EC Posted May 31, 2005 Posted May 31, 2005 So as everyone knows I am in an LDR which really really sucks and its really really hard. Well Next weekend is my Bf's 21st Birthday and he was going to Orlando with his guy friends and renting a hotel room and going clubbing. Ok I had a funny feeling but I have to trust him so I was ok with it. Well because I can't see him next weekend for his birthday I met up with him in Orlando this weekend. Everything was going perfect. I gave him his gift which he loved, we went out to a movie, I mean the weekend was going PERFECT. Until..I had to send my brother a text message from him phone because mine didn't work in Orlando. So Im sending the message when I was went through his outbox to read all the messages he sends me because he keeps them all. So Im reading them oohing and ahhing thinking what a great bf when I get to some texts that weren't for me! He wrote " here in bed relaxing just got out of the club it was boring' " Yeah i can't wait to meet up with you and go clubbing..Im sure you will make it more interesting" Whoa! So I call him outside and show him the text and he says its not what I think that yes they have history but she had called to catch up and it turns out they were both going to be in Orlando so he invited her to meet up. That I have nothing to worry about that she has a bf and that she knows all about me. So I asked when he was planning to meet up with her and he said the weekend of his birthday..( yeah the weekend of his 21st birthday which was supposed to be a guys weekend where he will be wasted out of his mind and renting a hotel room with an ex that he has had sex with before ) I was so hurt. I told him to give me his phone and I called her and told her that i had found some texts to her on my bfs phone. She knew my name and told me I had nothing to worry about. That it just happened that she was going to be in Orlando and that all he does it talk about how much he loves me. ( I dunno girls are evil and girls can lie. I hate the fact but I know because Ive done it) So he cried and told me he loved me and that he didnt tell me because he knew I wouldn't understand and I wouldnt let him go if I knew. So he keeps it from me and I would have never found out. Well he cried, I cried, we cried together and he told me he has never cheated on me, that its something he is proud of and brags about. He told me that after we have been doing this LDR for 1year and 2 months that do I really think he would be so stupid as to mess it up right before moving down to be with me. He also told me he is not going to Orlando for his birthday anymore next weekend and that hes staying at school and getting drunk there because he wasted too much money on the trip with me so he can't go anymore. So I forgave him and we made up but I still can't let it go. Its at the back of my mind nagging and Im still hurt. I just think there is so much more to the story. I don't know guys what do you think??
Merin Posted May 31, 2005 Posted May 31, 2005 WTF "I'm sure you'll make it more interesting" ????? In what way? Whoa! Well EC, gotta tell you if I found that message on my BF's phone yeah I would've been upset too! Wish I had something more encouraging to say about this... while he may not have cheated on you, IMO he is doing some serious inappropriate flirting
Author EC Posted May 31, 2005 Author Posted May 31, 2005 Wish I had something more encouraging to say about this... while he may not have cheated on you, IMO he is doing some serious inappropriate flirting I know!!!! He said he just meant that shes a lot of fun and that shes funny and that he didnt mean it any other way. He said that the reason he broke things off with her was because she was too crazy and did way too many drugs. I'm still torn. I mean I talked to her and everything but I'm still mead because I so know he flirted and he had missed call from her and calls to her so I could imagine him flirting on the phone. Then the fact he was going to meet up with her and keep it from me.
Pocky Posted May 31, 2005 Posted May 31, 2005 Can you talk to her boyfriend? If he knows about them meeting at the club, then I'd say you don't have anything to worry about.
moimeme Posted May 31, 2005 Posted May 31, 2005 Tell him since it isn't after all, an 'all guys' birthday party, that you'll be there too. And go.
Author EC Posted May 31, 2005 Author Posted May 31, 2005 Well I already talked to her and forgave him but Im still mad and I still have doubt and I just don't know where to go from here. I mean he didn't cheat, he didnt technically lie, he withheld information. I really dont want to talk to her again or her bf. The weekend in question is this weekend coming up but he said he wasn't going because he didnt have the money..but I have a funny feeling he will somehow get the money or one of hisboys will pay for him. His guy friends say he loves me and has never cheated and that i am overreacting and blowing it up but I think I have every right to be mad. I know he would flip if he found a text like that on my phone and that I was planning to meet up out of town with an ex on my 21st birthday and go clubbing. I would never hear the end of it. Ugh! I dont want to bring it up again but now I will forever doubt not what he is saying but what he is not saying.
