What do I do in this situation?

[xXMarlboro_ManXx]

The whole event happened three days ago. Out of those three days, I've seen her for two. She is now complaining that I haven't been there for her enough, and it's only been three days. An hour will not be enough for her. She is using this as an excuse to constantly be around me. As I wrote before, I was insulted, every aspect of my personality was insulted and so were my friends. All because I haven't 'been there enough'. If things do not go her way, she will argue with me and insult me.

 

You are doing nothing wrong, no excuse for the insults on her part. You have done the best you can, I really don't know what else she expects from you. Your world does not revolve around her. I would step back and take a look at everything because she is using her grief to mask inexcusable behavior.

[strawberryshortstack]

The whole event happened three days ago. Out of those three days, I've seen her for two. She is now complaining that I haven't been there for her enough, and it's only been three days. An hour will not be enough for her. She is using this as an excuse to constantly be around me. As I wrote before, I was insulted, every aspect of my personality was insulted and so were my friends. All because I haven't 'been there enough'. If things do not go her way, she will argue with me and insult me.

 

It sounds like she will never be happy. It may be time to part ways.

[smellysocksuni]

It sounds like she will never be happy. It may be time to part ways.

 

So do I, unfortunately.

[d0nnivain]

Smellysocks

 

 

I'm sorry that you have your own issues to deal with & that they have interfered with your studies.

 

 

However, a mere 72 hours ago your GF's whole world was rocked by her friend's suicide. So she's being clingy & needy but you are pushing her away. Yes, your studies are important but literally this is life & death stuff. From the moment you were informed about this tragedy until at least the repast after the funeral, yes I would expect my BF who professed to love me to drop everything to be with me.

 

 

For whatever reason you feel that you can't do that. Fine. It's your choice. But for you to then expect your GF to be accepting of the fact that in one of her darkest hours you abandoned her, No I don't think she has to take that lying down.

 

 

Her response to insult you & call you names isn't helpful either.

 

 

In her place, I'd call you a bunch of nasty names then dump you.

 

 

If her grief had been on going & she was acting clingy & needy for weeks after the fact, you would have more of an argument that you are being put upon but in these circumstances, in the immediate aftermath of the tragedy a few weeks before Christmas, I genuinely feel you are not being supportive enough. You are free to disagree with me because after all I'm only some person on a message board. But you asked for opinions & that is mine.

[kendahke]

Yes, suggesting that I sit with my girlfriend for an hour or two is fine. The thing is, she will continue messaging me after she's left saying that she wishes she was with me etc. I then suggest to her that made it's a good idea to spend time with family, friends - she says she doesn't want to, she only wants to be with me. If I see her, she will stay for a day or two. I am finding this situation highly difficult, as I have to be studying pretty much all the time. I don't even have time for myself.

 

You will have to put your foot down. After you've spent your hour with her, turn off the phone or put her ring tone on silent so that you can concentrate on what you need to do. This isn't your immediate crisis. You cannot put your future in jeopardy when you have taken reasonable measures to comfort your girlfriend.

 

Once your studies are concluded, you can be there for her.

[kendahke]

The whole event happened three days ago. Out of those three days, I've seen her for two. She is now complaining that I haven't been there for her enough, and it's only been three days. An hour will not be enough for her. She is using this as an excuse to constantly be around me. As I wrote before, I was insulted, every aspect of my personality was insulted and so were my friends. All because I haven't 'been there enough'. If things do not go her way, she will argue with me and insult me.

 

Ok, I understand shock and grief, but she is being completely unreasonable. I take it this is the first time she's had tragedy land on her head, right? She may not know how to cope, but at the same time, she's being a bit too extra. At first, I thought you hadn't spent any time with her, but you've been with her quite a bit.

 

You have to look out for you right now. Hold firm. If you cave in to her, it will be like pouring yourself down a drain into a bottomless hole.

[katiegrl]

Ok, I understand shock and grief, but she is being completely unreasonable. I take it this is the first time she's had tragedy land on her head, right? She may not know how to cope, but at the same time, she's being a bit too extra. At first, I thought you hadn't spent any time with her, but you've been with her quite a bit.

 

You have to look out for you right now. Hold firm. If you cave in to her, it will be like pouring yourself down a drain into a bottomless hole.

 

^^^^^^^This!

 

And D0nnivain ....I am shocked at your latest post.

 

There is no excuse for verbal attacks and insults no matter how much one is grieving. And threatening to break up with him every other day...again even before this tragedy?

 

How is this any way acceptable in anyone's world?

 

From what the OP has written, the verbal attacks and insults are constant, even before the death of her friend.

