Jump to content

Why Does My Ex Send Me Selfies etc?


While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

Posted

My ex broke up with me a couple of months ago after saying he didn't feel anything. It was a short relationship so it was an amicable break up and we still talk but we've been talking a lot more recently.

 

A number of things has been making me question whether he still wants just friends though.

 

Firstly, he keeps sending me pics of himself. He's been making progress at the gym and asked if he could send me pics to show me. They're usually of his biceps or his abs - two things he knows I liked about his body.

 

He also sent me this message which is even more confusing:

"Oh... Just wanted to say... In my life I've been pretty laid back and let things be as they are... Had friends.. Lost friends.. Been comfortable knowing I can be fine on my own, there are a hand full of things that make my life.. My bikes, the gym, my music, Adam and.. You because you are such a rare find these days, you just a full blown wonderful person and a treasure I shall keep close I'm very greatfull to have met you and that I know such a decent person I can turn to and that you confide in me too, I'll always try pick you up when ya down and show you the sun on the other side, just want you to know... You may feel like things are hard right now.. But you'll get through it like everything else and always remember there's always someone who thinks the world of you when you don't random I know but wanted you to know x"

 

And after thanking him and saying how nice the message was, we continued the conversation and he sends me another picture of himself at the gym.

 

I think he still knows that I have feelings for him but I dont know if he is just being friendly or if he's testing the waters? What is he trying to do? I dont want to assume too much and embarrass myself but its bugging me!

Posted

Sounds like he doesn't want you to forget about him so he can come back to you if it doesn't work out with whoever he may be dating now. It's crappy. I've been through that numerous times.

  • Like 1
Posted

I think he is testing the waters and to me, he sounds like he clearly likes you and may be regretting his decision. I'm guessing a big part of the reason is that you calmly accepted the breakup, remained amicable and have acted non-chalant. I bet he has gotten to know you without the pressure of dating or dating expectations. Also you for sure don't have a desperate vibe by the way you handled. This lets people see you from another point of view--not the one they were expecting. If he is seeing you selfies, he cares what you think and may be a bit on the vain side--which also makes this whole thing make sense.

 

He could have gotten scared at the beginning and wanted to work on himself before he was ready. You have to be careful in case he just wants an ego boost from someone he assumes will give it to him easily. But that text is about your character and very thoughtful--usually guys looking for ego boost, find a way to quickly turn it back to themselves and are not so in depth and thoughtful about you. To me, I think he is reconsidering having let you go. Time will tell. Good luck if that's what you would want. Maybe you should teasingly ask him why he keeps sending the selfies??? In a way, you can get him to spill his motives about you. :)

  • Like 1
Posted

I wouldn't read anything except friendship into that to be honest. Especially with the part about you 'getting through this'. If this is painful for you, request some space so you can move on.

  • Author
Posted
I think he is testing the waters and to me, he sounds like he clearly likes you and may be regretting his decision. I'm guessing a big part of the reason is that you calmly accepted the breakup, remained amicable and have acted non-chalant. I bet he has gotten to know you without the pressure of dating or dating expectations. Also you for sure don't have a desperate vibe by the way you handled. This lets people see you from another point of view--not the one they were expecting. If he is seeing you selfies, he cares what you think and may be a bit on the vain side--which also makes this whole thing make sense.

 

He could have gotten scared at the beginning and wanted to work on himself before he was ready. You have to be careful in case he just wants an ego boost from someone he assumes will give it to him easily. But that text is about your character and very thoughtful--usually guys looking for ego boost, find a way to quickly turn it back to themselves and are not so in depth and thoughtful about you. To me, I think he is reconsidering having let you go. Time will tell. Good luck if that's what you would want. Maybe you should teasingly ask him why he keeps sending the selfies??? In a way, you can get him to spill his motives about you. :)

 

 

He has had a very difficult past and its caused his past depression so I am unsure whether or not he is currently depressed. When he broke up with me, he revealed to me that he felt nothing and then he was able to open up to me about having depression (yes, in the same conversation as he was breaking up with me). He has posted lyrics on facebook such as "Id love to feel love" and also posted that his bike, the gym and his music all just being distractions.

  • Author
Posted
I wouldn't read anything except friendship into that to be honest. Especially with the part about you 'getting through this'. If this is painful for you, request some space so you can move on.

 

Ive been having a tough time with work and my cat died only on Tuesday so hes been helping me through that and thats the part he means by the "getting through this". I dont think hes aware how hard it was going through the break up so hes not referring to that. I made sure he never saw my hurt :)

  • Like 1
Posted

It could go either way.

 

I this is the reason that I recommend NC, it helps you gain some objectivity about the person and helps you surrender all hope of getting back together. When its too soon, these types of text are especially hard to interpret because there are too many raw and unsettle emotions involved.

 

With some time apart you would be better able to tell if you're just seeing his normal personality, flirtation or basic attention whoring.

  • Like 1
Posted
He has had a very difficult past and its caused his past depression so I am unsure whether or not he is currently depressed. When he broke up with me, he revealed to me that he felt nothing and then he was able to open up to me about having depression (yes, in the same conversation as he was breaking up with me). He has posted lyrics on facebook such as "Id love to feel love" and also posted that his bike, the gym and his music all just being distractions.

 

Ok, well that would be a good reason to wait because he is not ready. The good thing about working out and exercise is that it connects mind and body AND makes you feel better about yourself at the same time. He may really like it that you've turned to him in YOUR time of need. A lot of guys like to feel needed (especially it's genuine!!) and if he's struggled with feeling useful and having a purpose, helping you just may be making him have feelings (connected internally and to you). Ok, not saying you are doing this, but be really careful about knowing a guys past (being difficult) and how much that plays into your present with him. Give it a passing thought (that he has a difficult past)---not so much could he be depressed now because I know he's supectible to it. Otherwise you will try to overthink it and make excuses for a person.

 

All that matters is how he treats you now. Lots of guys with sh*tty pasts are great bfs/husbands so just remind yourself of that when you find yourself using his past as an explanation for his now. Typically, if they want to come out of the sh*ttyness of past trauma as they relate to others, it's the person who makes them raise their level that does it, not who helps them explain away their 'stuff". Not saying you are doing this at all--just thought it was important to mention so you don't get taken advantage of or that he leans on you as a crutch, etc.

  • Like 1
×
×
  • Create New...