Author krista28 Posted December 10, 2015 Author Posted December 10, 2015 he did say if you cant dial back the crazy clingly i dont know if i have time for you...ill just take that hint and not even bother..
Author krista28 Posted December 13, 2015 Author Posted December 13, 2015 I recently started talking to a guy I haven't seen in years. He lives two hours from me but said he was interested to maybe start a relationship or see how one might go. Anyways we started talking and then his responses became less and less...he played games back in the day but we were young so I called him on it. I said.... what the hell I am to pretty for this are you playing games or what? I had just asked him when I get to see him ...that's all I had asked. His response was I am busy and work three jobs and my moms dieing of cancer my dad just had a stroke..and that he is under stress and doesn't need extra drama...and that if I cant dial back the crazy clingly he doesn't know if he has time for me but that I am nice and all. I didn't know what to do so I just said I am sorry you feel this way about me and I am sorry about your mom I wont bother you anymore..I thought it was best to back away..Did I do the right thing? I dont wanna let go of him.....I really like him and I am sad but at this point I have no choice but to cut him loose. I sent him an email this morning saying..what you said was really hurtful and you hurt me just as bad as when we were younger...you woulda been lucky to have a girl like me in your life but now youll never know.. When him and I met I seriously felt like Id been struck by lightening....Ive never felt that before with ANYONE..... I am sad and I still want him bad...guess all I can do is cut him loose...never contact him again... I seriously feel like Ill always carry a torch for that guy..
Author krista28 Posted December 13, 2015 Author Posted December 13, 2015 I JUST SAID your playing games and I aint playin em.
kendahke Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 I said.... what the hell I am to pretty for this are you playing games or what? I had just asked him when I get to see him ...that's all I had asked. That and your playing games and I aint playin em. His response was I am busy and work three jobs and my moms dieing of cancer my dad just had a stroke..and that he is under stress and doesn't need extra drama...and that if I cant dial back the crazy clingly he doesn't know if he has time for me but that I am nice and all. He's got a lot on his plate, it would seem. That doesn't sound like game playing to me. It sounds like his life is imploding all around him. I take it this is the first he's told you about what he's dealing with in his life? I sent him an email this morning saying.. ...you woulda been lucky to have a girl like me in your life but now youll never know.. I think your riposte may have put the nail in the coffin for him. what do I do nowIf you want someone that badly, you might want to suss out what is going on in their life first, not reach for the verbal fusillade or automatically wax indignant when you didn't know his very real and valid reason for his withdrawing.
Author krista28 Posted December 13, 2015 Author Posted December 13, 2015 thanks so I guess theres nothing I can do but let him be... and hope there wasn't a nail in the coffin I guess..
scorpiogirl Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 You do nothing. He's 100% right about you. 1
kendahke Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 and hope there wasn't a nail in the coffin I guess.. Oh, my dear, when you said: but now youll never know.. that's a hydraulic nail gun in action.
Author krista28 Posted December 13, 2015 Author Posted December 13, 2015 So true. I think he lives at home anyways so..
Samhain Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 He most probably does live at home if his mother has cancer and his father just had a stroke. You were pretty insensitive. Something along the lines of "I'll be here for you if you need me" while you continue on with your life would have shown a lot more character than "you're playing games and I ain't playing them" when he became a little less responsive. I wouldn't bank on him wanting to hold on to you. 1
Author krista28 Posted December 13, 2015 Author Posted December 13, 2015 Well maybe not but it is what it is the guy doesnt seem like the best guy anyways. .... he may think im insensitive but hes also been insensitive with me in the past...
Samhain Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 Well maybe not but it is what it is the guy doesnt seem like the best guy anyways. .... he may think im insensitive but hes also been insensitive with me in the past... I don't doubt that's true, but when you try again and want to be successful you have to let go of the past, so thinking you're justified because of something he did way back in the past isn't a healthy thought process. Sounds like there's too much resentment and bitterness which should have been let go of if you wanted round 2 to be different.
kendahke Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 Well maybe not but it is what it is the guy doesnt seem like the best guy anyways. .... he may think im insensitive but hes also been insensitive with me in the past... But you already knew this about his character. It's not like this is brand new information to you. I wouldn't expect for anyone who is caretaking two extremely ill parents to be at his best. At any rate, how he treated with you in the past really has no bearing on the present if he's dealing with two very ill parents. Spitting on him and his current living situation doesn't demonstrate good character on your part, either. I get that you're all in your feelings because he told you to back up, but for someone who is watching his mother die a painful death before his eyes and now has a father who just had a stroke on top of that, the fact that he didn't lash out at you the way you did twice with him says a whole lot about his maturity level. It didn't work last time; it's not going to work this time for reasons that have nothing to do with either time.
Author krista28 Posted December 13, 2015 Author Posted December 13, 2015 That's right you are completely right. I was too in my feelings when he is dealong with much more serious stuff...I did say that my sympathy was with him. I guess a bit of it was that I waant sure if he was lieing about it.... but I cant see why he would...
Samhain Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 I don't see why someone would lie about that. And if you know him wouldn't it be easy enough to find out.
