Thatmixedotaku Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 Do you ever feel like the pain you feel from later relationships, or heartbreaks , is just you getting what you deserve ? I had a girl who loved me completely...i broke her heart...i tried not to, but i did , and she deserved better . Now i am the one nursing a broken heart. Maybe people like me are destined to suffer for the hurt we inflicted on others . Maybe I don't deserve the happiness .
marky00 Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 Well yeah... a similar thing kind of happened to me but like you I really tried my utmost best not to break her heart... she just fell for me so fast. I think what happens is that when you've been a dumper for a while, you just start thinking you can call all the shots... your in complete control. Then one day... you meet someone who has that feeling as well but even stronger than you.. or maybe they are a truly good person but have high self-respect for themselves. You then screw up with that person and karma bites you on the bum badly.
Meli22 Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 No not at all. I've had my heart broken twice, and (as far as I know) I've never broken anyone's heart. In both relationships I tried hard and gave my all. In general Id say I'm a good person. Of course I've upset people and I'm not perfect, but I wouldn't say the things I went through were because of "karma." Good and bad things happen to everyone. It's not karma, it's life. 1
geronimo Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 I'm a big believe in Karma but I also believe if you had good intensions your karma will be good. So if you tried your best not to hurt this girl, it may not be because of that. Even if it was, you can now think of it as a clean slate, you got what you deserved now (assuming you're a good person) you will get good things in the future. **I just had to point out the fact that I felt like a hippie writing this out lmao** 3
Amelie1980 Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 Karma doesn't mean what people think it means. The western world has distorted the meaning. I dont believe there is a divine force making sure bad people get their just desserts. I rather believe, you reap what you sow. In other words if someone is disrespectful, careless with peoples feelings, rude, has a history of cheating, etc they will attract bad things into their lives. People wont tolerate it. 7
elly key Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 I believe in Karma a lot. I believe that what goes around comes around. People have to do good things in their lives, not hurting others and being respectful about their feelings. I had a boyfriend. We had a long story but eventually he broke my heart by meeting another girl and breaking up with me without giving any notice. That broke me. It took almost a year for me to recover. In a year and a half I found out she broke up with him. I don't wish him anything bad, but don't get me wrong - he deserved this. People who hurt others sooner or later will experience everything they did to them. Be good to people and live your life full with light and gratitude. That's what I think the law of Karma is. 4
mightycpa Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 No. There's no such thing. Imagine what a scary place the world would be if it actually existed, because we'd all be looking over our shoulders for the next bad thing to happen. It's a whole lot easier to blame "karma" than it is to admit that we reap what we sow. Some people lead a charmed life. Others tend to land in **** all the time. In your case, you sound like you are having a balanced life, breaking a heart and getting your heart broken too. I think that your experience is pretty normal, and not the result of some cosmic force that not only keeps score, but actually directs the gameplay to keep your score near zero. 3
Neffer Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 Karma is "you reap what you sow"; simply, cause and effect. It isn't some force that looks out like Santa, tallying your actions. I do believe that people should try to live a kind, just, life and treat others well. Those who treat people cruelly, through carelessness etc, will have that behaviour revisit them in time. But it isn't a clear cut thing. You have just seen both sides of things, which is good. 1
xuanqi1988 Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 (edited) I am a firm believer of karma. You should not expect it but it always happens in hindsight before you realize. That is to say, after someone intentionally hurts you, there is no need to pray for karma to get them (which it always does though), or try to stay in a dysfunctional relationship just because you don't want karma to get you. I have broken hearts before, although mostly because of my impulsiveness and short attention span rather than having a bad intention. Although I don't think any serious damage could have been caused in such a short time (usually less than 3 months). I did promise my ex to marry him while knowing he wasn't right for me in hindsight, then broke up with him after 3 months. Funny how karma caught me 3 months later when I saw him and fell for him again...He had moved on and been disheartened by then already, so wouldn't take me back after I pursued for a few months despite us hooking up. I was really upset although understood that he had his reasons. At the time I thought it was karma. What I don't understand though is why it would have caught me again this time after it was break even? I am hurt pretty bad by the most recent ex after he used me as a rebound for 7 months after his ex broke up with him. is it karma for him or could he be doing it intentionally? He saw his ex without my knowledge and implied interest in reunion, although they might not have had sex. To me that's cheating although emotionally rather than physically. Whenever I asked him to commit, instead of telling me the truth that he wasn't over his ex, he always looked for excuses and sometimes even blamed me. Can his actions be justified by karma because his ex broke his heart? Or will karma come and get him again? Either way, it doesn't matter any more as now he has nothing to do with me. I just hope something good will happen to me next time around. Edited December 15, 2015 by xuanqi1988
theredpill Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 The best thing to do is just be a good person, not an overly supplicating nice guy/gal because "nice" people are often the most selfish and have unrealistic expectations of others. The suggestion that everyone must like you is flawed, you don't have to try too hard, its okay for some people to think you're an arsehole. You don't need positive feedback to feel better about yourself in the same way negative feedback shouldn't bother you either. Any admiration from others for doing good things, should be a side effect, not the goal.
