*sigh* She doesn't give up..

[dyna85]

I am not going to say that I regret either of the two people that I went out with after you, because they are great people who just have a lot of sh*t to deal with on their plates.

 

Ouch. That is a very hurtful comment right there and would bother me.

 

How can she not regret them when the fact that she hooked up with them caused you immense pain?

 

You've come so far na. Good job with not checking the trash folder in months. You've made great strides.

 

It's up to you as to whether you want to have a further discussion with her, but remember how she was like 'there's nothing further to discuss' 10 or so months ago? She said something like that to you before cutting you off cold and you were so desperate to speak but you knew there was no point because she said there was nothing left to discuss. Then she had her fun, after leaving you in the dust, and when that didn't pan out, she comes back to good old trusty na. You know this is so wrong.

 

Obviously people make mistakes but I would be very leery about giving someone like her the time of day, and if you do want to have a final word, for yourself, be careful not to let her get to you.

 

I think there would be nothing wrong with either continuing to ignore, or telling her to buzz off, or having a final word. Do what feels best for you. It was a long relationship so if you need a final discussion to have closure, you can do it, but only do that if it's what you want.

 

If you do respond though, you will be feeding into her ego at least a little bit, and I don't blame you for not wanting to be friends with someone who wronged you to such an extent. She's proven herself to be untrustworthy.

 

Think about what you have to gain by contacting her? Is it worth it? Think hard.

 

Good luck with whatever you decide.

[na49]

That's the thing, I don't know what is the best thing to do now. I'm getting sick of this sh*t every few months. I feel like telling her off could be a good idea. The down side is that I'm bound to feel like I left something out of the email after I send it, so then I might feel like sending another one. Or knowing her, she'll respond to it, and it will start a long drawn out argument.

 

If I ignore her, nothing really changes. She feels free to find ways to contact me again, because I've never told her to stop.

[Blanco]

"I do not think it is a good idea for us to communicate for a while. I would appreciate your cooperation with this. I think this is what will be best for both of us."

 

Simple.

 

You don't need to tell her off. You don't need to play Nice Guy. Just tell her, without emotion, something to the effect of the first part of my post.

 

Stop dragging this out.

[Amelie1980]

"I do not think it is a good idea for us to communicate for a while. I would appreciate your cooperation with this. I think this is what will be best for both of us."

 

Simple.

 

You don't need to tell her off. You don't need to play Nice Guy. Just tell her, without emotion, something to the effect of the first part of my post.

 

Stop dragging this out.

 

For a while leaves the door open for her to start again though.

 

I would say "I dont wish to be in contact with you anymore, I have no interest in being friends, I would appreciate it if you would stop contacting me. Kind regards....xyz"

[Simon Phoenix]

That's the thing, I don't know what is the best thing to do now. I'm getting sick of this sh*t every few months. I feel like telling her off could be a good idea. The down side is that I'm bound to feel like I left something out of the email after I send it, so then I might feel like sending another one. Or knowing her, she'll respond to it, and it will start a long drawn out argument.

 

If I ignore her, nothing really changes. She feels free to find ways to contact me again, because I've never told her to stop.

 

So what if she does? If she wants to waste her time doing this, let her.

[Amelie1980]

Ive changed my mind. Dont give her the comfort of closure.

 

If you can stand it let her continue to waste her time while getting nothing back.

 

Any reaction is a reaction. Dont give her a reaction.

[Diezel]

Your email doesn't have a spam function?

 

Also, be honest, why were you checking your Trash folder? Were you consciously checking to see if MAYBE there might be a message from her?

[Amelie1980]

Your email doesn't have a spam function?

 

Also, be honest, why were you checking your Trash folder? Were you consciously checking to see if MAYBE there might be a message from her?

 

I check my trash folder. Most people do. Sometimes emails we want to get end up in there.

 

I have tried to block a family member I never want to hear from again. I have blocked and filtered him out as spam and yet when I go through my account if I have a spam message it high lights it in bold and says 1 letting me know there us one message there. In case it's anything harmful like a virus message I go in to delete straight away as spam messages get deleted only after 30 days. Then you see its from him.

