na49 Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 (edited) I'll preface this vent post by saying that I have been doing very well. I've been working my @ss off this semester, and although I did meet a girl at work, I don't think she's for me. She is definitely into me, but I just don't feel the same. It got me pretty depressed for a while, but I'm starting to realize I just need to focus on myself. My ex left me for another dude like 10 months ago now. That blew up in her face after a month, she came back, gave up, found someone else, that was that. I haven't spoken to her in God knows how long. I checked my school email this morning for news about a final, and I see an email from her.. I had her emails forwarded to the Trash folder which I haven't checked in months. The last time I checked was probably September, and the last time I got an email from her was my birthday in July. She used a different email.. It read like this. Hi na49, So, I was looking at like old photos of us---I really miss your presence in my life. I know I've said it so many times, but would it really hurt either of us to talk face to face? The last time we spoke it was ugly...like I expected it to be. This time let's like ... get real about it. I'm the last person who should talk about friendship being easy, but after everything that we went through...I kind of feel like this is a worthy discussion. Please don't think that I'm like always doing this, because I am almost positive that that's what you think like I just message you when I have nowhere else to turn. Truth is, I have many places to turn...but I still wish that I never did any of that --- it would have saved you and I both a lot of pain. I am not going to say that I regret either of the two people that I went out with after you, because they are great people who just have a lot of sh*t to deal with on their plates, but what I will say is that you have always meant so much to me even in the silence where we have not spoken in a long time. I hope that you will consider replying to this and talking to me. I miss you. Like I really miss talking to you. Sincerely, *her name*I know what the response will be. Ignore it. This is getting annoying though. Like we broke up, I get it. I was sad, I still feel sad sometimes, but I can't do anything about it. Would it hurt to ask her to just leave me be? Just ignoring her doesn't seem to be working. Edited December 13, 2015 by na49
Simon Phoenix Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 (edited) I'll preface this vent post by saying that I have been doing very well. I've been working my @ss off this semester, and although I did meet a girl at work, I don't think she's for me. She is definitely into me, but I just don't feel the same. It got me pretty depressed for a while, but I'm starting to realize I just need to focus on myself. My ex left me for another dude like 10 months ago now. That blew up in her face after a month, she came back, gave up, found someone else, that was that. I haven't spoken to her in God knows how long. I checked my school email this morning for news about a final, and I see an email from her.. I had her emails forwarded to the Trash folder which I haven't checked in months. The last time I checked was probably September, and the last time I got an email from her was my birthday in July. She used a different email.. It read like this. I know what the response will be. Ignore it. This is getting annoying though. Like we broke up, I get it. I was sad, I still feel sad sometimes, but I can't do anything about it. Would it hurt to ask her to just leave me be? Just ignoring her doesn't seem to be working. Actually, your silence seems to be working quite well in getting your point across. She realizes you're sick of her bulls--t and is trying to guilt you into re-engaging without actually doing the work to re-engage you. So I'd just delete it, forward this new e-mail in the trash bin, take it for what it is (an ego boost) and keep on keeping on. Sounds like you're doing better, so stick with it. Don't get down in the muck and engage her. If she wants to engage you, she has to do better than sending emails from an alternate account. Edited December 13, 2015 by Simon Phoenix 2
darkbloom Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 Na49, I'm so happy to hear you are doing well! Keep up the no contact. The last place I know you want to be is at Day 1 NC. We've always told you she would realize what she lost. But you are too good for her. Don't let her pull you back into her misery. 1
mightycpa Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 just select the email, click the spam button and you're good to go! 1
DontBreakEven Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 First of all, she needs to stop using the word "like". Second, I can't stand the part of the email on how great the 2 guys after you were?? Wth. This is not the type of email I would like to get from my ex. If she is trying to guilt you, she's not even doing a very good job. 5
Amelie1980 Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 I hate it when people use "like" extra-grammatically. I would love that to happen to me with one of my exes. I'd either say nothing or say you had your chance and you blew it.