Chronotrgr Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 I've noticed a few things come back on me from my youth, I was a bugger back in the day, I broke many of hearts from being stupid, there was one girl I look back on though even now in particular, she was such a lovely girl, I took her virginity, she was kind, sweet, loving but very sensitive, the me back then couldn't handle it, she didn't shout or argue with me, she would just cry an awful lot, eventually I called it quits but after a while we would always wind up together and then I would stupidly end it again shortly after, I really messed up with her, she treated me good and I feel like we would have been happy together even now if I'd stuck it out with her. Ever since I've had a long line of people who've messed me around and done me over in one way or another, my last ex just didn't care for me at all, if only I could go baxk in time, I'd smack my younger self so hard in the face!. These days I'm a very mature man who has a lot of love to give, I genuinely take care of the people I wind up with but people don't tend to remember the good things I have done only the bad when they start up, but the girl I mentioned briefly, she appreciated it all and made it known, hopefully my dose of karma is over and hopefully my next love interest will work out better for me, one can only hope, I've learned my lessons and experienced first hand now the pain I've caused. 2
Amelie1980 Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 (edited) I don't think you can attribute it to a divine force though. My first ex was a total a$$ hat and he was so arrogant. He thought the sun shone out of his butt and he thought he was soooo clever. He was smart but the thing is he thought it gave him the right to put me down. Why I put up with it I don't know. But fast forward a few years and you know what, I saw how his'chosen career as a movie director ended up. All he did was short films that he puts on YouTube, one stupid documentary, & I saw him in a local newspaper a couple of years ago lying about his age to make him look a lot younger and calling himself a young director (lol) & he was asking for donations to his latest project. I looked at the funding page, he got approximately $20......oh how I laughed. He behaved like a total dick in college. He thought he was so smart and better than everyone. Now look at him. But then I dont believe a divine force singled him out for punishment. Plenty of arrogant people do become very successful. Edited December 15, 2015 by Amelie1980
Jax13 Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 I am feeling a really heavy dose of karma right now actually. Years ago when I was still in high school, I was crushing on a girl really hard and she liked me too even though she had a boyfriend. We'd go to parties and do other stuff together and she'd always tell me how her boyfriend was an ass and into drugs and a liar, etc... Now I truly believe my intentions were good in wanting to save this girl from her a**hole boyfriend. So one night at a party I texted him from her phone saying that she was hooking up (I feel awful about it now). They broke up and we got together for a few months before that fell apart for different reasons. Now in my life, I had a great girl, in a LTR, and another guy came along and stole her from me... Don't know if it's karma, but it really makes me realize how much of an a**hole I really was back in high school. I never want to be in this position or put someone else in this position again.
Wewon Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 I've never believed in Karma, not in the way most describe it anyway. It ultimately sounds like a round-about way of believing that life is fair. The world is full of examples of horrible people that walk away from others only to find themselves in a better situation and other people that never amount to more than a hapless foot note in the story of others. What I do believe, and most would hardly call this karma, is we do develop a view of the world that can either liberate or imprison us and in some cases that can manifest itself physically. Examples would be the game player that can never feel good in a relationship with a truly decent person because they are constantly projecting ulterior motives onto others. The cheater that is always looking for signs of cheating in others and can never truly find peace. Or the person that is constantly 'upgrading' and now lives in constant jealousy and insecurity. To men that's what true karma is, its nothing cosmic or metaphysical, its basically being forced to live in your own view of the world. 5
PaperCrane Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 Bad seeds planted in sour soil will not bear the fruit we want.