 

He also said he feels she is *using* this tragedy to ***manipulate*** him into spending literally all his time with her, neglecting his studies, his life. And I agree.

 

He has spent the last 2 out of three days with her since this happened. Not enough, she demands ALL his time. Or else he's a ****.

 

She needs to talk to a grief counselor ......AND a professional therapist to help her cope with LIFE in general.

 

She sounds completely unstable....insecure, emotionally needy and if she does not get a grip on life...she will push all those close to her away.

 

OP .....next time she threatens to break up with you, take her up on it.

 

I understand she is grieving, but she needs to stop this nonsense.

 

Suggest she spend some time with her friend's young daughter and family and try to help "them".

 

Helping others is a great way to deal with one's own pain. It takes you away from yourself, and being supportive of others is a great self-esteem booster as well....which she desperately needs!

Edited December 15, 2015 by katiegrl

[smellysocksuni]

^^^^^^^This!

 

And D0nnivain ....I am shocked at your latest post.

 

There is no excuse for verbal attacks and insults no matter how much one is grieving. And threatening to break up with him every other day...again even before this tragedy?

 

How is this any way acceptable in anyone's world?

 

From what the OP has written, the verbal attacks and insults are constant, even before the death of her friend.

 

He also said he feels she is *using* this tragedy to ***manipulate*** him into spending literally all his time with her, neglecting his studies, his life. And I agree.

 

He has spent the last 2 out of three days with her since this happened. Not enough, she demands ALL his time. Or else he's a ****.

 

She needs to talk to a grief counselor ......AND a professional therapist to help her cope with LIFE in general.

 

She sounds completely unstable....insecure, emotionally needy and if she does not get a grip on life...she will push all those close to her away.

 

OP .....next time she threatens to break up with you, take her up on it.

 

I understand she is grieving, but she needs to stop this nonsense.

 

Suggest she spend some time with her friend's young daughter and family and try to help "them".

 

Helping others is a great way to deal with one's own pain. It takes you away from yourself, and being supportive of others is a great self-esteem booster as well....which she desperately needs!

 

I'm afraid that I agree with Katie.

 

It's been a week now, and things have been quite difficult, this week. I've been to school and I missed a couple of classes because we were up the night before, arguing. I went to school one day without a single minute's sleep the previous night. She constantly texts me, telling me that she's alone, can't cope, need support, wondering why I'm not there for her (we're not technically together, at the moment) - she says that her family are all busy and getting on with their lives, yet I don't seem to be allowed to do so. It's also Xmas, and I have to start seeing my family.

 

I've also seen a doctor of my own, and told him everything. He has told me I need to prioritise my mental health. He told me that it comes first, before EVERYTHING - studies, girlfriend, everything. He's right.

 

I've suggested to her that she get professional help and she says she doesn't want to. She is just lying in her room every day, not doing anything and wallowing. As Katie has stated above, her behaviour before the friend died was bad, and now it's just carrying on. I can't be with her 24/7, I'm sorry.

[smellysocksuni]

Ok, I understand shock and grief, but she is being completely unreasonable. I take it this is the first time she's had tragedy land on her head, right? She may not know how to cope, but at the same time, she's being a bit too extra. At first, I thought you hadn't spent any time with her, but you've been with her quite a bit.

 

You have to look out for you right now. Hold firm. If you cave in to her, it will be like pouring yourself down a drain into a bottomless hole.

 

I think so, yes. I haven't heard her mention going through grief before.

[smellysocksuni]

Smellysocks

 

 

I'm sorry that you have your own issues to deal with & that they have interfered with your studies.

 

 

However, a mere 72 hours ago your GF's whole world was rocked by her friend's suicide. So she's being clingy & needy but you are pushing her away. Yes, your studies are important but literally this is life & death stuff. From the moment you were informed about this tragedy until at least the repast after the funeral, yes I would expect my BF who professed to love me to drop everything to be with me.

 

 

For whatever reason you feel that you can't do that. Fine. It's your choice. But for you to then expect your GF to be accepting of the fact that in one of her darkest hours you abandoned her, No I don't think she has to take that lying down.

 

 

Her response to insult you & call you names isn't helpful either.

 

 

In her place, I'd call you a bunch of nasty names then dump you.

 

 

If her grief had been on going & she was acting clingy & needy for weeks after the fact, you would have more of an argument that you are being put upon but in these circumstances, in the immediate aftermath of the tragedy a few weeks before Christmas, I genuinely feel you are not being supportive enough. You are free to disagree with me because after all I'm only some person on a message board. But you asked for opinions & that is mine.

 

I don't agree with a thing you're saying, no.