open up to her about your feelings toward her? If not, then you will remain in friend zone status not unless you tried to tell her the truth. And, she just ignore your feeling.
anika99 Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 Also I noticed that she said she is 99.9 percent sure the two of you will never meet, which makes me think this whole friendship took place online and through texting. You can't really expect a young woman, whom you can't even meet in person and date properly, to not want a real life boyfriend. You identify her as a friend so why would you have the expectation that she not date? No doubt, she should have been upfront and honest with you from the start, but you have to take ownership of your part too. You were only pretending to be her friend while you figured out a way to turn it into more. If she was aware of this she should have ended the friendship but she probably enjoyed the attention. You are both guilty of abusing the friendship. If you want a girlfriend, try to meet people who you can actually date in person. Nobody emotionally healthy girl who seriously wants a full time relationship is going to settle for a cyber boyfriend. Also when you meet a girl you like be upfront about your intention to date her. If your interest isn't reciprocated by her then forget about her and move on to the next. Don't play this game of pretending to be friends when that's not what you really want. It's dishonest, manipulative and it will never end with you getting the girl.
preraph Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 It says you haven't met (actually, it says "meat," but giving you the benefit of the doubt.) You do NOT know who a person is until you have been face to face a few times and shouldn't get invested until you have.
Author stealsyourpizza Posted December 16, 2015 Author Posted December 16, 2015 Sorry stuff happend in life and I'm sorry I didn't respond, anyway we've actually seen each other a lot but as we live 8 hrs from each other she's kinda right, anyway some serious stuff happened which I feel really guilty for, she was and still is depressed, way way way worse then I could've imagined including her parents (I speak to her parents everyday) Monday I got hit hard, I woke up with something no one wants to hear, she tried to commit suicide and God thanks she's still alive, but I felt guilty for it, the fact I raged so much against her is probably something to add up with it, she felt **** for what she's done to me, she thought she destroyed my life etc but at the same time I knew it was my fault, so the first thing I did when I saw her last night was to make her happy, make her feel special etc without in a love way if you get what I mean, she feels way better now, I promised her with my heart I'd never let this happen again, yet I feel it coming sometimes the way she responded (probably scared of me), I've been trying to work on my anger management issue and it's working quite well, I've been running for at least 1hr a day and I feel a ton better, and go be honest in the end it was definitely not worth it, not at all after what happened, if people need more info don't be afraid to ask
preraph Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 there is no up side to her acting or being suicidal. But you need to be real sure she wasn't just acting that way to get your sympathy. That's actually preferable than her actually being that unbalanced though. And you probably need to take an anger-management to get ahold of yourself so you don't really mess things up some time. I don't mean to be judgy, but what you've got here is distrust, violent outburst and suicidal ideation, none of which is good, but yet you seem ready to settle right into it. Just a thought.
Recommended Posts