baltimoregirl42 Posted May 31, 2005 Posted May 31, 2005 I just finished reading this book and let me tell you, it has given me a LOT of insight into dating and relationships. The concept came from a "Sex and the City" episode and has carried from there. For those who have not read the book here's an idea of what it gets at: (On guys who drink too much/party too much/say things they don't mean while intoxicated): "Bad Boys" are bad because they're troubled, as in having little self-respect, lots of pent-up anger, loads of self-loathing, complete lack of faith in any kind of loving relationship, but yes, really cool clothes and often a great car. Just the kind of guy for you, right?" I was curious who else here on LS has read this book, and if so, what kind of an effect did it have on your relationship(s) and dating life?
alphamale Posted May 31, 2005 Posted May 31, 2005 We have discussed this book ad nauseum on LS. If you think this book has anything of value of in it for women then you are living in a fantasy world. Sex and The City is not reality and He's Just Not That Into You is not reality either. It is well marketed fluff meant to make you buy expensive books.
Marshbear Posted May 31, 2005 Posted May 31, 2005 I haven't read the book but by the title alone I would say it only gives a small side of what goes on between men and women. I think Oprah has duped a lot of people into this and you need to realize that she is a big marketing outlet. All people are different and I guess the task at hand is to decide what you want and what you are willing to put up with. There is no magic formula that you can just plug in some numbers and get the result. It takes work to have a relationship ( on both sides ). I think the magic formula is to treat others as you want to be treated. Peace...
moimeme Posted May 31, 2005 Posted May 31, 2005 Nothing like people who haven't read a book speaking as though they know what they're talking about The bits you quoted seem to make perfect sense to me. Of course, the truth will threaten people to whom it hits close.
ReluctantRomeo Posted May 31, 2005 Posted May 31, 2005 Originally posted by moimeme The bits you quoted seem to make perfect sense to me. Of course, the truth will threaten people to whom it hits close. Yay for moimême Go for nice guys, Baltimore girl. We're way more fun in the long run Don't get relationship advice from SATC though. It's way too far from reality.
Marshbear Posted May 31, 2005 Posted May 31, 2005 Originally posted by moimeme Nothing like people who haven't read a book speaking as though they know what they're talking about Your right Moimeme. I should not put in my two cents when I don't know the subject. SOmetimes I get carried away. Peace...
Author baltimoregirl42 Posted May 31, 2005 Author Posted May 31, 2005 I wasn't implying that SATC is a good place for relationship advice. Rather, I am asking for those who have read this book (both men and women), do you think it's right on or just a load of crap?
LucreziaBorgia Posted May 31, 2005 Posted May 31, 2005 Its fairly general advice, but makes sense for the most part: 1. He isn't asking you out. 2. He isn't calling. 3. He isn't dating you. 4. He's not having sex (or any sexual type interaction) with you. 5. He is having sex with someone else. 6. He only wants to see you when he's drunk. 7. He doesn't want to marry you. 8. He's breaking up with you. 9. He has disappeared on you. 10. He's married, and intends to stay that way. 11. He's a selfish jerk, a bully, or a real freak who mistreats you. I would say that pretty much fits the bill for a guy who isn't all that interested in you, and probably isn't right for you. There are exceptions and explanations to every rule, though. No need to paint all men and situations with the same wide brush, but keeping these things in mind do help in separating the wheat from the chaff, so to speak.
alphamale Posted May 31, 2005 Posted May 31, 2005 Originally posted by LucreziaBorgia Its fairly general advice, but makes sense for the most part: 1. He isn't asking you out. 2. He isn't calling. 3. He isn't dating you. 4. He's not having sex (or any sexual type interaction) with you. 5. He is having sex with someone else. 6. He only wants to see you when he's drunk. 7. He doesn't want to marry you. 8. He's breaking up with you. 9. He has disappeared on you. 10. He's married, and intends to stay that way. 11. He's a selfish jerk, a bully, or a real freak who mistreats you. I would say that pretty much fits the bill for a guy who isn't all that interested in you, and probably isn't right for you. If a woman needs a book to tell her this then god help her.
LucreziaBorgia Posted May 31, 2005 Posted May 31, 2005 Which leads me to a question I guess: why did it take a book like this to point out what is basically common sense? Beats me. I read it and didn't see anything that didn't already make sense - but I guess what made it so popular is that the basic concepts were stripped down and the guy was pretty straightforward in his approach.
ReluctantRomeo Posted May 31, 2005 Posted May 31, 2005 Originally posted by SexKitten SATC never seemed that far from reality to me.... I guess you live an overdramatised life which resolves neatly every half-hour Should I ask which of the characters you are?
morrigan Posted May 31, 2005 Posted May 31, 2005 Baltimoregirl42, here's another thread on that book. I haven't read it, so I only know what other people have said about it. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t52770/?highlight=read+book
alphamale Posted May 31, 2005 Posted May 31, 2005 Originally posted by SexKitten SATC never seemed that far from reality to me.... Well SEXKITTEN, that may be cause you have a high-powered job, are very attractive, date good looking rich men and can afford $500 shoes.
SexKitten Posted May 31, 2005 Posted May 31, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale Well SEXKITTEN, that may be cause you have a high-powered job, are very attractive, date good looking rich men and can afford $500 shoes. everything but the job...i don't work. and "attractive" is certainly up for scrutiny.