Neffer Posted December 15, 2015 Posted December 15, 2015 (edited) What I do believe, and most would hardly call this karma, is we do develop a view of the world that can either liberate or imprison us and in some cases that can manifest itself physically. Examples would be the game player that can never feel good in a relationship with a truly decent person because they are constantly projecting ulterior motives onto others. The cheater that is always looking for signs of cheating in others and can never truly find peace. Or the person that is constantly 'upgrading' and now lives in constant jealousy and insecurity. To men that's what true karma is, its nothing cosmic or metaphysical, its basically being forced to live in your own view of the world. That is actually a good example of what karma is - you (and just you) affect your experience/world by your actions. By your intent. It's not some sort of fairness scale. It's not a scorecard, and its not really mystical. Edited December 15, 2015 by Neffer 2
GettingOverItDay2Day Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 I have to agree with the whole Karma thing...I was cheated on by my ex with her work colleague and now she has a problem child in her class with the same name as the guy she cheated on me with I still talk to her now and then and it makes me chuckle a little when she mentions the boys name giving her a hard time daily
TaraMaiden2 Posted December 16, 2015 Posted December 16, 2015 For goodness' sake people - IF IT'S NOT KARMA - DON'T CALL IT KARMA!!! Either get it right, or call it something else. This namby-pamby, inaccurate, blinkered and frankly totally distorted Western view of Karma-will-bite-you-in-the-profundis is so skewed and off-base, it makes me seethe. In a compassionate way, of course. Karma has been pretty well outlined by Amelie1980 and wewon. I have made attempts at various times in the past, to put the record straight, but it seems this idea of Karma being vengeful or depressing is pretty hard to deconstruct. Well get over yourselves, and quit blaming the universe, some unseen force, or exes for the way things are for you now. That's life. And life is not what happens to you. Life - is how YOU deal with it. 4
TaraMaiden2 Posted December 18, 2015 Posted December 18, 2015 Direct quote, copy-and-paste from my FB Page: Dalai Lama 13 mins · Karma means action and action motivated by compassion is good. To complain that what happens to you is just the result of your karma is lazy. Instead, confidently recalling the advice that, "You are your own master," you can change what happens by taking action. (My Bold) 2
Amelie1980 Posted December 18, 2015 Posted December 18, 2015 (edited) But Your action can be compassionate and your karma not lazy and still s h i t happens. I was nothing but loving in my last two relationships and ran myself into the ground in my last job and made myself ill with stress to do a good job. Got bullied and pushed out of my job and cheated and used in relationships. Edited December 18, 2015 by Amelie1980 1
TaraMaiden2 Posted December 18, 2015 Posted December 18, 2015 I have to take issue with that though Tara. Your action can be good and your karma not lazy and still s h i t happens. I was nothing but loving in my last two relationships and ran myself into the ground in my last job and made myself ill with stress to do a good job. Got bullied and pushed out of my job and cheated and used in relationships. This is the other misconception regarding Karma (in the strictest sense of its genuine concept)... people think Karma is direct. Well, it's not, always. I too, have done 'good' things, but have experienced seemingly negative consequences. The thing is, there is no way of knowing what those negative consequences directly relate to. It's not linear. As such, we cannot ever assume or presume they are linked to a specific previous action. But the fact - as I stated above - is not necessarily what happens to us. It's how we handle it. that counts - for, or against - us. 2
Amelie1980 Posted December 18, 2015 Posted December 18, 2015 This is the other misconception regarding Karma (in the strictest sense of its genuine concept)... people think Karma is direct. Well, it's not, always. I too, have done 'good' things, but have experienced seemingly negative consequences. The thing is, there is no way of knowing what those negative consequences directly relate to. It's not linear. As such, we cannot ever assume or presume they are linked to a specific previous action. But the fact - as I stated above - is not necessarily what happens to us. It's how we handle it. that counts - for, or against - us. Or maybe the consequences aren't apparent for a few years. I've come up against things i thought were really negative but with hindsight I realise if that bad thing hadnt happened I wouldnt have ended up somewhere better. I REALLY wish I could see when this outcome is going to get better. My reaction this time has been depression and I am still trying and putting on a brave face but Im really not coping well. My response has not been good but I have had enough
TaraMaiden2 Posted December 18, 2015 Posted December 18, 2015 Or maybe the consequences aren't apparent for a few years. We can never tell what the consequences are, or when they will happen. All we know is that good = good, and bad = bad. Both of which are completely subjective, a lot of the time.... I've come up against things i thought were really negative but with hindsight I realise if that bad thing hadnt happened I wouldnt have ended up somewhere better. This is known as transformation, or realising that nothing is ever 100% good, and nothing is ever 100% bad. And that sometimes, out of the bitterness, comes nectar.... I REALLY wish I could see when this outcome is going to get better. My reaction this time has been depression and I am still trying and putting on a brave face but Im really not coping well. "This above all: To thine own Self be true; And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not be false to any man." Sometimes, in wearing a mask and putting on a front, we do ourselves a great disservice and emotional injury. If you're unhappy, admit it. If you're depressed, admit it. If there's stuff going on in your life, you don't like, admit it. Sometimes, our lies to others, hurt us more. My response has not been good but I have had enough Sometimes part of the 'fight' is in putting your foot down. Letting people know what you stand for. But also letting people know what you won't stand for. 1
Amelie1980 Posted December 18, 2015 Posted December 18, 2015 Sometimes, in wearing a mask and putting on a front, we do ourselves a great disservice and emotional injury.* If you're unhappy, admit it. If you're depressed, admit it. If there's stuff going on in your life, you don't like, admit it. I do admit when Im unhappy / depressed and need help but my family and friends just tell me to stop it and count my blessings. My mum's favourite one is I'll take you to a bloody cancer ward and you'll see how lucky you are..... All that seems to matter today is a pretend front that everything is cool. Your life can be hell even though you arent dying. Sometimes part of the 'fight' is in putting your foot down.Letting people know what you stand for. But also letting people know what you won't stand for. This is true. I felt really stupid for letting rip at the last ex and telling him what I thought of his behaviour and treatment of me. But you're right. I have a right to my anger and letting people know I wont put up with it.
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