 

You still get notified and most people will check.

[Simon Phoenix]

I never check my trash folder unless someone follows up on an email I never received. Hell, I barely check my regular inbox -- definitely do the "mark as read" function a lot.

[na49]

I honestly didn't check it. Emails that I have deleted, will be gone after 30 days. So anything that I do delete I leave in there without looking. I haven't forwarded her new address to the trash folder yet, because I figured she'd give up. I just got home from work, and got this gem.

 

na49,

I'm just saying that I'm not completely closed off to the idea of us being together ever again. I am saying that we are probably different than we were when we were eighteen, or different people than we were last year. We should just sit down and talk about what has been happening in our lives and stuff, and get to know each other again, as who we are as people now. You know? To me, I feel that would be our wisest decision. It can't hurt us anymore than the past has hurt us. We cannot ignore what happened, however, we need to fix the animosity between us from the differences we have yet to reconcile. You're a great guy, and I care about you... Even if we had never talked again, where you were in life mattered to me...and it still DOES matter to me.

Sincerely, *her name*

 

Knowing her like I do, she probably wants me to meet her before we break for winter vacation. She doesn't live close enough to me to meet me during it, so she knows her only chance to see me is when I'm on campus. She also doesn't drive as far as I know, so she won't be showing up to my house. I'd be lying if I said this doesn't give me an ego boost, but I really wasn't looking for one. I'd rather get ego boosts from new girls.

[mtnbiker3000]

Sounds like a selfish b*tch to me. This wreaks of an ego boost for her. She's got some set of brass ones sending you a message like that!! Especially the line about "can't hurt us anymore...". Probably can't hurt her anymore. You, I'm not so sure of?? Obviously something just went sideways in her life.

 

I see no upside for you. Delete!!

Edited December 16, 2015 by mtnbiker3000

[Amelie1980]

So she has no one else right now or has been dumped.

 

No just ignore her. Dont dignify her with an answer.

 

Deep down you should feel good. Dumpees rarely get this!

[marky00]

Oh you lucky devil. I would kill to get an e-mail like that.

 

Not saying you should respond but you got to feel a little better after getting that email right?

 

I think for now... enjoy the ego boost... don't respond.... lets c what the next email is lol. If she sends like 5 of these types of emails.... then maybe you could come back here to discuss if a reply is warranted.

 

My Ex will never send something like this... you really are quite lucky.

[Diezel]

I check my trash folder. Most people do. Sometimes emails we want to get end up in there.

 

Seems like a bold claim. I never check my trash folder. But I'm not going to say MOST people never check their trash folder either.

 

I only ask the OP because most times when people go looking in the trash, it's because they are looking for something.

 

 

To the OP, please block her email and delete it.

Seriously, you don't need this in your life.

[dyna85]

I'm just saying that I'm not completely closed off to the idea of us being together ever again.

 

What makes her think you're on board with this? Wow... she has serious nerve, lol. Like... who cares if she's not closed off to this idea. I'm pretty sure YOU are.

 

I am saying that we are probably different than we were when we were eighteen, or different people than we were last year.

 

Nah, pretty sure she's still the same as she proved 2 yrs after the first dumping when she did the same exact thing.

 

People, as a general rule, don't change.

 

We should just sit down and talk about what has been happening in our lives and stuff, and get to know each other again, as who we are as people now. You know?

 

lol

 

To me, I feel that would be our wisest decision. It can't hurt us anymore than the past has hurt us.

 

Uh, yes, it could hurt you. Be very wary of someone telling you they can't hurt you when they have multiple times. Red flags abound here.

 

We cannot ignore what happened, however, we need to fix the animosity between us from the differences we have yet to reconcile.

 

You can't fix what's broken sometimes and it's not up to her to decide what should or shouldn't be done at this juncture. It's no longer a 'we' situation and it's not up to her to unilaterally decide that everything must be kosher between you. That's bs.