Author EC Posted May 31, 2005 Author Posted May 31, 2005 Tell him since it isn't after all, an 'all guys' birthday party, that you'll be there too. And go. I can't go because of work which is why we met up the weekend before. He knows I can't go and I will be busy all next weekend. I told him I would go to see what he would say before any of this happened and he acted shady saying where would I get the money and who would drive me? As if he didnt want me going. But I figured it was because he wanted a 'guys night out'
Pocky Posted May 31, 2005 Posted May 31, 2005 My husband basically did the same thing when we were having our LDR - I knew he was spending time with a new friend, but didn't realize it was every night! He slipped after he moved to DC to be with me - commented on how she likes to shop at a specific store. WTF? How do you know where she shops? Bastard. She was trying to get him to stay because they connected. We dealt with it and I let it go, but I made sure he understood what an ass he was for keeping it from me and how it made me not want to trust him. I brought up every now and again for a nice little jab when I felt it was necessary.
Author EC Posted May 31, 2005 Author Posted May 31, 2005 My husband basically did the same thing when we were having our LDR - I knew he was spending time with a new friend, but didn't realize it was every night! He slipped after he moved to DC to be with me. Bastard. She was trying to get him to stay because they had connected. We dealt with it and I let it go, but I made sure he understood what an ass he was for keeping it from me and how it made me not want to trust him. I brought up every now and again for a nice little jab when I felt it was necessary. Pocky your relationship reminds me it can work and keeps me going I swear. Oh I am definitely going to jab. I really flipped out on him and told him that for those few seconds reading that text I felt I was a fool and that I had never felt more alone in my life than at that moment. He said hed rather die than have me feel that again. So I made him feel like an assclown. I will let it go and see how this weekend goes but now I will be forever doubting him. I dont know if I could get over that. Im still stuck wondering what other things hasn't he told me about so that I wouldnt get mad. I think had this happened and he wasn't moving down in three weeks to be with me then i would have left him because I would not be able to trust him. But hes moving down in three weeks so I will wait it out, see how this weekend goes, and Jab him here and there.
IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted May 31, 2005 Posted May 31, 2005 Be pissed EC!!! I would be pissed for the simple fact that he didn't mention this "friend" was going to be in Orlando when he was. That he didn't say anything that she might possibly go out with him and his friends. You said this was an old flame? Hook up or girlfriend? I would be upset for a while......I would never know if he did more texts and that's the only one you found...I would always have fear now. Who else has he been texting? Who else is going out with and not telling me? Sorry to hear about your situation tho EC. Its tough when you don't know where they are or what their doing cause their so far.
tanbark813 Posted May 31, 2005 Posted May 31, 2005 Originally posted by EC So he cried and told me he loved me and that he didnt tell me because he knew I wouldn't understand and I wouldnt let him go if I knew. So he keeps it from me and I would have never found out. My ex used reasoning like that all the time. "I only lied to protect your feelings." Originally posted by EC He also told me he is not going to Orlando for his birthday anymore next weekend and that hes staying at school and getting drunk there because he wasted too much money on the trip with me so he can't go anymore. That's just turning the tables around on you to try to make you feel guilty about the whole thing. I also like Pocky's idea of talking to the other girl's bf. That's one sure way to find out if your man's story is true.
Author EC Posted May 31, 2005 Author Posted May 31, 2005 Yup. I read your post IHNFC and your name matches because you have no freaking clue whats going on. I know what you mean. I feel as if our relationship is tainted now because I have doubts in everything he says and doesnt say now. Ugh! He just texted me with " I can't wait for these weeks to pass, so that we could be together at last, so dont worry they'll pass in a hurry, and i wont just promise I'll be good because I will be great, and your heart is the last thing I want to break, I love you like the sky and everything about you is the reason why. Hugs and kisses. I love you" I feel like writing back 'yeah right liar" LMAO this really sucks.
IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted May 31, 2005 Posted May 31, 2005 I would have said something really bitchy and said out of all the girl I don't know you text...are you sure you sent this to the right one? Not to put a damper on the situation but I'm spiteful.
Author EC Posted May 31, 2005 Author Posted May 31, 2005 What pissed me off the most was being treated like I was stupid and that I wouldn't find out some way. And the fact that he acted like a child that was hiding candy under his pillow. I hate immature behavior. Exactly!!! Thats why I told him he mademe feel like a fool. Thinking he was getting away with it thinking I would never know because I wasnt going to be there and I was going to be busy that weekend. LOL Pocky..I picture you going home mad today and telling your husband to f*ck off for what happened so long ago. I didnt text him back and he called me know telling me he woke up and hugged his pillow asd if it was me and that he misses me so much. Its like theres still things I am mad about and want to talk to him about but I dont want to bring it up again and argue about it.
Pocky Posted May 31, 2005 Posted May 31, 2005 Hah! Gawd - You and Tiki are tied for spam responses! I deleted it because after I posted I thought to myself, "Pocky - do you really need to post this? Will this just make her even more pissed off? It might! Delete it Pock - give her a bunny instead." So I did - but my efforts were a waste. Haha - nut.
Author EC Posted May 31, 2005 Author Posted May 31, 2005 HAHA I noticed but it was too late. lol You deleted it and withheld it form me Pocky to spare my feelings right? Great its going around.
Pocky Posted May 31, 2005 Posted May 31, 2005 Originally posted by EC HAHA I noticed but it was too late. lol You deleted it and withheld it form me Pocky to spare my feelings right? Great its going around. Yes, but I swear I'm not cheating on you! You're the only girl for me. Look - I'm hugging my pillow as though it's you!
CurlyIam Posted May 31, 2005 Posted May 31, 2005 EC, you won't be around everytime he feels the urge to see another girl. I think you should stay home and let whatever may happen happen. If he decided to cheat on you, you'll see. Let's assume you're preventing him from doing so now. What about next time?? Sorry to say what everybody else did, but it really does look bad!
Author EC Posted May 31, 2005 Author Posted May 31, 2005 Sorry to say what everybody else did, but it really does look bad! I know it looks bad..but thats all it is looks. I have nothing really 'concrete' to go with. Once again I have to wait and see.
NiCoLe20 Posted May 31, 2005 Posted May 31, 2005 the whole thing is about trust. he shouldnt give you any reason at all to worry about what he's doing with his friends and stuff like that.. but of course, if u find a text message like that, what else are u suppose to believe? i would be really pissed lol. make sure to mention, which im sure u already did, that you were at level 5 with the trust thing, but after that text, he brought it down to level 4. lol... u kno what im sayin?!!! now b/c of that text mssg, ur gonna have thoughts runnin thru ur head about what he's doin, i say do it back. if he wants to play little games, play em too, but not too hard haha
Author EC Posted May 31, 2005 Author Posted May 31, 2005 lol. make sure to mention, which im sure u already did, that you were at level 5 with the trust thing, but after that text, he brought it down to level 4. lol... u kno what im sayin?!!! Oh I told him. I told him i trusted him 99% and that now he brought it down to like 76! LOL but before I just had you know normal girl doubts a jealousy because he lived far away and I wasn't there. And before he would complain that I worried for nothing and that he has never given me a reason not to trust him and that I needed to stop doubting him. Well guess what ya gave me a reason! SO now when I bItch and complain and ask him a million questions he can't say i dont have a reason.
hugznkisses21 Posted May 31, 2005 Posted May 31, 2005 im soooo sorry it sounds like hes feeling guilty for getting caught
whichwayisup Posted May 31, 2005 Posted May 31, 2005 You DO have every right to be pissed off and hurt. He intentionally DID NOT TELL you because he thought you were going to be upset - HELLO! Maybe if he had told you about it right away and given you the opportunity to see how you felt about it and react to it that would have been OK, but now it seems he really didn't THINK. That is what it comes down to. He just didn't think. He loves you, and he treats you well...Try to let this one go - ALLOW him to make it up to you BIG TIME. He better or I'll come kick his ass! He doens't wanna mess with a pissed off redhead!
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