vagabonder Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 I need help dissecting a situation I was in recently and trying to understand my part in the hurt we caused each other. I met "John" two years ago through OLD. We had a lot in common, decent chemistry, but I just couldn't get the emotional connection I was seeking. It seemed he was trying too hard and not being authentic so after three months I broke it off. I think he was getting ready to say "I love you." While dating, I told him I was active in meetup, although I didn't say which groups. So a year ago, I run into him at an event, am reminded that I enjoyed his company and somehow we decide to become friends. Over the last year at times we would see each other every week or two, other times go a couple of months between hanging out. Sometimes it would be just us, other times in a group setting or a meetup event ( he usually saw I had rsvped and would come along.). We would text at least once a week. Last spring i saw a lot of signs that he was still in love with me, so we had a talk and he seemed to understand that all I wanted was friendship. He admitted to wanting more but said he was just happy to have me in his life. We never discussed our dating lives. It somehow seemed awkward, and for most of the year, guys werent working out anyway. Until this past month. I met a guy at a meetup that instantly hit it off with and things have progressed much faster than with other guys. I knew I would finally have to tell John about this one. I told very few people I was dating a new guy, but somehow John found out before I could tell him. He texted one of my friends extremely upset, asking her all sorts of questions and I suspect she told him more than she should have. He is now angry and hurt that I had been seeing someone else, and that I didn't tell him. Apparently he thought I had given signs that we might be getting back together. In the end, I'm feeling like I should never have agreed to friendship knowing he was still in love with me. Setting the expectations seems to have done no good. Am I in he wrong here, though? In hindsight how should I have handled this guy that made huge efforts to be my friend claiming to be okay with just that?
Samhain Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 You weren't to know. It's different for you because you're the person who is indifferent, so you wouldn't know what he felt with your motions in life. But to him it was different, he was still in love with you and was using any way to stay in your life. You got to cut him loose 100% for his own sake, and so you don't feel bad about doing absolutely nothing wrong! 1
Author vagabonder Posted December 13, 2015 Author Posted December 13, 2015 Thanks for the reply. I appreciate the feedback. I should add that since this blow up, he has decided to cut me out of his life. I get it and understand why, but after being friends with him so long, it does feel sad to lose him as a friend.
Samhain Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 Yeah that part sucks, but when you think along different lines and acknowledge that you're actually helping a friend it shouldn't be so bad. Plus you don't want to have to walk on eggshells in case of upsetting him, that isn't cool or natural with a friend.
Recommended Posts