 

It's as though she's treating you like she owns you... or is still in the relationship with you and you need to work on your differences. Um, honey, the relationship's dead and gone.

 

You're a great guy, and I care about you... Even if we had never talked again, where you were in life mattered to me...and it still DOES matter to me.

 

Yeah she cares so much about you and you matter so much that she had no problem throwing you to the curb to get some action with guy #1 & guy #2.

 

Let's put things in perspective here.

 

I agree with the others that say that you are very fortunate to get this type of email because many would kill to have their ex come groveling after some time.

 

However, be careful, whatever you decide to do. This person seems a bit manipulative to me and she seems like she wants you still wrapped around her finger.

 

You've come so far.. remember why you've held on so long and be sure to respect yourself first and foremost.

[na49]

Thanks everyone, it has been nice to know she's still groveling after almost a year, but it's not the groveling most would want. It also only comes in between her boyfriends, which makes me feel like the biggest backup plan ever.

 

I hate how she talks about "us", and "we" still. She seems to believe I'm completely on board with her when it comes to being friends, and having me forgive her. I don't know if it's selfish or petty of me, but I don't really want to give her that satisfaction.

[Simon Phoenix]

Oh you lucky devil. I would kill to get an e-mail like that.

 

Not saying you should respond but you got to feel a little better after getting that email right?

 

I think for now... enjoy the ego boost... don't respond.... lets c what the next email is lol. If she sends like 5 of these types of emails.... then maybe you could come back here to discuss if a reply is warranted.

 

My Ex will never send something like this... you really are quite lucky.

 

This girl has screwed him over twice already. He's not lucky at all. Seems like she's trying to butter him up for number three.

 

na, maybe you should tell her to bug off. I don't know though, she might come at you with even more vigor if you do that. Either way, she sucks. At the very least you should not go down the rabbit hole a third time. This chick has proven to be self-centered and manipulative, and her emails have the same tone.

Edited December 16, 2015 by Simon Phoenix

[marky00]

This girl has screwed him over twice already. He's not lucky at all. Seems like she's trying to butter him up for number three.

 

na, maybe you should tell her to bug off. I don't know though, she might come at you with even more vigor if you do that. Either way, she sucks. At the very least you should not go down the rabbit hole a third time. This chick has proven to be self-centered and manipulative, and her emails have the same tone.

 

Yeh he is.

 

He is lucky if he doesn't respond.

 

No damage done... take the ego boost.

 

If he doesn't respond.... he is kind of dumping her.... good on him.

 

You seem to be way further down the NC path than most dumpees on here. In the earlier stages these little things can be a little boost. Everyone needs to follow their recovery path in their own time.

[Amelie1980]

This girl has screwed him over twice already. He's not lucky at all. Seems like she's trying to butter him up for number three.

 

na, maybe you should tell her to bug off. I don't know though, she might come at you with even more vigor if you do that. Either way, she sucks. At the very least you should not go down the rabbit hole a third time. This chick has proven to be self-centered and manipulative, and her emails have the same tone.

 

He is lucky in a sense. Most dumpees get screwed over and left...no solace, no comfort.

 

This girl screwed him over and he has the satisfaction of knowing things arent so rosy for her. She goes to the step of using different email addresses to make sure he is getting her messages.

 

That is a pretty big ego boost...as long as he never engages her again and just enjoys that she has ended up nowhere good.

[Simon Phoenix]

If this was his first rodeo, I would agree with you guys. But it's not. It's obvious that he's not taking this as an ego boost and is genuinely uneasy and distressed by her actions. That's why he's not lucky -- he's been down this road several times, finally is on his way out and BAM, she pulls this crap on him.

 

And yes marky, I'm way past recovered. I stay on this site to help, and because it's somewhat addicting.