mtnbiker3000 Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 Delete. Move on. Keep working on you. She'll eventually get the hint... 2
sambolini Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 Silence speaks volumes. This. Silence is one of the loudest forms of communication. I think she brought up not regretting the two people she saw after breaking up with you because she wanted to make you jealous. "See, these other men want me. What are you going to do about it?" Nothing. Do nothing about it. She wants you to feed her attention monster. Let it starve. 8
BC1980 Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 (edited) Ignoring her is working. It's been a long time since she has emailed you. If I recall correctly, she was emailing more frequently before right? If you continue to ignore her, she will eventually give up. Once she sees that she cannot get attention from you no matter what, she won't bother with you anymore. I can tell you how all of this is going to play out if you respond. I bet the second guy dumped her, so she is coming around you again for support. Once she finds someone else, she will ignore you again. You are basically someone she wants to use for attention in between guys. Edited December 13, 2015 by BC1980 5
Author na49 Posted December 13, 2015 Author Posted December 13, 2015 Thank you all for your responses. It's just so frustrating how she insists on always finding ways to reach out to me. SHE was the one who left me, and yet she insists on keeping me wrapped around her finger. It's annoying. Would this be considered "push and pull" behavior? It also gets my brain going in ways that it hasn't in a long time. I really want to tell her off, but I know that it won't do anything. I've told her off in the past (during our first breakup), but she still came back when she was really lonely. It really makes me angry how she acts like she didn't have a choice in all of these decisions. It's also annoying how she says she doesn't "regret" dating either guy after me. She's no prize if they didn't want to keep her. I thought I was done with these long rant posts on this forum. Just when I thought I was out... 1
Amelie1980 Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 Thank you all for your responses. It's just so frustrating how she insists on always finding ways to reach out to me. SHE was the one who left me, and yet she insists on keeping me wrapped around her finger. It's annoying. Would this be considered "push and pull" behavior? It also gets my brain going in ways that it hasn't in a long time. I really want to tell her off, but I know that it won't do anything. I've told her off in the past (during our first breakup), but she still came back when she was really lonely. It really makes me angry how she acts like she didn't have a choice in all of these decisions. It's also annoying how she says she doesn't "regret" dating either guy after me. She's no prize if they didn't want to keep her. I thought I was done with these long rant posts on this forum. Just when I thought I was out... It is horrible to feel you are being used for comfort. That is all she is doing.....if you engaged with her, she would leave again when she found someone else. It is so selfish as she is really messing up your recovery. If my ex did this I would be so tempted to engage him.
Author na49 Posted December 14, 2015 Author Posted December 14, 2015 (edited) It is horrible to feel you are being used for comfort. That is all she is doing.....if you engaged with her, she would leave again when she found someone else. It is so selfish as she is really messing up your recovery. If my ex did this I would be so tempted to engage him. I wish I could say that I'm strong enough to have this not bother me, but it's f*cking with me now. I just can't help but wonder why she insists on coming back so much when she was the one to leave. She says it herself, she has "plenty of places to turn" (which sounds so f*cking stuck up, it's unbelievable). Why turn to an ex who you've been broken up with for 10 months now? Edited December 14, 2015 by na49 1
xpaperxcutx Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 You know, your situation is similar to mine, except my ex left me for someone else and they're still together. the only time he ever contacted me was for sex. You're giving her too much power. Don't respond and keep at NC. Definitely do not write her back because you will only be opening a door for her to respond.
Scarlett.O'hara Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 She just wants attention, even negative attention will do. That is why you have to ignore it. Don't be so hard on yourself. Getting over an ex can be a difficult process, especially when they are being manipulative. It may bother you right now, but those feelings will pass. Stay strong, you are doing the right thing! 2
BC1980 Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 I wish I could say that I'm strong enough to have this not bother me, but it's f*cking with me now. I just can't help but wonder why she insists on coming back so much when she was the one to leave. She says it herself, she has "plenty of places to turn" (which sounds so f*cking stuck up, it's unbelievable). Why turn to an ex who you've been broken up with for 10 months now? She wants attention. It's really that simple. She needs some type of male attention, so she is hitting you up. She will find someone else when you don't answer. 1
Amelie1980 Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 I wish I could say that I'm strong enough to have this not bother me, but it's f*cking with me now. I just can't help but wonder why she insists on coming back so much when she was the one to leave. She says it herself, she has "plenty of places to turn" (which sounds so f*cking stuck up, it's unbelievable). Why turn to an ex who you've been broken up with for 10 months now? As many people say: look at her actions, not her words. She says she has plenty of places to turn. So why is she contacting someone she stopped seeing nearly a year ago now? Her actions suggest that she doesn't have that many places to turn afterall and that she needs some comfort. Something is lacking in her life. You are a good person and like me you form genuine bonds with people. By that I mean that you would never use someone when you didn't feel it for them just because there is something missing in your life, least of all someone you know cared for you and was hurt over the break up. When she said she had other places to go, that smacks of insecurity. She is trying to show some pride. Basically she ended things with you and now she has found that things havent worked out for her and she comes back to you for comfort when no one else will give it?! That is so horrible. It would really mess me up if my ex did this too. This is in no way me putting you down, but I think if you engaged with her, she'd go again once she has some comfort she deemed more worthy in her eyes that you. My ex did this. He came back for a long while....hen he revealed he was just lonely and left as soon as he got someone he perceived better. I just let him go after I bit his head off of course. I will admit I wish he would contact me. But I will never contact him again. He is just a user as is your ex.
