playlislay Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 Speaking from experience, I think telling her is definitely a good thing. The only problem is will she act on it? Try and encourage her to do a sporty activity or join the gym together. Also, explain about the impact it is having or could have on the relationship. I got too comfortable, put on 3 stone (ouch), felt comfortable, boyfriend told me I was beautiful near enough every day so thought nothing of it. That was until we broke up. I realised how my weight gain had an impact in the bedroom. Although that wasn't the reason we broke up, I felt an awful sense of guilt for not only letting myself get that fat, but for how unfair it was on him. DON'T let her go down the same doughtnut-filled path!
RecentChange Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 You know all those threads where we tell women that they can't change their men, and change has to come from within? Yeah that. You can't make anyone exercise. You can't control what goes in her mouth, and you can't become her inner motivation which is the most critical part. Time is just an excuse, I challenge anyone to have a schedule much more booked than mine, but I still make time to exercise. I didn't always, one day it just "clicked" and became a part of my routine. But no one could make me, convince me, force me, its something I do for myself. 2
Author Afro Posted December 14, 2015 Author Posted December 14, 2015 Thanks for the reply guys. Appreciate it Yes I have met her in real and I even plan on moving with her next year for a couple of months since we both are from different countries. Regarding hurting her sentiments, she doesn't seem to get hurt when i make fun of her since she is pretty cool about it unlike other girls who are quite sensitive about weight loss topic but yea sometimes she tells me "i know i have to lose weight" and she does get upset about it so i have thought to stop discussing it with her directly since i plan to motivate her to lose weight when i stay with her next year as I myself will be hitting up the gym and she said, she wont mind joining me. But only problem right now is when she is away, she is lazy as **** Anyhow, regarding those people who say "If you really love her you wont try to change her" ...Yea right. The thing is she was 79 KGs few months back and now almost 85.5 and she is 5 feet, 2 inches. Should i just ignore that and let her slip away because i know how bad it is for health. Those who saying I should break up and find another girl because I dont like her for what she is..Mind you I do love her for what she is. She is chubby and has a nice figure but the weight is kinda troubles me a lot since i sincerely am worried about it. Sex is not an issue as well. I am putting my 1000% into this relationship because I love her personality and bodytype is just a plus point and she is already quite attractive to me. I dont expect her to become size zero but if she loses like 20 pounds it will be much better for her just so you know, she is quite lazy and feels sleepy most of the time. Feels tired a lot. I think these are the symptoms of her bad health and she is only 24. Do you still think I am doing wrong in letting her know that? Isnt it a good thing to make someone a better version of theirself?
Diezel Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 I think you should get a new girlfriend who you won't have these issues with. It's not going to get any better as time goes on. 1
kendahke Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 she tells me "i know i have to lose weight" and she does get upset about it so i have thought to stop discussing it with her directly since i plan to motivate her to lose weight when i stay with her next year I think it would be a good idea to understand the difference between her thinking out loud enough to where you can hear her and her making a declaration to you about her intent to lose weight. Don't make the mistake of thinking that you living with her means that she's going to flip into someone receptive to you making comments about her size and lack of motivation to exercise. If you think she's intransigent now, wait until you're in her space. If I was you, I'd think long and hard about moving in with her. She's showing you right now who she is and who she isn't doesn't sit well with you. All the love in the world isn't going to make her change who she is if she isn't of the mindset already to put action behind her thinking out loud. Isnt it a good thing to make someone a better version of theirself? You can't make anyone want what you want. Life will be so much easier if you learn this now. You can only make whatever with yourself. She has to want to make herself over into what she considers a better version of herself, not what you consider. All you may accomplish by taking this tack is completely turning her off and digging her heels in.
dobielover Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 Full confession here. The only time I ever lost weight was when a boyfriend broke up with me and I suspected it was because of my weight. He never even hinted at it, but I wondered and worried. I kept it all off since, it's been 10 years. Maybe a breakup will do her some good.
introverted1 Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 So, my girlfriend weights around 185 pounds and she is 5 feet 2 inch tall. She is obese and this is not likely to change unless something in her changes and she makes a commitment to achieving and maintaining a healthy weight. Statistically, the odds are overwhelmingly in favor of her being even heavier at 34 than she is at 24. Your decision is not whether or what to say, but whether you are ok with an obese gf.
Versacehottie Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 Yeah you just might be at the fork in the road where you both have different ways you see you lives unfolding. The way she handles her weight is just a symptom of that. I think when you describe it; it sounds like the laziness, failure to act upon her goals bugs you just as much. I think sometime soon you should decide separately whether you want to be with her or not. I guess you can talk to her to tell her you are having concerns beforehand and see if she acts upon them. But ultimately you cannot change a person into the one you want them to be so you will need to decide for you if this is a dealbreaker issue. Good luck
GunslingerRoland Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 I don't think it's shallow, but I do think it'll make you single. Telling fat people to lose weight is kinda pointless IMO. I don't know anyone who is overweight and doesn't realize it.
losangelena Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 Yeah, of course overweight people know when they're overweight. It comes down to 1) do they want to lose weight, and 2) are they motivated enough. There are several factors that can get in the way. Regardless, OP has already talked to her about it, and she's at least open. OP, I'd say since that's the case, you can probably keep bringing it up until such time as she tells you she's not interested, or she does something about it. It's ridiculous to think that you can "make" her change though, that's a fool's errand. Also, you ask if you're being shallow, but then you couch your concern as being for "her health," but wanting her to lose weight because you're afraid of her long term health concerns is different than wanting her to lose weight because you know longer find her attractive. I'm curious to know which you're more motivated by.
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