[dyna85]

Can I just say that even though I said 'groveling,' I feel kind of bad about that because I feel bad to see anyone grovel, even if it's someone who did something hurtful. I don't know what I would do in this situation, and honestly, as much as I would want to ignore to 'give the person a taste of their own medicine' or whatever, I, personally, don't know if I could do that, just because I don't think it's right. I feel like, in a way, it's just perpetuating the hurt. Like, why not just leave it on a dignified note.. be the bigger person? What is so wrong with that?

 

I could see if it were one measly message, but she's sent several messages up to this point, and I think it would just put an end to it, and if not, and she keeps trying even after you've made it clear that it's a done deal or whatever you want to say, then at least you can hold your head high knowing you did the right thing by not continuing to blatantly ignore someone you dated for 4 or so yrs.

 

Then again, I've never been in this exact scenario and I would be pissed if someone did me dirty like she did you, by ditching you to hook up with 2 guys. However, responding or not responding doesn't erase the hurt, you know? It makes you look sour.. and understandably so... but you're not putting a definitive period where there's a sentence... hence, her continued efforts.

 

How does it make you feel to ignore her? I mean, you've been doing it all this time.. is this time any different than the last 1-2-3 times? If you're gonna make the decision to ignore, let that be it, and ignore and be definitive.

 

I think the ignoring types wouldn't be analyzing to this extent. They would just be all alpha about it and proceed like it's nothing, but you have a heart and you care, so it's a tricky decision.

 

I'm not saying you should give into her every whim and be uber accommodating or whatever. Just do you. No one else can do you but you.

 

I know people are probably gonna jump all up my rear for giving an alternative view that may conflict with the NC masses, but take it for what it's worth... just one random person's opinion.

 

What's so wrong with a simple final convo or a simple final statement finalizing it from your pov? I don't think there's anything wrong with that and I think there's something respectful about someone who can face their 'adversary' so to speak (ie. the X) and be gracious and dignified about it. This is for YOU. Whatever you do, make sure it's for YOU.

[Simon Phoenix]

I get what you're saying, but this girl has a way of manipulating na, and by giving her a receptive audience you're cracking the door open for her to tweak him more and more. I'd be all about a "please leave me alone" type message if I actually thought she would respect his wishes and leave him alone, but I don't see that happening. Look how dogged she is in trying to get him back into her comfort zone when he's not responding -- I think that giving her any reinforcement is just going to give her fuel to try to whittle him down more.

 

I'd agree with you if na wasn't so sensitive and caring, if he was a bit of a prick like me who could just say "leave me alone" and not think twice about it.

 

If I felt that he could withstand her response to his final statement I'd agree. I just think that she'll continue to try to wear him down even more. She hasn't respected him from the jump -- I don't see her suddenly backing off if he asks her to. I just see her ramping up the manipulation. This isn't really a No Contact thing -- it's more of a not dealing with drama thing.

[Amelie1980]

It's true if he responds at all she will say whhhhyyy dont you want to talk to meeeeee etc. Drag up more of the past etc.

 

Any reaction is a reaction.

[dyna85]

Okay, okay. I do concede. I see how it would probably just cause more issues.

 

It is quite hard to believe that she could think it appropriate to continue to request a discussion like two reasonable adults, when she was so completely unreasonable with her behavior.

 

Na49 certainly knows her better than us all and knows where it will lead so I understand his ignoring to this point.

 

I guess there is a time and place for everything and it makes sense if na49 is not interested in any response. However, I wouldn't fault him if he needed to do it for his own sake, but I get the ignoring to stave off further hurt/drama. It makes sense.

 

She certainly doesn't deserve anything given what she put him through and it's ironic how she was like 'there's nothing left to discuss' way back when she broke up with him. She's eating those very words now.

[na49]

It honestly feels like a no win situation right now.

 

If I continue to ignore, I feel the same way I've felt the past few days. I'm wondering if I should have responded, or thinking of what I'd say if I did respond.

 

If I respond, I'll be on pins and needles waiting for her to respond. Then, it could turn into a long drawn out conversation, and at the end of it all, I might end up feeling worse.

 

Right now, I'm leaning towards not responding. I don't know what to say or how to say it, and despite suggestions, I'd want it to be my own words.