Simon Phoenix Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 I wish I could say that I'm strong enough to have this not bother me, but it's f*cking with me now. Why? Just take it for what it is -- a desperate hail mary from someone who's done you dirty multiple times. There's nothing to think about -- it's an ego boost. Don't waste time on this. I just can't help but wonder why she insists on coming back so much when she was the one to leave. She says it herself, she has "plenty of places to turn" (which sounds so f*cking stuck up, it's unbelievable). Why turn to an ex who you've been broken up with for 10 months now? Who cares? What does it matter? You know where this path leads. So what is there to wonder about? 1
Chi townD Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 I said it to you before. She treated you like sh*t and she KNOWS she treated you like sh*t. She knows you hate her or have a very strong dislike for her and she doesn't like that. She wants to be friends with you. For you to fill that emotional need for her until someone else comes along. You don't deserve that, so don't fall for that. Just keep on focusing on YOU. 2
Author na49 Posted December 14, 2015 Author Posted December 14, 2015 Amelie1980: You're right. Her actions, and words are not consistent at all. It really frustrates me that she mentions having plenty of places to turns. As if I really am just an option that she's deciding to pay attention to for the moment. I really wouldn't do that to anyone. I could have done that to the girl from work. I could have dated her as an ego boost/to show my ex that there are other girls who like me. I just can't. I don't feel the same way about her, so I won't string her along. She's friends with all of her ex boyfriends, or has at least ended this amicably with all of them. That didn't happen with me. It's really just a case of her wanting what she can't have, but she's damn persistent. I really want to tell her to leave me alone. She just doesn't understand that I don't want to be her friend.. She pulled the same sh*t in her email on my birthday.
Lostweekend Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 All I can read in her email is: Me, me, me, I, me, I, me, me and me. Then a bit more of I, I, me and me! She sounds self centred. Why would you want to be in her life and even want to be her friend? How conceited and self centred of her. She dumps you and then misses having you in her life. Tough sh..!! If you ever talk to her again I would suggest that you tell her that you don´t take that kind of sh.. from your friends! 1
Amelie1980 Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 Amelie1980: You're right. Her actions, and words are not consistent at all. It really frustrates me that she mentions having plenty of places to turns. As if I really am just an option that she's deciding to pay attention to for the moment. I really wouldn't do that to anyone. I could have done that to the girl from work. I could have dated her as an ego boost/to show my ex that there are other girls who like me. I just can't. I don't feel the same way about her, so I won't string her along. She's friends with all of her ex boyfriends, or has at least ended this amicably with all of them. That didn't happen with me. It's really just a case of her wanting what she can't have, but she's damn persistent. I really want to tell her to leave me alone. She just doesn't understand that I don't want to be her friend.. She pulled the same sh*t in her email on my birthday. Can you not change your email address. Open up a new one and delete the old one? Nothing will say it better than her getting an error message saying account deactivated when she pulls this stunt again.
Simon Phoenix Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 Amelie1980: You're right. Her actions, and words are not consistent at all. It really frustrates me that she mentions having plenty of places to turns. As if I really am just an option that she's deciding to pay attention to for the moment. I really wouldn't do that to anyone. I could have done that to the girl from work. I could have dated her as an ego boost/to show my ex that there are other girls who like me. I just can't. I don't feel the same way about her, so I won't string her along. She's friends with all of her ex boyfriends, or has at least ended this amicably with all of them. That didn't happen with me. It's really just a case of her wanting what she can't have, but she's damn persistent. I really want to tell her to leave me alone. She just doesn't understand that I don't want to be her friend.. She pulled the same sh*t in her email on my birthday. Like I said, it's an ego boost for you if you put it in the right perspective. Who cares what she's doing and why she's doing it? It's the past. The future is where it's at. No need to get all goofy about this. She made a lame attempt at contacting you -- no need to make it any bigger than that.
Author na49 Posted December 15, 2015 Author Posted December 15, 2015 Can you not change your email address. Open up a new one and delete the old one? Nothing will say it better than her getting an error message saying account deactivated when she pulls this stunt again. She emails me at my school email which I need for as long as I am in school. I'm due to graduate in May, so I guess technically I won't need to check it after that. I also shouldn't need to check it once I am off for winter break. She is self centered, and there is a lot of "me" in her email. I don't know why she doesn't get that I don't want to be her friend. I haven't spoken to her in 8+ months now. She has plenty of places to turn, but insists on bothering me every now and then? Ugh..
Amelie1980 Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 (edited) You know when I was young and stupid I used to email the first guy who dumped me. I am ashamed at how stupid I looked but I was barely out of my teens. Thing is he never replied......so with no rejection and no idea if they'd read it I kept doing it. I eventually gave up but it took a while. Had my ex at any time told me to **** off and stop contacting him...I would have ****ed off and never contacted him again. You can either ignore her and risk another few emails or tell her to go to hell and you never want to hear from her again. That may bring it to an end quicker. It is rare that someone continues contact once they've been told in no uncertain terms to stop it and that it's unwelcome Getting an email from her clearly affects you so do you want thid charade to carry on. Edited December 15, 2015 by Amelie1980
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