LucreziaBorgia Posted May 31, 2005 Posted May 31, 2005 Originally posted by SexKitten and "attractive" is certainly up for scrutiny. Well, if that is you in your avatar - then it requires little or no scrutiny. You are a good looking woman.
SexKitten Posted May 31, 2005 Posted May 31, 2005 Originally posted by LucreziaBorgia Well, if that is you in your avatar - then it requires little or no scrutiny. You are a good looking woman. aww, thanks lucrezia. i needed to hear that. it's one of those days.
nicki Posted May 31, 2005 Posted May 31, 2005 I think the main idea of the book is for women to see reality, and to stop making excuses for men who are really "not that into you" but may still want to string you along. It helps us look at men's behavior, not just listening to their words. I think it has a few good points to make. Some nuggets from the book: "I'm too busy to make plans" translates into "I'm an a**hole," which further translates into "i'm just not that into you." (The author says no man is too busy for too long for a woman he truly wants.) The author also points out that if a woman stops chasing a man and backs off, a man who is interested in her will pursue her. Otherwise, she is wasting her time on a guy who is just "not that into you." Some of the women in the book really need a wake up call. One woman was basically a booty call, but wanted to be more. As we all know, her wanting doesn't always make it so. He might have said he wanted more, but he only met her for naked fun. He never took her out or acted like she was his girlfriend....so guess what? "he just wasn't that into her." And she was wasting her precious time (and booty!) on him. I found the book to be amusing, sometimes on point, but short on discussing communication methods. I would back off from a guy who showed a pattern of not being interested, but i'd talk to him first. That said, I would only date someone who showed by actions he was interested and available, time-wise, emotionally, physically. I recommend the book as a stand-in for a good girlfriend who will say "WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU DOING WITH THIS GUY? YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN THAT!"
alphamale Posted May 31, 2005 Posted May 31, 2005 Originally posted by nicki I think the main idea of the book is for women to see reality, and to stop making excuses for men who are really "not that into you" but may still want to string you along. unfortunately NICKI, the book does not take into account the female mind which tends to be illogical, overly emotional and non-linear in its thinking patterns. You know how women love to live in a world full of of "feelings" and "emotions".
blind_otter Posted May 31, 2005 Posted May 31, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale unfortunately NICKI, the book does not take into account the female mind which tends to be illogical, overly emotional and non-linear in its thinking patterns. You know how women love to live in a world full of of "feelings" and "emotions". It's funny because it's true. That said, I'd like to see how non-emotional you can be when your horomones get all whacked out once a month and you bleed out of a hole between your legs. Dude, I'm not THAT emotional but when I was preggo - I cried at effing diaper commercials. Oooooh what a cuuuuute baaaaay-beeeeee. Waaaaa! I hate the fact that so many women need a book to see reality. Of course, IME, most people have to actively bang their head against the brick wall before they really learn anything. Books can only teach so much. Especially when it comes to matters of the heart....
ConfusedInOC Posted May 31, 2005 Posted May 31, 2005 Originally posted by nicki "I'm too busy to make plans" translates into "I'm an a**hole," which further translates into "i'm just not that into you." (The author says no man is too busy for too long for a woman he truly wants.) "I'm too busy to make plans with you..." is the same thing as saying "I don't want to hang out with you. It's just delivered a bit less harsh. The author also points out that if a woman stops chasing a man and backs off, a man who is interested in her will pursue her. Otherwise, she is wasting her time on a guy who is just "not that into you." This is psychology 101. We want what we can not have. What happens when he/she catches you is really more important. Do you still want them? How do you keep the fire going?! After reading "Love Must Be Tough" and "No More Mr. Nice Guy" in addition to therapy, I think I have a pretty good idea. That said, I would only date someone who showed by actions he was interested and available, time-wise, emotionally, physically. Definitely. And you do that by being self-confident, not being clingy and having your own life that you want to share with someone, not dedicate to.
Curt Posted June 1, 2005 Moderators Posted June 1, 2005 Originally posted by moimeme Nothing like people who haven't read a book speaking as though they know what they're talking about The bits you quoted seem to make perfect sense to me. Of course, the truth will threaten people to whom it hits close. For the record, I believe any book of this sort is of limited import in the task of understanding individual men. Yes, I believe that we are all welcome and encouraged to hold our respective opinions. I think it is presumptive at best if we feel entitled to make judgements of each other based on an opinion held about another opinion. Curt
Jennifer'sSecret Posted June 1, 2005 Posted June 1, 2005 Originally posted by moimeme Nothing like people who haven't read a book speaking as though they know what they're talking about Ain't that the truth. The book, I think, just helps us jilted women move on sooner. We stop analyzing, stop coming up with excuses...we just move on because "he's just not that into us." I think it worries men because they think we'll rush to move on when they're playing games - all the more reason to just be open, and honest, and quit the BS. On the other hand, "Be Honest, You Weren't That Into Him Either" (or a title remarkably similar) is just as good. How many of us ladies get all worked up over a guy we go out with who does call? We actually WORK to make these guys like us, when all along, if we took a step back and assessed the situation, we'd realize we aren't really all that into them either!! Any way ya look at it, these books stop the tears. For that reason, they're worth their pricetags.
Recommended Posts