Author krista28 Posted December 13, 2015 Author Posted December 13, 2015 I dont see why either but hes made it ckear he doesnt care about me dispite of whats going on in his life. Ill just leave him to deal with his problems I guess wont add to the stress.
katiegrl Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 (edited) I dont see why either but hes made it ckear he doesnt care about me dispite of whats going on in his life. Ill just leave him to deal with his problems I guess wont add to the stress. I'll tell you why he would lie. Because he is a commitment phobe and wanted you until you wanted him, now that he has you again, he is panicking and wants out, or space .... will do and say anything to get it .....all while making YOU feel guilty in the process so he doesn't have to. I mean all of a sudden, after contacting you after two years and announcing he wants a relationship again.....suddenly after mentioning NOTHING about these things initially, his mom is dying of cancer, dad had a stroke, he works three jobs and doesn't want any more drama? Did he NOT know any of these things *before* he got back in touch and told you he wanted a relationship? It's so obvious he is lying it's almost comical. Definitely classic. Anyhoo, imo he's full of crap, he just wants OUT, and wants to toss the guilt to you for having the *nerve* to ask him when you will see him again. Jesus. Talk about a drama nut!!! Dodged a bullet IMO. Block him. Next. Edited December 13, 2015 by katiegrl
Author krista28 Posted December 13, 2015 Author Posted December 13, 2015 Kategirl I think you pretty much hit the nail on the head there. He never mentioned ANY of that to me before..and sure didn't seem down about anything. It sounds like a load of **** to me, otherwise I would have certainly been more sensitive about it... The guy leads chicks on until he gets the ego boost from them.. so its his own character flaw. I stood up for myself and he didn't know what to do.....so typical of him. Anyways not to worry we haven't talked for over 48 hours...all he is is smoke in mirrors...* commitment phobe* I will never have a relationship with him..and god help anyone who does.
katiegrl Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 (edited) Kategirl I think you pretty much hit the nail on the head there. He never mentioned ANY of that to me before..and sure didn't seem down about anything. It sounds like a load of **** to me, otherwise I would have certainly been more sensitive about it... The guy leads chicks on until he gets the ego boost from them.. so its his own character flaw. I stood up for myself and he didn't know what to do.....so typical of him. Anyways not to worry we haven't talked for over 48 hours...all he is is smoke in mirrors...* commitment phobe* I will never have a relationship with him..and god help anyone who does. And if HE had been sincere, he would have advised you of all these things when he FIRST contacted you (or shortly thereafter) .... AND in a more sensitive manner, instead of lashing out at you, getting pissed off at you, making you feel guilty and like crap.....all because you simply asked when you will see him again. As if your asking was some sort of federal crime or something. A definite over-reaction on his part. Classic commitment phobe all the way. As soon as the woman starts responding, he feels boxed in and suffocated, and will do and say anything to *escape* those feelings. I had to chucke at his comment he doesn't need any more drama. HE was the one creating drama, not you. All you did was ask when you will see him again! Apparently that was too much, and sent him over the edge. Lol I am glad you saw through his BS and nexted him. :) Edited December 13, 2015 by katiegrl
Author krista28 Posted December 13, 2015 Author Posted December 13, 2015 Well ya he probably thought I was dumb and he can probably fool a lot of women...but not this girl. What a piece of ****....now to findout.... how to get even...
katiegrl Posted December 13, 2015 Posted December 13, 2015 (edited) Well ya he probably thought I was dumb and he can probably fool a lot of women...but not this girl. What a piece of ****....now to findout.... how to get even... The best revenge is no revenge. Do nothing except ignore him if and when he ever contacts you again..... which once he gets enough space to where he no longer feels boxed in and suffocated .... he probably will.... Just ignore him.. there is nothing worse than being ignored. And to whomever said how he behaved in the past....and all the games he played....has no relevance to the present. I beg to differ. People don't change much, at least fundamentally. Once a game player, always a game player .... that's his character and one's character doesn't change. Plus, one of the biggest indicator of future behavior is past behavior. Edited December 13, 2015 by katiegrl
Author krista28 Posted December 13, 2015 Author Posted December 13, 2015 Katiegirl you are so right....SOOO right. He most likely probably 50 percent chance will contact me again..once he thinks I am over it. Then I gotta show him who has the power now. If I was really evil I could mess with him even more than he knows. I could go up there to visit him ...act totally aloof..sleep with him and then tell him I have to leave like right after...and never talk to him again.... that would maybe show him if I could mess with his emotions enough. He only falls in love with women who treat him like ****..
Author krista28 Posted December 13, 2015 Author Posted December 13, 2015 and ignoring is the worst thing you can do to someone I agree.
mattelipstick Posted December 14, 2015 Posted December 14, 2015 I could go up there to visit him ...act totally aloof..sleep with him and then tell him I have to leave like right after...and never talk to him again.... that would maybe show him if I could mess with his emotions enough. He only falls in love with women who treat him like ****.. I can't even put into words what a TERRIBLE idea this is. You already have like 4-5 threads going about this same guy and how you want to be with him, how hurt you are, how you don't wanna let him go, etc. If you travel two hours and have sex with him, that will NOT be revenge. He will have gotten what he wanted, and you won't be able to disappear/act aloof. You'll be right back here depressed and hurt, upset that he isn't interested after you went all the way there and had sex with him, asking what you can do to get revenge for THAT. Someone not being into you does not call for "revenge" or "getting even." Let. It. Go.
Author krista28 Posted December 19, 2015 Author Posted December 19, 2015 Ive been talking to this guy quite a bit for the past while. He is nice...and we have been talking but his mom is dieing of cancer...we messaged a lot back and forth last night....he said he didnt want to get too serious about anything right away...but its funny... he says I should visit one moment...and then lately hes saying he doestn have time for anything else in his life right now because of his sick mom and he doesnt know if shes gonna make it to christmas. I completely understand but I dont know what I should do...if I should wait until he does want me in his life...or if I should give him space and move on..
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