Jefezen Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 If you get along well with your boyfriend or girlfriend, find them physically attractive, but for whatever reason feel more platonic than passionate toward them, should this be grounds for a breakup even when everything else about the relationship is great? Or do you slog onward because passion is not an accurate harbinger for long-term success and stability of a relationship?
Samhain Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 For me it'd be a deal breaker. Minus the passion you have a friendship. And unless you are much older where sex and passion is not an important aspect, then it will be problematic eventually. Hanging on for a friendship isn't fair to one spouse nor the other. You deserve the passionate feelings that come with being in love and crazy for someone as much as your SO deserves to have somebody who feels that way about them. But if you're content with a roomate (some people are) then that's ok too.
AspenBaldwin Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 Then it's more a friendship than a relantionship. There's people who marry they best friends just cos they think it's a safe bet to do so. Does she feel the same way you do? Does she love you both mentally and sexually? Or does she see you as a roommate and a friend?
mightycpa Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 I gave up one of those a long time ago. She was great, a real find, but I didn't really love her. I broke her heart. I saw her again many years later. She looked great, and she still had that infectious smile and sexy laugh. She looked at me with those eyes reserved for somebody special, in that way where you know they feel that tinge of regret for the way things turned out. I remembered all of our great times, and I asked myself "what-if". In that half second, I knew I did the right thing. You will leave someone like that the minute the right one comes along, and they will. You don't have to wait for them to show up. They will, and it won't be your current beau. 1
Meli22 Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 How long have you been together? And how did it get to this point? Or was it never there to begin with? I've been on a few dates with people where I felt no spark, and I never let it continue for that reason. I've never been in a relationship where I never felt passion for the person, because I'd never let it get to a committed stage without it. If the spark has gone due to boredom or whatever, it can be revived with a little effort. If it was never there to begin with, then it's best to let go. You'll end up resenting your other half for "keeping" you in a relationship. You'll also be settling.
aboucher21 Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 Wow I just went through this and I didnt know how to explain my situation but you and me are in the same boat. My ex is amazing. Beautiful, honest, trustworthy, etc. The only problem was she has a lot of emotional baggage due to some things she experienced in the last couple years of her life. Like you, I felt like more of a friend. She hated sex because of being used in the past and couldnt show her feelings for me well. I always there for her and I felt awful. It became difficult to deal with, having a partner that felt like just a friend. So we broke it off. Neither of us have completely let go because she knows how great we were together but she doesnt know how to figure out what's wrong with her and fix it. It may not be fixable so we recently decided that we need to stay out of each others lives and see what happens since it's best for us. So should you.
TotalRandoStranger Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 If you get along well with your boyfriend or girlfriend, find them physically attractive, but for whatever reason feel more platonic than passionate toward them, should this be grounds for a breakup even when everything else about the relationship is great? Or do you slog onward because passion is not an accurate harbinger for long-term success and stability of a relationship? This has happened to me, except that I was on the other end... So being in the place of your SO, I can give you some insights.. Many of our friends would say what he had was a Hollywood kind of relationship.. It was so perfect! We really trusted each other and love was always there.. But we couldn't bring ourselves to have sex.. For whatever reasons.. Most on his part.. So last week we had the talk and he told me exactly what you described.. Honestly, I can tell you that I would live the rest of our lives this way, if that was what it takes to being with him.. Because I really cherished what we had.. Nobody I know of had what we had.. In terms of connection.. We clicked so much that in 3 years we never had ANY fight.. And it was not indifference.. We let each other know how much we loved one another several times a day and we really meant it.. So, an inactive sexual life was not a problem if I had that got the rest of it.. But not him and he always said the same.. So I give you two advices: 1) talk about it with your SO.. But be very honest.. Maybe it's something you can work out together.. I wish my ex would had given me the chance to at least try. 2) if you do decide to break up, prepare your bf/gf for it... What hurt me the most was because he ended it out of nowhere.. I always thought our relationship was never ending and out of nowhere he broke up with me.. So please, don't declare an endless love and break up with him / her the following day..
Author Jefezen Posted December 14, 2015 Author Posted December 14, 2015 Have you tried talking to him since the breakup?
marky00 Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 (edited) Hmmmm, Why are people associating physical intimacy with love? In most of my relationships, I found that when the romance was at its peak (honeymoon phase), the physical intimacy was there but it wasn't all that mattered... you just wanted to be with them...talk to them etc. I found my gf's to be especially like that where when they really loved you... they were interested more n the lovey dovey stuff than the physical intimacy. As the honeymoon phase ends, and you start to get "comfortable" I tend to find more basic human requirements come to the surface and the physical intimacy can actually start becoming a more significant part of the relationship. Also, in all my relationships.... if the girl was attracted to me physically at the start... I found that would continue to the end (even as the love died) and even post BU, which could have lead to a FWB scenario possibly (but generally they found someone new pretty fast). It doesnt make a lot of sense entering a relationship if you don't have a high physical attraction. Once the love dies (and it will eventually), there's is little reason to stay. Edited December 14, 2015 by marky00
Recommended Posts