pcs13 Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 There is a guy I met from the workshop I attended. Last week I bumped into him in a party and we talked for a bit. He drank quite a bit so he was really flirty and all over me. We made out and I gave him my number. He asked out for a drink but I said no since he gave me a short notice. On Friday, he asked me out again and also invited me to the Christmas party at his house on Sunday. We planned to have a drink on Saturday (which sounds like a date to me) but since I agreed to go to the party, we decided to go to his house to decorate for the party. Admittedly I expected him to make a move because we've made out before and he is really attractive but that day we literally just decorated his house and that was it. He didn't even sit near me, didn't even touch me... We were drinking tea after finish the work, he pulled his phone out and made a call, then kept using his phone and didn't talk to me at all. I was pissed and decided to leave. He asked why I looked disappointed so I said it was because he used his phone in front of me. He said sorry, didn't mean to make me feel bad, he was worry and busy preparing for the party. I said "I understand you have things to worry about rather than my presence but I'm confused as why you invited me to come over if you are that busy." then I left. He haven't said anything since. I also decided not to come to his party. But did I overreacted because I'm not sure if that was a date? I made his house look really nice and feel kinda used.
d0nnivain Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 You weren't used per se but he was pretty rude. rather than storming out of his house I would have said something about the phone use.
angel.eyes Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 Walking out was the wrong way to address the issue. I'm guessing he was unsure about your feelings for him once sober. It sounds like you were both drinking the first time you met. Were you flirty when you went over to help decorate?
d0nnivain Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 Sorry you did mention it but then left abruptly. If he was truly sorry he would have reached out. Since he didn't, not going to the party is a good idea.
Author pcs13 Posted December 13, 2015 Author Posted December 13, 2015 No no I didn't storm out of his house. I waited for him to text for a while before I got up, said thank you for the tea politely and took my bag. He immediately said "Ok I will open the door for you" like he was waiting for me to leave. He was going out to buy stuff for the party too so we left the house at the same time. I explained why I was upset calmly when he asked why I look disappointed.
Author pcs13 Posted December 13, 2015 Author Posted December 13, 2015 Walking out was the wrong way to address the issue. I'm guessing he was unsure about your feelings for him once sober. It sounds like you were both drinking the first time you met. Were you flirty when you went over to help decorate? No we only talked and decorated the house together. He was like a completely different person from the night we kissed! But we were pretty flỉrty over texts after that night as well. It's just in person he didn't make any moves.
smackie9 Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 He used you for sure. If he was interested in actually dating you he wouldn't invite you to help with the decorating, he would have asked you out for dinner or something. On the other hand if he thought decorating for his party and inviting you to the party counted as dates, it's him being a lazy cheap ass bastard. I have a feeling he is used to women with no self esteem and are willing to do anything just to be with him.....you of course are not. 1
Author pcs13 Posted December 13, 2015 Author Posted December 13, 2015 He used you for sure. If he was interested in actually dating you he wouldn't invite you to help with the decorating, he would have asked you out for dinner or something. On the other hand if he thought decorating for his party and inviting you to the party counted as dates, it's him being a lazy cheap ass bastard. I have a feeling he is used to women with no self esteem and are willing to do anything just to be with him.....you of course are not. He asked me out for a drink but I suggested doing something more activity like a walk or something. I actually thought decorating the house together is a good idea. It was fun in the beginning until the texting part. Ugh. Maybe he thought we were just friends hanging out at his house so he could do that!?
StBreton Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 Why would you decorate a guys house after only meeting him at a function? That just seems weird to me. I like a more formal dating/relationship type thing before I do domestic stuff like this. To answer your question re phone: If he's having a party, maybe he had arrangements via text to take care of and guest RSVPs etc...not a big deal but I wasn't there so don't know the whole vibe. I'm a big one for not pulling my phone out on dates and don't appreciate if someone else does...I'm old school like that...but if I had party arrangements to attend to, all bets are off. Did he use you: I think you made yourself convenient to him...not a good way to start a relationship ... and he didn't look a gift horse in the mouth. I would have just gone to the party...and only for a short amount of time.
xcupid Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 Don't understand why you'd help him decorate his house if you've just recently met him. Should have been a formal date.
smackie9 Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 Don't understand why you'd help him decorate his house if you've just recently met him. Should have been a formal date. Uhhh yes OP you shot yourself in the foot. I can see why he wasn't making any moves on you. To him you rejected the date. He was probably under the impression you friend zoned him.....that would explain everything.
Myragal Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 If a guy asked to come over and help decorate his house for a party, it would be a more intimate move than him wanting to touch my boobs. Not in any bad or negative way but a real 'door opener'. It says something about the potential for the two of us as a couple, etc. I would only go if I really liked him. On the phone!!!. Blech. That would shatter any fantasy. Also, it would downgrade him to not someone I would want to be with. I am attracted to respectful men.
angel.eyes Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 Except, he wanted to go for drinks again. He asked her twice to go out for drinks again, and she nixed both invites...once because she needed "more notice." Then he invited her to his party. Inviting her over to his place to decorate pre-party wasn't his plan. It seems OP thought that would be "fun." I expect many guys would be confused in his shoes. She's turned down his date offers, but is over his place decorating?...and not flirting or giving any sense of whether he's friend or dating material. Can you honestly blame him for not knowing how to proceed with her?
SwordofFlame Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 I agree with the posters saying she is sending mixed signals. As a guy, I wouldn't have a clue and may possibly think that I have been friend zoned.
