mortensorchid Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 We seem to have this notion these days that we are to be nice and considerate to one another. I mean they TEACH this in schools now K-12 to do this to others. And yet, we are still acting like Mean Girls to each other ("You can't sit with us"), and in the dating world I see men treating women badly who are otherwise good to them and vice versa. Is this just our nature to not want the things we need? To not want to be with someone who is decent? I wonder how and why this happens so much with others and nothing ever changes. Any idea how or why?
Gaeta Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 It's the good old adage. People treat you bad because you let them. Everything in the world is a power struggle. Your boyfriend mistreat you because he considers you weaker and you let him. You actually confirm to him you are weaker by letting him mistreat you. Then you turn around and mistreat someone at your office because you view them as weaker. It's the same with animals, power struggle. It's as old as the world. 5
AspenBaldwin Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 There's douchy people everywhere who treat others like ****e to feel better about themselves, they get some sort of orgasmic feeling when they abuse others, best thing you can do is cut them off your life for good and focus on the decent folks. Save your energy and time for those that matter, those who don't should be as disposable for you as your feelings are to them. 1
kendahke Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 sad, unhappy, miserable people usually engage in this type of behavior. 3
todreaminblue Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 (edited) I have a theory about this it all has to with personal confidence or self esteem, and it starts in childhood......in the school grounds...with family....and the people that are most at risk of being treated badly are the ones that are openly vulnerable....targeted for differences, shyness,family issues, new kid on the block.... whatever......and those children grew up with sticks and stones will break my bones names will never hurt me...truth is names hurt....and these kids get so used to being treated badly they dont know differently, do they want to be treated badly its a resounding no....... i had a lucid nightmare last night actually which prompts my passion for this subject.....i go to this church i love all the people in it......and i feel they care about me..who can be sure right?.......anyway in my night mare this one lady comes up to me and says you want the truth its all about honesty with you right...and i said yes it is.....and she said no one likes you you are deb the strange to everyone and the person she was telling this too wasnt an adult anymore but me as a kid......and i had all those awkward uncomfortable out of place feelings i used to get as a kid when i woke up i had to convince myself it didnt happen and that it had simply touched the heart of my insecurities.....about feeling accepted....even though i have done many things seen many people since childhood it still reaches back there with long cold fingers to remind me it can happen again and that i might just be unaware of how people really feel around me.....or how i am perceived.....and that i have to protect my heart from being so vulnerable when someone says that old adage about people will treat you badly if you let them......its like saying the bullied let people bully them...its not really a choice .....is it? i think the onus squarely needs to be put on people who treat people badly.........and thats where my theory starts... its about others standing up for the vulnerable and making it their problem as well.....its about making a community of people who believe kindness should reign supreme from childhood...teach kindness ...compassion....love..over just getting good grades.........if thats what you want in the world is kindness and compassion... you cant leave it to the teachers to miss the ones sliding through the cracks........... and making sure that people and children at risk or vulnerable feel supported and accepted to be themselves... so maybe those people or children gain confidence to express themselves and be who they want to be without fear of being targets for the emotionally challenged to take their issues out on....its about education for families as well as children and maybe therapy for bullies and the misguided to learn kindness and acceptance and deal with the issues that turned them to bullies....because quite often bullies are the bullied as well.....its a circle....and it wont change without addressing it with the young minded and impressionable...with education and support....at home first and foremost one on one then at school in a wider spectrum of groups and cultures...........deb Edited December 13, 2015 by todreaminblue 1
carhill Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 Why are people so mean to each other? Well, we start out that way, along with a whole menu of self-involved behaviors, and slow and steady socialization by those who hatched us, later with society in general, molds those self-involved behaviors into something more acceptable for group interactions. Some of us are molded more than others, some get no molding at all, some rebel against any molding, some have organic problems with the organ being molded and some defy any explanation and reason. Watching how young children establish a social pecking order and how they treat each other is often instructive as well as fascinating to watch and then reflecting upon what one knows of their parents and then seeing the children grow into adults. I guess that's the benefit of being older and knowing people for a lifetime. Why's seem to become more clear over time. Also, personally, I noted a bit of survival instinct as well, having to unlearn the 'kill them with kindness' tapes I was socialized with. Sometimes, the proper reaction to mean is, well, mean. Sometimes it'll save one's life. It all depends. 1
todreaminblue Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 Well, we start out that way, along with a whole menu of self-involved behaviors, and slow and steady socialization by those who hatched us, later with society in general, molds those self-involved behaviors into something more acceptable for group interactions. Some of us are molded more than others, some get no molding at all, some rebel against any molding, some have organic problems with the organ being molded and some defy any explanation and reason. Watching how young children establish a social pecking order and how they treat each other is often instructive as well as fascinating to watch and then reflecting upon what one knows of their parents and then seeing the children grow into adults. I guess that's the benefit of being older and knowing people for a lifetime. Why's seem to become more clear over time. Also, personally, I noted a bit of survival instinct as well, having to unlearn the 'kill them with kindness' tapes I was socialized with. Sometimes, the proper reaction to mean is, well, mean. Sometimes it'll save one's life. It all depends. self defense isnt mean carhill....its self defense in regards to saving life..........the intention is not to be mean but to survive.....
Snakechammah Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 Even in a forum like this, some people are still so mean to each other. There are angels and... then there are a*sholes. Such is life.
loveflower Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 It's the good old adage. People treat you bad because you let them. Everything in the world is a power struggle. Your boyfriend mistreat you because he considers you weaker and you let him. You actually confirm to him you are weaker by letting him mistreat you. Then you turn around and mistreat someone at your office because you view them as weaker. It's the same with animals, power struggle. It's as old as the world. Truer words have never been spoken. I wish I knew that growing up. but nobody has ever told me that, I think. I had to use a life time of experience to eventually figured that out. I didn't know I have to fight for every single dam things in life!
No Limit Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 Because they can, and others are okay with playing the victim for good. But so far every nasty person has turned out to be miserable or even desperate in their private lives so I tend to shrug it off and ignore. Unless someone is purposely looking for a fight; a clear response and they hurry back where they came from with their tails tucked in. Pretty easy once you get a hang of it.
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