Versacehottie Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 He asked me out for a drink but I suggested doing something more activity like a walk or something. I actually thought decorating the house together is a good idea. It was fun in the beginning until the texting part. Ugh. Maybe he thought we were just friends hanging out at his house so he could do that!? Yeah decorating the house was a cute idea. It wouldn't have bothered me or made me feel "used". It could be a signal that you aren't a big priority to him (yet or he's too selfish at this point in his life OR maybe just IS) to have treated the afternoon and you with more attention. It's busy and he was probably trying to overschedule himself as some people do. It could have gone in a totally positive direction and think you were right to accept this sort of date. The phone thing is rude. I think you especially took it badly because you felt ignored and not same physical affection as you expected. You did overreact a touch but he also shouldn't have done the phone thing. I wouldn't worry about it. Just maybe take a lesson from it for yourself. Now the bad news is that the beginning is such a fragile time that he may decide that you are too high-maintenance or drama because of the way you reacted--and some guys will run from that. In his mind he is surely thinking of ways to justify his rude behavior if this is his mindset and may just be over it. That said, LOTS of guys like a girl who won't put up with their sh*t especially when they are in the wrong and know they were. You may not hear from him immediately but I wouldn't be surprised if you heard from him later (I have to see how you met again and more details to make an educated guess on that). And yes, don't go to his party. Unless you hear from him before it with an apology. You can't unring a bell so you just have to move forward with things as they stand now. I would stick to your guns. You can apologize for your portion of it or explain why you reacted that way, if he reaches out with his apology. Good luck 2
Versacehottie Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 Oh I re-read how you met and what led up to the decorating date. On that info alone without more detail, I'm leaning toward you will hear from him again (70% chance ) Probably not before the party though (but it's possible).
Qboro90 Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 Agree wth Versaces replies. On the one hand I think you were fine by feeling a bit snubbed by his lack of attention but on the other I think you've definitely implanted a "high maintenance/a lot to deal with" vibe in his mind about you due to your reaction to leave and be upset. As a guy I can tell you that we don't like there to be drama or to see you upset at something we did this early on in meeting/hooking up/seeing you. That's just a normal red flag where hed think "oh jeez, if she's upset about that I can only imagine what she'd be mad about if we started dating". Just my opinion tho. You could made the decorating the house time together to your advantage as it was a perfect opportunity to do so. The fact that he's asked you out and tried to hang out multiple times since you first hooked up shows me that he is interested in you and most likely will reach out again. I'm torn on whether or not you should go to the party. On one hand it might be a little awkward at first with how you left off, but on the other hand, you told him you would go and if you don't, it's turning the "lack of attention and him being on the phone" issue into something much bigger than it needs to be which won't bode well for the future. You can go and act like nothing happened and have a good time. If he's attentative to you and shows affection then that's a good sign however be cautious with expecting too much because it is a party at his place so he's the host and can't be at your side the entire time. So don't expect him to be. 2
Versacehottie Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 Agree wth Versaces replies. On the one hand I think you were fine by feeling a bit snubbed by his lack of attention but on the other I think you've definitely implanted a "high maintenance/a lot to deal with" vibe in his mind about you due to your reaction to leave and be upset. As a guy I can tell you that we don't like there to be drama or to see you upset at something we did this early on in meeting/hooking up/seeing you. That's just a normal red flag where hed think "oh jeez, if she's upset about that I can only imagine what she'd be mad about if we started dating". Just my opinion tho. You could made the decorating the house time together to your advantage as it was a perfect opportunity to do so. The fact that he's asked you out and tried to hang out multiple times since you first hooked up shows me that he is interested in you and most likely will reach out again. I'm torn on whether or not you should go to the party. On one hand it might be a little awkward at first with how you left off, but on the other hand, you told him you would go and if you don't, it's turning the "lack of attention and him being on the phone" issue into something much bigger than it needs to be which won't bode well for the future. You can go and act like nothing happened and have a good time. If he's attentative to you and shows affection then that's a good sign however be cautious with expecting too much because it is a party at his place so he's the host and can't be at your side the entire time. So don't expect him to be. Yeah, if you could go back in time and call him out on the phone stuff differently that would have been good. Something for the future. Show a guy that you won't put up with rude or disrespectful stuff with a cool head. I think it's a sign that he was thinking gf type material by inviting you to do the decorating--even though he handled it badly at parts. Mainly with the phone. I think by being at the decorating it was a chance to show him you were multi-faceted and fun, not too clingy and could fit into his busy life with whatever he had going on. I think your expectations for what the afternoon would be like (up until the phone call) were probably not realistic and too focused on romance, moving the relationship forward. Doing normal stuff with a new guy IS a great sign that things will move forward. He was letting you into his life. But yeah the phone thing sucked. Your emotions were just heightened and he was out of line with that. Qboro has a good point with the party. I can get with that. Good luck
Author pcs13 Posted December 14, 2015 Author Posted December 14, 2015 (edited) So after reading all your comments I'm pretty sure he won't call back. I've given a high-maintenance vibe by turning down his initial offer (he asked me out for a drink "in the next hours") and not going to his party after what happened at his house. To be fair after that he only texted sorry once and never mentioned anything about the party, at that point I didn't know him well enough let alone 15 of his close friends, still showing up would be awkward for both of us. I thought after "the date" we would feel more comfortable and close so I agreed to go, too bad it went the opposite direction. I don't think helping him with the decoratation is the problem. We were in the same team at the workshop where we met and had some deep conversations, then we met again in a party and made out. I trusted him. Plus we both study art. That activity sounds good and creative to me since he actually needed my help and didn't sound like he was trying to have sex with me. Edited December 14, 2015 by pcs13
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